How "The Cutie Re-Mark" Changed – Timeline Plots Are Tricky · 5:00pm Jun 18th, 2022
Starlight: "Oh, I'm sorry, MLP writers, was that archival freezing beam meant for my backstory? Yeah, no, we're not doing that. Looks like you just tossed out all the plot setup across this season's map episodes! What a shame…"
Friendship Is Magic was, being polite, not a series well-suited to plot-heavy arcs and serialised storylines. In how it was designed, of course, but also how it was produced; the writing and production took place in different countries, the pipeline and Hasbro's control meant the scripts had to be locked before a single line of dialogue was recorded or a single storyboard was drawn. And schedules twice as tight as, say, a Cartoon Network cartoon at the time greatly hindered the ability to coordinate plotlines across different episodes written by different people working freelance, even under one showrunner. Thus, as Faust herself has said, they stuck almost exclusively to single, isolated episodes.
One need look no further than to observe it basically didn't do overarching plots at first. After the series' opening, the remaining two-parters under Lauren Faust's stewardship were more epic storylines than regular episodes, certainly, but largely self-contained ones. And if they did build off prior events, as The Return of Harmony did with the culmination of Twilight's friendship lessons throughout Season 1, it was a small element done right. Even A Canterlot Wedding, an episode that basically exists by corporate mandate, is still functioning in a self-contained mode. Whether that's a good thing is another matter – hello, brother never mentioned before! – but the show seemed settled in a comfy formula similar to Faust's prior cartoons of largely individual episodes, with sporadic longer ones that were still self-contained.
We all know the demand for new toy plugs changed that, starting with Twilight's ascension. Whether it was Hasbro's idea or not, they decided to confine that to a single episode, and all Meghan McCarthy could do was put in a few barely-hints into the season's premiere. Thankfully, she got more freedom and experience in Season 4, and while no one's going to claim the Keys arc is graceful, subtle or all that sophisticated, it at least plays to the strengths of the "individual freelance writers" production style of the series. Still not a foundation anyone would look to as a model to copy, especially not in light of setups across that season that were dropped, namely restoring the Castle of the Two Sisters, intended to be Twilight's new castle (not joking, I've seen the outlines and scripts). But it's a respectable effort of coordination that, if they intended to go for a season arc again, could be built upon. Especially as Hasbro's heavy "toyetic plug" phase of the series slowed way down after Season 4.
And thus we reach Season 5. Those of you who experienced it as it was new (not this ghost, alas) may remember the press releases and promotional videos putting heavy emphasis on both the opening two-parter, and the Mane 6 being sent on map missions to spread friendship across Equestria, really building up an arc that would surpass what was done in Season 4. Even given that being corporate spinning, though, I imagine it felt anticlimactic when those few map mission episodes didn't lead to anything, and the season finale felt so disconnected from them and the season opening to the point that its villain didn't even feel like the same character, whatever its merits.
That this was the turning point of the show, both in its direction and quality and behind the scenes, with much of the main staff moving to work on the Movie that would eventually be released in 2017, is obvious to any onlooker. Especially given the large number of new writers, most of the old guard hanging up their pens with this season (for actual writing duties, Dave Polsky stuck around to co-write an early Season 6 episode, and M.A. Larson was forced to pen an episode in Season 7 he didn't agree with; Meghan and a few others did contribute story ideas), and the shift in Story Editor twice, whereas previous seasons stuck with one person(s) all seasons. Going from Meghan McCarthy supervising the first two episodes (in writing order) to Larson doing the next ten before he and Hasbro parted ways on the matter, and back to McCarthy scrambling to cobble together another 14 episodes (some recycled from older scrapped ideas), evidenced by her coming up with the story ideas for nearly all of these 14 episodes, is more evidence as to the reasoning for a very disjointed, inconsistent season. Yet even then, it doesn't answer what happened with the season finale.
Well, thanks to having access to the Premises, Outlines and Scripts for the show's episodes, we can answer that. Partially. Without being in the writer's room, or knowing the correspondence between the staff involved, the answer of why to some questions can only be reached through implications and assumptions. But it's enough to go on.
Now, I'm aware many people adore The Cutie Re-Mark, and while I'm not one of them, I can see why. It's different from any other two-parter, and its brand of spectacle, stakes and such give it a unique feel. Plus, you know, it provided much fanfiction fuel in the form of its alternate timelines. So perhaps all of this digging into what happened is a moot point due to you adoring what we got regardless. But I hope you're still intrigued enough to take a dive. Not a long dive, thankfully.
Now, we can’t tackle The Cutie Re-Mark without looking at the The Cutie Map, an episode that changed quite a lot during production. All for the better, I think we can agree, based on the end result. Thankfully, only the early element of the map itself, and something else at the end, really connects to the rest of the season; it largely returns, and with great success, to the The Return of Harmony mode of a largely-isolated two-parter. Thus, though I’d love to get into the massive changes in it (not least the Mane 6’s new roles as the Guardians of Friendship - yes, the very same term used for them in the opening for A New Generation, Gillian Berrow was raiding the vaults on this one), I’ll restrict myself to relevant aspects going forward.
One note: Starlight was called Aurora Glimmer for most of the writing process. The name had to be changed due to Disney having an apparent trademark on the name via the princess from Sleeping Beauty. I strongly suspect that Hasbro needed “Princess Aurora” available in case they ever decided to make the character a Princess. It’s very common to file for trademarks that never get used, just so they are there if needed.
