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trombrony98
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Angel Bunny, Foal Toucher by Majin Syeekoh
Sex, Dark, and Random
1,092 words


Grammar: 9.5/10
Nothing really to complain about here. There's a few odd phrasings here and there, and a smattering of run-on sentences, but nothing that distracts from the story.
Characterization: 2/10
In this version of Equestria, Angel is a rapist. That's really about all you can get out of this in terms of characterization. Pipsqueak does nothing to further the plot other than get raped, Angel just acts like a jackass and rapes Pipsqueak, and Fluttershy is only in the story for a quick joke at the end. You could literally replace them with anybody else and it would be the same story, and not in the good sense.
Use of Canon: N/A
I don't think canon applies here. I don't think Hasbro has any intention of crossing these lines.
Consistency: 8/10
Even if it goes by too quick to quite get it on the first go, this does follow a basic plotline. It mostly flows from one event to the next, but it's over before you have the opportunity to comprehend it.
Coherence: 1/10
This is literally just a story about Pipsqueak getting raped by Equestria's most hated rabbit. There's a paragraph or two to get to the action, and then it just kind of takes the concept and glosses over it. There's nothing interesting here. Even the rape was boring and unmoving. And there's no explanation for why it happens. It may be random, but that's no excuse for lacking a moving story.
Extras by Category:
Dark: 0/5
There's nothing dark about it. It takes a serious, disturbing topic and glosses over it.
Random: 1/5
This takes a possibly drug-induced idea and makes it fall on it's face.
Foalcon/Rape: -20
This story took a potentially touchy subject, and did nothing with it. NOTHING. It's not humorous, it's not tragic, it's not disturbing, it's not even kinky. If you're going to write a story about this, at least try to do something interesting!

...okay, rants over. Let's see how bad it turned out.

Total: 1.5/50 3% REJECTED

Notes: Just. Don't. I regret my life decisions.

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