End ever sentence with a question mark. All of them.

1459229 What did you expect? Normal people?
Welcome to the internet. I'll be your guide.

1459320 Also throw the word SWAG around in there a few times.

1459266 Me.
The rest of you are either boring or crazy.

1459813
Mind if I shove this tiki torch up your bum?

1459821 Here's three hobos, knock yourself out.

How about making him a heavyworlder so he's abnormally strong compared to the ponies.

Add in abnormally dense body fluids for fun.

1459320 He does need a weakness. He is deadly afriad of cake frosting. Not when it's on a cake, when it's just sitting in a pan, alone, and cakeless, and you can feel it reaching out, searching for . . . cake. And when it can't find one, or a cupcake. You feel it reaching out to you. To your inner cakeness, and then it forces you so accept your cakelikeness, and then it forces you to exaly your cakishness, and then . . .

Then he lets out a shriek and runs away.

1459913

His weakness is running out of targets to shoot.

1459948 How is that stupid?

1459968

I dunno.

I'll add aids or something.

1458445 Tits. Tits and asplosions!

EDIT: in all cerealness, he needs a super sidekick. And that super sidekick needs chainsaws for arms

1460461

Now we're talkin'!

1458445
He gets a mission where he has to kill Princess Celestia with a herring.

He has to masturbate for a sentient gay mirror to open a door.

He obsesses over a random foal's health to the point that the foal sees him as a stalker.

His first cast of levitation summons Sephiroth, Bahamut, Kratos and Huey, Dewey and Louie of DuckTales.

The guy has a sleep disorder where he tries to have sex in his sleep but is unaware of it. In a completely unrelated incident, Big Macintosh will not speak to him. Ever. And eventually no one in Ponyville wants him in the town.
Except Lyra.
And Sweetie Belle.

1462855

Good, good! Let the stupid flow through you...

1462860
He has the intelligents of a door handle (Yes, I spelt that word right)

He loves crossdressing and uncovers Sweetie Belle's cutie mark while she sings dressed in the female equivalent of drag.

Lyra becomes as obsessed with him to the point of a crack addict.

Vinyl, Octavia, Bon Bon and Apple Bloom want him dead.

Scootaloo is bored by him, yet can't stop hanging out with him.

He will randomly smash his head on anything pink. In an unrelated incident, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie are now wearing body armor.

A single gunshot sound emanates whenever he ejacs.

Rarity is sent into immediate masturbation upon seeing him, regardless of what she's doing. She won't stop until he leaves.

He is bonded directly to Princess Luna's life force.

He loves Westerns.

He can smell an ant's shit from the other side of Earth.

He hates grass.

1462966

Excellent.

the corpses of the ponies he killes turn into hitler or Stalin. Everypony he killes he writes a story on FIMFIC about. He sneezes out maple leaves. The olamount of amo he has is TOO DAMN HIGH. Every pony he kills there cutie mark Ppears on his body. He can jump up twice as long as he gets down. When he kils ponies their eyes turn into dancing potatoes. He makes celstias hair into a pair of under were. Luna clops every time he takes a drink of water. His hair has hair on it. His gun is named "cocain" . He hashtag narreats what the ponies are doing. He has flash backs to his child hood of being a comma

1468275

Glorious!