By TheRealDakariKingMykan
(Link)

The Dimensional Universe…

Sigh. +1

An alternate, multi-dimensional,

The Dimensional universe, despite its name, apparently has MULTIPLE Dimensions. +1

magical void filled with stars, planets and worlds waiting to be discovered, and mysteries waiting to be unfurled, and is also the basis and location of the mystical planet United Equestria,

WHAT? +1

Also, misuse of the word basis. +1

home to the brave genetically altered ponies of the greatest fighting force in the known universe… Starfleet Magic!

Starfleet Magic, worth two sins, one for ripping of MLP and one for ripping of Power-rangers. +2

Also being the greatest fighting force in what you describe as a vastly unexplored universe is not something to brag about. +1

…

Dot Dot Dot. +1

Sometime after Distraught had been redeemed and left to rebuild his race and, Titan was vanquished once more, life had gone on for all the ponies and their friends, and Starfleet training continued.

Ok, I have read all the Starfleet stories and remember almost none of it, I know with Mykan's hatred of MLP that the events of the last few stories would in fact not cause everypony to just suddenly go back to their normal lives. +1

Deep within the palace of New Canterlot, in the dojo,

Mykan not being creative enough to come up with new names so he just adds NEW to the front of it. Glad we don't do that in real life! *glances at map of Canada* Oh right, Newfoundland. +1

two strong ponies were dishing it out in a spar. Lightning Dawn, ID-Codename AO0C:

ID Codenames. +1

A genetically altered alicorn with a golden horn capable of unleashing the Uniforce

The Uniforce. +5
Also genetically altered Alicorn +1

that could combat anything in its path, and had recently risen to the rank of Fleet Admiral…

That ellipsis was when Mykan stopped talking and went back to sucking on Lightning's dick. +1

…and his sparring partner;

...And Back up to breath. +1

Princess Twilight Sparkle, also had recently been promoted to the rank of Captain, making Lightning her superior in the force.

Making your OC's Superior to cannon characters. +1

Also, just so you don't get your timelines confused, it is my understanding that Twilight IS a princess at this point, which yes, Mykan has turned this world into one where the Military has more power then the reigning government. Yay for military dictatorships! +1

The two had been sparring for a long time at Twilight’s request for her to earn something that had been taken away from her some time ago-- her alicorn wings, which had been destroyed in the events of Equestria, when Nightmare Moon had returned, and destroyed her wing, reducing her back to her former unicorn state. After all, since magic had given her those wings, magic could take them away.

Lack of understanding about the fact that Twilight wings were symbolic of her rising to new responsibilities, though, considering that Mykan has now turned Twilight into his underling, taking away her wings is ironically fitting. +1

She had been through so much in the time that United Equestria was formed, being genetically altered into a humanoid shape, trained with Starfleet to become stronger and swifter to battle new and more powerful enemies throughout the universe, and still she had not earned her wings back.

SUDDENLY, OUR CHARACTERS ARE MADE ANTHROPIC! +5
(I have nothing against Anthro fics, but if you're going to do it, commit.)

She felt that training constantly would help her unlock her wings again. She sparred with Lightning hard, punching and kicking about, but he, being a lot stronger and swifter than she was having been training longer than she, managed to block her every attack and pound her hard when he guard dropped. Twilight tried her magic, but Lightning just stood there and took the blast, and nothing happened, he didn’t even flinch. “You need to stop relying on magic all the time, Twilight.” he said to her and dashed at her. Twilight continued to zap at him, but he kept swerving and dodging her every attack until he reached her and kicked her legs tripping her down on her back, and then he swiftly jumped down and lunged his fingers for her neck… for the kill…!

… And he stopped at the last inch!

...

She felt that training constantly would help her unlock her wings again.

How? The last time, it took the combined power of the elements of harmony to give you them in the first place and since in the MykanVerse, raw magic was apparently what gave them to her in the first place, just getting physically stronger is not going to help you. +1 X (2)

She sparred with Lightning hard,

As opposed to sparring with Lightning Soft. +1 X (2)

punching and kicking about, but he, being a lot stronger and swifter than she was having been training longer than she, managed to block her every attack and pound her hard when he guard dropped.

B.S. Reason for Lightning being stronger then Twilight +1 X (2)

Also, if you're going to give a reason for Twilight to be weaker then Lightning HOW ABOUT THE FACT THAT TWILIGHT WAS SUDDENLY TURNED INTO A HUMANOID CREATURE! +5 X (2)

Twilight tried her magic, but Lightning just stood there and took the blast, and nothing happened, he didn’t even flinch.

What! +1 X (2)

Taking a blast of magic from maybe the second/third most powerful being in the Cannon universe and just shrugging it off. +5 X (2)

“You need to stop relying on magic all the time, Twilight.” he said to her and dashed at her.

Why? Seriously. Why? She is the most magically gifted being in recent Equestrian history, I mean, yeah, you should know a variety of fighting styles, but you don't tell a master swordsman to not rely on his blade so much, play to your strengths man. +5 X (2)

Twilight continued to zap at him, but he kept swerving and dodging her every attack

*Cough* Bullshit. *Cough* +1 X (2)

until he reached her and kicked her legs tripping her down on her back, and then he swiftly jumped down and lunged his fingers for her neck… for the kill…!

Fingers. In a MLP fanfiction. +1 X (2)

'

“Hold!” shouted a voice “That is enough for today.” The voice belonged to Lightning’s mentor, Grand Ruler Celesto; the commander-in-chief and founder of Starfleet, and co-ruler of United Equestria alongside his wife, Queen Celestia.

WHAT? +1

Queen Celestia. +1

Lightning helped Twilight up off the floor, and Twilight anxiously gazed at her back, and sighed “Nothing.”

Lightning and their majesties sighed. “Twilight, you’ve got to stop worrying over all this getting your wings back. It’s slowing you down worse than ever.” said Lightning

Well, if you lost the physical symbol of everything you have been working for your entire life, it would kinda weigh you down too. +1

Twilight knew he was right “But it’s just… those wings were once part of me, and well I feel silly being a princess and a captain without them.”

Logic in a Mykan story. It's like finding a unicorn...uh, in a Mykan story that is. +1

Celestia told her “It really doesn’t matter if you have wings or not, you’re still a very special pony.”

Points off for Celestia not sucking Lightnings dick. -1

“You sure are.” said Spike as he came in with water and towels for the tired duo. The fairy queen, Krysta, fluttered in around Lightning, her life’s companion. “You were incredible out there.” she complimented.

Krysta. The fairy queen, AKA, the thing that happens when you think Navi can't get any more irritating. +1

Lightning chuckled “Not bad for a pony than can’t do natural magic.” then his stomach growled “Ooh… but all that training’s worked up my appetite.”

What? +1

Who is Lightning referring to? Not Twilight, because she sure as hell can do magic. So...himself? So he is an egotistical prick! +1

“Me too, I’m famished.” added Twilight.

“Come then, it’s nearly dinnertime.” Grand Ruler said.

All their friends and relatives were there. Twilight’s friends, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Applejack, had all been recently dubbed as Senior Lieutenants of the force after the last war on the planet, and Lightning’s friends were all executive captains, superior in rank to Twilight and friends, but not to Admiral Lightning., the leader of the entire team

You know whats worse then making ONE of your OC's superior to the main cast? Making ALL your OC's superior to the main cast! +6

Starla Shine: Lightning’s mare-friend for well over a year, and expert astronomer and astrologist, and bared a very strong resemblance to Rarity. ID-Code: KY1M.

