Proper Introductions · 9:11pm May 24th, 2021

I’ve never made a blog post before, so I have little grasp on what is considered to be “Blog Worthy.” But I am mainly doing this right now because I am venting to myself. Whether or not anyone reads this is not a big concern at the moment. I am mainly concerned with getting this off my chest.

Nothing profound or life-changing. But definitely a weight off of me. If you happened upon this by random chance and have made it this far, I applaud your patience.

I am currently unemployed, have no secondary education whatsoever, have lived off of Stimulus, Unemployment, and other forms of Federal aid that may go away at a moment's notice given how very fluctuant this last year has been.

I am fine right now, thankfully. Physically, I am well. Emotionally, I am stable. Mentally… Well, ahem; That’s basically unchanged.

I am left with a seemingly simple question after all of this; one that threatens my carefully maintained balance of health and wellness.

“Where do I go from here?”

On the surface, this seems simple. I pursue a secondary education in whatever I aspire to be in the future, attending classes in a school which help to offer good courses based on what I think is necessary to learn, and from what I want to learn; Maintaining a healthy balance between the two so whatever career option I end up with, there is still a plausible backup for me to retreat to if the going gets tough.

At least, that is what my very optimistic outlook of the future looked like pre-2020.

And with the power of hindsight, I realize now that things are not the same at all. And the manner to traverse down your road in life, at least for the foreseeable future, is drastically altered.

The very weird, bizarre year that is 2020 is finally behind us now--and oh dear--what an interesting and eventful year it was, in all the worst ways. And ever since this year’s end, I found myself more and more pressured into trying to pursue my career. That is the standard and somewhat stereotypical assumption that I would get into online courses, and study my way ahead in life. As if it was all preordained and planned out.

If there is one thing 2020 helped me remember, it’s that the only thing predictable about life is its unpredictability.

So my life is basically at a crossroads, one that I know will suck no matter what path I take. But this Blog post isn’t supposed to be about my life story; I almost got carried away there.

This post was supposed to be about you, the potential reader.

I named this post “Proper Introductions” because for the longest time I have lived up to my namesake embarrassingly well. You probably know me by now as a middle aged man who has no expectations in life whatsoever, and I would be remiss to try and to prove you wrong on that. But that's it.

For starters, I don’t really enjoy putting myself on a stage for others to see of any kind; Both in a literal and a metaphysical sense. I don’t post my real name, or my state, or my preferences, or any other tidbits about myself on any site/browser/application where it may ask. I usually have it in private.

My work, however? The fics I made? The things I actually do and show off to others, I do so to impress you. That is the simple, honest truth.

And while this serves as an Irony to who I am, I really don’t like talking about it. Or about myself. At all.

Because for the longest time, I had come to the nihilistic impression that whatever I amounted to in life was but a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things. And yeah, I know I shouldn’t be burying myself like so. I’m not trying to send myself into depressive episodes, and I am not trying to lash out at others because I am mad at myself.

But it happens anyway. And I always regret the consequences.

Because of this, I am what you may consider a “Snowflake” and honestly, you’d be right. Which is funny to me, because more often than not I have no problem with directing my rage outlet onto others for my own fallible faults. It's hard to be honest with yourself when half of the things you say to yourself to make you feel better only end up contradicting the other half.

Honestly, considering what I have to work with, it's amazing I am able to find a fondness and talent for creative writing at all. And I do not ever want to trade that talent for a lot of things in the world.

But as of right now, at the time of me writing this, I haven’t written anything worthwhile in months. My biggest work seems to be on a permanent Hiatus as I am Wrestling with my consciousness about whether or not it is worth continuing; whether or not I can do all of this by myself.

Yeah, because that’s exactly who I’ve got to rely on right now; Myself.

Sure, there are excellent guides out there that can definitely add to your knowledge on what is acceptable and what is not, what techniques to use and what to avoid. And yeah, these are easy to find and they can be plentiful, potentially taking months of study time.

But they merely give me the means to hold and write with the pen (or keyboard.) It is solely me that prints the words onto the paper. I am basically my own editor, proofreader, and reviewer; which is hellish for me.

Now, back to the actual crux of this post.

A lot of stuff has happened in the last year that has really forced everyone to take a fearless, personal, moral inventory of themselves. And a lot of people are trying to emerge from the other side of these chaotic times better than they did when they entered, which is easier said than done. Myself included.

And I have come to the conclusion: I want to keep writing, and I am going to do so. And I am not going to dwell in a figurative cave like a hermit to do so.

I have plans for fics that I have not taken the time and effort to flesh out, mainly because I have been attached to writing stuff for EaW (Equestria at War.) But as of now, I am slowly but surely starting to work on those side projects; mostly small, one of them pretty big and I think you will find it very entertaining in due time.

And this is the Crux: I am trying to take writing more seriously, and I want you guys to enjoy it. And while I would rather not do it by myself, I am not going to just hop from forum to forum crying “oh will someone edit this for me plz” for absolutely free when I know those potential editors have better things to do.

As far as I know.

But if I have to keep doing this by myself, I will keep doing so. And I will only focus on Quality. Just don't expect consistency with it.

So with that out of the way:

Hi.

I am a middle-aged nobody with a myriad of mental health issues who enjoys writing as a form of Catharsis, particularly about Horse Words.

I hope we can get along.

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