Reviews: January 2014 - The Network

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Golden Skies #1 · Feb 9th, 2014 · · ·

Welcomen, Bienvenue, Welcome! (10 points to whoever gets that reference...)
These are the (very late) reviews by a few of the members of this group for January 2014, I hope you enjoy and, please do provide feedback so you can let us know what we can do to improve in the future.

Starting off, we have Infinite Evil !

Hello all! This is your friendly neighborhood idiot Infinite Evil, here to provide reviews for some of the stories in our networked archives. Or whatever the hell we call the stories in there. I'm just the guy who reads the stuff and puts it where it belongs. ~~But I am probably the most incompetent employee here.~~

Ladies and gentlemen, my work ethic.

Now, what stories shall we begin with? I found two that grabbed my attention. So I guess we start with those.

The first story that is up is Smile Song. by Pen Brush.

No, the period was not supposed to end the sentence. The period is literally in the story title. Now, maybe that's just me being nitpicky, but I don't think you should put periods at the ends of story titles unless the title is a sentence itself. It just makes me feel like you are obnoxious and it's just plain weird.

I just went over a completely unneccesary detail about a story. That's always sign of a great start.

Enough about periods in titles, let's actually get to the story itself.

Pinkie Pie listens to her favourite song.

That song is probably her most famous song of all time: Smile Smile Smile. Then again, from the title "Smile Song.", you could probably tell it wasn't about What my Cutie Mark Is Telling Me.

The story is basically summarized as this: the song is played in the background and Pinkie comments on how she can't do anything that she says she does in the song because she has lost the ability to speak due to villains or something. She can't speak and she goes on on how since she isn't able to communicate with anyone, she's basically unable to do what she always did, which is cheer up ponies.

The writing itself is alright for the most part. This is depressed Pinkie we're mostly dealing with, so the interpretation of her is basically at the writer's whim. I have no problem with it really. The only real problem I could find was that it felt a bit rushed, but then again, this is a commentary on a song. You got 3 minutes vs. 1k words. I mean, let's be honest: it's going to be rushed.

It's a decent sad fic. It's nothing really gripping in my opinion, but then again, I'm a real heartless bastard.

Now, there's one problem I have with this fic. If you want to throw your anger at me because of it, go ahead. I'll have the shields up.

Here it goes: the entire sadness factor of this fic relies on the idea that Pinkie cannot speak and therefore, cannot communicate with anyone else and even more therefore, cannot do what she's meant to do: cheer up ponies. Let me say that this logic makes no sense. Just because you cannot speak doesn't mean that you cannot communicate with others. You can still communicate with them, but the fic bases the idea that you cannot communicate effectively.

That idea is wrong.

Why is this idea wrong, you may ask, especially the author? You see, just because you can't speak doesn't imply mean you can't effectively communicate. You ability may have been hindered, and in a big way, but you can still do it. Pinkie is the vibrant, playful pony everyone knows. If she uses signals such as gestures and other wild things (like, I dunno, music!), she could still get her message across effectively. Also, can't magic help her regain her voice in some way? No? Fine, I'll say no for the convenience of the plot.

That's really all I got for this one. Let's see what we got:

Pros:
-decently written
-tone of sadness implemented effectively

Cons:
-a bit rushed
-gaping hole in logic and forces you to accept its explanation

7/10

It was eh. You want a quick, sad story? There it is, but don't complain that it's a bit rushed.

First story down; another to go. We're hauling ass right now.

Second story: To Love The Alicorn of Love by SuperPinkBrony12.

Discord has had certain "feelings" for a certain princess for a long time now. Feelings that if brought to the surface would ruin his chances of being with the mare he wants more then anything.
It's not Princess Celestia, that stoic old windbag. It's not Princess Luna, the mare of mystery. And it's not Princess Twilight, that overachiever.
It's none other then Princess Cadence, the alicorn of love. But there's a problem, Cadence is already taken. By that boring Captain of the Royal Guard, Shining Armor.
Well, since when has something like that ever stopped Discord? I mean if Cadence "thinks" he's Shining Armor then there's no harm in spending some "quality time" with her?
Right?

That's a mouthful of a description, but it works for the most part. Then again, that description is literally 1/4 of the story right there.

Even more unnecessary nitpicking. What am I, CinemaSins?

Implying you are as great as CinemaSins. +1 to sin counter
You have got to be kidding me.

Right then, onwards to the actual fic itself.

Immediately, this fic tells you that it's Discord x Cadence. Now, that's one of the more peculiar ships I've seen in a while and I'm okay with that. I don't actually have a preferred ship and will go along with anything if it entertains me.

I don't know whether to feel relieved or more concerned.

Warning: SPOILERS FOR THE FICIn any case, the plot itself is basically this: Discord feels better after events in episode, he goes and decides to disguise himself as Shining Armor to get access to Cadence, he does this, Shining sees him and kicks his ass, Discord feels pain and drags himself back to Fluttershy to get healed. Fin. That's it.

In all honesty, it's actually very funny to see Discord's plan fail miserably and for him to get his ass kicked as well. The writing itself is nothing impressive, but it isn't terrible and very much readable. The main strength in this story is the concept itself and how it delivers said concept: it doesn't and instead rips it apart in a humourous manner.

