Mid-2021 Report: I Might (Slowly) Be Getting Somewhere · 7:59pm Jun 30th, 2021

Blog Number 145: "This (Maybe) Works For Me" Edition

Overall, my main goal is to get into the habit of producing novels regularly, either instead of or in addition to shorter writing projects. Hasn't exactly happened in prior years, so 2021 has been focused on hitting the right road and finally kicking myself into high gear.

The result? Hmmm... A very mixed, promising "hmmm..." to be sure, but we're still very much in "hmmm..." territory.

Allow me to explain...

So how's progress been for me? The short answer: not good.

I've only published two fics in the past six months, and one of them's a flashfic anthology. Coming from me, that's looking at 2014-2015 levels of site inactivity, which is somewhat worrying when I've largely been consistently prolific since (with blank spots, to be fair: see most of 2016, 2017, and 2019 for examples).

Overall, I have written about 77,000 words in the past half-year (most of them unusable writing exercises to keep my hand in). This sounds impressive until you realize two things: one, it's an average of just under 13,000 a month, and in practice includes some really bad months and only a handful of good ones; two, I was actually trying to increase my production rate. Normally, I can hit a range roughly between 200k-300k a year. You compare and contrast.

No novels in the offing, needless to say. I'm hoping I can finally turn it around this year, but so far? Nada.

And so far, I've managed to get five fics onto Equestria Daily this year, though that's more out of ongoing habit and for abstract bragging rights than for the (now minor) bump in traffic. Believe me, I like getting them on there, and the feedback has been useful (though I've been slow to apply any of it yet), but let me put it this way: it's a good thing I'm not doing it for the popularity.

The long answer: not good, but for interesting reasons.

Namely, I've been radically overhauling my approach and unlearning some deeply ingrained habits. A certain lack of productivity is probably inevitable at this point.

See... Well, looking back, I'm not going to disparage what I've written in prior years, but this is the year I've decided I'm not happy with the slower-than-hoped-for rate of production. I got plans. So 2021 has involved a radical reworking of my entire approach to writing, such as concentrating on the goal of finishing what I started in previous years from the ground up.

I drew up a list of 60+ projects at the end of 2020 which I wanted to focus on. But since starting a project is much easier than finishing it, let's just say I'm having to work against a lot of ingrained habits here.

The good news is that it's working: one of these projects actually is making some long-term headway and has not e.g. been abandoned as soon as a shinier alternative comes along a week later. The fact that it's still on my mind and on its way several months later, I consider a good sign.

The bad news is that it's paaaiiinfully sloooooooooooooooow.

Like, I made an effort to pick it up as early as January, and here we are in June-entering-July. I'm... probably about an eighth of the way through it, barring monumental changes down the road. So while I won't be crowing from the rooftops anytime soon, neither am I actually in that bad a place. For the first time in a long time, I think I might actually be on the right track.

The key I've found has been mundanity. Instead of treating it as the Biggest Thing Ever (and inevitably ramping up the perfectionist impulse), turn it into a pleasant habit. Don't dream of the mountain: have a fun time looking around this patch of crags and footholds and that odd cave that'd make a nice camping spot. That sort of thing.

See, the catch is hidden in the saying: "Things won are done; joy's soul lies in the doing." Achievement is part of the process, of course (got to finish things sometime!), but it's only a checkpoint at the end of the day. Proportionally speaking, the joy of triumph has very poor keeping qualities. And since you're going to spend the majority of your time in the doing phase than in the done phase, it's a recipe for misery to sacrifice weeks and weeks of time just for a few hours' buzz (if you're lucky). So cater for the weeks.

Trying to integrate the writing into my everyday or everyweek schedule and enjoying it for its own sake has been the dominant theme, to varying levels of success. There's no getting around the fact it's not as easy and effortless as my other leisure activities (racking your brains over how a scene's supposed to go is a world apart from blazing through a good ol' video game, for instance), but I think I am at last achieving a level of harmonious coexistence. Not a great one, because of all the stop-starts, but it's getting easier to ride those out as time goes on.

It's a... cautious optimism, shall we say? Which does mean I'm promising nothing yet, but we'll see how it goes over the next six months, eh?

Well, that's all for now. Impossible Numbers, out.

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