Friendship is Card Games and Witchcraft: The Perfect Swarm · 12:45pm Jan 31st, 2021
Ah, the abridged series, LittleKuriboh’s gift to fandoms everywhere. And when it comes to ponies, the first name that comes to mind is Sherclop Pones’s Friendship is Witchcraft. Or the Mentally Advanced Series. Or…
Look, we’re covering the birthplace of Sweetie Bot. And it turns out the first episode is rich enough in material to cover a card blog by itself. (Compare and contrast Pony Life.)
“Did you find a new friend? I killed it.”
Nothing like an establishing character moment to kick things off. This isn’t your garden-variety Fluttershy… though with the benefit of hindsight, casting her as the acolyte of a hideous, formless god-monstrosity does approach her eventual relationship with Discord.
Fluttershy intentionally weaponizing parasprites works to a terrifying degree. Which is, of course, how and why this episode came to be.
“Princess Celestia requires a fortress of knowledge” is a perfect example of an abridged series line. Close to what you could imagine the character saying, just pushed a little past the point of absurdity. (Cultistshy is a different but equally valid approach, though one that I find should be used more sparingly.)
Sometimes matching the lip flaps means making awestruck baby noises.
It is kind of surreal to see Season 1 footage again. I don’t usually rewatch FiM episodes.
Ah, Princess Molestia. There’s a name I’ve not heard in years. (If you’re unaware of the drama, don’t ask. It’s not a proud chapter in the history of the fandom.)
“We were supposed to stage this coup together!”
Again, a line that nearly describes endgame developments in Friendship is Magic.
“I already ate.”
This actually ties in nicely with a bit of my headcanon. Parasprites reproduce so quickly because they’re edible and nutritious for every other species. Including ponies.
Ah, Dashie Antoinette. How did Rarity rope her into this, in either world?
“I need instruments to stop the parasprites!”
At least she said it in one timeline.
“Oh, I wish Spike hadn’t spilled glitter everywhere!”
I admit, that got me to actually laugh. Brilliant subversion of the “so clean it shines” visual effect. Especially since that doesn’t work well with still-living wooden surfaces.
“We just watched Gremlins and an episode of Star Trek and went straight to bed.”
Hey, credit where credit’s due.
Heh. And the abridged series has a point: Even if Pinkie did explain her plan, it sounds absurd until ponies see it in action.
I am rather amused by how Rainbow Dash has only a slightly richer vocabulary than the average Pokémon.
Remember, “never summon anything bigger than your head” also applies to multiple small objects with greater total volume.
Again, great establishing character moment. This Twilight is concerning on multiple levels, and we won’t see just how much for quite some time.
I have to appreciate the SM64 Slider theme. Only more appropriate track for parasprite wrangling would be Moo Moo Farm.
“She’s a few shotguns short of a wedding” is funnier than it has any right to be. And I do appreciate how the world is so insane that the others can’t understand Pinkie’s attempts at clear, concise communication.
Bonbon’s maintaining her cover come Hell or high water. Or a parasprite swarm.
I’d forgotten they’d used the Superfriends-era Aquaman aquatic telepathy sound. It’s magic rings coming out of a character’s head. It counts.
Polka remix of “Friday”… That wasn’t forgetting. That was deliberate repression… though again, funny in hindsight given Cheese Sandwich.
Curious that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash didn’t bow to Celestia at first. And that’s the original footage, not the altered script.
Yeah, turns out that pushing your problems off on someone else has consequences.
And that’s the start of FiW. They’re horrible people, but entertainingly so. And they make for fantastic card fodder. But enough talking about eye candy; let’s see what I can do with it:
Multihoof Drifting 2W
Instant
Exile up to two target creatures. Return those creatures to the battlefield under their owners’ control at the beginning of the next end step. Each Pony, Pegasus, and Unicorn that enters the battlefield this way does so with an additional +1/+1 counter on it.
