Equestria and Zebrica were burned a century ago. But on the continent of Sall'han, ponies survived and thrived. Those fledging societies are isolated, and dissimilar. With the arrival of the Transient, powers old and new will make their move.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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A+ Comment trimming at the bottom
7892499
Grade A name spelling in the description.
I'll fix it later.
7892499
Fixed
8882332
I'm so glad that you're liking it. It took a lot to get there, and well, I hope the momentum keeps up.
And yeah, his past will continue to be important, I didn't just abandon that other world.
God I love finding sentences like this in the story, this is one of the reasons that I like this story so much.
Yes yes, that is very philosophical and all, but when you think about it does any piece of magic break the laws of physic, so zapping a bit of electrical energy into the air from a bit of chemical energy in the pony, or magical energy if we twist science that way, is really no biggy. We see ponies in the show transform matter (frog to orange), teleport,change temperature, and have 2 alicorns who are in control of the heavenly bodies... Yea a bit of extra electrical energy is nothing compared to the marvel of a healing potion.
As seen in the nitpicks is it very important for your pre-readers, and yourself for that matter, to go trough the uploaded version of the chapters since whatever writing program you use isn't too friendly with fimfiction and you have a lot of formatting issues. And to be honest is this my second attempt of a read trough, having to give up first time around from the many many linebreak mistakes when my computer ate the nitpicks that I had written down and there wasn't any motivation to shift trough the chapter to find them all again before now.
Nitpicks:
"Discovery, Discharges And Remains. (VI)" Needs to be center aligned and on the same line.
"I was feeling fresher by the moment." Linebreak problems before this sentence
"I was getting better" Linebreak
"We made our way out to the street" Linebreak
"I let my head drift, I could see him in my peripheral vision, he was still leading. That was for the best. ---===*===---" Linebreak, linebreak and center aligned.
" a short yellow mare said to us She must have been of age to serve" Random capital letter
"“I was sitting in my trench" Linebreak
"At that I dropped from the chair and placed a mote of light near my stab wound" Linebreak
"The streets outside were gravel speckled dirt, though wider than those of the older districts. I cleared my throat." Linebreak before and after
" Most were there to fish the sea for cod" Why would vegetarian ponies fish?
"The three were quiet for a moment before one of the stallions moved to embrace me" Linebreak
"My face soured as I tried something." Linebreak
"“You look thoughtful," linebreak
"---===*===--- “Perm, you’re coming home with me. " So seems like none of your segment seperators are lined up properly, and this one have a case of double linebreak as well.
"“Not the best neighborhood" linebreak
"My face warped at that thought." Linebreak
"I grunted. "Linebreak
"he in turned his eyes forward" delete
"Live for the moment," Linebreak
"At this moment ," move the space to the other side of the comma
“Head Wind, Drying Wool," linebreak
"I had cleared the air, " Linebreak
"I was weary," linebreak
"Time passed, as it always seems to."Linebreak
"And that is at a cost." Linebreak
"“Two months,”" Linebreak trouble for every sentence in what there becomes a paragraph
"“Yes he knows me" Linebreak for this and the next line
"He comforted me." Linebreak
" you’re making me a hate a pony that didn’t do anything wrong all because I can’t stand hating you! " delete
"I had caused that" Linebreak
"I walked into the kitchen of my flat. " Linebreak
"Ponies fill in the gaps with thing" Linebreak
"It all followed as a matter of course." Double linebreaks for the next 5 sentences.
"Everything was in place," Double linebreak
"In the time that I had awoken my breathing had become steadier. " Linebreak
"Doctor Fetters had gotten the two of us to the Guard ponies with haste. " Linebreak
"this whole roomed was ebbing with an energy that I didn’t need the slightest focus to sense. " Room
"I know what you did just hours ago." Its hard to see that this is speech, a lot of other writers have used italic for situations like this.
"I don’t reveal myself for just anypony. Now bow. His voice once again found purchase from within my mind, it was compelling in a way that nopony had ever been." Case in point. Without italic does the reader have to read twice to really get the meaning of the shift.
"With a flash," linebreak
"Hello, brave new world. " Linebreak