Doing acid in honor of April fool's Day, what I intended versus what happened: · 7:18am Apr 2nd, 2022

What I intended:

What actually happened:

4/1
Lol how that would be appropriate to take it acid on April fool's day. Ended up finally getting my phone service fixed on a two and a half hour otherworldly journey that ended with a free phone followed by a job interview on Monday. Acid kicked me in the ass and maybe realize I was doing a lot of running away so once again, shout out to psychedelics

Love is a paradox that's pretty much all I figured out today

Well I mean and went on a two and a half hour journey without phone reception driving still somewhat on acid navigating going to a phone place with a woman who didn't speak any English and I didn't speak any Spanish but I was able to ask her to log into Wi-Fi on my phone which she did so I could then use Google translate to ask for her to send me to another boost Mobile store and she did but I didn't find the boost Mobile store but I did find the cricket store and eventually that ended with me getting a free phone and free service

Anyway on acid I realized I've been doing a lot of running away from myself, with lots of typical acid thoughts below:

I am as worthy of love as I tell everyone else they are.

I feel it is important that I make the world a better place for others out of less selfish even if unknowingly selfish desires to escape my own problems fuck you know what I mean

I am clearly doing tons of avoidance of tons of things and that's not going to be easy to fix

God I love acid. I think it makes you accept things for how they are, rather than how you want them to be, and acknowledges the distance between those two.

But at its core I have to believe that I'm worthy of love and if my central outward goal is to make the world a better place, maybe my central inward goal is just to believe that, whatever religious or spiritual things help

I am worthy of love I am worthy of making hard decisions and facing my fears and it won't be easy and I will mess up and that's okay that's part of life and you deal with it one problem at a time with love

One problem at a time with love

One must imagine sisyphus happy

Man those Greeks were something else huh life is a fractal and stories about unknown People thousands of years ago aren't so different than our own and in the end it always comes down to love and be loved

Love and hope that the center of it all

And at the end of all that, and not without a good bit of crying early in the morning, I came to the conclusion that love is a paradox and that I can love others and myself at the same time and that is the paradoxical nature of it well one of the aspects the other is love both wanting better and accepting what is that's another paradox of it. Life's weird because accepting the inevitability of death is the only path towards peace, but complacency in general doesn't satisfy one so again, I guess it just comes back to that Central paradox of love.

Anyway speaking of love I hope you all had a good April fool's Day and also I grew. Please don't forget to drink water and get some sleep which I'm about to do now. I'm really glad I finally took that acid I really needed it seriously everyone should try this shit once in awhile it's so fucking good for stripping away the pretensions of our life to reveal what really is beneath anyway yeah I just wanted to brag about doing drugs and then actually accomplishing something on drugs I guess also realizing it's okay to be celebratory of myself and to want good things for myself and I love myself hopefully it will help me get my shit together better and make more money and believe in myself and allow myself to feel deeper happiness rather than frivolities and hey, maybe get a IRL partner again I don't know it's weird I just know humans really desire to love and be loved at the center of it all right I guess I'm rambling again good night friends

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