Hi, I was writing this story called Letters From A Disgruntled Multiverse which is a spinoff of Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student by Milesprower06 which satires MLP (referencing to the fandom stuff like Gamer Luna and is highly sexualized but not to be taken seriously). The story I'm writing is poking fun at Fimfiction stories on Fimfiction. I'm doing Past Sins with Permission from Penstroke and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions on what i can make fun off in Past Sins. Keep in mind that this is in Letter Format for the story. Thanks.

-MixMassBasher

Maybe the typical about how Twilight choose Celestia above everything else?

About how Celestia could not see it was a trap?

Maybe about how Nyx put all away for someone that she only meet for a couple of days?

Let me try to make a list:

- Twilight finds Nightmare Moon in the forest and just decides to raise her without telling anyone. I know that it's the same cliche a dozen other stories use in which a couple find a baby on their doorstep and adopt it, but aren't their orphanages and adoption agencies and such. Never mind that it's friggin' Nightmare Moon and that maybe somebody should get told about this.

- Celestia foalnapping Nyx from Twilight - after some browbeating - so that she can hand her over to the bad guys. There's got to be some solidly condemning letters coming out of that turn of events.

- Nightmare Nyx is too bloody spineless to stand up to her own incompetent minion, Spell Hex, to the point of letting him kidnap her friends out from under her. I'm envisioning her staring off into space having an internal struggle in which the Nightmare part of her is demanding that she turn that presumptuous bastard into a carbonized husk while the Nyx part wants her to save her friends from his clutches. The one time that both parts want her to do the same thing and she spends so much time agonizing over the non-choice that she misses the chance to act.

- When Nyx raises the sun, she's doing it for purely selfish reasons on a whim. ("I'm cold! Where's my space heater?") I can imagine her discomfiture when everyone insists on psychoanalyzing the heck out of her spontaneous self-centered gesture in the belief that it's some kind of turning point in the struggle between good and evil in her mind.

- Celestia and Luna taking Nyx into a closed room away from her mother where they may or may not be inflicting epic-level punishments on her and Twilight just has to agonize outside, not knowing what's happening to her beloved child. That's just cruel.

- There ought to be a round of letters about what Twilight's friends thought would be appropriate consequences for Nyx.

- And, of course, Nyx is restored at the end to the cuddly little filly we all love. Completely helpless and vulnerable before all the ponies who now want her head for her crimes. You may not have thought this all the way through, Luna.

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I will also point out that Nyx has significantly less power at the end of the story (she can barely muster enough magic for a simple spell) than she did at the beginning (where she was overpowering TK to so much it send objects flying into the ceiling).

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Twilight finds Nightmare Moon in the forest and just decides to raise her without telling anyone. I know that it's the same cliche a dozen other stories use in which a couple find a baby on their doorstep and adopt it, but aren't their orphanages and adoption agencies and such. Never mind that it's friggin' Nightmare Moon and that maybe somebody should get told about this.

THIS A THOUSAND TIMES.

Note Past Sins is one of my favorite stories on this site to the point where two of the three stories I have written have Nyx as the main characther and my main pony related activity in the last year has been helping another author write his own frigging awesome Crossover of Past sins and Fallout Equestria an by frigging awesome I mean it is the first and so far only story that Pen Stroke has singled out for his " great stories involving my characthers" bookshelf so go read it cause we all worked very hard on it.

But anyways, My point is I love Nyx

and yet
and yet

and yet
The very first THREE times that I tried to read Past Sins( back in september of 2011 when it had just been published and was ALL the rage) I could NOT make it past this scene. Cause Twilight just isn't this stupid. There is no way she doesnt automatically teleport her ass straight to Canterlot and sound the alarm about Baby Nightmare Moon in the forest. Just come one. I love Past SIns to pieces and Nyx even more so but it all depends on this moment of Twilight simultaneously acting OOC and carrying a huge Idiot ball to get the whole thing moving.

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I will say, for whatever it's worth, that even in show Twilight doesn't ring the alarm bell when she should. It's hard for me to say that it's out of character for her even if it is really stupid.

There really ought to have been some additional support for that plot point. Something like where Celestia had made a remark at one point where she said she wished she'd had an opportunity to destroy the nightmare before it had harmed Luna. Something that would give real reason for Twilight to fear for Nyx's life if her mentor found out. It would also give some extra heft to the scene were Celestias does find out and wants to take her away to get tested.

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Thank You for your input. It will be taken into consideration. Also if you want check out my story which I already posted until chapter 6 here's the link.

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Oh, I got one for chapter 10 and some of the chapters after Twilight is caught.

-Why did they immeaditally grab the first magic powered unicorn they knew of without making sure she was thier friend first. I could almost understand if this was season 1, but revisions are set after season 2, when they lacked the friendship needed to fire the beam. It did not work then, why did they think it would work with a random unicorn that only 4 of them knew the name of (Pinkie was at the show), three of them didn't even like, and they ignored the whole entire "Magic of friendship" line!!!!

-Why did they sit on their flanks doing nothing? Well, except for Dash, but her plans were ignored for being foolish (And yet...Pinkie breaks through the guard line like nopony's business)

Ps. love Past sins, but much like
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There are somethings I cannot stand

4922645 Thank You and I already knew about that about them using Trixie despite what happen in Return of Harmony.

But your other point I will take into consideration.

Thank You and I hope you enjoy the story I wrote Letters From Across The Disgruntled Multiverse. Which is already at chapter 6 in progress.