Mykan just coming out and saying that YES, this character is a ripped off Rarity. +1

More ID Codes. +1

Buddy Rose: an expert gardener, ecologist, and tree surgeon, and Applejack’s newest farm hand at New Sweet Apple Acres: ID-Code: FT5H.

The fact that being a Tree Surgeon is a real job, that has a title, that someone possesses. +1

More ID- Oh you know it by now. +1

Artie Bristles: A masterful artist in painting, sculpting, carving, you name it. ID-Code: HV7J

I name it? you're the author! You fucking name it! +1

Rhymey: Fluttershy’s colt-friend, a poet, song writer and café proprietor, who always spoke in rhyme. ID-Code: XL7Z

Rhymey. +1

Being Flutershy's boyfriend! +1

SPEAKING IN RHYMES +10

And the Spanish Twins, Dyno and Myte La Guava: Born on the Planet El Mundo, and the sons of a Starfleet General. Brilliant geologists, expert miners, movers, construction team, and explosive experts: Codes, IW8K and JX9L.

There is so much racism in this one sentence...I...I just. Alright, lets go through this.

Spanish Twins named Dyno and Myte! +2

The planet El Mundo! +2

Mexican Explosive Experts +2

Joining them for dinner were Princess Cadance and Shining Armor, and Princess Luna.

I'm so glad that the author gives all the characters equal treatment and isn't favoring OC's when giving descriptions...at all. +1

Pinkie saw the others coming to join them. “Hey, there Every-pony.” she chirped.

Pinkie is now a bird. +1

“Pinkie…” snapped Starla “Remember the corrected vocabularies. It’s every-body, not every-pony.”

First off, fuck you. +1

Secondly, no, regardless if you've changed them INTO humanoids, they were in fact, ponies first. So they can call each other whatever the hell they want to. +1

Pinkie felt silly. “Ah, buck up, sugar-cube, we all make mistakes.” said Applejack.

Making a mistake is = to not agreeing with everything Mykan says. +1

“Besides, at least we all get to be friends.” added Buddy Rose “And speaking of which.” He had to present to his queen a beautiful bouquet of flowers he had picked from his garden. “Why, Buddy Rose, they’re lovely.” she said as she accepted and sniffed them. Buddy Rose bowed and kissed her hand tenderly “Just my way of saying thank you for inviting us all here.”

Huh, that was respectful and not over-the-top, not trying to overplay it and subtly show us a bit of the character. Good work Mykan. -1

“Aw…” everyone cooed.

Well never-fucking-mind +2

They all sat down and waited for the chefs to come out and serve dinner, when they noticed someone was missing. “Where is Goldwin?” asked Rarity “Surely he would not even think of missing out on such a glorious gathering.”

Don't...don't the SERVERS, serve dinner? I mean, yeah when dinning with such a high honored group you might come out and explain it, but normally someone else carries the food and brings it before the guests. +1

That’s when Goldwin appeared at the door to the dining hall. “Sorry, I’m late.” he panted and as he rubbed the sweat from his face, he mistakenly but foolishly removed his magic mask, and turned back into a golden statue. The others couldn’t help but chuckle. Artie got up and placed the mask back on his face. “There you go.” he said “Ready everybody?”

WHAT??? +1

Everyone nodded…

“Altogether at the count of three,

We’ll say the words to set Goldwin free.” said Rhymey.

Rhymey Rhyming. +1

They all counted to three and said the magic words…

“Hocus-Pocus, Alimagocus!”

I have a few magic words for you too story.

Hocus-Pocus. Screw-you-ocus! +5

…and Goldwin came back to life, but in a bit of a shock. “What happened?” he asked and the remembered “I knocked my mask off when I wiped my face.” Everyone shared a laugh with him and then he took his seat just as dinner was served, a very big royal feast.

We're just going to ignore that? No explanation for this character like the rest? No? Even though this is the one character where that bit of extra info would be helpful? No?

Ok Then. +1

Grand Ruler and the Queen took the time to feed their little babies, Castor and Leilani. Fluttershy couldn’t stop gazing at how lovely it looked. “They’re so adorable.” she cooed.

The names Castor and Leilani. +2

Also, Fluttershy, I do agree, they are ITS. Though I wouldn't refer to the abominations as adorable. +1

“They really are.” said Celestia as she fed her little son his bottle of formula.

Her husband chuckled as he wiped the baby food off of his daughter’s little face. “Father’s little angel.” He said as he softly patted her head.

There were salads, breads, vegetables, noodles, tea, and soft drinks to go around, and meat, especially meat. As they were genetically altered now, they’re bodies required more sustenance and nutrients.

Ok. First off, Ponies eating meat. +1

Second off, look, I'm not a vegan/vegetarian, I eat meat and yes, some meat in your diet can prove beneficial to your health, however, too much of it can in fact be detrimental, due to fat. I eat meat just because I enjoy the taste. And just because you have a bipedal, humanoid body, does not in fact mean you suddenly require meat, unless for some strange reason they felt the need to replace all their organs with those of a omnivore. Even then, ponies are in fact Herbivores and I'm 99% sure that just because your body CAN eat the killed and cooked flesh of fellow animals, does not mean your mind would be willing, and considering the in Equestria, most of the animals they would be serving would have been at least semi-intelligent. Not the most delicious looking/sounding thing for a pony. +1

There was only one piece of garlic-bread left on the tray, but Lightning graciously let Starla have it. She pecked him on his cheek for that.

Starla is now also a bird and has physically attacked Lightning, damn those genetic modifications! +1

Fluttershy and Rhymey were eating a course of spaghetti and meatballs,

Fluttershy eating meatballs. +5

when their noodles got looped together and they ended up drawing towards each other’s faces with their noses touching each other’s. Fluttershy looked away, blushing, and hiding behind her mane, and Rhymey giggled nervously.

Ripping off lady and the tramp. +1

As everyone ate, Shining Armor noticed “Hey, Twily, are you going to finish that steak?”

Twilight and Shinning armor eating meat and Shining seems to be really enjoying it. +2

His sister looked up as if she had been in a trance. “Oh, I’m… working on it.” she said as she took another bite.

Twilight devouring the succulent flesh of another anima- fine, I'll stop mentioning it. +1

“What’s the matter, Chica?” asked Dyno. “Are you still upset over not having your wings?” added Myte.

Chica. +1

Lightning and Twilight’s friends all groaned in dismay. Cadance gazed at her sister-in-law “Twilight, You’ve got to…”

Everyone at the table is a dick to Twilight's dismay at losing something she arguably worked her whole life to achieve. Especially Cadence, who still has her wings. +1

“I know, I know…” her sister-in-law cut in “Stop worrying about it. I’ve only heard this like a billion times.”

“Ah, come on, Twilight.” said Rainbow “Even if you don’t have wings, I still consider you a good flyer.”

Being a good flyer is all about the heart, so why don't you do everyone a favor and jump out the nearest window. +1

Twilight smiled and thanked her for that. “Still, this reminds me of that guy I once met back in that other universe at Canterlot High School.”

