• Member Since 20th Jul, 2017
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

A Man Undercover


I’m an Autistic Conservative Christian who loves to write, act, and be comedic & crazy to help others laugh & smile.

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Taking place during the time the Main 6 look for the Hippogryphs, and Tempest and Grubber go after Twilight, the Storm King arrives in Equestria for the first time in his life, making his true grand entrance to the land. While he is alone, he reveals his intentions behind why he does what he does, as well as what sort of villain he truly is.

Note: Even though this will be a very dark and sad story, there will be some slight comedic moments to compliment the contributions of Joe Ballarini, who co-wrote the movie’s story with Meghan McCarthy.

The cover art was done by artist Koga13

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 73 )

Aside from the inconsistent use of past/present tense, I got to say that I quite enjoyed this fic. It feels very in character for the Storm King and wouldn't be too out of place if it had been in the actual movie.

The butterfly-eating scene and the random fourth wall break got the most reaction out of me personally, and I think the CMC scene would have worked pretty well for the movie.

Not bad. Not bad at all.:twilightsmile:

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Thank you both. Your feedback means a lot to me, and I’m glad you enjoyed it.

Ashamed what happened to the storm king though, great story

Wow, this ties the comics and the movie together almost perfectly. I mean, it dragged a little in some places, but the Storm King was totally in character.

8905940
I’m glad you like it. I think it definitely defines who he is as a character and what kind of villain he is.

I’m glad that you also told me that he was in character.

Comment posted by masterblotart deleted May 11th, 2018
Comment posted by A Man Undercover deleted May 11th, 2018
Comment posted by masterblotart deleted May 11th, 2018

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Thanks. I worked really hard on it.

Very interesting

Comment posted by NicLove deleted Oct 30th, 2018
Comment posted by A Man Undercover deleted Oct 30th, 2018
Comment posted by NicLove deleted Oct 30th, 2018
Comment posted by A Man Undercover deleted Oct 30th, 2018
Comment posted by NicLove deleted Oct 30th, 2018

Aside from the inconsistent tenses, I actually really enjoyed this. When the Storm King first appeared out of the airship, I thought of General Grievous at first. Look at the descriptions and tell me I'm wrong.

I liked the darker side to him and the malicious nature to him. It further fleshes him out and doesn't make him as much if a doofus as he was in the movie. I accept this as headcanon now.

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Thanks. I’m glad you liked it.

I think this story definitely fleshes him out too.

Who’s General Grievous?

8927759
Dude! Star Wars! From the prequels! You haven't heard of the clone wars, or Revenge of the Sith? He is, like, the mostest awesomest character from the prequels, despite not having a lot of screen time.

8927775
I have. I just never watched them before.

Thanks for the info.

8967678
Thanks for showing me the video.

What did you think of the story, by the way?

Great, and I agree Storm King should've been more fleshed out and these scenes would've been perfect. But then again they couldn't afford to switch between the Mane 6, Tempest and Grubber, and the Storm King thinking it would drag out or something.

I have never seen MLP The Movie [And it's possible that I will not see it because I will not want it] but... I think, this is good, short story :)

This is an interesting take on the Storm King's arrival in Canterlot and what his motives could be. Thank you for showing me this.:twilightsmile:

I loved it, they should have done something similar to this in the movie!

And im curious..........did you make the picture for the story?

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You’re welcome.


9022399
The picture for the title was made by artist Koga13, and let me tell you, he did a fantastic job on it.

I approve. 'Tis enough, 'Twill serve.

This was a great way to introduce the Storm King. Kind of wish they did this in the movie.

“The princess will be back here in stone before you can say Ticonderoga,” he says, before turning his attention to the reader and breaking the fourth wall. “If you can say Ticonderoga, that is.”

O.O ooooooooookaaaaaaaayyyyy. Moving on.

I mean, who would want to be sitting around, dealing with things like taxes and diplomacy issues all day?”

“My style of getting rich comes from pillaging and plundering

Um, Storm King collecting taxes and plundering are the same thing. What’s your point?

This fic was getting boring as I read on, until Storm King got into his personal monologue with the princess...and then my interest spiked up. Overall, this was a good fic.

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The part where he breaks the fourth wall was mostly meant for comedic purposes, and I thought it fit his character perfectly.

The point in the plundering part is that he craves to do more than just sit around all day. Do some excitement.

How was it getting boring, exactly?

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It’s a matter of personal taste. Descriptions that are dragged on for too long makes me fall asleep. However, I prefer this than the other extreme where authors provide no descriptions and tell instead of show. Finding the perfect balance between the two is challenging, but your approaching it. Just gotta keep practicing

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Oh. Thank you.

It does remind me that I really wish something like this could’ve been done with the actual movie. It wouldn’t have been too out of place either.