Aloof Highborn 3W
Creature — Pegasus Noble
Flying
When Aloof Highborn enters the battlefield, each player sacrifices a nonland permanent with the greatest converted mana cost among permanents that player controls.
“Let them eat clouds.”
3/3
Back to Hell 3WW
Sorcery
Destroy all creatures that are black or red.
Cycling 2W (2W, Discard a card: Draw a card.)
When you cycle Back to Hell, destroy up to one target black or red creature.
Fluttershy can’t tolerate horrors she didn’t summon.
Root Drowner 1U
Creature — Pony Citizen
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Root Drowner unless you return a land you control to its owner’s hand.
“Of course I know what I’m doing. I’m an earth pony, aren’t I?”
3/3
Fortress of Knowledge 1UU
Creature — Wall
Flash
Defender
Fortress of Knowledge’s toughness is equal to the number of cards in your hand.
Whenever Fortress of Knowledge is dealt damage, draw a card.
0/*
Parasprite Labor Force 3U
Creature — Pest Artificer
Flying
If an effect would create one or more artifact tokens under your control, it creates twice that many of those tokens instead.
If parasprites know anything, it’s how to replicate.
1/3
Shunned Wisemare 4U
Creature — Pony Wizard
When Shunned Wisemare enters the battlefield, draw a card.
Whenever Shunned Wisemare becomes the target of a spell or ability an opponent controls, counter that spell or ability unless that player pays 1 for each card in your hand.
3/3
Abyssal Parasprite 2B
Creature — Pest Imp
Flying
Other Pests you control get +1/+0.
At the beginning of each opponent’s upkeep, that player may pay 1 life. If they don’t, create a 0/1 blue Pest creature token with flying.
2/1
Queen of the Feast 2B
Creature — Pony Noble
Lifelink
As Queen of the Feast enters the battlefield, you may sacrifice any number of creatures and/or Foods. If you do, it enters the battlefield with that many +1/+1 counters on it.
2/2
Molestopia Bowling Team 3B
Creature — Bat Pegasus Soldier
Flying
Whenever Molestopia Bowling Team deals damage, choose target player, then roll a six-sided die. On a 4 or higher, that player discards a card.
2/1
Sugarcube Coup 3B
Sorcery
Each opponent loses 2 life. You gain 2 life and become the monarch.
Years later, Pinkie still insisted that the Cakes had just gone on a long vacation.
Eclipse Swarm 4B
Creature — Pest
Flying, menace
With enough numbers, individual parasprites’ colors are lost in a tide of sun-blotting hunger.
3/3
Torment of Parasprites 4B
Instant
Create three 0/1 blue Pest creature tokens with flying. Target opponent loses 3 life unless they sacrifice a nonland permanent or discard a card.
The sound of kittens. The look of stuffed toys. The hunger of locusts.
Abusive Indoctrination 1R
Instant
Kicker 3B (You may pay an additional 3B as you cast this spell.)
Abusive Indoctrination deals 3 damage to target creature. When a creature dealt damage this way dies this turn, if this spell was kicked, return that card to the battlefield under your control.
Affectionate Mogwai 1R
Creature — Beast
When Affectionate Mogwai enters the battlefield, you may discard a card. If you do, draw a card.
Whenever an opponent gains life or casts a spell that’s white or blue, transform Affectionate Mogwai.
2/1
Gremlin Swarm
(R) Creature — Gremlin
Menace
Protection from white and from blue (This creature can’t be blocked, targeted, dealt damage, enchanted, or equipped by anything white or blue.)
Whenever an opponent gains life, put a +1/+1 counter on Gremlin Swarm.
3/3
Need to Dash 1R
Instant
Target creature attacks this turn if able. If U was spent to cast this spell, that creature gets -4/-0 until end of turn.
Haste makes waste, often in the form of hospital bills.
Walking Feast 3G
Creature — Elephant
When Walking Feast dies, put a +1/+1 counter on target creature you control, then double the number of +1/+1 counters on that creature.
“What? I had a light lunch.”