Canterlot high school. +1

Everyone was well aware of the alternate universe, and the adventures Twilight had. “What was this guy like?” Lightning asked.

Twilight’s memory was a bit faded, and she hadn’t remembered much, but she conjured an illusion of her memory. There was at Canterlot High, with a guy who looked like Flash Sentry, in human form.

Not remembering much but still being able to bring up a perfect illusion. +1

Lightning dropped his fork, letting it hit the plate,

Lightning is a dick to plates. +1

and looked as if he had seen a ghost, and his friends reacted almost the same way. “What’s up with everyone?” asked Pinkie. She waved her hand in front of their faces, but they still just gazed at the image of the guy Twilight was with.

You fool Twilight! OC's are the center of the universe! If you let them see each other, they will collapse in on themselves and create a black and red hole! +1

Twilight noticed everyone looking strange. She even compared the image to Lightning. “He sure looks like you. He sounded like you, and look he even has your insignia and code on his shirt. If I didn’t know better he could’ve been you, Lightning.”

Twilight needs to be saved by Captain Obvious, who Lightning still outranks in this world. +1

“Twilight…” snapped Lightning “That is me, when I was in the human-world.”

There was a long short of everyone spitting out their drinks, choking on their foods, or dropping their utensils in shock, but none were as amazed as Lightning and Twilight.

I would be amazed, because there was only ONE way into Canterlot high and that is through Equestria, because Canterlot High is a mirror of Equestira. And Lightning isn't even from the same planet as Twilight. So how the hell did he get there? +1

(INTRO)

Beautiful music began to play as the view of United Equestria was seen from far above, and beautiful voices were singing…

Instead of describing it, Mykan just tells us that the music is Beautiful and the voices are also good. I'm going to imagine this sung by a hardcore christian metal rock group (yes such things do exist. I knew a guy who was in one, it's like normal metal but someone screams JESUS every two point seven seconds.) +1

“My little pony… My little pony…”

JESUS. +1

When all of sudden, someone shouted. “Wait! Hold it! Stop them music! Stop! Stop…!”

Finally, someone has come to save me!

and everything screeched to a halt as Lightning came out onto the scene.

*sigh* Goddamn it. +1

“This isn’t Friendship is Magic, and this isn’t Equestria Girls.”

but...this takes place in Canterlot high, which is in fact, part of the Equestria Girls universe, that is a spin-off of MLP so no, Lightning, it IS in fact both of those things. +1

He called out to no one in particular, and demanded that changes be made,

He's so entitled that he just demands changes from god and then they occur. +1

such as the view be changed into outer space, and the title card be changed, “And can you change the intro music?” he added, and he got his wishes. “Thank you!” he said and then he ducked down and out of sight letting the true intro begin.

That was LIGHTNING breaking the fourth wall to give us another two paragraphs of filler. Thank you Lightning. +1

www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-D99_…@

(Skip to 0:43)

This video does not exist. +1

MY BRAVE PONY

(Starfleet Humans)

MY BRAVE PONY. +1

…

The great mirror portal, linking the dimensional universe to the alternate universe now stood a large broken fragment far away in the New Crystal Empire. It had been shattered during the return of Nightmare Moon before Equestria was destroyed, and was ever since beyond any hope of being restored. So no one was ever able to return to the alternate universe, or come from it to United Equestria.

Um, it NEVER linked the dimensional universe to the alternate universe, it linked EQUESTRIA, to CANTERLOT HIGH. +1

…At least not that way.

Ok everybody, put yer headcannons on and prepare for battle ARG! +1

While back at the New Canterlot palace, everyone was still shocked and astonished to learn that Lightning had in fact met Twilight long before, which only raised further questions and curiosities. Pinkie went a-hundred miles an hour asking the many questions like…

“You met each other in the human world?”

“How did it happen?”

“When did it happen?”

“Where, What, Who, Why…?”

Pinky skips asks WHEN did it happen, then proceeds to list off the REST of the 5 W's after stating the middle one first. +1

Lightning felt steam shooting through his ears. “Settle down, Pinkie Pie.” said Grand Ruler.

Lightning is a steampunk robot. +1

Pinkie sat back down in her seat, and pretended to zip her lips, but everyone else was still rigged with questions, especially how Lightning was able to get to the alternate universe without using the mirror gate, and what was he doing there?

All valid questions that I am guessing are going to be explained through the POWER OF PLOT CONVENIENCE! +1

Lightning gazed at Grand Ruler and asked “Master, perhaps we can show everyone?”

I Don't care how benevolent you are, unless you are a kung-fu master, getting your subjects to call you 'master' makes you sound evil. +1

His mentor agreed, and whispered to Celestia. His wife agreed, and the two held hands and hands together, concentrating hard, and their horns began to glow. They fired two small harmless beams at Lightning and Twilight’s heads which helped to unlock some of their memories of their adventures in the human world.

WHY? Were they locked away? Granted this is Mykan's story so I wouldn't be surprised if Starfleet did go through their minds and deleted all the undesirable thoughts and memories. +1

Those memories then magically appeared over and across the table as a giant holographic image, much like a movie screen, and everyone could see the entire events just as they happened, from both perspectives.

Twilight felt a little uneasy about watching it again, because it reminded of something that happened which really broke her heart!

Like when that weird stallion told her she was inferior and that one day he would rule over her. +1

well 1 down, a lot more to go. Good luck my friend.

4133632 Good luck on this one. Too many of us have died trying to review this... I died reviewing this one. I hope you are a lot stronger than I was.

1: try to keep a sin counter of some sort handy.
2: Holy st dude, you're actually taking this guy on? Good Luck, man.

4133632

A genetically altered alicorn with a golden horn capable of unleashing the Uniforce

TOTAL SINS: 156

SENTENCE: Unicornicopia

No one deserves that punishment, not even Lightning. It's far too harsh to be sentenced to live under Mykan's rule.

4134472

1. Will do sir! It'll probably be better for all parties involved.

2. You know what they say, if you're gonna dive into a shallow pool, you might as well try and make the biggest splash.

4133904

I don't know, my rage on the author at this moment is so high that I think death no longer has any meaning (Sorry, just read what he plans on doing to Cadence)

4135314 Spoilers...

Everything Wrong With My Brave Unicorn Starfleet Human.

Chapter 2.
In 7200 Words or less.
Spoilers.
Duh.

It all started a year and a half ago, back when Lightning and his friends still lived on the planet Unicornicopia on the other side of the Galaxy.

Unicornicopia. Need I say more +1 (1)

They had recently earned their astronaut licenses allowing them to travel to other planets. They had just vanquished Titan's evil minions, and had collected two and a half of the mystical Star Stones. Krysta still had amnesia of her role as fairy queen, and Lightning had not totally mastered the uniforce yet.

Collecting two and a half of something. +1 (2)

The Uniforce. +1 (3)

Not a single one of them had ever heard of the planet Equestria, and had never met any of the inhabitants.

All that changed when the Celestial Nation attacked. +1 (4)

…

Dot Dot Dot Motherfucker. +1 (5)

Not too far away from Unicornicopia, was the planet Mandala.

Alright, I've already given a sin to Unicornicrapia, so I'm going to be belevolant and not give it another one, that being said, the name Mandala sounds stupid so I could just be ignorant and sin it for that, but I'm above such petty behavior, so I did some searching, in reality Mandala is Buddhist in origin, it means universe. Not planet. +1 (6)

A beautiful planet consisting of meadows and mountain regions, inhabited by winged beast like humanoids and dragons.

