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Farewell, and Thanks for Coming In! | [Retired]

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Sep
8th
2022

Fanfiction and Authors · 6:37am September 8th

I always find it funny that, whenever life is at its worst and I am without a home, you will usually find me at a fast food restaurant, laptop out and brightness low, writing a new instance of porn to ensure that the coming turbulent time will be alright.

In 2018, I rode across the East Coast of the USA, sleeping on the side of the road underneath my bike or, when meeting my online friends, staying with them for a time. In the previous case, I would drive off the road into the woods—not too deep that you’d see a bear… but not so close to the road that you’d see a cop. 

I’d tie a poncho liner from my handlebars and sissy bar and stake it to the ground, setting another one underneath that and, squeezing myself inside my sleeping bag, would fall asleep to the lingering warmth of the engine. I’d wake up and go to the nearest fast food chain. Write a commission for whomever on my laptop and use that money to pay for my breakfast, fuel, and whatever else that could arise during the day. 

And I would write porn in public again, when my car was struck in the states and thought I would be stranded in some random town in New Jersey. I wrote porn in a McDonald's until Mister Shake drove that long way to pick me up. And then I wrote porn again, sometime after that, in the middle of 2022, when I was living in that car and unsure of how my future will go. 

It’s always been my fallback in a sense. It wouldn’t do me any good to sit around and worry about what was to happen next. Of course—you’re always going to worry about what’s going to happen next. You know that, no matter the amount you write, it’s probably not going to be enough to cover all that’s about to go wrong.

But it’s something to do. It allows the hint that, maybe, things will be okay. I also had the kindness of many strangers to fall on to also pull me from those tough times. But this is one of those matters that someone falls into. That, when life goes to shit, your first instinct—after finding a safe place—is to start writing porn like your life depends on it. 

How do you explain that to that child version of yourself? How do you distract them from the PS2 and their session of Ultimate Spider-Man and, with a winced, pained expression, explain to them all the oddities that are inbound? It’s not something you expect. Not something you usually fall into. But all of us are unique. 

And it’s the things that we fall into that draw a little colour on our soul. 

Today’s story is about what becomes of our stories after we leave them. 

Ho boah.


I got back into reading the stories, blogs, and messages of a certain Soul Sister of mine. It’s crazy to think that nearly two years will have passed since she went chasing after the other side of a rainbow. Death is a very strange thing.

You don’t see that person as a person anymore. They don’t have the chance to say or do anything different or unexpected. The image of them has been built. There’s not much they can do to shatter that. You have the notion of a finished story with them. Something with its moral and theme already told.

Soul Sister told me she wanted to get published someday. Had a few friends that were and, should she come up with a story decent enough for publishing—those friends would make it so. She’d been writing ever since she was young, various ideas for various fandoms, a few original works.

She—like most of us—would have liked to have written for the mainstream. That is that she could write as she liked and have it read by and resonate with many. It would have brought in the money to write full-time and live a better life. It would have set in her psyche that she was a good and important writer and that she was doing a worthy thing.

That’s the problem with writing fanfiction to a degree.

Everything you write feels, in some ways, illegitimate. It doesn’t matter if your prose is excellent or if your dialogue demands to be read twice for full enjoyment. You can have the most lively of characters or the most interesting of plots. You could redefine the human condition in a short story and it still wouldn’t matter.

Because it’s fanfiction. The word itself, unlike fanart, is nearly demeaning on its own. There’s always been a bias against it for a good few reasons. When all the public eye sees when it glances at fanfiction is Cloud X Sephiroth or the varying fetishes applied to beloved characters—it's no wonder why that eye winces.

Fanfiction cannot easily be shown or shared with others. You can somewhat explain the plot or the idea of one to someone without ever going greatly into detail. You have to hide something that you invest a great amount of time and soul into. You can cut your teeth in writing fanfiction. Really grow as a person and a writer or as an editor or even as a creative. 

But it’s not something you can show around to prove that you’ve been using your time wisely.

As you become older and more is expected of you, one is forced to search for better, in terms of work or in their state of life. It becomes harder to justify writing all that fanfiction. It’s forgivable if one sees it as a stepping stone. The first step that makes it easier to make it into the ‘legitimate’ side of writing. 

But what happens about the ones that don’t make it there, regardless of their attempts, or because they’ve run out of time? And what about the writers and the artist that for original/legit to find that isn’t the place where they belong? There are more constraints and, in some instances, no community to fall on.

Worse. 

The community over there may not be to your liking. 

Here comes the dropping of two pennies.


Soul Sister worked an average job and lived in an average apartment with friends. She’d escaped the East Coast to the West Coast to avoid her family for many good reasons. She was forced to keep in contact with them—because they were family. And because money, even when you’re working full-time, is becoming an increasingly harder thing to come by. 

There were talks for her to do better or to come home. Shame for this and that and wasting her life away. These complaints would be gone if their daughter proved themselves more. If she wrote proper content that was popularly enjoyed. There’d be merit in the work and a paycheck for the words. She’d have a name on a paper that could be shown to others and hung up on the walls. 

But that time for transition never came. Soul Sister passed in her sleep at a young age. She didn’t have a chance to make that change or to see how well she would fair. Is she then viewed as a failure that only wrote fanfiction? Did she fail at her chance to be legitimate?

