"PerNoWriMo": Meet the Impo · 5:19pm Nov 23rd, 2021
"What Makes Me A Good Impossible Numbers? If I were a BAD Impossible Numbers, I wouldn't be sitting here discussing it with you now, would I?"
(Maybe related to the post: Team Fortress 2 is hilarious, and I wish they'd finish the webcomic already).
Status update below the break!
Blog Number 171: "They Got More ********** ********* ******** ********** Than They Got The Likes of Me" Edition
First an update, then Team Fortress 2 talk.
So first things first, how's it going in my corner?
Writing-wise: not good. 
MEET THE IMPOSSIBLE UPDATE
So yeah, things have blown up in my face again. 💥 Sigh...
It's not merely that I'm struggling. I've been struggling all year; that's nothing new. It's that I came so close to not struggling.
Picture these last three months:
September started off the same as all year, accomplishing basically zilch. Then around the midway mark, something extraordinary happened.
By chance - I forget what I was browsing for originally (probably just general interest in psychological disorders, as it's a subject I like to dip into as a hobby), but this was what I stumbled across - I found a video about ADHD and motivation on YouTube.
Now, I'm not saying I have ADHD - that's a big claim to make, I'm not fully convinced it applies to me, and in any case that's a matter for a professional diagnosis, not amateur guesswork - but I am saying the video's content struck me, and in a way I hadn't expected. It must have just hit me at the right time. When it described how you can put in a ton of effort and still feel like you're not making any progress, I practically said, "That's me!"
Then it went on to indicate - in a cute little animation - what sort of things might help to make crossing the "motivation bridge" easier: creating a sense of ongoing urgency, trying new or novel approaches, and appealing to your existing personal interests.
While I won't say I diligently followed that advice, it must have clicked with me. Why? Because that was the month when I got back into writing and publishing again. I also wrote (in the remaining half of September) more words than I'd written for any individual 2021 month prior.
Needless to say it was a welcome change of pace. 
Since that one vid worked so well, I had a look at several others on that channel over the following weeks. Most did nothing for me - didn't click, I should say - but some others did. Two of my favourites discuss something called "the wall of awful", which in my case turned out to be a handy little metaphor for why some seemingly simple tasks often feel like climbing a mountain.
For whatever reason, my writing really took off around this time and I started feeling much more confident and cheerful. Like I said, the videos clicked with me. I was on fire again! 
I kept that going into October, which started off with me accelerating. I was building up tremendous writing speed and feeling great about it, especially when I'd jumped onto FanofMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns III challenge and the ideas came thick and fast. You've seen the effects yourself. I was having a grand old time, until...
October 15th.
🔥👿 Do I bloody hate October 15th! 
🔥
As I've said before, I won't go into detail about that. What's important is that something medical happened that threw me completely off my game. I was a bit shaken up overall, to tell you the truth. It was horrible: I wish I could go back in time and wipe that day out of existence, it was that wretched.
Unfortunately, the effects have stuck. While I managed to stay productive thereafter, I could feel the wobbliness every time. The last three fics I published? All were actually attempts at short writing exercises to get my confidence back for the bigger ones, because I didn't feel I was ready yet to jump in the deep end.
At least I could keep the plates spinning for late October and for the first half of November. Although in hindsight, I think most of that was because of a combination of momentum and sheer bloody-mindedness. Eventually, the former wore off and the latter backfired on me, because now I've slowed to a stop, and the same pushy effort that used to keep me going has left me fighting myself in my own head.
In short, I'm in trouble. 
Again. 
God, it's galling!
I was really counting on this month turning around last month's stumble, but instead it's dried up at the wrong moment. My output has shrunk to vanishing point this past week, and I'm worried I won't be able to get it started up again. There's so much I want to do; I can't afford any more lapses, especially not when I was so close.
Not a happy bunny, in other words. 😢😭 Gawd, I need a drink. 🍺🍻
So what happens now? 
Well, partly I'm trying to reignite those same techniques in the hope of getting that spark going again. Mostly, though, I've just been trying to cheer myself up.
At the moment, going sideways. Because forget being sad: let's talk Team Fortress 2. 😎
MEET THE TEAM FRIENDSHIP 2 UPDATE
So... deep breath...