More Humanoids for no reason other then Mykan not being able to understand that intelligent life could exist in any other form. +1 (7)

Many got along very well and lived and worked together in peace, while others detested this arrangement, as they preferred to be fierce and frightening beasts, and often resorted to wreaking havoc upon the good inhabitants. So the elders of the planet had sent messages across space to hire Starfleet to send officers and establish lookout bases to help keep their planet safer from evil.

Ok, other then the fact that there will ALWAYS be those who detest peace and order because it is in their nature. If this planet is advanced enough to know about Starfleets intergalactic military and communicate with them across the void of space, I'm like 90% sure they have their own military that can deal with their own problems. Canadians don't just call America to build bases in our country when we get scared. +1 (8)

One day, the good creatures of a nearby village were enjoying a blissful day as children played and the adults worked, when all of a sudden, a large gaggle

Ok, Gaggle is a funny word, it has the informal meaning of being a large group of disorderly people, however, traditionally, a Gaggle is a flock of Geese. Either way, I'm not going to sin it, because either he knowingly used it correctly or wanted us to get the mental image of a swarm of flying Dragon-Geese hybrids descending upon a defenseless town. I'm having to much fun to be mad either way. (8)

of rebel dragons and winged beasts came soaring down from the skies, breathing fire and soaring mercilessly through town scaring the good inhabitants to pieces.

Breaking news, brimstone and fire raining down on a populated town will only scare the people and will have no other effects whatsoever. +1 (9)

“Get ‘em!” shouted a dragon as he unleashed his fiery wrath, setting fire to many of the rooftops. “You wimps have lost your pride!” snarled a winged beast woman as she swiped at stands and carts, breaking them to bits and frightening the inhabitants.

Pride? Over what? Senseless destruction? Winged Beast woman #1 isn't making much logical sense here. +1 (10)

The good inhabitants were not as skilled fighters as the rebels and could hardly defend themselves. Finally, a dragon and a winged beast

Wait, the dragon and the 'winged beasts' are not the same thing? What? +1 (11)

Also, the whole reason this attack is taking place is because the two groups are plagued by rebels who don't want to work with the other species, however, here, we see the rebels working together fairly well with the other species, enemy of my enemy I guess.

had cornered a winged beast mother and her frightened little son. Things would have gotten really messy had a dimensional space portal not appeared in skies,

Convenience. +1 (12)

Also, once again, the whole fire and brimstone thing did NOT make it messy before. +1 (13)

and several genetically altered humanoid like alicorns emerged and soared down like speeding comets,

They then destroyed the planet with the sheer force of their impact, killing millions, including themselves. +1 (14)

at the head of the gang was Lieutenant Lightning Dawn, the code AO0C stamped on his armor beneath the Starfleet insignia. “In the name of Starfleet, I order you to desist!” he shouted.

"IN THE NAME OF A GROUP THAT HOLDS NO AUTHORITY HERE, I DEMAND YOU OBEY OR DIE!" +1 (15)

The rebel dragons began to breathe fireballs at the fighters. “Let’s go!” Lightning shouted to his comrades. Starla Shine, Code-KY1M, followed behind him and growled in frustration “Why can’t they ever do this the easy way?”

Well, perhaps if you didn't start the negotiations with "WE ORDER YOU TO STAND DOWN BECAUSE." the other group might be the tinniest bit more receptive. +1 (16)

Also, more Codes. +1 (17)

They and all their friends evaded the fireball attacks,

How? Until you start describing how they evade these things, I'm gonna imagine that they just curl up into a ball and cry until the danger passes. +1 (18)

and landed in the middle of town and starred down the gang of rebels. “This is going to be good.” snarled a dragon. “Who wants to get fixed first?” asked a winged beast.

Oh you silly dragon, you don't fix Starfleet, they are perfect, and if you submit, they will make you perfect too! If you don't...well Starfleet will fix you one way or another. +1 (19)

Lightning snickered mockingly. “You should have quit while you were ahead.” he said. “Ready, guys…?”

Lightning questioned, before tuning around and finding that everyone had taken the opportunity to escape, leaving Starfleet forever, and lightning sitting in front of a group of angry dragons. +1 (20)

“…READY!!” the others shouted. “STARFLEET MAGIC!!” tapping their insignias, their super armor and visors were donned. They all stood together as Lightning proudly proclaimed…

"STARFLEET MAGI-" and then they were all roasted alive by the dragons taking the moment to incinerate them as they did their little speech. +1 (21)

“Guardians of the universe,

United we stand

To punish all evil,

And protect what is grand!”

I think this is ripping off green lantern? I don't even know, what I do know is this sounds fucking stupid. +1 (22)

“…Power of Believing”

As many have said before me, believing in WHAT exactly? +1 (23)

Starla: “Power of Space”

Are you believing in space? Because space does exist and you should believe in it. +1 (24)

Buddy Rose: “Power of Fauna”

Again, yes it exists, good for you but what does this have to do with anything..? +1 (25)

Artie: “Power of Art!”

Ok look, I'll give a pass to Fauna and Space because at least that sounds like there MIGHT be a connection there, but, uh, how does art fit in with Fauna and space? You can make...art of them I guess? Still giving it a sin for being a stupid thing to say though. +1 (26)

Rhymey: “I summon within… Power of Wind”

Rhymey. +5 (31)

Dyno and Myte: “Power of Fire”

Wait, I'm confused, is ONE of them the power of fire and the other one just sort of standing off to the side? Oh right, they are twins, which means they might as well be the same person right? Because that's how twins work! +2 (32)

The dragons and beasts gazed at one another with annoyed expressions and rushed at the fighters. “Go!” shouted Lightning as he and the fighters charged forth. Lightning jumped and split kicked two dragons hard in their faces.

That was so poorly worded I though he split his leg in two as he was kicking. Even on re-read, kicking two different people in the face at once SOUNDS cool, but even if you nail the landing, you put yourself in quite the unfavorable place +1 (33)

Starla took to the skies and was being chased after by three beasts. “What’s the rush, pretty pony?” one of them mocked, but Starla wasn’t flying scared, she was getting enough distance to slam hard to a complete stop and then zipped back the other way fast, colliding back first into one of the beasts and sending it crashing hard to the ground.

Uh, no. I don't care how well trained you are, colliding back first, where you wings are, into another creature hard enough to cause it to fall out of the sky will at worst shatter your wings and at best either cause it to grab you and take you with it, or knock you completely off coarse. +1 (34)

The other two beasts were shocked and outraged. “Come on, let’s get her!” They charged at her head on, but Starla got out her Star Bow.

I don't even know what that is, but it sound stupid enough that I'm sinning it in advanced to save me time later. +1 (35)

“STARLIGHT ARROW” and she skillfully fired two shots at once, striking the two beasts, sparks blasted at them and he fell down to their fallen comrade on the ground.

See, sin well used, but I still have to add another one for firing two arrows at once at two different targets, as you are floating unsteadily in the air. +1 (36)

Buddy Rose leapt up high and flipped through the air landing on his feet and attacked all the oncoming beasts and dragons, but got bashed and kicked a few times as well and sent skidding along the ground.

