December Depression · 1:03am Dec 3rd, 2021
I really hope you guys have been doing okay. Life has been... extremely hectic for nearly everyone recently, and for me personally, it's all been piling up on top of itself. Since my last post in 2017, I've been dealing with my depression in... unhealthy ways, and it was just until recently I realized that what I thought was me coasting, and just laying around, was me becoming uncomfortably comfortable with the idea of no longer being around. Part of my problem is that I put a lot... an absolute ton of love and affection into a relationship I had at the time, which ended in February. Being alone has hurt me in ways I can't entirely explain, only because the amount love and affection and security he gave me gave me the best part of my life, only for him to grow bored and throw me away for another person.
Something that I also realize that contributes to my depression is just all the news going on. Covid this, bad things that, oh look the world is just going to crap in general. Something that makes December so terrible for me I think, is just the expectation of "Christmas is supposed to be a happy time!" Which of course means, me not being happy is all the more apparent, but I think it's just the longing for the childhood excitement that I once had is what keeps me down.
I definitely know I'm not the only one dealing with a lot, especially around the holidays, but people tend to say that sharing how you feel helps, so hopefully we can share something that at least we remember as a happy time, to make the pain go away for a bit.
When my twin and I were really little, Friday would be our absolute favorite day, because of Cartoon Network's "You Are Here" block. We would order Pizza Hut, bring our blankets downstairs into the living room to make a fort in the middle, and we'd spend the night watching Star Wars, Generator Rex, Ben 10, and so many other shows that we loved. Anyway, while I know this time is difficult for everyone, I hope sharing thoughts of happier times can help. Do you guys have any memories you would like to share? Or how times have been difficult for you or people around you?
