Welcome, welcome! Again. Did I already say that? I dunno. Anyway.

This club will be featuring writing exercises to improve the creative cognitive reflexes via measured trials. They've run very succesfully in my other club, so I've since elected to open the process up to everyone and anyone who enjoys torture. Only fair!

This is the recent posting in The Cockroach Club, and now it'll serve as our first endeavour together! So exciting, yes? Enjoy!

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Greetings to the gratuitous ungrateful! ... that's you lot, last I checked. Including me, obviously.

T'is I, your beloved spokesperson and UNMITIGATED MOTIVATOR, with another EXTREMELY IMPORTANT writing contest for the most ELITIST and SELFISH club members! We're accepting entries from anyone that BLEEDS RAGE and SOWS DECEIT as they might BREATHE or BLINK! WE DEMAND THAT ONLY THE MOST STALWART CRETINS JOIN IN THIS FESTIVE SOIREE, THOSE ALIGNED TO MISCHIEVOUS DEEDS AND MURDEROUS DESIGNS!

... that pretty much covers everyone in here, I figure? Oh good.

As some of you may recall, I threw out a little literary challenge some while ago. Nothing overwhelming or even taxing - just a tiny creative exercise, costing all two of you who bothered to try out some five whole minutes of your time. I know, right? What a total bitch.

Despite my confidence that there'd be failures aplenty, Numb To Nothing struck gold with his submission - it was bonafide birlliance. Second place was dutifully earned by MetaKnight145, then third place found thatonestupidpony strutting his stuff. Excellent efforts all around, and WAY MORE than I actually expected! WONDERFUL written works!

... WrathOfGod519 managed to copypasta something or... I don't really rememeber.

REGARDLESS! This is a brand new day, and there should only fairly be a brand new contest! SHALL WE SEE WHAT IT WILL BE ABOUT!? FUCK YES WE SHOULD! Are you FUCKING EXCITED!? YEAH??

... maybe you should calm down then. Sit back, relax a little, maybe have a drink of water - always good to keep hydrated. Okay now? Yes? Excellent.

Allow me to repost the basic rules:

• You have TEN minutes to make a story. Just start typing. GO! Whatever pops in your head! Preferably it stays pony-related, but whatever. IT'S YOUR BLEEDIN' TEN MINUTES! HURRY UP!

• Once you've started to formulate an idea, you set some sort of timer to ten minutes. Don't sweat mistakes; you can edit your mistakes ONCE YOU'RE DONE, but EVERYONE has to simply stop at ten minutes. Sure, you can complete a last sentence or whatever - we're not Nazis! I don't expect complete stories, nor do I care - my want for this contest is an example of your fizzling synapses producing a funny, sad, demented or outrageous story in as pure and outrageous a form as possible! THE CRAZIER THE BETTER! I WANT TO SEE THE BEST OF THE WORST IN TEN MINUTES GODDAMN IT!

• Leave your bullcrap "ain't nobody got time for dat!" talk at the door. The story itself will be contained here, in your post. Where it belongs. Highlighted in blue. Once everyone has completed their time trials, the stories shall be judged by majority, as everyone sucks LIKE ME thus HAS TO BE A PART OF THIS ALSO!

Once a winner is selected - along with runner-up fail, and honorable mention (which is AWESOME), we move on.

So, got it? Make a post, make a ten minute story in blue, and post it. Might as well start now, assholes! I would REALLY like to see more of the invisible slobbering Cockroach members who NEVER contribute ANYTHING we do flex their awkward, sexually devious creative muscles. I think it'll be a wacky time!

Remember: ten minutes, story highlighted in blue. If you gotta fix the odd mistake or eight AFTERWARDS, allow yourself ten TIMED minutes to do so - then you're fucked. Can't change shit. Otherwise? Cheat like fuck! Swindle, bribe, offer sex, you name it! SKY IS THE LIMIT, SICKO ANT CUNTS!

Okay! SO, write whatever comes to mind - clop, murder, clop murder, or even accounting! JUST SHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT!

Here's my offered shit in example:

The clock struck midnight.

Not literally, mind you. Neither time, for being an indefinite and continuous duration measured by temporal events which succeeded one another, nor any of its marked divisions created for the succinct identification of precise intervals, were actually harmed.

The clock in fact struck itself, upon queue, forced by inherent design to dictate the daily require of waking - obligatory obedience and personal promptness came alive with the chime of a shrill bell. It dutifully noted the passage of every hour upon the hour without fail, with a cheery little tinkling for each wasted traject. Unless unkempt, ad infinitum.