Okay, so, the first thing. Small bits and fragments are usually cut from the final script at the animatic stage for time. However, sometimes they’re cut for other reasons. Take a look at this bit from the end of the locked script for The Cutie Map - Part 2, formatted out of script format. I’ve underlined the part that didn’t make the final episode to mark it out.
PINKIE PIE: “This feels like an ending. It doesn’t have to be an ending yet, right? ‘Cause that Sugar Belle can bake.”
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: “Maybe we can stay a little while longer. Come on!”
And as the Mane Six move off to join the party, we linger near Starlight’s cottage, where something is happening in the ground…
A SMALL SAPLING, glowing silver like the Tree of Harmony, sprouts through the dirt. We HOLD ON IT for a moment, while the Village Ponies and the Mane Six party in the background, and then we…
FADE OUT.
END
I’m sure you can already see where this is going, given it’s described in such a way as to play out very similarly to the camera focusing on the Keys in all those Season 4 episodes. This was a setup for the season finale. Keep in mind, even at the time this script was locked, the Premise for that episode was still three months away from being written. So all they had was a vague notion of what might happen there, and the best thing to set up for that plan. But while Twilight’s Kingdom was beholden to the Keys because Hasbro insisted on a castle playset, The Cutie Re-Mark had no such obligation. Which would turn out to be both a blessing and a curse.
There’s one other thing of note in that two-parter. Not in the final script, but in the 1st draft. A draft quite different from the final episode (Spike was still on the adventure at this stage), and thus most of its differences will have to wait, but something there throws later events into a whole new light. Let’s look at some snippets from the climax, where the villagers from the town are chasing Starlight through the mountain ravine:
EXT. MOUNTAIN PASS - MOMENTS LATER
Aurora Glimmer pulls her cart as fast as she can along the bottom of a STEEP AND DARK RAVINE that runs like a pass through tall, snow-capped mountains. She has manic tears in her eyes, like Joan Crawford discovering wire hangers.
AURORA GLIMMER: “What do you know about friendship? You’ve just doomed my friends to certain misery! Difference is the worst thing that could happen to friends!”
A MEMORY triggers in her mind and her eyes go wide. We ZOOM STRAIGHT INTO THEM!
EXT. SCHOOLYARD - FLASHBACK - DAY
A younger Aurora Glimmer plays with two FRIENDS, all about the age of the CMCs. All WITHOUT CUTIE MARKS. They are as happy as can be. ZOOM BACK OUT TO…
EXT. MOUNTAIN PASS - CONTINUOUS
The memory has cut through some of her anger and replaced it with sadness.
AURORA GLIMMER: “My friends...no differences to separate us…”
And later, at the end of the ravine chase:
TWILIGHT SPARKLE: “Haven’t we proven to you that friends don’t have to be the same?”
RAINBOW DASH: “Yeah. It’s our differences that make us so close.”
AURORA GLIMMER (losing it): “But...we were going to be friends forever...we were always going to be there for each other…”
And we ZOOM INTO HER EYES AGAIN!
EXT. SCHOOLYARD - FLASHBACK - DAY
Aurora Glimmer and her friends are older now. She is alone, her flank still blank, as the other two are off with new friends. The pain in Aurora’s eyes is devastating…
EXT. MOUNTAIN PASS - SAME
AURORA GLIMMER: “They left me alone...it was the Cutie Marks...the horrible, horrible Cutie Marks…”
Feels very familiar, doesn’t it?
Now, even from those extracts, this feels very 1st draft, not quite having nailed the dialogue or flow seeming natural. And for reasons that will become apparent later, it’s quite obvious this was removed not with the intention of reusing it in a later episode, but with not using it altogether.
Yes - the origin of Starlight’s vendetta against cutie marks that we got was an early element of this episode. And it was removed and wasn’t intended to actually be used later at all.
We’re almost ready to get to The Cutie Re-Mark itself now. Before that, it’s worth looking at the locked script ending of one of the Map episodes. Here’s the ending of The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone:
RAINBOW DASH: “Uh...Pinkie? Who are you talking to?”
She watches Gilda and Greta talk for a bit beneath the proud statue of King Grover.
PINKIE PIE: “Nopony. Come on, let’s go home and see how Gummy did with Granny’s marjolaine recipe…”
As they walk off, the ground starts to rumble. Unseen by anypony, a SAPLING matching the colors of the Tree of Harmony breaks through the earth.
THE END.
FADE OUT.
This script was locked on April 28, 2014, still two whole months before the Premise for “The Cutie Re-Mark” would be written. There are identical bits at the end of the locked scripts for Made in Manehattan and The Hooffields and McColts, dated to July 21 and September 05, respectively. Coordinating episodes by different writers is the likely reason these were kept as long as they were.
Regardless, I’m sure you see how, even if there were less map episodes than key episodes, they were following the template of Twilight’s Kingdom, of setups buried in those otherwise-standalone episodes that would be critical come the finale. Seems fine; even if the “adventuring across Equestria” aspect was confined to these map episodes and the premiere/finale from almost the very start of the season, contrary to the lies Hasbro would later spin, there was a link between them. Worked before, it would work again.
And now… we come to The Cutie Re-Mark.
