[REVIEW] The Wayfarers by TheFictionAddiction

Let's just cut to the chase.

SYNOPSIS:Wayward bound souls forge unlikely bonds and face inner demons as they work together to create a life for themselves in an ever darkening Equestria.

PLOT AND CHARACTERS

The plot of the story so far is a little modest. That isn't a point against the story, but I feel obligated to inform potential readers that this is a tale of travel and not a whole lot else. Don't be expecting some weaving mystery or great goal that needs to be achieved.

With not a whole lot to say about the story, I'll just move on directly to the characters. The Wayfarers is an OC-driven story, meaning any familiar faces are practically non-existent. While this might be a niche thing and a turnoff, I'm personally a sucker for all-OC stories, provided the OCs are interesting.

And boy howdy, the characters in The Wayfarers certainly fit that criterion.

Firstly, we are introduced to Little Whisper and Alabaster, refuges from the Dragonlands, who have been traveling together for many years. Little Whisper is cheery and friendly, while Alabaster is irritable and unpleasant, although to generalize them both like this seems a little cruel. Regardless, their personalities interplay very well.

I think Little Whisper could have been explored a little more, though. The story followed Alabaster more closely than her, which is fine, but one segment detailing her actions alone would have been welcomed in one of the early chapters. We only ever see her defined by Alabaster's terms.

Midnight Dreary is a bit more by the numbers, but he's still interesting. I kind of found myself annoyed by the whole “amnesia” thing—I think it's a bit of an overly convenient and cliché storytelling device—but eh, it opens up opportunities for his character and hardly plays too large a part anyways. I get the impression it has been done for the purpose of some big reveal later on anyways. There are enough clues and strange things about him to imply such.

So, the main three leads were all interesting, and their personalities all played off each other well. And then, in the fourth chapter, two other leads are presented: a griffon mercenary named Quill and his filly apprentice Speira.

How they fit into the story is difficult to say right now, but much like Little Whisper, Alabaster, and Midnight Dreary, they are very well rounded and the writer does a good job in teasing enough of their side of the story to keep me interested.

Actually, I wish Speira and Quill had a little more pagetime, but that's only because of how fascinating they were.

I can't think of a whole lot else to nitpick. Even the one-time background characters were pretty unique.

So yeah. While the plot so far has been little else but two separate tales of two groups of wayfarers getting into trouble, the characters and their conflicts are great fun to read. Top points on the character category.

GRAMMAR AND MECHANICS

Unfortunately, this fic suffers from a heavy number of typos and grammatical slip-ups. Most of them are visible right on the surface and easy to fix, but sadly there were a pretty hefty amount throughout. Too many to list here (I can send the author a PM if they want though. Just bug me in the comments or whatever).

Occasionally, the story shifted from past-tense to present-tense, although oddly this problem seems to disappear after the second chapter. Here is an example of what I mean, in the very first paragraph of the story:

The life of a rugged traveler is never easy. Each landscape that they pass through can offer the most difficult of situations. And while Alabaster and his partner, Little Whisper, have been through the thick-and-thin of most of them, the desert near Dodge Junction offered a unique kind of punishment on their trip from the east coast.

The rest of the story takes place in the past-tense, but “Alabaster and […] Little Whisper have been...” presents a sudden shift into present-tense. This problem mostly disappeared in the later chapters, but nonetheless I found it to be somewhat unbecoming so early on in the story.

Also, there seemed to be a bit of confusion regarding the formatting of certain unique lines of dialogue. Using [these dashes] to represent a character's thoughts is something I was kinda surprised by. I think it would probably be better to write thoughts out as normal dialogue and then italicize them. Also, sometimes it was a little confusing who was speaking, thanks to the third-person-omniscient narration. Occasionally an action by one character was used in the same paragraph as another's dialogue. While not explicitly wrong, it is still somewhat confusing to the reader.

If you want to exaggerate a word, it would probably be better to use italics as opposed to bold text. Like what I just did.

Oh, also, using all-caps or sized up font to show a character is yelling?

So that's the bad news. The good news is, I liked the actual style of the writing. A heavy amount of metaphors and analogies were used in the narration. It took some getting used to at first, but I truly think it was a good decision to use them so frequently. For a story about traveling and wanderlust, it really makes sense for the narrative voice of the story to sound like a tall-tale being spun at a campfire. Perhaps a cheesy way of putting it, but it's how I felt.

Another thing I really liked about this story was the humour. Despite the dark undertones, it largely handled itself with playful wit. For example, consider this exchange:

“Oh no,” Whisper moaned, drawing their attention. “You’re not beating Al at poker, are you?”

Midnight sputtered, no longer sure of what he was doing anymore. “Y-you mean I’m winning? He won’t tell me if I am or not, he just keeps getting angrier every hand we play!”

