Okay, been putting off this one for a while. Not sure entirely why, maybe it’s the RWBY aspect. Never been a fan of the show, or to be more accurate never watched it so… Yeah. This is just me giving this story the good old college try instead of just handing it off to someone else.

TSunset Nikos

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Adventure
• Comedy

Sunset starts having strange dreams

• Sex
• Gore
• Crossover
• Other
• Sunset Shimmer
• Sci-Twi
• Main 7 (EqG)

Diokno44 · 16k words  ·  150  22 · 4.5k views

Story: 6/10

The premise:

It's been a few weeks since the events at Camp Everfree. Things have been pretty calm in the human world, the occasional Turducken or Timberwolf popping up notwithstanding. However, ever since Sunset gained her pendant, she's been having vivid dreams, almost like memories. Dreams of a lanky blonde guy, of a bombastic redhead with a large hammer, dreams of a silent, ebony haired young man. But that's impossible, Sunset wasn't a human prior to passing through the mirror....

....right?

On the one hand, the story is sorta well-crafted with an interesting premise and pretty damn funny with odd little incidents like the aforementioned Turducken alluded to and witty lines like:

“Thankfully, before the entire class died of boredom, and grow an intense hatred of sand that equaled the white-hot fury of a thousand suns, or a certain whiny space warrior-monk, the bell rang.”

Of course, on the other hand, there are quite a few problems. This is me probably nitpicking, but:

The first two of Sunset´s classes, Quantum Mechanics, and AP History were fairly mundane.

Can I just ask, what kind of school offers Quantum Mechanics? Certainly no High School I know off! I’m not even sure colleges offer that sort of thing. It’s logical fallacies like this that really throw me off. Plus, the whole idea Sunset was not a pony and Celestia’s student at all before going through the mirror portal. It really requires me to suspend my disbelief, like a lot.

Characters: 5/10

Again, it’s a half and half deal here with major trade offs. This says it all really:

The main cast is somewhat well developed, but the other side of the coin is… well, to be honest, the other supporting cast members are left… lacking.

Grammer: 5/10

Again, half and half. FanofMostEverything once said: “A lot of overwrought prose” on one of my stories and I believe it applies here as well. Sometimes, the grammar is well constructed but other times certain long sentences could easily be split into two pieces.

Final Notes AKA the part most everyone hates…

All in all, I’d suggest this to the RWBY fans, but for everyone else, it’s kinda lacking in a few regards.

5/10

Congrats on your review.