A King’s Grand Entrance by A Man Undercover

Pros:

• I like how the Storm King is an actual threat, or appears halfway competent, in the story, unlike in the movie.
• It was an interesting take on what was happening in Canterlot while the main cast+Tempest were away

Cons:

• The intro to the story is weak. It needs more details/descriptions of what things are like because, at the moment, a great deal is being told not shown.
• The story is in desperate need of an editor to fix its construction, it doesn't flow properly and give the reader a sense of investment.
• The fourth wall break three-quarters of the way in was very jarring and unnecessary.

Summary:
This story was an interesting one to be sure. The story is based on the MLP movie and takes on the question of what happened in Canterlot while the main six were away. While most all of the stories I have seen that acknowledge the movie deal with Tempest [not going to lie, she was the most interesting character of the movie] this one instead focuses on the Storm King arriving in Canterlot. The premise was one I very much liked. The Storm King being an actual threat and not just an incompetent child, playing at greatness, was refreshing. While the goofiness was still there, it didn't detract from the air of competence he seemed to have.

I didn't want to put this in the Cons section because it isn't really a fault with the story as it might be just a style mistake or due to the author wanting to experiment, but the attempt at trying to write in present tense is a major problem with the story. If the author was attempting to challenge themselves with attempting to write this way, good. Experimenting with different ways to write stories is one of the best ways to grow as an author. But, I would recommend dipping your feet into such endeavors when you are EXTREMELY proficient at writing. Very few authors use the present tense when writing due to how difficult it is to write and make engaging.

Rating:
Story idea: 8/10
Writing style: 3/10
Entertainment Factor: 7/10

Total: 18/30 or 6/10

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