I could comment about how unspecific 'attacked all the oncoming beasts' is, but instead, I'm gonna focus on the fact they they thought it was a smart idea to bring someone with the title 'Tree Surgeon' into battle. +1 (37)

“Okay, that does it! VINE WHIP” he cracked his whip on the ground twice as the monsters approached him.

Stealing from Pokemon now? Are we Mykan? Do you have no shame? +1 (38)

He whipped a beast by the talon and sent her slamming into three dragons. Two stayed down, but the third got up and stared him down like a cowhand. “Draw!” he hissed.

With what? Neither of you have firearms! +1 (39)

“LEAF SWARM”

Twice now! In two hundred words! Stop with the Pokemon stuff! +1 (40)

The dragon blew his fiery breath, disintegrating the razor leaves instantly, but in doing so he let his guard down allowing Buddy Rose to skid along the ground beneath the flame blast and lassoed the dragon’s mouth shut while he was still blowing, causing the flames to blast in his mouth like a bomb.

Okay, first off, No, fire travels out and expands, unless this dragon is super big (and he could be for all you have described them) or his fire breath was super concentrated, or even if he was only slightly taller and was angling his head DOWN to breath flames at him, he's not gonna leave room for you to slide under him, even if you did, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO THROW THE ROPE THROUGH THE FIRE? +1 (41)

Second off, just because you stop his jaw from moving does not mean he does not have lips the flame can escape between. +1 (42)

The dragon, now covered in soot, blinked once, coughed out a small smoke-O and fainted. “You didn’t say excuse me.” Buddy Rose teased.

Worst mock ever. +1 (43)

Also, if the Dragons evolved to breath fire, I assume since the fire travels through their mouths that they are in fact flame retardant inside their mouths, as well as assuming that closing your mouth and breathing fire is something many dragons have probably done through the centuries by accident, they probibly have flame resistant insides or another way for the fire to be put out. No mater what, I don't think their own fire is gonna K.O. em. +1 (44)

Meanwhile, Artie and Rhymey back-flipped along the ground and stopped in a wide open area where several monsters ganged up on them “These guys don’t know when to quit.” Artie said.

Well you haven't done anything, and by you I am in fact referring to the two of you, have yet to do anything to warrant quitting except for back-flipping, which is cool, but not very threading to a dragon. +1 (45)

“Let’s beat these pains.

Their loss is our gains!” said Rhymey.

Rhymey. +1 (46)

The monsters charged, but the two fighters punched, kicked, and bashed the brutes hard.

The brutes were beaten severely, however, both Art and Rhymey were then murdered by the completely different dragons that were attacking before. +1 (47)

“PAINT BOMB”

What about them? +1 (48)

“DRILL QUILL”

That...Rhymes, but doesn't make much sense. +1 (49)

The monsters went down, but one large dragon and one beast were still standing, and they angrily rubbed their claws and talons together hinting it was about to get personal. The two ponies turned and nodded each other and got out their weapons.

Wait...they weren't fighting with their weapons before?!?! Jeez! How OP are these OC'S!?! +1 (50)

“SUPER STAFF”

Whats so super about it? +1 (51)

“WARD SWORD”

Ok, so is this a sword that protects others? Or...just an excuse to have it Rhyme? +1 (52)

Artie took on the beast and Rhymey fought the dragon parrying their weapons against the brutes’ claws and talons. The dragon fired his breath at Rhymey, but he swerved out of the way

Being within grabbing distance of a dragon yet still having its fire breath miss you, I didn't see that their super suites were made of Plot Armor. +1 (53)

and zipped up over the dragon’s head, grabbing him by the horns and actually shoving him down hard, face first into the ground, and Artie gave the beast a good clunk on the head knocking her down and out.

I'm so glad all these battles are equally matched and not just Mykan showing us how Kewl his OC's are. So glad. +1 (54)

He slapped a high-five, and did a high foot with Rhymey. “All right…!”

Slapping a high five. +1 (55)
High Foot. +1 (56)

“…Out of sight!”

No Mykan, this random quote is in fact in sight. and entirely pointless when floating on its own. +1 (57)

The Spanish twins faced three dragons at once. “Let’s burn ‘em boys!” the lead dragon shouted and he and his friends all unleashed their fiery breaths on the twins at once, but the twins simply stood where they were and nodded at one another.

Being fireproof. I don't care what power they have, unless they have fur made of liquid lava and not what fur is NORMALLY made of, they are catching fire right now. +1 (58)

They joined hands and shouted “BOOM-BOOM FIRE” and fought fire with fire.

I don't know what exactly to sin with this sentence, so I'm going to just sin every single word. +13 (71)

The results were explosive sending all of them soaring and crashing onto the ground. “So that’s how you want to play? Fine!” growled a dragon, and he and his friends charged at the twins.

“After you, brother.” said Dyno.

“Gracias, brother.” said Myte, and he leapt up forth and kicked the first dragon hard, and the second. The third stood behind him ready to slash him with his huge claws, but Dyno jumped in and bashed him hard. “VIVA!!” the boys hollered.

Either the dragons are completely pathetic fighters or the brothers just beat them with four-year-old tactics. +1 (72)

As the battle continued, however, the fighters remained unaware that they were being watched by a pair of sinister eyes from a cave in the side of one of the mountains near the village. The stranger sneered sinisterly and continued to watch the fight; particularly observing Lightning the most; waiting and hoping for him to do something special.

I'm not even interested enough to make a comment about the vague villain. +1 (73)

Lightning continued to punch, kick and bash the monsters out of his sight, and he got hit himself a few times, but hardly stood down. One dragon crept up on him from behind and grabbed him hard in a huge bind. “Now I got’cha!” he growled. “Oh, boy!” groaned Lightning as the dragon looked ready for a bit of his head, when suddenly a huge boulder crashed down on the dragon head conking him out. Lightning looked up and saw his Krysta wink at him. “Am I too late?” she asked teasingly.

Fairies can lift boulders because they can! +1 (74)

Lightning gave her the shot-signal with his fingers, “Perfect timing, Krysta, as usual.”

A bit to early for my taste, a few seconds later and we would have had a happy ending. +1 (75)

Soon, the remainder of the gang of monsters huddled together in one place, and all of Lightning’s friends came soaring form the skies and landing near him. “It’s time for you brutes to see me little toy; RAINBOW ROD!” Holding out his powerful scepter and wielding it swiftly, he dashed over and ran in super speeding circles around and around the monsters to confuse them.

WHY DIDN'T HE JUST USE THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE! +1 (76)

The sinister character eyed the Rainbow Rod from her viewing spot. “There it is.” she hissed. “I must get that rod.”

She is in fact, the only lady who wants Lightning's Rod.

Lightning continued to run in circles and then fluttered up, up, up. He set the rod on “Capture” and the rod began to glow. “SPECTRUM STREAM” Lightning shouted, and blasted the monsters from above. “UH OH!!” shouted the creatures as they all were hit and exploded, and when the smoke cleared, the creatures were all shrunk down and changed into figurine versions of themselves-- frozen in suspended animation, and all of them were trapped inside prison-spheres, and the rest all lay unconscious. Lightning’s friends cheered and leapt with joy, and as Lightning landed gracefully on the ground, he proclaimed “Starfleet, victory is ours!”