“Okay, then.” he says to his guards, “First off, not a bad looking dump, but still a dump nonetheless. It’s mostly because of the cuteness, really. I mean, seriously, how can a guy like me and guys like you even stand it, huh?”

Yeah, I think you made that abundantly clear in the movie:ajsmug:.

He stops out in the middle of the bowing Storm Creatures. His eyes scan his surroundings again, this time to just take in the life forms that were in the same place as him. He saw his guards bowing of course, but he also saw enslaved ponies that were looking straight at him with astonishment. Especially the three little fillies. That didn’t bother him because he liked it when people get shocked or feared by him.

Don't you dare hurt my favorite little fillies:twilightangry2:!

The three fillies meanwhile hunker and cower, shaking like leaves with their eyes looking in various directions. All the while, they hear the tyrant’s humorous laugh echo from where they are...until it stops.

Their expressions and feelings change from not only being frightened, but a mix of both fright and sadness. The white unicorn’s eyes even start watering to make tears. The first one falls from her right eye like dripping wet paint, and falls off of her cheek and onto the cage floor.

:applecry:

“AH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!” he laughs, “Good job, Tempest. You really know how to get a job done right just for me. Amazing what someone’s desperation and desire can accomplish these days.”

Amazing indeed...:applejackunsure:.

“Anyway, you want to know why I want your magic?” he asks them, “To become the most powerful being in the world, that’s what. Have slaves groveling at my feet, yadda-yadda, all that sort of stuff.”

Like all villains do...:ajbemused:.

“WRONG!” he yells.

Um, what:rainbowderp:?

“I mean, monarchy isn’t quite my style really, and I’m pretty sure that sort of scheme has been too consistently used. Although, I don’t think I’d mind others groveling at my feet.”

Why would you mind:trixieshiftleft:?

“There are three things that I like besides being rich and having willing or unwilling followers,” he tells them, “Being the most powerful creature by far is something I like, but the other two that I absolutely value most of all...”

He looks around the room to be sure no one is in here besides him and the princesses, and leans into Celestia’s stone ear

“...is death...” he whispers, “...and destruction.”

Crap...:twilightoops:.

“With this staff, and your magic, I will be the end of all ends, killing lives and destroying homes until everything around me is nothing but a barren wasteland. And I will be the beginning of all beginnings, as the creator of a new world and era, reshaping everything however I see fit into my own image,” he says darkly, “Today will just be the beginning of myself and the world’s newest chapter.”

Yeah about that...:trixieshiftright:.

It seems...that all is lost.

Is it now:ajsmug:?

Very well done one-shot...I could almost feel the fear and emotion from this chapter:twilightsmile:. It's also nice to know the Storm King's true intentions, which, to be honest, aren't really that surprising to me:rainbowlaugh:.

This definitely gives an interesting perspective on the storm king. Given his personality, it almost gives him a minor Joker mentality. SK definitely seems like an enemy who only wants to watch the world burn, too.:)

Cool dark story! :D

Very in character for the Storm King. I could see him doing every bit of this.

I don't doubt the Storm King's sadism stretches this far, and if it does, Equestria's definitely better off without him. Since he hates cute I could imagine if he'd turned the Mane 6 to stone he'd have smashed Fluttershy to pieces. Probably Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Twilight too. And who knows what he might have done to Sweetie Belle?

I kinda wish he'd gotten a villain song, or got more screentime, but at least he had more screentime and lines than the other evil king who died.

Wow, this needed to be in the movie!

“The princess will be back here in stone before you can say Ticonderoga,” he says, before turning his attention to the reader and breaking the fourth wall. “If you can say Ticonderoga, that is.”

Oh shut up! *pointing a plasma pistol at Storm King and shoot him in the face*

:applejackunsure: Wait a second... what the heck is Ticonderoga? And how the heck does he know that word?

He goes beside the statue of Cadance.

“You’re very handsome by the way.” his voice for Cadance says.

“Awww, well thank you,” he thanks with a chuckle, before becoming serious, “But flattery will get you nowhere fast.”

Oh yeah? Why not you talk to Arnold Schwarzenegger, you ugly mother-trucker?

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It’s a reference. And it comes from the Three Stooges.

Comment posted by A Man Undercover deleted Oct 8th, 2018

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No, I find the story's okay. I was taunting Storm King because he's a pony killer.

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Oh!

:applejackunsure: Wait a minute... how the heck did he know the TV show since he's in Equestria, not Earth? That doesn't make any sense!

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Ahh, okay.

Oh! And for all you guys wanting to know what he was responding to. This is what I said:

Let me guess, you didn’t like it.

9216804
I really put that there for the laughs. People put references of other shows and movies into their MLP fanfics all the time. The characters don’t even know what they’re referencing, ironically.

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