To be clear, I’m not saying The Cutie Re-Mark isn’t connected to what came before. I mean, it’s the only two-parter before Season 9 to share its villain(s) with the same season’s Premiere. And, from a thematic and character perspective, it may well have the strongest connection to its season*. The three CMC episodes Bloom and Gloom, Appaloosa’s Most Wanted and Crusaders of the Lost Mark aren’t just connected to each other thematically and in character; they’re dealing with the same notions of one’s personal purpose, their destiny and independence as filtered through cutie marks. Other episodes like Canterlot Boutique and The Mane Attraction preach the importance of staying true to oneself, but filtered via the call of one’s mark. Hearthbreakers shows not to judge others’ values from being different from yours, something Starlight would never allow in her village. Then you have possible callbacks in the right way to part with a friend rather than taking it to mad extremes (Tanks For the Memories), making good memories out of the past to carry you into the future (Castle Sweet Castle), even showing a pony permanently affected by a friend leaving out of nowhere (Amending Fences). Coincidences or not, these do show the right way to deal with such issues before we see Starlight emphatically not doing that. Watching the season sequentially again, it can’t be argued that all this has some effect to boost the thematic and character resonation of the issues discussed within The Cutie Re-Mark.
* Thanks to PaulAsaran for opening my eyes to this, something I’m still plasma-blasting myself for never connecting the dots on. Your ghost host ain’t perfect, folks!
So, no, it’s assuredly connected in themes and character. In many ways, that’s more important. We’re speaking purely of the actual, surface-level text and events here.
Here’s the original Premise for the episode, as written by Josh Haber (already a rarity; Meghan McCarthy wrote nearly all the Premises for the second half of the season). Bear in mind what the opening two-parter, and the three map episodes, have ostensibly set up for this (not just the Tree of Harmony saplings, but the whole point of wider adventures spreading friendship across Equestria). Starlight is still named Aurora at this stage, despite her name having been changed three months prior for The Cutie Map. Did Haber only have a non-final draft of that episode to work with?
THE CUTIE RE-MARK – PARTS 1 & 2
Premise by Josh Haber
AURORA GLIMMER breaks into the map room of Princess Twilight’s castle with nefarious purposes. Twilight discovers her, but she just laughs and disappears. Twilight can’t figure out where she went or what she was doing until Aurora Glimmer reappears and tells her, gloating, that she used her magic and the map to pinpoint the exact place and time that the Mane Six developed their connection – the moment when they all simultaneously got their Cutie Marks. She’s gone back in time and stopped Rainbow Dash from performing the Sonic Rainboom that lead to all of the Mane Six getting their Cutie Marks.
Twilight Sparkle must go back in time to try to stop her, but turns up at the moment of her magic test. The Sonic Rainboom doesn’t happen and she fails the test. Celestia, “Hmm. I had so much faith in her. I suppose I’ll need to find a new pupil.” Twilight realizes that if she doesn’t become Celestia’s student, she’ll never be sent to Ponyville, she’ll never find the elements of Harmony, she’ll never discover the magic of friendship and she’ll never become a princess. She’s going to have to figure out how to reset her path fast because…
In the present, the timeline we know is unraveling, reversing every major event we’ve seen over the course of the show in the order that they happened. The Saplings of Harmony that have been planted across Equestria in our map episodes disappear and with them the solutions to the Friendship Problems the Mane 6 have solved over the course of the season. Tirek wins and steals all the magic of Equestria, providing some pretty convincing evidence to Aurora that maybe she didn’t make the best decision. She joins the rest of the Mane 5 as they try to fight Tirek, but he quickly defeats them and sends them to Tartarus.
Luckily, the world shifts again and the gang find themselves back in Ponyville. Unluckily, they discover that the plunder seeds have taken over the Tree of Harmony and Celestia and Luna are gone. Since they’ve been through this they know what to do, but before they can, the world unravels further and Twilight’s Castle disappears.
At that exact moment, in the past, Twilight’s wings vanish and she knows she has to step up her efforts to fix the past. End of Part I.
In a TBD way, Twilight goes about orchestrating all the things that need to happen to recreate the moment when Dash’s big trick not only helps Twilight showcase her magical abilities in front of Celestia, but also leads to the other Mane Five getting their Cutie Marks simultaneously. If she doesn’t, the future (her present) will never be.
As Twilight struggles to recreate the events that will bring the friends together in the past –the gang continues to deal with the unraveling of the world in the present: King Sombra suddenly rules the Crystal Empire; Chrysalis and her army of changelings control Canterlot; Evil Discord pops up around Equestria spreading chaos, etc.
All of this leads up to the realization that if Twilight doesn’t succeed in the past, Nightmare Moon will never be defeated. She will return, defeat her sister, imprison Celestia in the moon and night will reign forever. Pinkie: “Well, I sure hope Twilight is having better luck than we are.”
In the past Twilight’s TBD efforts behind the scenes to orchestrate everything are finally successful. She gets the Rainboom to go off in a way that has the same effect that it did originally. Each of the friends gets their Cutie Mark and Twilight’s magical abilities are revealed to Celestia who takes her on as a student.
Future Twilight’s wings reappear and she knows she’s been successful. She returns to find the world back to normal, her friends safe, and a remorseful Aurora Glimmer super sorry for all the trouble she caused. Princess Twilight realizes that all of Aurora’s poor decisions stem from the fact that while she possesses great magical skills, she has never truly experienced the Magic of Friendship. Princess Twilight decides to take Aurora on as her student and we end with Aurora penning her first letter to her new teacher. “Dear Princess Twilight...”
Let’s ignore them not yet figuring out the how of Twilight fixing things in the past. Such details aren’t important this early. What is telling is how the Tree of Harmony saplings don’t really seem to play a part even in this. Perhaps they were a setup for the next season, and showing the work done in the map episodes being undone is meant to feel especially distressing given we watched the Mane 6 fix those issues (again, Haber would have had no context as to those episodes’ content, only what Meghan would have told him, basically nothing for the latter two)? Possibly, but I think it’s more likely that Haber wasn’t interested in that plan, or struggled to come up with an idea that incorporated them, and mentioned them as a token here.
