Greetings all you ̶u̶t̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶d̶e̶g̶e̶n̶e̶r̶a̶t̶e̶s̶. My name is Mr. Ignorable, and I'm going to shove my proverbial foot so far up your literal ass, I'll be playing hacky-sack with your Uvula.

As you can tell by the title of this here thread, I'll be talking about what types of stories will get you flamed so hard the smoke from your story will set off your sprinkler system. Now, instead of pointing to any archetypes right away, I'll use an example. See this here story?I think the funniest part about it, is the fact that the author automatically assumes it's somewhat decent and worth the time and effort of an editor. You wanna know what this is? A shameless self-insert. There's that, there's human in Equestria. There's ponification or "OC" stories. Now see, the problem with these types of stories is they're not f**king interesting. Out of the 6 trillion people in the world, and out of the countless bronies in the "herd". You manage to take a concept that literally has no rules, and FUCK IT UP WORSE THAN THE VIETNAM WAR. It's..literally ming-boggling how bad it's gotten. It's like there's a rule now! Step 1: Have a brutal life. Step 2: Get killed and end up in Equestria. Step 3: Get chased by a manticore and mortally wounded. Step 4: Get found by the pony of your choice and nursed back to health. Step 5: HOLY SHIT DISCORD'S BACK! Step 6: Your OC uses a power literally pulled out of their assholes to defeat him. Step 7: Have all the main characters and all the background ponies you deem "likable" fall in love with your OC so it's a proverbial Japanese style harem. Step 8: Have your OC glomp and mount his/her pony of choice. Step 9: HAPPY ENDING!!!1!!1111

Please, a moment of silence.

HOW IN THE NAME OF CAMEL-TOEING MICHAEL THE SECOND COMING OF VISHNU DO YOU MAKE THIS BORING?! IT'S AN OC! AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER FOR CRISSAKE! BEING AN ORIGINAL CHARACTER MEANS THAT THEY CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK THEY WANT! YET WHY OH WHY DOES IT ALWAYS END UP THAT THEY DO THE SAME THING AS, OH, I DON'T KNOW, THE OTHER FIVE AND A HALF BILLION "ORIGINAL CHARACTERS" IN THE WORLD?! THIS IS BAD STORY-TELLING. THIS IS LIKE SOMEONE OFFERING YOU A BLACK-FOREST CAKE. BUT ON CLOSER INSPECTION, THE FROSTING IS WHITE COLORED SHIT. AND THE WHOLE CAKE IS SHIT. THE STRAWBERRIES ARE SHIT. THE SAUCE IS SHIT. EVERYTHING IS SHIT!

*Huff Huff*

What I'm trying to say is that these are the types of stories that will get you destroyed (both your story and self-esteem.) So attempt them after you've read a couple books, thoroughly thought out your story and what it's going to be about, and spell/grammar checked your story so it doesn't look like the outcome of raunchy sex between a Great Dane and a Zebra.

(Mr. Ignorable, out)

I remember that story. Couldn't go past the first chapter because it was broken as hell, but the comments were hilarious.

Want me to get you a drink?

Something Strong?

The Angry Marines explosion was just too delicious.

Since I have been purposely avoiding HiE so my ideas aren't corrupted I have been lucky enough to avoid things of that quality. Now the more I've been reading about them the more I want to avoid them like the plague. I also now know why mine has so little views.

Oh my. I looked at that story and I couldn't stomach it. The first run on sentence killed me. I mean, I know I am working on my skills as a writer but that is an atrocity even by my lowly standards. I thought HiE's would be a good start when I first made my fic, I mean I did avoid most clichés after reading a huge number of stories when the thought came up. Still, I didn't use all of the above. That is for certain.

OH SHIT GUYS. POULTRON ALERT.

Looks like we can't criticize the poor sod now that he's probably cried to the higher ups.

