About "Touch"

First of all: Trashie. Why isn't this a more popular pairing? I really don't know.

Second: I wrote a strange one and now I'd like to talk about it into the void that perhaps no one will read! Here is the fic!

[Adult story embed hidden]

A bit out of my comfort zone given the rating, but something I wanted to write none the less.

Concept/Idea

This idea was what initially came to me for the original pairings entry. I liked it enough to write a page or so, but I wasn't confident enough to follow through because of the rating, and I'm still not completely sure how popular the pairing really is. It would have been a rather bold move. So naturally I went and wrote To Hear the Words, and then came right back to it.

What makes me love the fic is just that I love exploring different kinds of relationships. Different forms of connection between two people (or ponies). Complex and/or unconventional relationships. Unspoken agreements between two characters are pretty much my favorite thing. Trix and Dash here are filling to the brim with that.

Execution (and alternate endings)

Like my last fic, this is a very short fic that was almost a very very long fic. It went through many stages with very different ideas.

At one point it was going to be three parts. First part was this, second part would be their painstaking conversation at breakfast, and third part would be something from Dash's perspective I was going to figure out. Took me forever to settle on a setting. In this version they would have been all the way out in Dodge Junction for a three day trip, they're pretty enthusiastic about having a good time where no one suspects a thing, but they procrastinate on food for like two whole days because they don't want to have to get along during breakfast. And with the courage given to Trixie by that unexplained wing on her back, and Rainbow's desperate enough need to eat, they set out to breakfast. That was the end of the first part.

"And so, breakfast was a challenge they were just going to have to face together."

At another point it was going to be even longer. I had a lot of ideas for it being a more complex fic. It involved really addressing and exploring the reasons they hated each other on a deeper level because of circumstances that showed them the worst of each other. They were gonna fight, attempt to cut ties, but realize they can't replace each other and be forced to communicate with words, and eventually form what never manages to be friendship because it doesn't need to be, but something like respect that they didn't have before.

Why didn't I do that? Honestly I don't yet trust myself to embark on such a journey. Maybe one day I'll do an extended version. But this time around, I was prioritizing a solid ending.

I was struggling with figuring out the conclusion for a long time. And then an idea came to me, one that would wrap it up quick, and it was perfect. it was an idea that for some reason wasn't working. I was going to end it with a scene change to Dash's perspective. Trixie asked to sleep with her, but then clarifies "We don't... have to do anything." And Dash understands that she just wants to snuggle, and there's an echo of the previous line "she had an image to maintain after all, and Trixie could understand that" but its the other way around and all that jazz, with a couple more echoed lines maybe. I wrote that version, finished it. But it just wasn't working. It wasn't satisfying enough, I couldn't convey it all how I wanted to.

So I backspaced some paragraphs and tried again, this time going back a wee bit more than I was initially comfortable with deleting. And I think that's what set me free, because I wrote it to its current state after that. It was a lot shorter than any other version, but it made the point I was trying to make in a satisfying way, and that's all that mattered to me.

Author's note

I really wasn't sure if the fic would land the way it did in my head for anyone else. As I think I said in the beginning, this sort of thing was super out of my comfort zone so I was a bit worried. I spent three hours with the finished product last night, going over everything, making sure the rating was right, scrutinizing over the wording of the last few lines that had to be perfect. Even among the people that would like it, I couldn't be sure if it would be interpreted "correctly."

Of course, I decided that that was going to have to be okay. That people could interpret it however they pleased. I am a believer that once you share a story and put it out there for others to experience, you are relinquishing control over that story. It doesn't belong purely to you anymore, it belongs to everyone that reads it in their own way. With that in mind I decided not to give any sort of author's note, and just let it be what it was gonna be. I submitted the fic at 3:00am.

But now that I've done that, I came to write this blog post so I can share any personal insight and interpretations as I was writing it. (I hope to do something similar for most stories I write, whenever I have the patience to talk about everything. Still haven't gotten the patience to talk about That's My Choice yet.) So take it or leave it.

All that is to say.... *aherm* Shout out to my allo-aros out there, this fic is for you!

In case its not in my bio when someone at some time is reading this, I'm aroace myself, but just as I am fascinated with romantic shipping, I still find sexual relationships to be an avenue for some form or another of connection between characters, big or small, romantic or platonic, and I wanted to write a fic about that.

I know at least one person interpreted the fic as a romance, but curiously enough my intentions in writing it was to depict a budding tolerance between two characters that was purely platonic. To me, all that happens at the end is a silent understanding, a mutual agreement that is so certain that they don't need to worry about making it clear to each other. It's a comfortable and trusted relationship, and the relationship is that they hate each other and/or don't even exist to one another. The fic depicts a moment (among many) where they can set their appearances aside and take comfort in that mutual understanding.

I also just wanted to write a Trashie fic because that is such a great pairing name and I physically cannot get over it.

Anyways, just sharing because I think it's interesting how it might be interpreted in different ways, but however you interpret it is totally cool too!

Title

Here's a list of all the potential titles that ran through my head while writing, throughout all the different versions of the fic!

(Not Exactly) Friends with Benefits
Benefits
A relationship
Our relationship
Our
Lingering
When They Linger
Hypocrites
Blue
Touch

Honestly "Touch" seems like quite the oddball, doesn't it? I don't even remember coming up with it to be honest. The only reason it won is because it looked the most aesthetically pleasing on the cover.

Cover

Pretty difficult to get the shapes right, but was I gonna ask for help? Nope. And yeah okay I tried to draw the bed but I'm not really an artist so simplicity is key.

While drawing I listened to some sad Luna fics and then A Candy Mare's Tail? Pretty chilling. Believe me I tried to find something more thematically appropriate to listen to that I hadn't heard before, but that was pretty hard. So now that's what comes to mind when I look at it

I'm pretty happy with the cover. I think its my best one so far.

Anyway

Currently the fic has got 26 likes and some really nice comments! Thanks! (if anyone is reading this)! Everyone is so dang nice. Despite writing my whole life, I'm not really used to any feedback at all. I'm relatively new to Fimfic and this is the first place I've ever really had a means of showing anyone else my writing so its been really surreal and cool to see other people enjoy what I can make. The support means a lot!