Even though it could have all been over in like twenty seconds! But no, we needed to make them suffer first! +1 (77)

Minimal damages were done in the village, but none of the other inhabitants were badly hurt, just a few bruises and grazes here and there. All of them were cheering in thanks to the fighters. “Thank goodness we sent for your services.” The mother beast said.

Minimal damage...rooftops set on fire, inhabitants only lightly bruised...and set on fire...yep, that's how that would go down. +1 (78)

“Bless you, Starfleet. What would we do without you?” a dragon said.

Well, maybe learn to defend yourselves? +1 (79)

“We were glad to help.” said Lightning as he and all his friends accepted handshakes and thanks from all the good creatures. Krysta soon headed off to send for reinforcements to help bring the rebel creatures to take them to prison. They could see the sooner that Starfleet was setup the better the planet would be.

Yes, Starfleet will make everything better, we will make you...perfection. +1 (80)

Suddenly, as the fighters prepared to leave and head back to Unicornicopia, Lightning got struck, by surprise, by magical beams, and was knocked back hard, dropping the Rainbow Rod. “Lightning!” cried Starla.

I like this villain. This is a good villain. -1 (79)

“Are you okay?” asked Buddy Rose.

Lightning wasn’t hurt badly,

Damn. +1 (80)

but he wondered what that was that hit him. He and his friends then saw the Rainbow Rod was levitating and floating towards a mysterious humanoid female, with pale blue skin, and diamonds as spikey hair sticking straight up. She wore a silvery sparkling cape, a jewel-encrusted tunic, and around her neck was spherical sparkling pendant.

What? This description is so vague I see a bald Trixie with diamonds wonder-glued to her head. +1 (81)

“Who’s she?” asked Artie. They didn’t know, but it became clear she was up to no good if she was trying to take the Rainbow Rod. The fighters scanned her with their visors, and saw her physical strength, defense, and magic levels were very high!

Wow...how the hell does that work? +1 (82)

She gripped the rod in her left hand and snickered at the fighters.

“Give me that back!” Lightning demanded. “Now why would I want to do that?” hissed the lady.

Convinced she was wicked, the fighters stood ready to brawl. Lightning tried to call the Rainbow Rod back to him, as it normally would, but the rod didn’t respond to his voice orders. “It no longer will function for you that way.” the lady sneered “This weapon is now mine, and with it I now have the power I need to make all my wishes come true.”

This lady wearing a sparkly cape has taken Lightning's rod, and is not giving it back to him, for she thinks it giver her power to make her wishes come true...am I getting it right? +1 (83)

“Let’s get her!” shouted Lightning. He and his friends charged forth, but the lady’s eyes glowed brightly and she sent them all back hard. They got up and rushed at her, but she swiftly swerved and ducked out of the way of their every attack, and hit them all back with powerful kicks and punches. Sparks flew everywhere, and it also didn’t help that the fighters were still a little tired from their previous battle.

She's not REALLY as tough as Starfleet...they are just...tired. +1 (84)

The lady snickered wickedly. “I don’t know if this is either fun or a waste of time, and I thought you were all professional fighters.” She then clasped the pendant around her neck, the jewel began to glow and a large swirling portal vortex appeared behind her. “Love to stay, but I really must be going.”

This entire story is just a waste of time lady. +1 (85)

The fighters got back up and gazed in awe at the vortex, having never seen anything like it. They tried to scan it with their visors, but there was no info about this phenomenon. Still, Lightning was not about to let his weapon slip away. He and his friends continued to attack at the lady, and continued to get bashed and pummeled away, but suddenly she was caught off guard and Lightning punched hard in the face and dropped the rod. “Ugh! My beautiful face!” she cried “How could you do that do me?!”

This is so undescribed...I can't even get angry about it. I just feel empty...I don't feel anything anymore...Just...I assume she was so distracted by Lightning's Rod that she didn't see his fist haha dick joke. +1 (86)

Lightning managed to grab the rod, but the lady blasted furiously at him, which soon resulted in the fighters playing Keep Away; passing the rod back and forth in attempt to keep it away from the lady. “Lightning, catch!” cried Artie as he tossed the rod over to him. “No!” shouted the lady as she blasted the rod knocking it into swirling vortex. “No!” shouted Lightning as he and the others watched in horror as the rod swirled round and around and vanished in a bright flash. The lady screamed in frustration and jumped through the vortex after it. “Come back here!” shouted Lightning as he jumped after her, but the vortex vanished before he could reach it causing him to fall onto the ground.

She WAS beating them all up, but now she's gonna play keep away cause reasons. +1 (87)

His friends gathered around him, but Lightning angrily pounded his fist into the ground over losing the Rainbow Rod; the very weapon his mentor had entrusted him with. The others couldn’t blame him, and their minds were racked with curiosity. Who was that lady? What did she want with the rod? Most importantly, where did she go with it?

They couldn't blame him, even though it was totally his fault for keeping the rod out in the open after he used it. +1 (88)

“Lightning…” Starla said trying to comfort him “Don’t worry. We’ll get the rod back.”

Its not like you ever use your rod anyway. +1 (89)

Lightning spoke calmly “But how? Where do we even start looking?”

I'm perfectly calm, even though I lost one of the most powerful weapons in creation.

The others had not a clue, but just then, Dyno saw something shimmering in the grass. “Hey, look at this.” he said as he scooped up the lady’s pendant, which used to make the vortex appear. “She must’ve dropped it during the struggle.” said Myte.

Convenience. +1 (90)

“Look, it’s cracked too.” said Buddy Rose. The jewel was indeed cracked and its magical glow was slightly faded and pulsating.

“It may be a clue,

But what should we do?” asked Rhymey.

Rhymey. +1 (91)

Lightning grasped the jewel and suggested they return to Unicornicopia. “We’ve got to tell Grand Ruler about this, now!” So they left the rebels for their reinforcements to handle and headed back to their home planet, Unicornicopia.

Unicornicopia. +1 (92)

Once there, they flew up to Grand Ruler’s floating palace in the sky high above Rainbow City. At first the guards wouldn’t let them pass without making a proper appointment, but Grand Ruler could tell this was an emergency and let them pass. “Master!” cried Lightning as he and his friends dashed into the throne room, almost forgetting courtesy and bowed to their ruler, he bowed back to them. “What have you to report, Lightning?”

MASTERRR WEEE BRIINNGG NEWWSSSS +1 (93)

Lightning felt almost too embarrassed to tell his mentor what happened to the Rainbow Rod, but it had to be done. After explaining and showing Grand Ruler the pendant, it became clear to him what was going on. “I didn’t believe it entirely myself, until now.” Grand Ruler said “This is very serious indeed.”

Everyone seems really calm about this whole thing. +1 (94)

He started with the lady they met…

The Grand ruler stops listen to Lightning every single time he talks about the ladies. +1 (95)

Her name was Sapphira; Empress Sapphira. She was a crystal-like humanoid creature; a Crystallite from the planet Jemanite, where she once ruled as queen, and was defiantly one of the most wanted criminals in the Starfleet profiles.