^^^ perfect reason your one of the best

I decided to reread your 9step program on how to screw up a HiE and it left me with some thoughts that I will try to explain. I think it would help some people. I was and always have been a lurker, and this is for any other lurker not of the group, because group members can ask. I hope once they read this they have more to go on than the description of how shitty of a lie the cake is. I took each step as an individual, together they are horrible and for the most part singularly they are also horrible. However some do have redeeming qualities that I'll try to point out.

Step 1: Okay I can deal with this to some extent. Quite a few of the major novels aimed at teens and younger have had the main character dealing with a horrible life and then escaping. From my memory Harry Potter's life sucked before he got the letter from Hogwarts. However Harry was never 'emo' about his life, he was also a fully developed character. If your character is a flat stereotype and could be the subject of this video....link ... I don't know where to go with that it's... bad.

Step 2: I agree that's weak; it makes Equestria sound like a heaven analog. It is not! While most ways in to Equestria are cliché by now some can be done extremely well. I don't think I've seen any try the KA Applegate Everworld idea of fall asleep in one world then wake up in another and vice versa.

Step 3: This I believe is due to no imagination on the part of the author. However the devil’s advocate in me says people could be trying to stick to cannon and starting to write before being exposed to the rest of the pony world. I know that is weak as well but so is my next idea. Who knows they might not have access to the monster manual.

Step 4: This is the one I will point out that I disagree with you on. It has potential if you use The Florence Nightingale effect, and has been done well in other fiction. The key part has been done well; it also has been done poorly.

Step 5: Again weak, I can't say much more. A character needs motivation, the idea of, "suddenly Discord is standing beside me," only works in a retelling of Little Shop of Horrors.

Step 6: This makes me think someone's been watching too much shonen style anime. When combined with the previous step this get's me as angry as the next two. Okay not quite as angry. When combined this is a cry of look how strong I am. You know the phrase power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Steps 7&8 I know I said I would take them on singularly but I don't want to repeat myself. The Idea of stories with this going on bugs the hell out of me, they only work with two condition. One if your OC has no moral compass or throws it away. Without a guide on how to behave or what is right or wrong the character is flat, boring, and dull. Developed, round characters don't 'fall in love' with flat ones for no reason. This whole concept is beyond my comprehension. Even bit characters I always try and make them grow to some extent. They may never get fully developed but it just helps the world fit together. How is your world going to suspend the reader’s sense of disbelief if your character is as solid as a wet Kleenex? How can people think that a main character with no internal conflict is engaging? How can they think that a story where the biggest conflict is deciding which of to bone or maybe have an orgy. How is that a story? It's just a little beyond the plot less porn concept.

TL:DNR, most of the cliché problems in a HiE, or any story with an OC can be ignored if the character is developed and the story has an interesting and developed plot. Concepts of interest: Round characters and hero's journey.

I hope this helps any lurkers or non lurker out there and for the rest of you I hope you found some humor in it. I will leave you with this...The infinite monkey theorem states that a monkey hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type a given text, such as the complete works of William Shakespeare. So somewhere out there is the pony Shakespeare.

Edit: saw some typos

372990 See, the problem is that I've read most of the new Author drivel, and through study, I see that this is the pattern most new authors take. Most of the time the writings unoriginal copy-pasted madness that seems to follow along a set story told by so many other people that it becomes a story of "second verse, same as the first." I'm not kidding, try some of the HiEs around this site, see what you come up with.

373386 After posting I did some reading, and I had some hope for the species when I started but now I weep. I just looked there are 3305 stories that use the human tag, and following the rule that says 90% are crap that means 2975ish are garbage. That's a lot of garbage.

I'm beginning to feel like all I have left is questions. The one primarily for those that follow the pattern you describe is why. Why are you subjecting yourself to this? Has the world killed your imagination?

373417 Not in the least bit, but then again, that's like asking why does the world turn. I kinda do it cuz I want to in a twisted sort of way.

373420 To read all that stuff your must have a strong mind or a large bottle of brain bleach nearby ether way you are a brave soul that that treads those waters.

I have reviewed some when they asked me to and the best thing for them to do was to scrap the whole thing and start over. Well I wish you well and I'm heading back to finish another read through edit of my HiE.