Two Introverts and the Oh So Humble Spirit of Chaos - Alternate scene · 7:08am Nov 5th, 2020
Discord's intro alternate scene
I originally had something different for Discord's self-introduction in the latest epilogue chapter for MttPP, but FOME said it was too much and messed with the pacing of the story as Discord's typical antics don't translate well to written narrative. Well... he was right, and the new scene works much better, BUT I spent a long time on the original scene and didn't want to completely toss it out. So, here it is.
(At the end is a cheat-sheet for the inspirations behind Discord's transformations.)
“Well then, Butterfly,” Discord cheered, “being from a different dimension means we need to be properly introduced.”
The Fluttershys looked at each other. ““We just did that.””
Discord just laughed. “Oh, no, no, no. You just got to know my name, not my full character. So allow me to really introduce myself.”
He backed up a step and took a dramatic bow. “I am Discord, Ace of Absurd Antics—”
He snapped his fingers.
Suddenly there were fifty-four of him around the garden each sporting one of four different suits and many headdresses with varying numbers and crowns. Two jokers attempted to perform a stand-up comedy routine for the benefit of Posey’s animals. Some were playing poker with dogs. The rest were trying to pick each other up.
The original Discord flashed and he was wearing a gray business suit with a green undershirt, sporting a very thick, wide, black mustache and holding a small Equestrian flag on a stick.
“Baron of Bizarre Buffoonery.”
Another flash and they were all aboard a tiny red tugboat and riding waves of seltzer water. The door to the wheelhouse opened and several Discords squeezed out dressed as clowns.
“Captain of Clowning Around.”
The seltzer began to swirl rapidly, the water level dropping fast. A few of the clown Discords tied balloon animals around the Fluttershys causing them to float safely as the Seltzer and tugboat, Discords and all, circled around, eventually getting sucked into a drain shaped like a magician’s hat.
“Duke of Diversions,” a Discord announced from behind them as they gently landed on the dry ground. They looked to see him standing in a black magician’s suit and cape. He put on the hat everything had drained into and faded out of existence.
“Enigma of Eccentricity,” his voice declared.
A wide-eyed Butterfly turned to Posey with a thousand questions in her eyes. Posey simply giggled and gave her a hug with a foreleg as their balloon animals all hugged, licked, or nuzzled them before popping out of existence. A full-sized cardboard cutout of Discord appeared from within one of the balloons, but it looked like a pencil sketch of him rather than a full rendering. As soon as they noticed it, it fell over.
“Flap-doodle of Fantastic Farces and Foolish Frolics,” it told them before poofing into a Discord wearing a fuzzy orange and black spotted one-piece with a blue tie topped with a tall headpiece that seemed to be covered in blue hair with two horns sticking out the sides and a medal on the front.
“Grand Poobah of Goofing Off.”
He put his goat hoof in, he put his goat hoof out, he put his goat hoof in, and he shook it all about.
“High-score holder of the downtown Hokey-Pokey contest!”
He turned himself about and was wearing an armored black suit with a cape and comically oversized dark helmet.
“Lord of the Ludicrous.”
The face-plate of the helmet slammed down and the cape wrapped around him, turning into a chrysalis. It burst open and hundreds of little balls fell to the ground and rolled out of sight as he opened his brand new red and orange butterfly wings.
“Monarch of Lost Marbles.”
He flew off and a team of Discords harnessed to a long limousine of a carriage ran up to them. The back door opened and Discord stepped out wearing an expensive, black business suit with top hat and monocle.
“Oligarch of Oddities.”
Another Discord came out wearing a very flamboyant suit, sporting feathered hair, a white lace cravat, and guitar.
“Prince of Phenomenal Paradoxes, Parodies, Pandemonium, and Peculiarities.”
Another snap of their fingers and a female Discord wearing a crown stood in place of all the others.
“Queen of Quirks (when the mood strikes).”
She opened her purse and pulled out a Discord wearing a white and black striped pantsuit and cap with a heavy iron ball chained to his leg. Queen Discord put him down and in a poof the queen was gone and the prisoner Discord was full-sized. The chain broke and allowed the ball to roll away while he took off the uniform.
“Reformed Spirit of Disharmony.”
A colorful blue carpet flew in with another Discord on it wearing a white turban. The new Discord got off and the former prisoner flew away free while singing something about a Whole New World.
“Sultan of Strange, Silly Shenanigans and Satire.”
The whole world turned upside down and the Fluttershys began to fall toward the sky. Posey caught Butterfly and they glided up a short distance to the carpet from before. On it was a Discord wearing a military dress uniform.
“Tsar of the Topsy-turvy.”
He spread his arms wide above his head and the planet they were just on vanished, replaced with a psychedelic sky all around them filled with stars, nebulae, colorful stained-glass, and other artworks.
“Visionary of Variety.”
The carpet grew in all directions and curled, surrounding them on all sides and above. They were in complete darkness for a fraction of a second before a white-gloved paw pulled them out. Discord stood there wearing a colorful robe matching the pointed hat they were apparently just in.
“Wizard of Witty, Weird Wisecracks.”
He grew a third arm and a second head and the robe fell away to reveal an outfit that would give Rarity a heart attack from concept alone. The wizard hat dropped a towel before vanishing.
“Zaphod of Zingers,” concluded the second head.”
A final snap of Discord’s fingers and all was as it was before. “I’m also the owner of a dictionary and thesaurus,” Discord, now back to having only one head, explained. “Seriously, I could have done something for every letter of the alphabet, but that would have been a bit much, don't you think?”
“Oh, Discord,” Posey laughed. Butterfly, having at some point fallen on her rump, stared on with her jaw hanging.
“All in all,” Discord continued, “I am Discord, the humble Spirit of Chaos, for short.”
“Discord,” Posey got out while trying to stifle her giggles, “I bet the whole town saw that.”
“Oh?” he asked in a light tone. “When do you think the reviews will be in?”
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Here's every parody I had Discord turn into while introducing himself.
01) Ace of Absurd Antics
Just some playing cards.
02) Baron of Bizarre Buffoonery
(Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat) I've never seen the movie so I'm just going by this image.
04) Duke of Diversions
It's old, but who hasn't heard of "Duke of Earl"?
07) Grand Poobah of goofing off
Not the original Grand Poobah, but this show made the phrase commonplace.
09) Lord of the Ludicrous
I had to. They called him "Lord Helmet" after all so it worked twice over.
10) Monarch of lost marbles
(Monarch butterfly)
Simple pun
11) Oligarch of Oddities
Couldn't think of anything so I just made a generic rich person. I generally patterned the description off the Monopoly guy.
12) Prince of Phenomenal Paradoxes, Parodies, Pandemonium, and Peculiarities
Another pun
15) Sultan of Strange, Silly Shenanigans and Satire
Sure, he's not a sultan yet but his date's father is.
18) Wizard of Witty, Weird Wisecracks
Why not?
19) Zaphod of Zingers
I know, "Zaphod" isn't a title, but it sounded like something Discord might say.
(The rest aren't based on any real specific things)
I,J,K,N,U,X,Y. These are the letters he missed. As for what they could be... hmm...
Inspiration made Manifest
The Jolly Joker
King of Kooky
Nicest of the Non-Euclidean
Ultimate Unknowable
????? (Seriously, X is the worst letter for these kind of things...)
Yodeler of the Year
Gnostic of the Nonsequitur.
Xiaolian of xenoi? (plural of xeno)
The Ancillary of Argle Blargle Vargle?