I apologize for the lack of quality in this blog for it’s been a while since I’ve written one… but the answer is no.

You don’t have to write proper stories to be a proper writer. You don’t have to write original content for the genuine contents of your soul to spill through. It would have been nice for Soul Sister’s stories to be more widespread and appreciated. However, what comes before that is the ability to write well.

Soul Sister did so. She wrote flavorful prose and colourful pieces that brought alive some part of your psyche. Her works depicted the warmth of sunlight felt in waking up in a shared bed on a summer morning. She was also able to write porn in a tasteful way. 

Soul Sister succeeded in being herself on the page. In being someone unique and different that their stories and blogs attracted many for you could not get that kind of style elsewhere. You were interested in them. Willing to read the works, even if the premise did not get you, because it was written by an author you admired.

And I think that’s the ultimate trick of being a writer.

Being someone that people both want to read your stories.

And read about you.

Soul Sister won’t be able to share all that she did with family and some of her friends. They won’t know that other side of her—nor will most of the world. But I don’t view that as a failure. That she missed that next step. Because she already succeeded in being a writer. Which is writing stories only she could write and only in a way that she could write them. 

And being a unique person that you wanted to read more of. 

Once you’ve become something like that, then in all regards, you’ve become a success as a writer. Your stories contain enough of you to encapsulate the person that you were—with the hints of who you wanted to be. There’s no denying that there was still much for Soul Sister to do. But we’re all familiar with incomplete stories. We have many we love and wish to see finished.

But only because what we’ve read so far is already so fantastic that we only want more of it.


Howdy, gang! It’s been a while. 

Sorry for the silence and the strange blogs as of late. I ended up wasting the day drinking and finding a game to play. The games I did want to play wouldn’t work and, when I got them working, I ended up not wanting to play them anymore. 

And I got so bored and drunk that I ended up watching kids' shows from when I was… y’know, a kid. It was a decent day after that. 

I was recently promoted at work. I’m now a Mobile Crane Operator. I drive a big crane like it’s an oversized ATV and load or unload containers. I strip trains, load truckers, and do general housekeeping in the yard. It’s the first job I’ve enjoyed in the last bit. You’re always busy. This is great for making the day go quick but, when it comes to jotting ideas or such, leaves you with seconds to scribble up a page.

But life has seemed to settle for me. 

I’m still trying to write original works.

The last five projects hit a drag in the middle and were forced to be scrapped. I’m doing commissions again for the sake of keeping my fingers typing instead of scrolling on my phone. I’m in the process of improving my home and diet and getting set on a routine. I’m pretty unsure of myself if I’m going to make it as a writer—but I’m not going to stop trying. 

I can’t replicate the greatness that I see in others. But I’m learning that, even though I’m shallow, there are things inside me worth expressing. Same when it comes to my prose and stories. I always feel like I need to be copying off someone else to feel like I’m doing things correctly. However, that’s no way to do things. Maybe I’ll find a way to write things in a way only that I can. To make something ‘special’ about myself. 

…now I’m not making much sense. 

Forgive me, folks. It’s been a while since I’ve had to use my brain for anything. It’s been puffing smoke since the start of this blog. 

I hope to write more of them, at least once a week, released on Thursdays. 

See you then!
~ Yr. Pal, B

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Comments ( 6 )

Well howdy

Life still treating you good so far

But it’s not something you can show around to prove that you’ve been using your time wisely.

Ouch; apply the above to the below.
I read fanfiction; I do not write fanfiction.

Fan Fiction is just as valid as fiction. If someone uses an original character in an alternate universe is it even part of the same original work? 50 Shades of grey started as fan fiction but became a mainstream celebrated book. All the expansion novels of Star Wars and Star Trek could be considered fan fiction because they weren't written by the series creators.

5684768
Give it a shot. Even if you suck like me I'm certain someone wants what you have to offer.

If the past is a foreign country, then our past selves are strangers. With every passing day your old self dies and a new one is born.

I wouldn't like to meet my kid self. They'd just be a stranger with an uncannily familiar face.

It great to hear from you, B! And to know you’re doing well, both at your job and some with yourself.

Your post was very interesting to me as I had this same discussion with a couple of other Fimfiction authors: Why is fan fiction not regarded more highly when some authors write so well? Most attributed it to those writers and their stories not being read much outside of a specific community and audience. Or because of the mature rating of certain stories, which might not interest some readers.

But as you pointed out (and especially with RarityEQM’s) a writers talent is what draws a reader to them; how they tell the tell and bring it to life. One can see that they put a bit of themselves into their writing. It makes it feel authentic and genuine. It speaks to those who can see and feel the emotions put into the characters and the setting.

I suppose it’s true that we write best what we know and experience. And if someone uses the vehicle of putting those emotions and experiences into a world that includes ponies or anime characters, it shouldn’t be considered a ‘lesser work’ than by other fictional writing. You have succeeded at doing this as well, B.



You’ve done a great job with your writing and RarityEQM definitely saw your potential. Remember to say what you feel and come from your innermost self. And remember, too, that success in life or any endeavor is more how the one doing the work views what they are getting out of the effort. I think that is as important as any comment or review.

Just my thoughts and opinions.

Take care, be well and stay positive, my friend!

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