The clock struck itself at midnight, waking me from a particularly good dreaming. I considered striking the clock with my hoof, but as time would insist without me, the matter became utterly pointless; if for example I broke the clock, I'd be forced to get a new one to force me to obey it. Seemed a bit of a stalemate, of all the rotted luck.

Seriously. Wasted a lot of time with the language. Bother! Now it's your turn - see what happens in ten measly minutes. You might just surprise yourself!

3174911 Okay, here I go.

"So, Twilight, how come you agreed to this trip? Didn't you have that thing in Canterlot?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Em, yea, em, It wasn't that important and em, I do want to spend more time with my friends. Yea, that's right." Twilight nodded.

"Celestia invited you to your own coronation and you didn't go?"

"Oh. Em, that thing. That got canceled."

"So, you're not officially becoming a princess?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Pinkie Pie, stay off of Twilight's case. She had, em, busy day." Applejack shoved Pinkie Pie with a hoof.

"I didn't mean to pry."

"Well, you kind of did, dear!" Rarity said. "Anyway, we're here. Pinkie Pie, why don't you take the lead."

"This is the fun place? It's a cave."

"Go on Pinkie Pie." Rainbow Dash pushed with her wings. "It will be fun!"

"Well, okay." Pinkie Pie entered the burrow.

"Keep on going, don't be scared." Fluttershy whispered.

"I'm not scared, It's just a bit dark, that's all."

"Let me light it up a little then." Twilight charged her horn.

There were changelings all around Pinkie Pie. She turned around and there were changelings at the entrance also.

3174965

Nice. That's an excellent foray into a possibly intense tale of concerns and betrayal - how well does Pinkie know and understand who her friends are, and what happens when they're not who she thinks they are?

Well done. If that was converted into a 2000 word story, that'd be gold.

3174911
Shining Armors buttcheeks were squishing together in front of Flash Sentries eyes. Sentry was panicking and didn't know what to do. Shining started to moan as his ass muscles blood vessels inflamed. Flash grit his teeth while trying to keep his boner from escalating. "You can't keep what you have inside from me, "moan"." said Shining as he clenched his cheeks till they were red. Flash could not handle the amount of confusion and attraction he was experiencing at this very moment. Not only did he like females, but he was raised in a strong anti-homosexual family. He never realized that he had such desires before and was scared to explore them. Shining Armor spread his asscheeks revealing his butthole and Sentry could not hold back any longer. With animalistic rage, Flash dove his massive shlong right into Shining's anus. A girlish moan made itself known as Flash ravaged the hole ignoring all voices. This was something that could not be ignored. Then, with one final thrust and a face gone red, Flash Sentry emptied his white deep inside Shining Armor's sphincter. Flash fell on top of Shinings body while they both breathed heavily. "Wha... what have you done?" said Flash Sentry between breaths of air. Shining Armor went close and nuzzled the blushing flash. "I've made you mine, but you can't tell anyone, we fags gotta stick together." "But, your married! To a princess...", Shining Armor shushed his loving compatriot. "Thats not what matter now, what matters is the love thats overflowing inside me, you like me don't you Flash?" said Shining shamelessly. "Uh... I... I do.", without a second thought, Shining Armor smacked his lips into Flash Sentries lips for once long wet kiss.

3174911
Since all the cool kids are ding it I too shall copy pasta:
In the darkness a tired pair of blue eyes blinked, followed by a long and weary sigh. It is said that those who walk in the shadow of death for too long gain a sort of apathy towards it, as such the mare curled up in the dark had adopted a somber approach to the entire ordeal. She sniffed, idly regarding the long scratch running across her shoulder, the fur matted with crusted red. She hated the waiting most of all, it had become almost routine now, she remembered how the others had fallen.

There was once more but now she was alone, this was just supposed to be a fun camping trip into whitetail woods... everything was going great. But then those things came, those horrible things. With maws twisted into grotesque leering grins, claws and teeth and the unchanging expression. That fucking mindless smile, a sick parody was what it was. She hated them. Her eyes clenched tightly at the gruesome memories, the screams, the cackling. It haunted her and she soon found herself staring blankly at the long abandoned fireplace for the longest time, now damp and wretched.
Then came a skittering of foliage from the other side of the cabin walls she found herself holed up in, her breath hitched and her ears stood rigid. For a moment all was absolutely still, her breath held in terror as her hoof lightly caressed the flare gun in her lap. Silence, perhaps she had gotten lucky, or perhaps unlucky as now there was more waiting. She let loose her shaky breath and shuddered, her chapped lips eventually gave a small, humorless smile at the irony.