The party of three stared at one another for a moment, the rise and fall of their chests the only sign that life still breathed through them. It was Alabaster who finally broke the silence.

“You know what, we’re done here!” he blurted out, scooping up the cards, snatching the ones in Midnight’s grasp, and shoving them back into their box.

It's neat, because not only is it funny, it shows a natural interaction between the characters, and is thusly a great and subtle way of building on their personalities.

In this vein, I liked how the dialogue was used, too. A lot of character-building was done using the dialogue. For example, how do you subtly imply that a character's drinking problem is a little more than just a quirky vice?

Like this:

“That’s right…” Alabaster muttered in his sleep. “Make it a double… oh yeah… just leave the bottle...”

It's not overly dreary nor is it an intentional joke. It's not in your face, it doesn't weigh the fic down with heavy exposition. It's a passing blink-and-you-miss-it line that does wonders for Alabaster's character. And the story is littered with great bits of dialogue-based character building moments such as that one.

As a whole, the author managed to avoid using a whole lot of explicitly expository language, except where it was absolutely necessary. No complaints there.

The pacing for the most part was well done. It didn't really feel like a 45,000 word story, and I was able to read it in, like, two sittings, so there were no points where I really felt like I needed a break from reading. Considering how little actually happens in those 45,000 words, I think it goes to show that the author's writing style did its job well and the characters were consistently entertaining.

Oooooh also props to the author for including a Sound Defects song after one of the chapters.

WORLDBUILDING

Pretty good. Having Little Whisper and Alabaster come from the Dragonlands is a neat and unexpected idea, although I think that their backstories could be expanded on a little more. We are told hints about the problems there, but I still wish we could be shown more.

There aren't a whole lot of locations that are entirely unique, but they are imagined in interesting terms and populated by interesting ponies.

The Tirek disaster was used interestingly, though. This fic really acknowledges that it was a little more than a bad Monday for Equestria, implying that his actions have made terrible ripples across Equestria, creating a paranoid and fearful nation whose actions are sometimes borderline xenophobic. The result is a darker take on Equestria, but still unmistakably the one presented in the show. It creates a neat atmosphere of tension (especially in Speira and Quill's segments), which contrasts nicely with the feeling of storybook wanderlust-adventure.

IMPACT AND ORIGINALITY

I've always stipulated that good characters are the most essential component to any story, and The Wayfarers is certainly not lacking in this department. While the darker twist on Equestria might not be the most unique incarnation I've seen, presenting it through the eyes of these characters saves it from slipping into the masses.

Not gonna vouch for the impact of an incomplete story, but this fic is one I will be following closely.

CONCLUSION AND FINAL THOUGHTS

Grammar and Writing Mechanics: An unfortunately heavy amount of typos were immersion breaking. A unique writing style really suited the tone of the story. Quirky, sometimes humorous narration contrasted well with the story's dark undertones.

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Originality and Impact: I feel as though the characters and atmosphere will make this a memorable story that I would be happy to revisit after it's completion.

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Plot, Characters: Unique, well-rounded OCs drive forwards a simple but very engaging story.

If I'm allowed to be blunt, I really liked this story. I'm very eager to see this one continued, and I dearly hope it receives more attention in the future. Even if you aren't fond of all-OC fics, I think you should still give this story a shot. Thanks to its brilliant atmosphere and interesting, well-rounded OCs, this story gets a high recommendation from me.

(Withholding the Must Read rating only because, like I said, there were quite a heavy amount of mechanical issues that I couldn't really ignore.)

FINAL SCORE: Recommended

Also, to the author directly, I think this story is EQD-eligible. You should consider submitting, if you wish.

5011436 Awesome review!

Also, to the author directly, I think this story is EQD-eligible. You should consider submitting, if you wish.

Are you sure? EQD is quite picky on Mature rated stories now.

However, recommending recommendations like this is alright.

5011525 Oh, are they? I see Mature FoE fics pretty frequently there, but I guess it makes sense that they'd have a bit more discretion with the use of the ol' red M.

Although I actually kinda forgot that this story had a Mature rating in the first place. Whoops.

Yes, please pm for typos if your willing to do. I typed this two paragraph long sentiment about how happy I am you enjoyed my story and how sorry I am that I suck at editing, but my fucking phone has deleted it twice and I'm struggling not to through it at my wall. Just pm me and I'll give you all the gratification you'll need.

Hope you'll still enjoy the story!

I typed this two paragraph long sentiment about how happy I am you enjoyed my story and how sorry I am that I suck at editing, but my fucking phone has deleted it twice

I hate it when that happens. One I tried to type up a review on my phone (this was years ago), and I learned quickly to avoid doing that.

5013820 Righto, I'll give it a brush over when I get the chance.

I know what you mean though. I once found out the hard way that Pages on the iPhone is a terrible medium to write stories on when it didn't save like 1,500 words of progress.