It's a game about a bunch of crazy-ass mercenaries killing each other over gravel. They may or may not be repeatedly cloned or reincarnated. Two businessmen brothers have spent over a century fighting for the right to incredibly valuable useless gravel pits whilst the announcer plays them all for saps, her assistant practically acts as daycare minder to the mercs, the next smartest mastermind in the room fuels his robot army with money, one of the soldiers is frenemies with a dumbass wizard who (presumably by accident) made him a lawyer, the arms dealer is basically "Crocodile Dundee laughing at Charles Atlas for being a wuss", Australia is a serious global superpower, and other such errant nonsense. Also, the mercs get arrested at one point, but then they kill Santa Claus and the town lets them go.
This stuff is some hard-hitting drama, and I ****ing love it. 
Yeah, I've recently rediscovered an old favourite of mine! I say re-discovered because I've known about this stuff for years. Just sort of forgot about it for a while.
Ironically, in a reverse of what I imagine most people go through, I originally found out about Team Fortress 2 not from the game, but from pony.
Because let's face it: this makes too much sense.
Yeah, remember way back at the fandom's prime when this was basically all over the place? By gods was this a nostalgia trip.
Anyway, re: TF2. Mostly, I got into the online content, both official and fan-made. That includes the original "Meet the Team" video series - each of which is a quick introduction to each mercenary, a good indicator of what their special talent is, and the chance to see loads and loads of people being brutally murdered - some of the update vids, and (my personal favourite) "Expiration Date", which is a glimpse into what Team Fortress 2 would be like if it were a TV show.
The title is really clever when you think about it.
And of course, some of the unofficial fan-made media - some of which is shockingly good, as it happens (I quite like the videos made by The Winglet mainly for its fight choreography, and the Team Service Announcement vids by Krunkidile for feeling like official comedic PSAs), but most of which is just dumb fun - which also crosses over into pony stuff, because both have eccentric personalities that may or may not want to kill each other.
For instance: Songs! See if you can spot [(✔) the pony influence] / [(✔) the odd one out] / [( ) my fist coming for your face, you bastard]!
THIS.
IS.
SANDVICH OPERA!
And, of course, there are the webcomics, which have an ongoing convoluted storyline that sometimes ties in to the yearly game updates, but which then took on a life of their own. The last update of the "annual comic that updated six months early" has now made it the "annual comic that hasn't updated nearly four years later (and counting)".
Our overarching story starts proper the only way it can: with Engie appreciating the art of Team Fortress 2.
(Source: https://www.teamfortress.com/loosecanon/)
Seriously, this guy has eleven hard science PhDs. Seriously.
It's pretty much a walking bloodbath of violent and sometimes outright dark craziness, unlike pony.
Like pony, though, it's an enjoyable corner of the world on its own terms. Neither franchise is exactly the deepest bit of narrative psychological exploration or anything fancy: each gets by mainly on its eccentric and colourful cast in a messed-up yet funny ol' world where they go through their extraordinary ordinary daily lives in-between bouts of dramatic extraordinary extraordinariness.
Also, one of them's a mad scientist who loves their work a little too much.
Now? Let's practice medicine friendship.
For those who don't mind the cartoony violence and gore (raises hand 🙋), Team Fortress 2 is definitely a fun, hilarious, unapologetically bizarre touchstone. And sometimes - especially during these times (personally) - that's enough. What more do you want? It just makes me smile, smile, smile. 
Damn, there's a lot of [(✔) songs] / [(✔) videos] / [(✔) violent arse-kicking] in this blog post, ain't there?
So yeah, I've... barely played the actual game, as it happens. Sorry, no drama here about how the Pyro fluctuates between being useless and being overpowered. Sorry.
Thankfully, this video is not game-accurate. Because if it was, no one would ever play as any other class.
Ever. Again. 
Well, that's all for now. Impossible Numb-
KABLOOIE!
"Och, they're gonna have to glue you back together! IN HELL!"
man, I love those old TF2 videos. :D that was good times
I literally just got an ADHD diagnosis yesterday, I should probably watch those videos. c.c
5610501
They are great, aren't they? The pony fandom overlap used to surprise me back then (because TF2 is a lot more cynical and violent), but the commonality connection makes a bit more sense in hindsight.
Re: vids... One thing I really like is how the "Meet the Team" videos got progressively more complex and hilarious with each release. The series starts with Heavy talking about his gun before briefly ending with what looks like in-game footage, whereas the later vids had full-blown mini-plots, total gorefest multi-kills, and sheer off-the-wall craziness (especially the Spy and Medic ones, which are arguably my favourites).
Whoa, really just yesterday? That's almost incredible timing! I must be unconsciously psychic...
Like I said, though, I found these specific videos very helpful (and educationally entertaining) regardless. Procrastination and frustration have been personal bugbears of mine for a long time, so there was always potential for overlap.
Besides, I think the little brain cartoon is cute.