In any case, there are plenty of problems with this as-written, so I am glad we didn’t get it. The biggest issue, by far, is how the material of Starlight and the others struggling in the future is telling and effective the first time, and thereafter has no bearing on the plot whether we see it or not. We’d later see “School Raze” do just this, having a major plot of the Mane 7 in Tartarus that has no plot effect, just to give them onscreen material. Yes, the final two-parter has much the same issue with its alternate timelines, but since we’re following just one pair of characters, it still has the appearance of being focused in the moment that this would not. This, despite me being intrigued by the notion of Starlight and the Mane 5 working together to try and fix this.
I also don’t feel this does much of anything with Starlight’s character beyond basic revenge and “what have I done?” feelings. The time travel “logic” is even more distracting and because-plot at this stage. The much smaller amount of material for Twilight’s part is concerning, and her being alone makes it much harder to imagine the compelling material it would play out as. There are other reasons; I think Hasbro would have been very cautious of an episode this dependant on foreknowledge of all the prior season premieres and finales, being cautious of Continuity Lockout (the final episode provided enough context to kind-of make them fly for newcomers). It’s also possible, if very unlikely, that the extra VA fees for the old characters, Discord especially, could have been a concern.
Now, many of these issues are common to Premises, any story can seem rough that early in the process and summarised like that. Especially a show like FiM, where the charm comes from the character and humour placed on the plots. But there’s still enough here to raise a few eyebrows.
The Premise was the last time the saplings are mentioned. In the outline below, they’re gone, and that’s probably when they decided to cut them from the prior episodes too (for “The Cutie Map”, that would have meant cutting it after animation had begun). However, bear in mind Starlight’s backstory. This outline is similar to the above Premise, but it does make some key changes that fundamentally alter the feel of it and how it plays out.
I’m not going to post the whole thing, because it’s almost 6,000 words. Hopefully my beat-by-beat summary of it remains compelling.
PART I
ACT 1
Following a pre-title scene of Twilight giving a speech that is later revealed to be practice to Spike (one I thought was typical early “tossing around opening scene ideas until it’s shortened up rather then prolonging the point” screenwriting, until I checked the final episode and saw it was indeed in it too), we have largely the same speech as the final episode at Celestia’s school, just with the Mane 5 present too. Afterwards, it is them alongside Spike that reassure her all is fine, and Starlight was probably just interested in your speech, with Twilight knowing that, just not why.
Later, in Ponyville, the Mane 6 are summoned by the Map to Canterlot. Applejack is understandably annoyed it didn’t tell them this yesterday when they were there. Spike then notes Twilight’s Mark is also over Cloudsdale. Weirded out by this, the others convince Twilight to join them at Canterlot first, as Celestia may have insight into this odd event.
When they arrive, Celestia tells them that the Restricted section in the library was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but Star Swirl’s book on time travel was used. Off Celestia warning that events now could look quite different, Pinkie wonders if that could include Tirek on the rampage – because it’s happening out the window right now! They leg it, reaching the book, and after explaining things, Celestia prepares to send Twilight back in time to fix things, Spike refusing to let her go alone. At first, Twilight thinks that her failing and getting snapped back to the present will give her infinite tries, but Celestia corrects her; her own spell is only powerful enough to give her three tires, after which point the timeline will be set, and Twilight and Spike will be stranded in the past, forgetting everything. The others volunteer to come, but Celestia needs them to protect the book, or Twilight’s mission will be broken. The two are promptly sent back in time, ending up at the time of the Rainboom, thus answering why Twilight’s Mark was over there on the Map.
ACT 2
Quickly enough, the duo realise where they are. As an announcer PA calls for all flight counsellors to assemble, Twilight spots Starlight, and confronts her, demanding to know what she’s up to. Starlight gleefully explains her plan of revenge, and continues on. Unsure of whether they’d still get their marks or what would happen – if she’d even meet her friends at all – Twilight uses her magic to broadcast a message calling for Starlight’s arrest. It’s successful, and she’d quickly apprehended – but activities are suspended for the day as a result. Twilight realises she’s done Starlight’s job for her, and just as the latter gloats, time reverses for the trio, taking them back on account of this attempt failing.
PRESENT: As Celestia repeats the importance of protecting the book, the failed attempt causes Tirek to vanish. The quiet is broken by plunder vines appearing, some dragging Celestia away, though the girls snatch the book from being taken by the vines.
PAST: Twilight and Spike opt for a lower profile this time, Twilight donning a helmet/hat to hide her horn and blend in. Starlight demands to know how they reset the timeline and remember what happened, and Spike foolishly lets out that it’s Celestia’s magic and they have a limited number of tries. Off Starlight’s glee, Twilight scolds Spike, and tries to explain the consequences of Starlight’s actions, but Starlight remains unswayed.
PRESENT: The Mane 5 huddle in the throne room, figuring out, via Celestia and Luna’s absence, what’s going on. As they look through Star Swirl’s book for more answers, Pinkie bolts once she takes it, another Pinkie asking why they did that.
ACT 3
They quickly catch the fake Pinkie, but have barely begun the interrogation when a second Applejack slips off with the book. Thus, the chase is on.
PAST: Twilight goes undercover with the camp counsellors much like Starlight, though her attempt to get assigned to Fluttershy and Dash’s group is countered by Starlight cutting ahead at the last moment. Spike then points out Twilight got the group with Fluttershy’s bullies – she just has to encourage them! Despite Spike reminding her that so much of Fluttershy’s life depends on getting picked on here, Twilight is conflicted about encouraging bullying.