—Pinkie Pie
3/2
Eye of the Swarm XG
Instant
Prevent all combat damage that would be dealt this turn by creatures with power X or less.
Draw a card.
Peace is fleeting, and thus all the more precious.
Misprinted Banner 2
Artifact
T: Add one mana of any color.
At the beginning of combat on each opponent’s turn, if Misprinted Banner is tapped, target creature that player controls gets +2/+0 until end of turn.
“Well, at least we could fit it all in.”
Giant Hat 3
Artifact — Equipment
Fabulosity 3 (3: If this artifact isn’t fabulous, put a gem counter on it and it becomes fabulous.)
Equipped creature gets +2/+2. If Giant Hat is fabulous, that creature gets +4/+4 instead.
Equip 3
Warped Recollection UR
Sorcery
As an additional cost to cast this spell, discard a card.
Return two instant and/or sorcery cards at random from your graveyard to your hand. Exile Warped Recollection.
Twilight can do no wrong in her own mind.
Cooing Tribble (gw)(gw)
Creature — Pest
When Cooing Tribble enters the battlefield, you gain 2 life.
At the beginning of your upkeep, pay (gw). If you do, create a token that’s a copy of Cooing Tribble. Otherwise, sacrifice Cooing Tribble.
Born pregnant and eager to fix that.
2/1
Apple Family Collaborator 1RG
Creature — Pony Druid
T, Sacrifice X other nonland permanents: Add X plus one mana of any one color.
“Same deal as always. You get what you need and my family gets to live.”
1/1
Hey, bringing up Yugioh in these blogs is my job!
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Aloof Highborn doesn't exclude you from her ability... or herself; playing her on curve actually is recommended, because better her than someone or something important. (This sort of thing is usually a black ability; white normally only sacrifices itself so making that the obvious default use case is sort of acceptable as a bend)
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: Fortress of Knowledge will die to lethal damage before the drawn card can save it... but you do still draw the card. Casting a spell will also remove it from your hand immediately, and lowering its toughness in that way can kill it before the spell's draw effect can bring it back up. Asterisk toughness also applies in all zones and when abilities are negated (most things that do the latter will overwrite the toughness anyway, but if they don't...) Seriously, this is one of those things they're moving away from because it's weird and fiddly.
Inside Baseball Alert: Bowling teams are associated with die-rolling, and silver-border is especially appropriate for an Abridged Series reference.
Stupid Complicated Game Alert: I'm not sure you're allowed to make Cooing Tribble properly mandatory in black border; a quick check says you can be forced to activate mana abilities by triggers, but can it be done implicitly? Even then, you can technically tap out before it resolves in order to make the "Otherwise" work, although the mana will normally dissipate before your main phase starts so I sure hope you have instants or flash. (Ignore the bolding if it's meant to be silver-border, like with most cases of bolded SCGA)
Friendship is Witchcraft stands out for not just Sweetie Bot, but for its awesome songs. Gonna be interesting to see what you get out of the later episodes!
I admit I wasn’t at Ground Zero when it all went down, but nowadays I consider it quaint.
Pinkie never made it as a wise mare. And as future episodes will show, she couldn’t cut it as a poor mare stealing.
Just to be clear, this value means it requires two mana, both can be either green or white?
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I actually met Jenny Nicholson at the last BronyCon, who did the voices and singing.
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In the case of the Highborn, I'm doing some experimenting in light of complaints about white's insufficient slice of the color pie. I figure going back through World Queller's design space is one possibility. I may not be able to influence Play Design, but there's no wrong way to fantasize.
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I am quite happy about the chance to make more Songs.
5445511
Yes, the Tribble has the same mana cost as, say, Sundering Growth.
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Mind, how we remind her of what she really is involves being inexplicably bound by something we call "the laws of physics" or something like that.
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In that context, symmetrical removal is probably the last thing it needs.
I dunno. Something that's effectively Fleshbag Marauder or Soul Shatter would definitely give white options it doesn't already have. Even if that's just forcing opponents to play more creatures so you can Wrath them.