Story updates, life updates, why I hate physicians in Arizona

It's been a long time since I sat down and wrote another somewhat-vacuous blog. I have been slowly recovering the past few weeks from a back injury that left me unable to walk, dress, shower, and so forth for a while. I did finally limp my way into a local Critical Care facility - wherein the physician chose to laugh at my description of the pain I was experiencing, make light of me being "old", and then sent me away with a handful of anti-inflammatories. Which of course have done nothing at all. Two weeks on I am trying to see my "regular" doctor, but I hold very little hope of them being any better.

I do intend to get back to work on my story, I need to get my energy to line up with me being awake, and thence to be willing to sit at a computer anymore. My experiences with anxiety, depression, and ADD with the US employment system have left me feeling physically ill if I have to touch a keyboard. Presently I am on clonazepam for my anxiety, which of course doubles to a degree as a muscle relaxant, and so here I am. I have applied to trial ketamine therapy to see if that will finally - after 23 years - offer me some kind of relief from my depression. It couldn't hurt? I mean sertraline, venlafaxine, desvenlafaxine, abilify, citralopram, escitalopram, vortioxetine, fluoxetine, bupropion have all been useless. I was denied TMS because my insurer felt I wasn't sick enough (I sent them copies of my two suicide notes asking if those were good enough ... obviously they ignored me).

There is little else to report about my life. It's been on hold in a somewhat purgatory state now for about a year and a half. I am hoping (probably with an amount of futility) that I can rejoin the workforce in the next few weeks. I am not keeping my hopes up. I have also learned from my mistakes working for US companies - from now on I shall treat any fellow employee as an informant, and treat every employer as a threat. I will keep myself closed, venture only information pertinent to work and make no other statement regarding any topic whatsoever. Tragically I have been taught to distrust America ... by Americans mostly.

Let's see if 2022 will not beat 2021 for the title of "worst year of my life."

“The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts.” ~ Macrus Aurelius. I try to learn the tenets of stoicism and to follow such advice. At my age this is as hard a battle as fighting the depression itself.