Some say he is just an urban legend. Others call him a ghost. Others still call him a heartless monster, living on nothing but rage, fear, and isolation.

But what is the real story behind "the Phantom Pony of Everfree"?

Fluttershy accidentally wanders into the territory of the pony everyone fears, and she is a witness to his cold, frightening fury. Scared to tears, Fluttershy is determined never to cross him again. But later, she witnesses something thought to be impossible, and deduces for herself that this "Phantom" is really a gentle, kind pony who merely suffers from the pain of loneliness. She then strives to learn the secrets behind this menace of a pony: who he is, why he lives in the woods, and why he is so angry.

The Phantom Pony, Nocturne, wants nothing to do with Fluttershy, and wants to avoid her at all costs. But his feelings toward her, and her friends, fluctuate over time, and he finds his mind and heart slowly changing. Whether for better or for worse, he is unsure, and he finds himself helpless against the kind light of a mare who may just know him better than he knows himself.

...why is he wearing that hat?

We have a character here that looks exactly like the kind of creature you'd tell a campfire story about. He's the thing lurking in the woods with a deformed body. He has monstrous, leathery wings instead of the usual pegasus feathers. He'll see you long before you see him with eyes that burn like the fires of hell. And he apparently goes shopping at Walmart. That's a pretty swell hat.

Thus the cover art serves as a microcosm for my thoughts on this story. I'm confused by what I'm looking at.

The confusion starts almost from the beginning of the story, when Fluttershy starts walking home from Zecora's.

Fluttershy had had to come into these woods many times in the past, and while still a bit disconcerting, Fluttershy knew there was nothing to really worry about.

...

What could be a simple, innocent stroll was almost always a coin toss in whether the stroller would make it back unharmed.

A coin flip isn't exactly good odds. If there was a 50/50 shot I'd get my ass bitten off by a shark every time I went to the beach, I'd never get in the ocean again.

Contradictions like that aren't limited to trivial details. Rainbow Dash, for example, sees Fluttershy running away and crying after her run in with the Phantom Pony. Realizing something is horribly wrong, she rallies the other girls to go see if they can give Fluttershy any comfort. At which point she flips the switch to Selfish Rainbow for some facepalm humor. The faster Fluttershy calms down, the faster she can help Rainbow with her training. Huh? But... she was worried about Fluttershy and now...?

Well, whatever. It's Rainbow Dash. Moving on, she goes with Fluttershy back into the forest to find her saddlebags. This decision was reached in front of everyone, which made it weird when after the inevitable run-in with Nocturne, everyone blamed Rainbow for not thinking things through. Which just made me shake my head. They were right there in the room. Maybe if they were all scared witless, shown to be shaking and trembling where they stood, they could throw blame around in a panic. But no, they knew something scared Fluttershy horribly, let her go back in the forest without a word of protest, then criticized Rainbow when something scared her and Fluttershy horribly. Come on, ladies.

This all came quickly as well. It seemed each chapter would have something in it that would make me frown and think Wait, really? That's not the best way to keep someone engrossed in your story. And when I got to the part with Nocturne's POV I almost started laughing at his inner monologue. Specifically about how he had put Fluttershy in her place. No he didn't. He screamed at her. Intimidating, sure, but screaming isn't the mark of a badass, or a particularly impressive achievement.

Not to mention that "Putting a woman in her place" commonly had a physical connotation to it. What was he going to do when Fluttershy kept coming back? Scream louder? How scary. There's a reason people remember names like Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, and Freddy Krueger. And it ain't because they screamed at people. Nocturne had three chances at scaring Fluttershy off, and the best he could do was "Or else!" I don't think he has reason to feel good about himself.

Perhaps I'm being unfair comparing this to slasher movies. After all, the description and content thus far suggest something more akin to Beauty and the Beast than to straight Horror. But again, I just don't think screaming at Fluttershy raised the stakes enough to keep things interesting. The Beast forced Belle to trade her life for her father's, and then he left her in a freezing dungeon, all after the first time he met her. Dipping into our fandom, Bride of Discord has Fluttershy trading her freedom away to the monster in that story. Yelling at her three times in a row seems pretty tame in comparison.

In the end, I lost patience with the story. I didn't want to just throw the standard criticisms of black-colored OCs in this review, but I found out that I couldn't do that anyway because things were too bland.

6453028
I read that story and it was AMAZING!

6453028
Well, to be fair, it is a nice hat.

The faster Fluttershy calms down, the faster she can help Rainbow with her training.

What training?

6453028
I thought this was the pleasant review group . . .