I've watch videos about it, read about it, tried to implement it, and yet I've still got no clue how to properly do it. I can't seem to understand how to do it. I may think I do it, but when I read over it again it's just tell. So I got to thinking: "Maybe if I had someone competent show me how to show and not tell through the use of something I have written, then maybe I could understand it better." And now I'm here to ask for someone who know's how to showz help.

I have written a short 800 word story about something stupid just for this purpose. It's a short story about AJ and a pear tree... and evil. Anyway I'd like for some one to read it (Password is Apple) over and give me a few examples on how and where I could and should show. If your a egghead and will to help someone who's not twilight out, please do.

P.S. Ignore the description for the story. I originally wrote it about Applejack and not the filly version of her. I haven't got around to changing it yet.

P.S. (Again) I would have made it into a Google doc, but It doesn't want to work for me right now. So, if you want to make I into a G to the Doc for me and and attack my stupidity that way, step by step, it would be much easier then using fimfic's comments or PM system.

I'm happy to be whatever help that I can, but that story is showing as empty to me. Hit my up by PM if you want to work on it and we'll arrange something. If possible, I get the feeling that a long Skype call would probably be in order, if that's possible.

-Scott

965394 I'd really like your help, but Skype is not really an option for me because I'm about to get ready for school and Fimfic is kind of a secret of mine. (The walls have ears, or at least my bothers do.)

965417 Not a problem. We'll keep it to PMs, GDocs etc., from here.

965418 Cool, thanks.

heres the easiest way to understand show and not tell, (for me at least)

"We don't know what you don't type."

Did the character eat a bag or Reeces Pieces, or did he "use his magic to quickly rip the packaging open, allowing the dlicious and crisp scent of peanut butter to escape. without another thought, he lifted the bag up above his head and pointed the open end straight down, allowing the orange, black, and yellow crunchy ovals in a thin candy shell to fall into he mouth."

965379So I'm assuming you already know what Show vs Tell is and why it's important. The issue is how to learn and train it.

In my opinion, one doesn't simply go from telling to showing. There is a necessary intermediate step you could call show-and-tell.

To get there, you have to start showing and that forcefully at first. Whenever a location, an item or a character apepars, just force yourself to make them do something. Whenever something happens in a scene, make the characters react to it in one way or another. For instance:

"Twilight entered the study. There were droplets of rain running down the wall at the far side of the room."

"Rarity showed her the book. It had strange crayon markings on it."

"The clocktower struck one o'clock. Fluttershy ducked."

Just pick something, it doesn't necessary have to be a plausible action. They're going to get more plausible with experience.

Slowly, you'll hopefully include more and more Show in your stories, but they will still be full of Tell. In the next step, that will be what you'll get rid of. You might end up with sentences like:

"She was nervous, so she started biting her nails."

Then you have to realize which Show is corresponding to what Tell, to get rid of the latter. Obviously "being nervous" and "biting one's nails" convey the exact same information, so the first should be dropped on behalf of the second.

I'd still advise not to get ahead of yourself. It might be tempting to try getting rid of all Tell right away, but if you're not comfortable with the amount of Show you replace it with, the story will fall flat with terrible pacing issues, since you'll probably end up with leaving out information alltogether. But once you mastered both, you'll end up with magnificent stories that really draw the reader in.

965379

Pretty much this: 965463

Really, when you 'tell', you just talk about a character doing something. "AJ poked the tree", for example.

When showing, you open up with details. Show us what she did, instead of just telling us about it. "AJ moved her hoof across the rough bark of the tree, noting the peaks and valleys in its aged surface."

See how much the second example told you, against the first? That is the difference of 'showing' versus 'telling'. We can't see the vivid images in your head, so you have to define them for us. Simple as that.

"Twilight walked into the room mad" vs "Twilight stormed into the room, and slammed her books down. She let out a exasperated scream into the air."

Some interesting reads.

http://www.reddit.com/r/writing/wiki/faq#wiki_here.2019s_a_commonly_used_phrase.3A_.201Cshow.2C_don.2019t_tell..201D_but_what_does_it_mean.3F

http://redd.it/13cbtm

I posted this on another forum but it applies here.

Telling a story is just that-telling the reader everything and not letting them think for themselves or make any implications.

“Twilight was very nervous about the magic duel with Trixie.” This is telling. The reader now knows that Twilight is nervous, and that there is a duel, but they have not been entertained in any way.

“Twilight's heart pounded. Trixie smirked at her from across the dusty dueling ring, the blue unicorn's horn glowing with arcane power.” This is showing-the reader can infer that Twilight is nervous from her heart pounding, and they can infer that there is a duel from the language used.

Telling is the quick, easy way out, spoonfeeding your story as though your audience is a bunch of morons. They aren’t. Most readers are perfectly capable of making the inferences required.

Some forms of telling are very easy to spot-Phrases like “He looked,” “He watched,” or “He heard,” are often unnecessary. Don’t tell us he heard it, show us what the noise was. Don’t tell us he watched the dance, describe the dance. Your readers will infer that your MC is watching it.

Another form that’s easy to spot is repetitive sentence structure. If every single one of your sentences in a paragraph has the basic form “He verbed,” you are probably telling when you should be showing.

The main idea behind showing and not telling is to leave things open for your reader’s imaginations-keep it active, and keep it interesting.

Another thing I think is worth mentioning-sometimes people confuse the error of "passive voice" with telling. Passive voice is another thing you want to avoid.

965514 I like this advice the best here, because there are times when telling is a better idea. If you get in the habit of being more descriptive, you can pick and chose the right balance case by case.

965463 this is a great little piece of prose if the context makes sense. Are the Reese's important? Poisoned? Are we learning about the characters brand loyalty or ravenous appetite? If the answer is no, a passage like this can ruin the pace of the story and make it overly wordy and difficult to read (like this post)

There's no universal trick for this, it just comes with practice, coaching, and reading critically.