God I’m broken up so badly.

We will all love and miss you so much.

https://www.legacy.com/us/obituaries/name/andrew-cadwell-obituary?id=50029707

This is another of those obscure FIMFIC members that I remember conversing with a great deal on my old account.

They were hilarious to chat with and had this fascinating writing style - including a habit of engineering completely new words!

I often wonder if they're still around.

It never fails.

I feel so guilty about not working on my story.

Presently I am back to searching for work.

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Every time I get a chance to sit at my PC and I'm not actively combating depression-induced fugue, it seems I'm assailed by a thousand other things I need to do rather than actually write anything. This includes personal stories I'm writing for people as well as my current MLP story.

I've just spent six weeks fighting a Symfony thin client trying to get a development system running so I can actually bill some hours.

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I keep hoping that I will awake someday and have the desire to write once again. I have a lot of stories in the works including some personal stories that I've been writing just for particular people.

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I've been through two therapy sessions so far. I think those will be the only ones I subject myself to. I do understand that the treatment is probably useful for some candidates - but I can categorically state I'm not one of them. The sedating effects and the odd numbness weren't the issue - it was the dissociation. I've never experienced that before, and if I had issues with panic disorder before ... I most certainly have them more than ever now. Being out of control with terror, yet

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Having fought clinical depression now since it first reared its ugly head during my first year of undergraduate studies back in 1996 ... and failed.

I am to undergo my first round of ketamine therapy tomorrow.

Let's see if this will help me at all.

I know it's always tempting to escalate an interaction with pieces of human garbage like Bendy describes here.

But please try not to escalate these situations.

Homophobic Encounter.

It's been a long time since I sat down and wrote another somewhat-vacuous blog. I have been slowly recovering the past few weeks from a back injury that left me unable to walk, dress, shower, and so forth for a while. I did finally limp my way into a local Critical Care facility - wherein the physician chose to laugh at my description of the pain I was experiencing, make light of me being "old", and then sent me away with a handful of anti-inflammatories. Which of course have done nothing at

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I had been writing a story of 100k+ words on my first FIMFIC account some years ago - late 2016 through until the middle of 2018 when in the grip of a psychotic break I deleted my account.

I have regretted that move EVERY SINGLE DAY - because that original story was one very dear to me, and very close to my heart.

The only thing I have left now is one poorly written draft chapter. The rest is gone.

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