While leading her group on practice exercises, Twilight keeps an eye on Starlight splitting experiences and rookie flyers into strong and remedial flyers, with different exercises. Twilight’s campers ask why she’s looking over there, and the bullies note Fluttershy’s kind of a klutz. Biting her tongue, Twilight adds “You could almost call her Klutzershy”. It works, the two heading over to bully Fluttershy, but Starlight stops it. When the head counsellor shows up, the two say they got the idea from Twilight. Starlight smugly suggests Twilight be removed, and the head pegasus agrees. As Twilight’s escorted away, the bullies apologise to Fluttershy and join Dash in helping with her flying fear. Right then, the time reverts, putting the pair back where they started.
The two race back to the camp, Starlight running faster. Twilight flies ahead, boasting Starlight can’t out-fly her, but at that moment, her wings fail, sending her plummeting to the earth.PRESENT: The Mane 5 corner the fake Applejack, but right as they recover the book, the imposter yells for guards. A battalion of changelings burst in, right as the fake Applejack reveals herself to be Canterlot. They’ve got control of Canterlot now.
PART II
ACT 1
PRESENT: With the Mane 5 tied up, Chrysalis starts leafing through the book, looking forward to finding out what’s so important about it. Just then, the 2nd failed attempt makes all the changelings vanish. Right as Applejack says she can’t think of how things could get worse (a line she cautioned the others against saying in the last episode), Discord appears, Cheshire Cat style, intoning he can think of a thing or three. Rarity chides Applejack for saying what she just did.
PAST: After panicking mid-fall, Twilight realises she still has magic, and teleports back to Cloudsdale. Spike asks about her missing wings, and Twilight realises how far the timeline’s unravelled. Knowing they’ve only got one attempt left, they set out to find Starlight.
This time, Starlight is in charge of the bullies’ group. Right as she’s about to tell them off, Twilight intervenes, pulling Starlight aside. She explains the larger implications again, including where her wings have gone. Starlight is a little unnerved, but still can’t drop the need for revenge. As Twilight kept her occupied long enough for Fluttershy to be bullies, Dash to defend her and the race to be arranged, Starlight says she’ll just have to stop the race instead.PRESENT: Believing some of the Discord she loves must be present, Fluttershy tries to reason with Discord, explaining the situation. Intrigued, Discord looks through the book, realising he can prevent Celestia and Luna from defeating him the first time. Dash whisks the book away, and thus begins a Benny Hill/Scooby Doo chase (the outline literally quotes those two – can you tell Josh Haber wrote this?)
PAST: Starlight doesn’t seem to be doing anything at the race, but she quickly shuts down Twilight’s hope that she changed her mind, saying she ensured an easy victory for Dash. Sure enough, the bullies can only fly in slow-motion.
PRESENT: Just as Discord gets the book, unravelling time whisks him away too, leaving the Mane 5 outside in the hedge maze. As they race back to the castle, desperate to find the book, they know Nightmare Moon will be next.
ACT 2
As the Mane 5 run, the moon appears before the sun has fully set, and timberwolves appear, howling mightily. That can’t be good…
Inside, they thankfully find the book, and off hoping Twilight wins soon, some of them propose getting the Elements to defeat Nightmare Moon themselves should Twilight fail. Others point out they won’t know – if the timeline becomes permanent, they’ll lose their memories of the right way. As more signs of Nightmare Moon appear, with the stained glass windows changing and the moon’s face shifting, they can only look at the faintly-glowing book.PAST: Twilight pleads with Starlight, apologising for taking away her perfect society and saying she understands why she’d want revenge. Twilight points out this is the last chance for a rainboom, and while she understands why Starlight did what she did, this won’t fix things. Equestria will be shrouded in eternal night, as that was the very first thing she and her friends stopped. This seems to finally get through to Starlight. “I guess I hadn’t thought about that.”
PRESENT: The Mane 5 look on at the last sunset. Applejack says she can’t believe anything could make her forget all the things they’ve been through. Sharing her sentiment and keeping faith in Twilight, they watch as the outline on the moon solidifies into Celestia’s face. Behind them, a whirling vortex appears, sinister green and purple eyes blinking out at them.
PAST: Realising what’s about to happen, Starlight confesses as to what she did, getting the bullies to wear horse shoes that get heavier the faster one flies. She thinks it’s too late to fix things, pointing to Dash’s insurmountable lead.
ACT 3
Unwilling to give up, Twilight tells Starlight to get those shoes off. She herself races ahead and uses her magic to make looping cloud rings that repeat, stalling Dash. Starlight gets the horse shoes off, letting the bullies catch up just as Dash gets back on the course. However, right as one of the bullies crashes into the column (as originally happened), the other gets discouraged, slowing down and giving up. Suddenly, Starlight teleports to him, asking why. Off his complaining that Dash is too fast, she acts like a real Flight Camp Counsellor, giving him a pep talk and propelling him along with a magic burst. The rest of the race plays out as normal, and as Twilight and Starlight smile at the Sonic Rainboom going off, time spirals them back to the present…
PRESENT: The duo and Spike return to the throne room, quickly being reassured they don’t want to know what happened in their absence. Starlight apologises profusely for her actions, saying she was blinded by revenge for losing what she’s worked so hard to build. But though she knows it’ll take ages to be forgiven, she’s willing to try and earn it. Celestia says all that matters now is things have been fixed. She wishes she could have helped more but is glad Twilight has the kind of friends that can come through when needed. She’s so grateful she sings a song about how grateful Equestria is towards the Mane 6, joined by ponies from all over as we cut to towns all across Equestria. Celestia ends by singing that there may be many other places out there they haven’t seen, but she’s confident Twilight and her friends will be able to bring the magic of friendship to them all.