What? Just a second ago I thought you didn't know who she was when you scanned her, now you are telling me she's one of the most wanted criminals? THIS IS SOMETHING YOU SHOULD ALREADY KNOW! +1 (96)

The Crystallites were very attractive creatures, but only on the surface. They were reputed to having the most outrageous of egos in the galaxy, claiming they were the most beautiful creatures of all, and felt it gave them the right to do as they wanted.

ah, and here we fall into the "every single one of them is bad!" plot. Because its not like Nature Vs. Nurture is a thing and there will obviously be those of the species that are more egotistical then others. +1 (97)

The worst part they were treacherous thieves that specialized in stealing treasures and preserving their good looks

Wait, so like, the entire species are all trained thieves? There is NO ONE of this species who is not part of this evil thing? Or is this like Starfleet propaganda? +1 (98)

, but most of all, seizing control of all they desire, namely worlds which would entitle them to steal more treasures and conquer more worlds.

How does owning more worlds entitle you to steal more? Stealing is not something that becomes OK at a certain level of wealth. +1 (99)

Long before Lightning’s arrival on Unicornicopia, Starfleet engaged in war with these loathsome creatures,

Its funny how an entire race is loathsome because they dare resist the might of Starfleet, because starfleet cannot do wrong. They are the harbingers of your destruct- I mean perfection. +1 (100)

and managed to defeat many of them and force the rest into surrender, but Sapphira refused to give in. She battled with Grand Ruler, and after a fierce fight, Sapphira was arrested, but as she was being taken to prison, she pulled one last trick up her sleeve and disappeared through a warp vortex right before the guards’ eyes.

Damn, maybe we should have searched her for something like that before handing her off to the guards, best fighters in the world my-ass. +1 (101)

Grand Ruler had not seen it, and was not certain of their claims at first. Starfleet searched, and searched but were unable to find any possible leads to where Sapphira had gone. So he spent years researching chronicles obtained from every corner of the galaxy he and his team had visited to that point. “And I suddenly had a lead. Follow me.”

Wait...what? What statement is the Grand rule continuing? Did he start something before and now is finishing it? Whatever, I don't care enough to check. +1 (102)

Grand Ruler, led them all to the royal library, and opened a magical safe whereas a single tome lay on a cushion on a stone pillar. “What is it?” asked Starla.

EXPOSITION, EXPOSITION, GET SHIT OUT, AS, AP. +1 (103)

“This ancient chronicle…” Grand Ruler said “It has been in my possession since the earliest days of Unicornicopia, and during my many expeditions across our dimensional universe

As opposed to THEIR dimensional universe. +1 (104)

it has been filled with many tales and myths told by other races. One of them depicts of another whole universe that exists outside of our own.”

Well, apparently multiple dimensions exist and are proven, so no, I'm not that surprised that there is another, or multiple other, universes. +1 (105)

The ponies and Krysta gazed in shock, but not deeply as it was often alleged that their universe did exist outside that of another, and there was a possibility that others existed as well. Just nobody had ever seen them before as no one had ever been able to venture beyond any such boundaries.

Wait, what? What? Their universe existed OUTSIDE of another? A universe is defined as the ENTIRETY OF SPACE AND EVERYTHING CONTAINED WITHIN IT. THAT IS NOT ANOTHER UNIVERSE, THAT IS STILL YOUR UNIVERSE. +1 (106)

*begins sobbing uncontrollably.* "I can't do it...please...no...more..." *begins crawling to the end of the chapter* "so...close..."

“That must be where Sapphira and the Rainbow Rod are now.” said Lightning.

*INSERT DICK JOKE ABOUT LIGHTNINGS ROD.* +*ADD ONE SIN* (107)

“Yes, Lightning…” agreed his master “And obviously it is where Sapphira has been hiding all these decades, for the chronicles also say that only two known possible gateways to that alternate universe exist.”

Ok, you say that there are MYTHS about it. So that means even in lore, people know about it, so why has no one found it if it exists in the lore of existing cultures, someone else must have tried to get to it! +1 (108)

he held up Sapphira’s pendant “This jewel is obviously one of the two sources. I don’t know what the other gate is or even where it is, but one thing is certain; it proves that the stories of the other universe are not myths.”

Well, several other things proved that before the pendant, but sure yeah, lets go with that. +1 (109)

Silence followed as everyone felt their minds going crazy with astonishment, and then Lightning stepped forward. “Master, I must go there.”

Why does this astonish them so? With all the shit they do this seems fairly underwhelming. +1 (110)

“WHAT?!” all his friends exclaimed.

Have these people never met lightning before? Hell I hate the guy and I saw this coming. +1 (111)

“I have to!” snapped Lightning. “I’ve got to get the Rainbow Rod back. Even if Sapphira doesn’t have it, she’s bound to go looking for it, and even still you saw what she did with it. The command-seal has been broken. That means anyone could hold that rod and there’s no telling what might happen. Master, you’ve got to let me do this.”

I mean, the weapons quite powerful, but that's all it is, a weapon, it can be replaced, and this other universe could probably deal with ONE person. As well as the fact that you destroyed the only gate she knows about, so she's never going to be able to find a way back unless you enter after her. So yeah. +1 (112)

Grand Ruler nodded “Yes, yes Lightning, you are right, but just I hope you realize what you are getting into.”

Even the grand ruler doesn't argue with Lightning. +1 (113)

“Well go with you, Lightning.” Buddy Rose said.

“Sure.” added Artie “Sounds like a really cool place.”

“There will be much to see and explore.

Who knows what could be in store?” said Rhymey.

Rhymey. +1 (114)

The twins nodded in excitement, but Grand Ruler said “No! The rest of you shall stay here.”

"I HAVE OTHER PLANS ON HOW TO KILL YOU GUYS OFF!" +1 (115)

Lightning’s friends were shocked, “But, sire, why?” asked Starla.

“No one knows exactly who or what Lightning will encounter in the new universe. Sending him there is already risky enough. There is no sense in sending you all and risking your lives as well.”

Uh, I hate to tell you this, but if you have no idea what he's gonna face, except for a super powered being even you had trouble fighting, perhaps sending backup ISN'T A BAD IDEA?!?! +1 (116)

Lightning gazed at his friends and said “It’ll be alright. I’ve been going on dangerous adventures long before I met any of you. I know how to survive.”

Lightning just basically said he was just fine without his friends, Mykan once again misses the entire point of FIM just as badly as Equestria Girls did. +1 (117)

“But Lightning, what if you’re wrong?” asked Dyno. “Si, what if you run into some sort of danger you can’t handle yourself?” added Myte.

EVEN THE RACIST MEXICAN STERIOTYPES ARE MAKING MORE SENSE THEN YOU! +1 (118)

Lightning’s mind was already made up. The Rainbow Rod was entrusted to him; it was his responsibility to take care of it. “I have to do this, and there’s no time to argue.” He then turned to his master “How do I get to this universe?”

Mykan, rather then come up with a response, just decides suddenly that there is no time to argue a point that he cannot refute. +1 (119)

This was something even Grand Ruler didn’t know. “The chronicles do not say how this magic is used. Send for Professor Brain and Abra Kadabra, they should be able to help.”

Coming up with a plan before one of the arguably most important parts is decided. +1 (120)

…

PLEASE NOT THE DOTS! AH, NOT THE DOOOOOTTTTSSS... +1 (121)

Before long, Professor Brain and Abra were at the palace and studying and examining the jewel. Brain, being a scientist, and Abra being a magician and an expert on magic, managed to figure out how to summon the portal to the other world. “Satisfactory! Most Satisfactory.” said Brain. “I must say, this is astonishing.” added Abra “I’ve studied all sorts of magic and never come across anything such as this.”

