Hello there all of the people within this group, today we shall be reviewing the story Best Day Ever by Pump It Up. Shall we get started?

COMMENTARY

Nightmare Moon and Solar Flare have fun at home all the time. This day will be just as fun! Breakfast, Cat-and-Mouse, baths, and stargazing!

This story was written for the One-Shotober challenges started by CartsBeforeHorses and Redigar and the Nightmare Moon is best pony group's first contest. I hope you enjoy!

Right now, reading the description, my first thoughts are that this is going to be like the "when they were young" series. Which was probably the best heart warming/d'aww inducing series I've read on this site. Let's see how this guy shall do, given that this is pretty much an alternate take of the youngverse.

“SOLA!”

“COMING!” Solar Flare fluffed her fiery mane one more time before barreling downstairs.

“NIGHTY! WHAT’S FOR BREAKFAST?”

Probably some UI update that people aren't gonna like

“Lucky Charms again?” Nightmare complained.

“You went to the moon without me?” Solar Flare released her telekinetic grip on the cereal box, letting fall onto the table. It landed with a weak thump. “No fair!”

Well, Solar just wait until you see yourself in another universe

Solar broke the quiet, asking, “So what does the moon taste like?”

“Like cheese,” the black alicorn responded nonchalantly.

Wallace and Gromet were right when they said the moon was cheese! My logic has faltered.

“Cat ‘n’ Mouse. I’m the cat” — Nightmare Moon pointed to herself — “and you’re the mouse!”

“Why am I always the mouse?”

“Because you’re smaller than me,

This sounds like the weird arguements I get into.
"Why are you always the dominant one?"
"I dunno 'cause I'm bigger."

Sunny Butt!

My canon is complete. Princess of the night calling the sun lady sun butt.

“Oonnne, twoooo, threeee, fouuurrr, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, one hundred!”

I don't want Nightmare Moon counting my money, I'll tell you that now.

abrupt ending of commentary

REVIEW

MOOD (I'm addicted to the Fluttershy color now.)

The story is pretty much a day in the life of N.M.M. and Solar Flare (Nightmare Moon version of Celestia) had they been set in the youngverse, with the author's own few twists, which I won't reference as it is a spoiler in some ways. The read itself was very smooth, and extremely easy to stick with.

The mood within the story was constant throughout, not that it's expected to change, no deviation or change.

GRAMMAR

I'm proud to say that, after around three times reading, there aren't any noticeable grammar mistakes. For me at least. So I'm proud to grant you, Pump It Up, a 5 plus 0 out of 10 divided by 2.

STYLE

It's told through the third person view following N.M.M and Solar Flare, as they attempt to have the best day possible, and to a good amount of success.

The Dialogue was used about as good as we can get, but sometimes a bit overbearing, which (don't be surprised when I say) actually compliments the story. Kids around the age as our main characters tend to be more talkative than Oprah and Craig Ferguson combined interviewing a world leader, which seems to be exactly what's happening here with the two sisters.

SIDE NOTE: This story takes it's Alternate Universe tag to the max, it literally has almost nothing in common with canon, and frankly I like that.

REREADABILITY

Given that this is a one-shot, as told in the description, you could probably read this over and over until you get so used to reading this you could quote a lot of the text. So I give the rereadability a 10/11

VERDICT

So, let's be honest, I liked this. and I shall give it a / (you will accept my rainbow kisses) otherwise known as a MYASHTERPEESH by Cromegas.

So that was another one of the Alternate Universe reviews by me, tut895, and I'm outta hurr.

I'm proud to say that, after around three times reading, there aren't any noticeable grammar mistakes. For me at least. So I'm proud to grant you, Pump It Up, a 5 plus 0 out of 10 divided by 2.

A 2.5/5? I don't think I'm very good with the maths.

2685990
5/5

5+0=5
out of
10/2=5

=5/5

but you probably knew that.

2686075
I was joking based on the technical mathematical formula, heheh.

5+0/10/2 is what it should look like, but that would end up being 0.25, which would be a 2.5/10. I then inferred that since he said "out of" for the first division and "divided by" for the second, I would be able to implement a parenthetical based on the specified difference, so it would be (5+0/10)/2, which would make it (5/10)/2, which would be 2.5/5. So, either one of those is correct in the mathematical sense.

As far as (5+0)/(10/2), which is the math joke he was going for, I guess that makes sense, but it's no fun not muddying up formulas that are open to interpretation.

2686287
I agree, but I like to be a buzz kill sometimes. To most of my comments I give I'll eventually receive a or two. After all, I love the joy of bringing out the in people.

2686320
It takes a *lot* to make me , trust me. Either I take the remarks seriously and pretend I ain't even mad when I learn they were being jokingly overanalytical or bothersome, or I take none of it seriously at all and just stay completely aloof from all attempts to irritate me.

2685807
That was a great review! The commentary was hilarious! Thanks for reviewing it and faving my story!

(I didn't even know about the Youngverse before I wrote this. I just wrote.)