Afterwards, she takes Twilight aside and commends her on her bravery and perseverance. Twilight says Starlight was a big help, once she knew to do the right thing. Celestia remarks Starlight’s magic is quite impressive, and it reminds her of another pony who’s first display of magic was so impressive, it earned her a cutie mark. Off Twilight looking at her own mark, Celestia says she’s come a long way. Maybe long enough for a student of her own…
Back at Twilight’s castle, Starlight comes into the throne room, wondering why she’s been called there. Twilight explains about all the repercussions Equestria faced from her friends not getting their marks, how such a small thing can have such a big effect. She then proposes Starlight become her student, on condition she consider all the possible outcomes of refusing Starlight says she doesn’t need to, because she doesn’t intend to refuse. She’s eager to become Twilight’s student.
First things first; giving the Mane 5 a MacGuffin to protect upon which Twilight’s mission is also reliant instantly gives their material purpose. As does a limited life counter for Twilight’s attempts (and hey, it’s not any more contrived than Chrysalis’ magic-negating throne). Moving Starlight back in time to personally by the obstacle for Twilight gives better personal and emotional stakes to this too. We can already see the Cloudsdale scenes didn’t change all that much from there to here, minus Twilight getting yanked to alternate timelines constantly. If one accepts the time travel logic, there’s a satisfying flow to both the present and past scenes. I especially like Twilight and Starlight working together to ensure the Rainboom goes off, not least that Starlight boosts the bully along of her own volition via dialogue that’s still unmistakably hers, but with the proper purpose and meaning; it makes her actions more forgivable, that she helps to fix her mistake.
Of course, there’s other problems with it too. It takes ages to get going, and the present-day scenes still have repetition set in towards the end (though outlines often have these issues, and condense scenes as they move to script, usually for having too much content for an episode or two anyway). And there’s quite a lot of ways in which the stakes and intensity in the final episode, in both the Cloudsdale and present-day scenes, is lesser here. Spike basically vanishes for most of this (the final episode at least was quite good at making him not feel like a hang-on and feel important besides giving Twilight someone to talk to). This still doesn’t quite delve into Starlight on a personal level the way the final episode does. And so on. It’s still easy to see why they didn’t use most of this material.
It was easy to ignore at the Premise stage, but that it’s lacking here is also noticeable; still no backstory for Starlight. Bear that in mind…
Usually, an episode goes straight from Outline to 1st Draft Script, and changes are just incorporated there. However, sometimes, if an Outline is deemed in need of a major overhaul, a writer will do a second version. That’s what happened here. 18 days later, Haber submitted V2 of the outline.
This is very, very close to the final episode (most Haber scripts tend to be very close at the outline stage already; clearly they normally like his work). Close enough that, rather than summarise it, I’ll just list the differences. Some of these carried through to the script, but as I’m not covering even the 1st draft script here (it’s so close to the final episode that it’s irrelevant to this topic), they’ll get mentioned here all the same. Because this was written from scratch in only 18 days, it’s quite light on detail, for 42 minutes of animation; I’ll ignore places where parts from the episode aren’t there due to the lighter level of detail but it’s clear they would be otherwise.
- The outline is so fast-paced it doesn’t note Twilight starting at Starlight in the audience.
- When Starlight goes back in time, she does so by magicking herself some wings. It’s not said how Twilight and Spike follow her; despite the scroll being used by Starlight to time travel, Twilight just seems to be able to cast a spell on the map.
- The next notable change isn’t until The Nightmare Moon timeline in Part 2! The Lunar Guard accosts Twilight and Spike shortly after they tumble out of the map, Dash saying they’re under arrest in the name of Nightmare Moon. Twilight quickly flees with Spike into the map. Thus, none of the business involving the Timberwolves, Rarity tidying the castle, or anything with Nightmare Moon in the flesh is here.
- The montage screw-ups in the present and past are a little different (we also see Plunderseeds covering everything, and two past screw-ups include Twilight giving Fluttershy bigger wings, Spike falling onto/through the track, stopping the race). But otherwise, similar beats.
- Starlight explains her backstory in the wasteland, rather than using the map to show it (possibly it would have been shown via flashbacks or an alternate art style?). At this stage, it’s basically the same as what was seen in the 1st draft of The Cutie Map, just saying she lost her friends from their cutie marks driving them apart.
- Fast forward to the end. Similar to the prior outline, the song occurs before Twilight asks Starlight to be her pupil, and is largely similar, with Twilight and the Mane 5 singing about how profound small connections can be and the difference they can make, ending on all the places they haven’t yet seen, but they’ll bring the magic of friendship to all of them.
- Twilight asking Starlight to be her pupil is similar to the prior outline, with some wording differences that also make it quite close to the final episode, focusing on Starlight learning about friendship, and making new friends. It ends on Starlight saying can’t imagine anything better than learning from Twilight.
I think the fact that Starlight’s scrapped backstory was resurrected for an outline made in eighteen days (they normally get a month) shows how much they were scrambling to throw this together at all. Also that the character of Sunburst, quite literally a Haber invention (at the script stage, condensing the "group of foalhood friends" here and in the 1st draft of "The Cutie Map"), only exists due to a last-minute revision. Should we be grateful so much of it came together? I mean, probably.
I must admit I prefer the song’s different placement and narrative content, and it having some connection to the season’s purported “spreading friendship” theme that, in what we got, kind of fizzled out. That, and promising Starlight earning her redemption in the future, rather than summing it up in the song itself. Basically what Sunset got, except Starlight was a far, far more effective villain pre-reformation than Sunset ever was.
