Mood

It's a funny thing, you know?

Happy one minute, one hour, one day, and then the next, you tank to the opposite end of the spectrum. Is that the definition of Bipolar Disorder? Maybe.

I'm not perfect, not by any means, I just want someplace to vent when the tanking happens. I'm sure my Sis has her moments too, probably twice as much as me. Does she vent somewhere like this? I dunno, I never asked. I felt like I'd be prying into something private, so I just try to give her support and hugs as often as I can.

I seem to automatically tell everyone that I'm alright when I'm not, especially if they notice something wrong, all because something Sis used to say a lot several years back: that I have no reason to feel things like angst, anger, or depression, because I have no job or stress. Nevermind that not being able to land a job since college has left me with no sense of direction, purpose/usefulness, or overall confidence and made me feel like a bum. Nevermind that I have no control over or understanding of when my depression truly started, just that it feels like it's always been there. Nevermind how, regardless of how many times she said she'd help me out with my stories (that I wanted to publish into books), every time I went to Sis for help, what she had to say was nowhere near constructive criticism and more in line with telling me why it sucked and no one would read it.

But nobody really seems to notice, so I don't bring attention to it. Not like they listen to me (or Sis) anyway. Sis and I are doing our best to be heard a lot more, lately, but what do you do when even your sister shushes you?

I love my sister. She's the best and most talented. This is just me venting over something stupid. I'm not even sure why I'm hitting Post right now.

Comments

[FanOfMostEverything]

Sorry I can't be there for you more than I am. And that Fimfic doesn't have our usual hugging emoji.

[TheAncientPolitzanian]

By all means, feel free to vent.

[Speckle]

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5690931
Hey, I have no problem with hugs the standard way "HUGS"
I'm sorry that I'm whining so much over such a small trigger I don't mean to paint my Sis in a bad light all the time when she's actually a really sweet, caring person. But Mom's not feeling well, Dad overreacts, and I don't want to raise a fuss over something Sis likely doesn't remember.