Not to be 'that guy' but if magic was a real thing, with real laws governing it, then it would fall under the Sciences. They would both be scientists technically. +1 (122)

“Well, if our calculations are correct, we should be able to produce a portal suitable enough.” said Brain.

While they completed their setups, Lightning was preparing for immediate departure. “Are you okay, Lightning…?” asked Starla.

“Oh, sure, considering I’ve never been so nervous and excited in my life.”

Mykan is just lifting from the source material and shifting words now...I can't even work up a proper rage at this point. + (123)

The others still didn’t feel it was fair that he had to go alone, especially Krysta, who seemed more nervous than the rest of them.

Grand Ruler had something to give to Lightning. “I want you take this with you…” he said as he fit a special pendant around Lightning’s neck on a long string. “It is my hope you will not need to use this, but when the times comes you will know what it does and what it is for.”

BULLSHIT deus ex machina. With no explanation because even Mykan knows it will seem OP. +1 (124)

Also, if this could be such a big help and has no REAL drawbacks, then why would he not use it? That's like sending someone on an assassination mission, giving them a sniper rifle and saying "I truly hope you will not need to use it." +1 (125)

Trusting in his master’s words, just like every other time, Lightning tucked the pendant under his clothes. “I wonder what it’ll be like there?” he wondered aloud. He knew his initial mission was to find the Rainbow Rod, and if need be, defeat Sapphira, but this was, however, a great expedition he was leading. “What will I find? What will it be like?”

His master patted his shoulder “You are a strong, and courageous pony. I have faith in you, and so does everyone. Whatever comes your way, I know you'll be fine."

Lightning felt flattered.

Again, still wondering why they don't just send half of Starfleet, there is nothing stopping them from just sending everyone. Nothing. +1 (126)

One-by-one, Lightning’s friends bid him a farewell and good luck, especially Starla who gave him a long peck on the cheek for good luck. Lightning’s face turned red “Thanks Starla.”

Does Lightning have a bird fetish or something? Seriously, someone help that girl before she starts eating seeds and chirping like pinkie. +1 (127)

“It is time to go.” Grand Ruler said. “Is everything ready, Professor?”

“Yes, your majesty.” said Brain, and he gave Lightning the jewel pendant. He was to keep on him at all times. All he had to do to activate it was hold it gently in his fingers and rub it either in the sunlight, or the light of the moon in either universe, it would take him to the other universe, and back from the point where he first left.

“I understand.” Lightning said.

BUT NO ONE WAS TALKING TO YOU! THAT WAS AUDIENCE EXPOSITION SINCE THEY NEVER SAID ANYONE SAID IT...DAMN THIS FIC! +1 (128)

“Good.” said Brain “However, there is one vital part of information I must warn you of.” He was referring to how the jewel was badly cracked and faded. “It’s losing power?” Lightning asked.

“Slowly but surely.” replied Brain “If my calculations are accurate, in exactly… um… I make it, 720 hours from now, the space-warp gateways will be closed, and you will not be able to reopen them.”

“What he means is…” Abra cut in “If you don’t come back within thirty days, you may never return at all.”

WHY ARE THEY SENDING HIM AT ALL! IF THE ONLY RIFTS BACK ARE GONNA CLOSE IN 30 DAYS THEN WHATS EVEN THE POINT? AGAIN, JUST SEND EVERYONE SINCE STARFLEET HAS NO PROBLEM WITH INVADING WORLDS! +1 (129)

Everyone felt shivers run up their spines “…Galloping galaxies!” Lightning cried. Now he felt more nervous than before, but he still intended to go. He stood in the middle of the great hall where the sun shined brightly through the windows and rubbed the jewel as he was told. Everyone could feel the winds picking up, inside, and the vortex appeared. Everyone gazed at it in awe at its swirling and glowing.

Lightning turned to gaze at his friends one last time and saluted to them all. They all saluted back at him and he started to dash straight for the vortex. “Good luck my brave pony.” Grand Ruler muttered, but poor little Krysta was shaking so nervously and zipped after him. “Wait for me!”

“KRYSTA!!” the others shouted, but she had already followed Lightning inside and the vortex had sealed.

Seriously, that's like, ripping of EQG directly. He didn't even bother to really even change it. Goddamn it Mykan...if I still cared I would be sad. +1 (130)

…

*heavy pained breathing* +1 (131)

Lightning and Krysta felt themselves swirling and tumbling through a tunnel of wacky swirling colors and lights, and suddenly… everything went dark!

Is...is it over? ITS OVER, HAHA SCREW YOU MYKAN! +1 (132)

CHAPTER SINS: 132

Total Sins:288

Sentence: Unicornicopia AU
RULE 63, BITCH.

__________________________________________________

Oh, finally it's all over...oh god, I don't think I could have...oh wait...no...NO! NO GOD NO! HOW MANY MORE CHAPTERS OF THIS CRAP IS THERE! AHHHHHHHHHH! OH GOD, WHY? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME? IS IT BECAUSE I ONLY GO TO YOU FOR COMEDIC EFFECT?!?! WHY?!?!

*Gross sobbing*

Expect the next chapter...sometime...soon....

4141509
He's ripping off Power Rangers for the fight scene, by the way. Absolutely nothing Mykan writes or draws is original at all.

4141509 Sorry Man, he's not the real Mykan. I'm not joking. He's not the real one. You wanna do the real review? Try to do My Brave Pony Starfleet Magic The Movie. Just try to do it. Dear God, it sucks so freaking bad that it makes the Twilight Series look like a legend beyond its time. Just try to read his story. Just try...

4149921

Oh...oh no...am I going to be the designated Mykan guy from now on?

...WHAT HAVE I STARTED?

...I'll start doing MBP SM TM Right now Hatty...thanks for the suggestion...

Lets go to work...

...yay...

4150074

Just be glad you didn't actually have to have a convo with this guy.

Though, he has had probably given me the best insult ever. Two actually.

He has actually told me, a guy who loves DBZ to death and will quote everything about it, hates DBZ. Yes, I hate a show that I own 13 movies of, written fanfics for, and watches the Abriged series religiously. Oh, and I hate sci-fi...somehow, while I love Babylon 5

4150074 Honestly, I tried to read it...but couldn't. The description alone deserved hate. Have fun though! I know a guy named Monocle who can give a bad story a shot. Trust me, he can help you point out some sins.

4150361
Just like he's managed to write several very long fanfics, know about Cadance, and ship a self-insert of his with Celestia despite hating MLP.

4150074

4151060

4149921

Guys I got bad news, the account maybe fake but the story is ACTUALLY real. I was looking around the TV tropes page and found some things related to this fic. If you don't believe me (and even I wish you shouldn't) heres the TV tropes page: here

4167306 No...no God...no God please no!! No!! NOOOOOOOOOO--

Why...why does he hate us so much?! Why did he write sequel after sequel?!

4167312

I know the feeling man.

Here have a YT video to make you feel better.

4167347 "Thanks man...even thought I don't watch YT...

4167527
Hey no problem.

4167312
Because he's got an ego the size of a universe.

4168510 ...Well Shit.