I do think there could have been something in retaining the material of Twilight and Starlight fixing the Rainboom to go off, but it’s not crucial. As for Starlight’s backstory, the prior drafts never delved into her even in other scenes on a like-by-like basis as much as this, so it was probably a result of feeling that she needs a justification. The problem is, a belief like that isn’t born from one event, even if kids’ TV sometimes simplifies like that to come across quickly. Had they implied that was just the starting event, the first of many events that turned Starlight off cutie marks, it might have worked.
I’m not going to claim that the earlier versions of this episode would have been better. Especially as the repetitive wheel-spinning nature of the alternate times was a constant in every draft (less so in the revised outline, where Twilight left the Nightmare timeline almost right away). Sans adding that backstory for Starlight, this second outline is better, all in all, and even flows better than the final episode, in some ways. Honestly, most of the damage doesn’t come from the episode itself, but from how the show broke away from the setup and tone for Starlight’s character almost instantly next season, and how this episode is telling of that in some ways, but only some. Ignoring that, and considering this episode as the stopping point, it feels different, doesn’t it? Josh Haber was never one of the show’s best writers, but it’s clear he could produce satisfactory work when there was someone above to run stuff by. Basically, some people shouldn't run the operation. But I don’t need to harp on later Starlight being a totally different character uninformed by Season 5 beyond the surface-level text of what she did: the evidence is there in the episodes, and we’ve all absorbed it many times over. I even enjoy that Starlight, make no mistake! She’s just a different character is all, but in a more instant and sudden way then the defanging of Twilight over the seasons.
More than the flaws of the earlier version of The Cutie Re-Mark, though, or the version we got, consider this: making satisfying two-parter episodes under the production schedules of Friendship Is Magic is hard. Like, really hard. Coming into this, I expected to just find reasons to carp on what happened. Yet even without context as to why all the writing decisions were made, it’s telling and informative. And I don’t know about you, but I’m more appreciative of the process.
Except Starlight’s backstory. That shit’s just awful. And the precursor to every lazy backstory/reformation combo we’d get for the rest of the show’s run (and in EqG too).
Yeah, my love for this episode is pretty much based on the alternate history snippets, and I'm not going to deny that content relevant to my interests can often trump quality of craft for me.* Of all the alternate possible
realitiesdrafts, it seems to me that we got the best one in the end. Not the best possible, but of the choices presented...This was so incredibly obvious that half-way through the first draft of The Luna Cypher, I had to go back and change the all the descriptions of Twilight’s place when the location got jossed out from under me by the Tirek finale. It's a real shame for the writers, losing a really neat setting that could have all sorts of old magic, history, and mysteries lurking around underfoot for a sterile plastic playset. I always thought that the episode** where Twilight avoids being in the place is the writers' revenge commentary on how awful it was.
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* Based on 99% of fan reactions to most media, I'm pretty sure this is true for almost everybody. It's just a matter of degree.
** I forget the title... Castle Sweet Castle, maybe?
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Funny story is, I first went through most of the Season 5 early stuff at skim-read speed in late 2020, and being the young, judgmental fellow that I was, was quick to jump the gun at any change to episode being bad if I still had issues with the end result. Going through them again properly, at a slow pace, over the last 8 months, has let me be more appreciative, to the point that, nine times out of ten, changes made during the writing of an episode were the right call*. Point being, I came to this two-parter with false expectations, and after I was done, had to go "huh… actually that did turn out better". And the main issues in the final episode come from time-necessitated writing shortcuts when the revised outline so quickly. Not just recycling that backstory, though that's the main casualty.
And I don't want to imply I didn't enjoy the two-parter this time around, I did (also, Part 1 is very nearly free of the major issues). It's a sloppy one for sure, but easy enough to get invested and sucked in to the spectacle and stakes. In a vacuum, I'd easily watch it over Princess Twilight Sparkle. It if didn't kick off a half of the show's history that… strains to reach the quality of the first half, being polite, I probably would have never focused it one nearly this much. We certainly wouldn't be discussing it now.
As for the alternate timelines, like, they're fine, and get the taste buds hungry, the works. I just have fanfiction fatigue from them, they're mined for content so often. But I totally get loving them enough. We're all like that, moi included!
Helps they were able to get those Tree of Harmony saplings in the map episodes out before animation (and into animation for The Cutie Map). Unlike Castle Mane-ia (a certain Mr. Haber's debut…), which still has that unexplained shadowed figure at the end, which doesn't match up with Tirek, nor what they'd eventually do with the Pony of Shadows.
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* Applies for unused episodes too. Remember that seven-part blog series from right before I started reviewing Ponyfic? Had well over a dozen unused episodes, and only two of them actually felt strong enough to be an episode. One of those being the Princess Comic-Con episode.
Ha, no joke, this fact has been so ingrained in my head since I came across it last year that I forgot I'd even stated it here and thought "iisaw remembered from when I stated it before?"
Honestly, that old fact is still probably more instantly eye-grabbing than anything else in this blog post, and it's a side remark!
What's weird is even the playlet justification isn't really proper. There's no reason the restored Castle of the Two Sisters couldn't have been just as toy-friendly to the eye as the castle we got. Heck, it probably would have been far less of an eyesore. I wonder if it was decided to have a new one in Ponyville so Twilight would still be living there to avoid the story obstacle of her living deep in the Everfree. That'd still be very poor reasoning of course, and if so, would make them not realising it in all those episodes of castle cleanup throughout Season 4 feel even more short-sighted. We may never know.
