Teaser For Sequel to What You Deserve · 2:05pm Jan 29th, 2022
For real this time! I promise!
Just beware that it's not a story yet. It's just a series of loose chapters that need alot of glue inbetween. Also, anything you read here may be subject to change in the actual product.
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Anyway, the scene is that Sunset has asked to graduate early in order to get her grades and start working to support Cozy Glow and herself.
Now she's gotten a call from Principal Celestia asking her to come to the school for a meeting, and since she can't bring Cozy Glow with her (incase they run into the Humane 5) she calls Adagio (who they met in the mall in an earlier chapter):
“Hey, Adagio. Are you free?”
“My-my, sunny. Is this a booty call?”
She groaned. “I don’t have time for this, Adagio! I have a meeting at CHS and I need someone to keep Cozy Glow company in the meantime.”
“Why don’t you ask one of your groupies then?”
“You’re the only one of my friends that she’s met. Look, are you free or not?”
“I suppose I could help you out...”
Sunset sighed in relief. “Thank you, Adagio. I really owe you one. Please come over as fast as you can.”
“You’ll make a great mommy someday, sunny.”
So when Sunset gets there, Celestia tries to talk her out of going through with her plan:
“What if you moved in with me and Luna?”
“Well, no offense to you personally, but considering Cozy’s history with your counterparts, there’s no way I can put her in that situation.”
“There must be someone else who can take care of her while you finish school.”
“I promised her I’d take care of her. I’m not going to pass her off to someone else. Plus, how do you think I’m going to pay for that without a job?”
“I’ll pay for it!” Celestia exclaimed. “Please, Sunset. Just consider it.”
Sunset rejects everything Celestia offers and moves to leave, leading to this exchange:
“I just don’t think this is right for you,” Celestia called out in desperation.
Sunset stopped in front of the door. “Were you and Luna orphans?” she asked, still facing the door.
Celestia contemplated how she should answer that. “We might as well have been, with how much parents worked.”
Sunset shook her head. “Then you don’t know. You don’t know how it feels to have nothing. You still had a home, money and a sister who loved you… You don’t know what it feels like to have no home!"
She turned around to glare at Celestia with tears flowing from her eyes. “To go to bed every night wondering why nobody loves you! What made your parents hate you so much to give you away! What you ever did to deserve this!”
...
“If I can save her from all that shit, I will! And it doesn’t matter what you, Twilight Sparkle, or anybody else say…!”
I think it's pretty good. How about you guys?
THIS is the blog post i wanted to see.
consider my hope in you restored.
5632217
Yeah, sorry about last time.
5632222
you are forgiven.
5632224
Yay!
So what do you think from the little you've seen?
5632391
I like it.
Further opinions will be given with the actual fic.
I think I like where this is going.
It's nice. I feel like this version of Celestia is really trying to help out though, and Sunset could probably stand to hear her out. Plus the obvious fix is to have them take classes together.
The CMC are already attending the school, and they are roughly the same age as Cozy, so there's some flexibility there, plus Sunset's already implied to be a genius (and so is Cozy).
Not to mention Sunset would not be able to walk out nearly as easily if there were the same legalize nonsense surrounding the Equestrian girl's school system that surrounds ours.
Have her take tests with Cozy Glow in private and as long as they can pass she can tutor her at the school. Plus, Sunset has her entire support system down the hall if she needs it.
Keep in mind, this is coming from a guy who has little but ambivalence for our public school system.
It's also possible I've become too accustomed to seeing how a story will unfold in advance and have just cut to critiquing it ahead of time. Either way, I look forward to seeing what you produce.
5632484
Oh yeah. Celestia is trying to help her, if for a selfish reason that I decided to cut out of the teaser.
And I don't want to give the impression that Sunset is burning bridges with everyone. This is just a temporary spat. Principal Celestia will still be there to help out when Sunset needs her.
Another thing is that I've never understood why the HCMC go to a high school. So here, they (and Cozy) will go to a junior high school separate from CHS. And I don't concider homeschooling and option because Sunset doesn't have the time and she want Cozy to have a normal life. Also, homeschooling is dumb and wouldn't make for an interesting story imo.
And don't apologise for going ahead of the story. I do it too.
5632611
I look forward to their interactions. Honestly I do feel like they have some interesting chemistry here. Although (and maybe it's just my sense of humor) but this scene actually puts me in mind of a mom and her teenage daughter. So I'm not sure whether that's more of a private observation that I find funny, or if it was meant to be played straight for drama.
Honestly there are so many reasons why that might be. From after school learning, to both buildings being on the same campus.
I suspect we are both biased in this, and I have no personal experience to speak of regarding homeschooling. My personal experience was public schooling and I hated most of it, but I can't speak as to whether home school would have been better or worse.
So I will just say that parents educating children has kept humanity alive when mass schooling wasn't a option. Plus it allows for a flexibility that (properly utilized) could offer benefits that public school simply can't, because of it's inherent reliance on and adherence to a stricter set of rules and bureaucracy.
That's just what I guess though, based on what I have observed. I will also say that while parents and teachers tend to differ from day to day, a bureaucracy almost never has to deal with our issues personally.
5632402
That's a good mentality to have.
Do you have any expectations on things that should happen in a sequel? Plotpoints, characters and such?
5633747
Merely a continuation of what we see here.
5632419
I think that makes me happy.
5633976
np
5633978
How about you? Do you have anything you'd expect to happen from a sequel to What You Deserve? Or some character you'd like to see, or something like that?
5634135
TBH, I'm not sure, it's your story not mine.
5633747
Is this question still open?
Because I have a scene i want in the story.
5678547
PM me.
5678547
Or post it here.
5735337
first, i'd like to apologize for taking this long to respond, i straight up forgot until now.
Second the actual scene i wanted in the story was basically the other Rainbooms reaction to Sunset's decision to graduate early.
Or do they not know about Cozy, yet?
5735348
The Rainbooms are aware of Cozy. There was a line about it in the first fic.
But there's definately going to be some reactions to that.
Anything else you've thought of?
5735672
Strangely enough, the Rainbooms just letting Cozy tear into them as if they were their Equestrian Counterparts, verbally.
5735683
Huh... I hadn't actually thought about that. I can definately see Fluttershy set that up.
Although, I'm not sure what Cozy would have to say to them, sans Twilight. I think she'd have more beef with Celestia, Luna and the CMC.
5735875
I can still see the Human CMC's being willing to let Cozy vent in this case.
EDIT: And, from what I remember of her limited input in the original story, Twilight.