Now, there's still a slight problem I have with this fic: Discord himself. He is able to get his ass kicked without any elements doing the actual kicking. Isn't he supposed to be a, I don't know, OMNIPOTENT BEING?!?!

For those who don't know what "omnipotent" means: Omnipotent, adj. (of a deity) having unlimited power; able to do anything.

Discord has the powers of God here, everyone, if you haven't noticed by now. I don't really understand how Shining Armor could easily kick his ass. I mean, sure, Discord says he doesn't want to resort to violence, but it isn't violent if all he does it teleport Shining to somewhere distant. It doesn't matter where as long he remains alive and far away! Hell, put him with Picard or something. Let him figure out why Q is dicking around again.

Exactly!

Ugh! Even more flawed logic! Well, I guess it's forgivable because of the hilarious consequence of it.

Other than that, there ain't really much else to talk about. I'll sum it up:

Pros:
-unusual pairing
-deconstruction of shipping trope itself, sorta
-amusing

Cons:
-Discord is OMNIPOTENT!
-should have been a bit longer

8.5/10

You want a quick laugh involving an unusual pairing and Discord? I sold you just on Discord alone? Go read it then!

That is all from me, Infinite Evil. Until the next review quota, I'll see you next time.

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Next, we have our glorious omnipotent leader, Creations Sake

Take note, this is my first time doing this and my first time trying to type something extensive in fimfictions format thingy. But I guess their is a first for everything.

Shade of a Crystal Empire is a wonderful 68,453 word fic written by igotastewgoing who by the way is a great author whose story you should check out. But why you ask, well let's get right into it.
When Twilight Sparkle's magic goes haywire, the ponies are drawn back to the Crystal Empire, only to meet with a terrible, dark force. A tremendous sacrifice sends them on a journey through time to save not only their friend, but all of Equestria.

From the title and the description, you are probably already like. "ugh, another sombra and the crystal empire fic." I won't like I thought the same thing, but as soon as read the prologue you'll be astonished by the authors style and description. I was swept away by how well he thrusts you into a archaeological endeavor with some ponies you don't even know, finding something we all know and have probably forgotten about.

But after reading the introduction that will surely have you hooked, you'll find yourself wondering what will be up in the next chapter and what was that researcher going to do with what he found. Sorry, that will have to wait, because the next chapter brings you to twilight and her abode going about her stereotypical day. Now I was thinking, Da fuq. What's going on. But after reading on I found myself engrossed with twilights manic search for a magically sealed box that contained yet another relic that you all might remember. This ultimately leads to twilight enlisting her friends her friends for a steak out to catch some one or something that has been breaking into twi's home and disturbing her property. She wasn't letting no pony mess with her stuff.

Get this though, after it was all said and done. The intruder was none other than twilight herself, I don't want to explain too much and give away the story. I really want you peps to go and read it for yourselves. Still let me continue with this, after the first chapter Twilight and her friends find themselves traveling to canterlot with something of value. On the request of Princess Celestia herself, I mean I've read almost all the chapters now and I feel as though I should leave of here because if I go any further I would start revealing the real story itself and I think it's worth you all reading.
As far as pacing and structure goes, I can't complain. What am I saying it was freaking amazing. But when it comes to grammar I am no professional, yet I thought it was well enough for me to read through it without stopping. The only thing I didn't like was the spacing of the paragraphs and such, still that didn't stop me from faving and following this delightful author for all the work he is putting into this great story.
I say it's a must read for anybody who loves a good adventure story. (it falls under more categories but it is pure adventure through and through.)

Also on another note the author is also looking for a good editor, so if you have any experience, contact him after giving his story a good look.

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Lastly, we have lil' ol' me, Golden Skies who doesn't really have the skill to put images into their reviews.

So I reviewed Mares and Does by the delightful Pen Brush.

I'm personally a huge fan of these types of stories where a transformation takes place, so I'll acknowledge that my review might be a bit biased. Anyway moving on, the story overall is very well crafted, and aside from a few minor spelling errors, it was pretty flawless in those regards.

In terms of the story line itself, I admit that the plot of the story is not traditional seeing as it features the Mane 6 being transported to Earth(?) and turned into does. But, the way in which the Mane 6 are portrayed, and their reactions to the situations they face seem to fit right in with what I would expect if it were an episode from the show, which I should clarify is a very difficult thing to do, and is also something quite positive.

The only real complaint that I have is that it hasn't been updated in a long time, which coupled with the odd ending that it had in the last chapter (which I won't spoil for you), makes it a rather confusing read as it currently stands, but nonetheless, I'd recommend that you read all take the time to read it.
I'll give it a 7.6/10 on my scale, but keep in mind that a 10 would be a story on the level of some of my favorites of all time which are actually bestsellers, so this story is actually really high.

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Right, hope you all enjoyed the first month of reviews, expect more next month, and please feel free to let us know what you thought of this down below!

Golden Skies

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Golden Skies #2 · Feb 9th, 2014 · 2 · ·

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