Having only come to that one many years after you first published it, I'd forgotten that. I remembered you stating elsewhere about a similar change in The Celestia Code, but after if was complete and published, and it was only a mention by Twilight once or twice (I think?). Being unable to check its original publication date (as a whole or per chapter), given it only exists republished on A03 and Offprint now, how much of The Luna Cypher was live before you had to backtrack? Or had you not yet published a single chapter, operating in "starting publishing once it's complete" mode?
The timelines do align for it! The script for Twilight's Kingdom - Part 2 was locked on June 10, 2013, at which point it was still the Castle of the Two Sisters that got transformed. The episode was storyboarded, animatic-timed and has Hasbro's round of feedback on October 3, 2013, by which point a new castle in Ponyville was the focal point instead. The Premise for Castle Sweet Castle is dated to October 11. It is credited to the Lady Writers (Joanna Lewis and Kristine Songco), who wouldn't have had personal history or context in the castle change, so it's probably not actually the case. But it's a nice headcanon
Anyway, one other thing. More often than not, if they existed, major problems were baked into an episode from the get-go, and if they weren't there at the start, they came early on (Rainbow Falls originally had new characters in place of the Wonderbolts, old rivals of Dash's from Cloudsdale, and wouldn't the Wonderbolts' bad behaviour be far more acceptable if the characters here weren't the Equestrian military?). But if there's anything my trudging through this season has taught me, it's that most changes actually aren't nearly as interesting as I once thought, and you usually only get one interesting point of note per episode. In future, I'm better off sticking to a highlight reel for this sort of thing. Less is more, and all that.
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Yeah, that. I had ten chapters written and edited before I started releasing them. Fortunately, the Tirek episode aired the week before, and I didn't have to alter "live" chapters.
With The Celestia Code, I only made one change due to being jossed(ish). and that was at nearly the same time. Twilight remarks that she sometimes still has nightmares about Discord, but with him being reformed(ish) and with the advent of Big Red, I changed that line to to Tirek.
You know, when I started reading these blog entries (and your commentaries on Loganberry's blog), I made a wish that went like this: "I hope he keeps this series going until he gets to The Cutie Re-mark."
Thanks for making my wish come true!
I really wanted you to share your behind-the-scenes knowledge about this episode in particular because there's a scene in the latter half of the two-parter that really irked me. Here's a twist: it's not the scene with Starlight's backstory, it's the scene where she surrenders.
Twilight managing to persuade Starlight with a speech about the wonderfulness of friendship felt really off to me (I guess Kelly Sheridan did too good of a job at selling Starlight's bitter anger, so her surrendering that easily becomes too much of a mood swing for me).
Ever since I saw it I've kept wondering if there was an earlier version of the story where Starlight is persuaded by some other means, perhaps a solid argument and/or some evidence of the timeline going awry. Now I know there was. And that's neat.
Three cheers for the cartoon ghost!
This is a great read. There's so much unexplored content in those draft leaks. Do you remember off hand which seasons are included? I will absolutely dive in if it includes season 7. There's a few episodes, like Fluttershy Leans In where you can see there was something else that was cut or they were going for.
While this is a fan favorite ending, in general I dont think To Where and Back again or the pillars season ending special get enough love. The latter has like a dozen characters but doesnt feel rushed.
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All of them! Some variants of the leak files only include the documentation (and within that, some include correspondence between DHX and Hasbro, others don't), while others include non-text files. But premises, outlines and several drafts of scripts for all 9 seasons are there, with Best Gift Ever and the 7 shorts released before Season 9 too. Along with unused episode premises per seasons and various other relevant files (a lot of them to do with schedules, so not too interesting). The only things not here are anything EqG, or the 2017 Movie (also Rainbow Roadtrip, but that wasn't produced by DHX, but by Boulder Media, so that makes sense).
I have lost most interest in looking at these again, but because you're mad curious, here's the premise for Fluttershy Leans In, unedited. I have peeked at enough Season 7 scripts to know they state the given friendship lesson in the final script too (sometimes worded differently, but functionally identical), even if it's not stated in dialogue in the final episode. Funky quirk under Joanna Lewis and Kristine Song's run as Story Editors!
I'm indifferent enough to the episode that I don't feel the need to comment on the above, especially as it's mostly typical "lack of detail normal for a summary in a few paragraphs." What leaps out there is that originally it was written as Fluttershy being timid and defaulting to the experts' opinion, rather than her being unwavering the whole time and them going behind her backs. Yup, sounds pretty "late season bad character writing to up the drama" to me! Still, at least, once they made the experts effective antagonists, Big Daddy McColt was stripped out to still be a positive character come his appearance at the end.
[One side note of interest: partly in Season 6, but fully by Season 7, episodes stopped being written a couple pages longer than was needed, and had a far more "fixed" script length, partly from giving even less visual descriptions than before. Regardless, that means they need to make hardly any animatic cuts after storyboarding the episodes. This is partially why episodes around this time feel slacker in pacing then before: rather then coming from scripts that got the pacing tightened up in animation, they were the exact length already and thus the DHX staff had to keep everything, even sometimes drawing out a visual beat – and thus we get snoozefests like "Forever Filly" made even more lethargic then they would have been.]
I do not care for either of those two-parters at all, you should probably know. I will concede that Shadow Play doesn't feel too rushed in spite of its number of characters, but that's only be virtue of making the majority of them feel like plot devices, and not characters.
Interesting to see what changed. I wonder if Meghan would've done things differently had she not been called away to write the movie after Season 4?