Then she jumped at the crash, something big threw it's weight mindlessly into the door, it's limp mass impacting with a wet thud. Then came another, and another. They were here it seemed. But she was ready, she wasn't going to go down like the rest of them.

Gripping the canister of gas, she held the flare gun level and prepared a spell to puncture the metal just as a furry claw smashed through the decaying wood of her refuge, it's owner thrusting it's elongated head through the timber where it glared at her with that fucking horrible, ever static expression. She stood up and snarled "YIFF IN HELL FURFAGS!!"

And then there was fire.

No effort required WOO!!! Also awesome banner, did you make that?

3185657

Well I copypasta'd my submission as an example - it's not supposed to be a part of the process! Geez Louise, you guys'll be the death of me.

I did not make the banner. It's in place until I do, if ever. I literally took the first MLP theme that fit the banner's dimensions perfectly.

I'm so not clever.

I use violet, for blue is conformist :P

Sombra whistled a jovial little tune as he opened the door and went down the dark spiral staircase. He often considered walking on stairs to be one of his many talents. A trivial one, yes, but one he proved to be very proficient at.

He descended down into the inky blackness at a brisk pace that was faster than a trot, but slower than a gallop; a speed trot. He had never tripped, never ever missed a step. It was uncanny how good he was at going up stairs, going down stairs. King Sombra simply did it with all the grace his royal stature entailed. Fellow stair walkers were often shocked at the pace he conquered steps while they were many steps behind, never to pass him. In fact he, was going faster than he normally did.

King Sombra was quite chipper, for he had company over, and not just any ordinary company; royalty, a princess and her prince. Although not quite willing, they had (kind of) consented to allow the shadow king to persuade them to reveal their secrets and he was now fetching some supplies.

Around the halfway mark the unthinkable happened: the King slipped. As he skidded and slid belly first down the steps, he was reminded of a few foalhood moments where he and his friends would toboggan down the stairs when it was far too cold to go outside, using only a flat wooden board because they were all too poor. He had been a very good stair tobogganer, too.

Sombra's memories diverged from reality when his rump lifted off the steps and he began to tumble head over heels to the bottom, flailing his limbs all around in a futile effort. He smacked into the storage door at the bottom of the stairs in an aching shadow unicorn heap. He groaned at the injustice of it, his perfect streak marred.

He raised a greaved hoof, and observed the slimy white substance slowly slipping off. It looked like bat guano...

I'm gonna finish this later. Fuck you time limits.

Cake. Cake. Cake.

This was a cake store, so she might as well ask for cake.

"Do you have any," she began, hesitating briefly mid-sentence, "any cake?"

"Of course!" said Pinkie Pie. "We have all the cake. Each and every cake. Every day for ever and ever!"

The room was a white haze. Outside it was raining, but the rain wasn't falling on anything. There was nothing outside, there was nothing inside, either. Nothing except cake.

She looked over the cakes. There were so many cakes, piled haphazardly on top of each other, locked behind bars and chains, before them a pink earth pony with wild eyes and a crazed smile.

"Do you want any cake?" asked Pinkie Pie.

She didn't know how she knew the earth pony's name was Pinkie Pie. No, that wasn't true. She knew Pinkie Pie, and Pinkie Pie didn't exist. This was all an illusion, none of it was real.

She looked towards the door, but it wasn't there.

Pinkie Pie laughed. "There's nothing out there, silly! You might as well have some cake. It's more delicious than nothing, and we have all the cake you could ever want!"

That was true. This was an illusion, but it was one she knew she could never see through.

There would never be anything outside of this ever again. All the cakes were here forever.

"Yes," she said. "I'll take some cake."

What else was there to do in a cake store?

That single cloud was stretching over all of Ponyville and out of it, covering lands never seen. Never seen by a spriteful young pegasus named Derpy, that is. Her natural inclination to sky-gaze as she walked down the streets towards home was often a source for adventurous notions. She wondered curious wonderings, like if the air felt any heavier or lighter across the fields where there were no houses. Or if there were trees that grew things other than leaves. Suddenly, she thought to herself:

‘Why I don’t I just up and fly away?’

She shot her wings out enthusiastically (knocking over an apple cart on the way) and a smile came over her. But she was, in part, pretending. There was no real commitment behind that smile. Nevertheless, she flew up just beneath the clouds and looked into the distance. There it was, waiting. Endless expanses. A journey just begging to be begun. In a completely involuntary movement she twisted her neck (because it was sore) and found her eyes upon her house. Smoke was coming out of the chimney.

It was true that she could just fly away. But there was no need to begin a perilous quest. She had everything she would ever want to fight for already here. In that little cottage by the hill.