Here's an example of how our Sin reviews should look like.

Everything Wrong With...

Quest of the cool pony: Chapter 1 By Eder the cool pony.

Spoilers...

(DUH!)

You and I both know about the different races In the land of Equestria. There are a lot of ponies with their cutie marks that defines their special talents. There are Earth Ponies, Pegasus’, Unicorns, and Alicorns

1: We already know this. *(ding!)*

But, there is one alicorn that waited his entire life to fulfill his destiny… to become a hero of this world. His name... is Eder; a, pony with a kind and warm heart.

2: I smell a Gary Stu... *(ding!)*

He wanted to be seen among the many citizens of Equestria, but many thought he was different to all of them, yet they all failed to realize they were all different.

3: They're stupid. *(ding!)*

His cutie mark was so different and peculiar unlike the others. The strange thing about it was that it was simply the letter "E."

4: Haha, everything is strange about the letter E. *(ding!)*

While some ponies believed this cutie mark was silly, the truth was that this cutie mark was special

5: Every Cutie Mark is special you ego-maniac! *(ding!)*

as his talent was that he could do everything

.

5: *sighs...* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

But the question that lies unanswered to us is this, what this pony can exactly do?

6: uh... Everything... like you said a sentence ago. *(ding!)*

Nopony knew for certain... until now.

7: Roll credits! *(ding!)*

Nightmare Moon, the Princess of the Eternal Night

8: We know who she is just by name! We've all watched Season 1 Premiere! *(ding!)*

As she flew, laughing maniacally,

9: Did she sniff some Marujuana while she was out? No? *(ding!)*

It was Queen Chrysalis, the ruler of the Changelings.

10: *(ding!)*

“And so she returns… the princess of the eternal night; Nightmare Moon, the last of what was once Equestria’s Princess Luna,”

11: Give a life story while your at it too! *(ding!)*

said Chrysalis as Nightmare Moon walked before her.

12: She walked before her? Did they suddenly become anthros now? *(ding!)*

“Hello again Queen Chrysalis, it has been a while since we last met.”

13: Care to explain how long? No? *(ding!)*

said Chrysalis with a grim smile on her face.

14: A grim smile? Shouldn't that be an evil smirk or a devious smile? *(ding!)*

Nightmare Moon stepped out of the cave, looking up at the dark sky.

15: Didn't she just go into the cave? *(ding!)*

“Yes, this is the day that we are going to kidnap Twilight Sparkle and her friends.”

16: Bitch, does it look like day time to you? If that's the case she's color blind. *(ding!)*

“So, what’s your plan to do that?”

17: You just said you were waiting for this moment for a long time! Short term memory loss makes you forget super important things apparently. *(ding!)*

“The global anniversary of Equestria goes on tomorrow, and Twilight will be there at the town hall along with her… “friends.””

18: Care to explain how she knows this? Cause I don't see anything. *(ding!)*

19: I thought Equestria was a country? If not, that's a very small planet. *(ding!)*

Chrysalis instantly became silent as she thought about something that frightened her; the Elements of Harmony, the legendary power that brought Equestria to peace.

20: Of anything that Chrysalis should be afraid it should Cadence and her love beam, not the Elements. *(ding!)*

“Behold Equestria’s secret artifact; the Element of Love.”

21: This cliché should be dead. *(ding!)*

Chrysalis became confused from what she heard. “The Element of Love?”

22: Irony. *(ding!)*

“That’s right; with this ultimate power, we will destroy the sacred Elements of Harmony, and nothing will stop us.”

23: Cliché villain speech is cliché. *(ding!)*

24: I thought love didn't destroy things, or am I drunk? *(ding!)*

Upon doing so, she unleashes its power to create a storm in the sky and send it within a farther side to the Everfree Forest, the location where the Tree of Harmony rests. As the storm enters draws closer to the abandoned castle, it tears Equestria’s legendary artifacts into pieces, along with the tree.

25: This is probably the most rushed thing I've read. *(ding!)*

26: How did she see that sh*t from her current location! Magic be damned! *(ding!)*

They knew that the seventh one had went missing during the Day of the Descension, so it was not a problem to them any longer.

27: What? *(ding!)*

“I-I don’t believe it! You were right after all, that artifact does work! The Elements of Harmony… are… DESTROYED!!! Now we can send our subjects to kidnap Twilight and her friends!”

28: Not unless Mr Gary Stu has something to say about it. *(ding!)* *(ding!)* *(ding!)*

“Indeed. Not even the Shepherd of Fire can stop us… now that he’s not here…”

29: Foreshadowing. *(ding!)*

÷÷÷÷÷÷÷÷

Sin count: 37

Sentence:Sniff some Marujuana.

(Lots of it.)

3520121 That's awesome. Do you take requests?

3520135 If I have the free time do one, then yes I do.

3520121
Guess I'd better go ahead and post mine, then.

3520121 I think you might need to add an extra sin on the grounds he LITERALLY calls himself 'The cool pony'. Dude needs an ego-trimming.

3520200 I'm publishing my one shot Flash Sentry Is Not a Hero today. I've self-edited it at least 50 times, however, I know that mistakes are still lurking, somewhere. If I could just spot them, somehow...

3521293

To be honest, a Sins review isn't what you need. It's not supposed to be a tool for self-improvement (nor is it even really a review). It's a comedy piece.

Since your story is already a comedy, it doesn't make sense to point out errors or plot holes, and pointing out spelling and grammar mistakes wouldn't make for interesting comedy.

3521789 Yes, I see what you mean. It's hard to parody a parody.

3520121

Okay, how do you choose the sentence?

3522046 As in, what's your verdict. What should become of the story depending on how many sins there are.

3522052

Oh, okay. Thanks.

do my nightmarish construct, Equestria plays video games! you can make a quadrillogy.

9: Did she sniff some Marujuana while she was out? No? *(ding!)*

Can only certain members create these threads? If not, how do you do the thing where you box in the parts of the story? Furthermore, is doing one on your own story okay as long as we do it unbiased?

4740072
I've done a few so anyone can do it, but i haven't done my own stories. You can be the first

4740216 Okay, so how do I do the box things?

4740332
The quote next to the youtube button above the comments

Notes taken, and followed. I hope I did it right.