Breaking the Break, and Why 108 is Such an Amazing Number · 11:42am Oct 16th, 2020
Blog Number 108: "Symptom or Cause?" Edition
After how the last couple of weeks have gone, I think I might go back to writing now. It's entirely possible my problems with writing are not actually with writing, per se. Perhaps they were just symptoms of something else all along.
Why I Want To Keep Writing
I'm not ignoring the good advice I've been given. I don't mean any disrespect. If it turns into a chore again, then I'll leave it alone, at least for a while. Problems like these most likely can't be fixed in a few days, and I'm mindful of that, I really am.
Plus, I don't forget those times when I hated writing because it wasn't working for me, or when I got so nervous and wrapped up in it that merely publishing something felt like running a gauntlet.
Only, I've been feeling differently the last few days. I'm not sure my problem is with writing itself, to be honest, but with the context I've been trying to do it in. I haven't enjoyed any support for it at home - if only because no one really understands or shares my passion for the craft.
Even if I was still with a creative writing club, it's not likely I'd share ponyfic with them, despite ponyfic being my major inspiration at the moment. Besides, good luck meeting up under lockdown.
That just leaves the fandom, namely this corner of the site, where it took years and years before I even felt remotely comfortable enough to admit that this is a major outlet for me, and that maybe I shouldn't have been so cagey and secretive that I have fewer blog posts than stories, some of those posts being random outbursts about quitting writing out of nowhere.
The truth is I really want to keep writing. I like making progress, meeting checkpoints, hitting manageable yet satisfying targets regularly, finding something new and just wanting to run off with the idea like chasing a strange new species of butterfly with a net (er... as in I have the net, not the butterfly).
There's so much to do, so much I want to try, and so much I enjoy once I've got the hang of it, that it's been gnawing away at my mind ever since I announced the break in my Final Report for September 2020 blog post. Besides, developing stories gives some structure to my time outside of work, and ultimately is the major long-term project in my leisure hours, especially under lockdown.
I think, on balance, the benefits of continuing to write outweigh the costs.
The Surprising Number 108
Incidentally, I'd half a mind to do something special for my 108th blog post, because I gather 108 is a significant number in Buddhism (and I'm delighted to know it's a multiple of 6, 9, 12, 18, and 36: odd as this sounds, they're some of my favourite numbers for being so neat and tidy to organize with).
So I looked it up on Wikipedia, just to pick some cute trivia for it, and...
Got that feeling when you're reminded the world is bigger and more fascinating than you realized.
I almost immediately got a solid reminder of how much I miss studying mathematics. There are terms on there I'm familiar with (abundant numbers, for instance), but a lot I haven't come across before, or don't remember doing so (I was vaguely aware of Fibonacci numbers, but not of variants like Tetranacci numbers, of which 108 is the 12th in the sequence, 9th if you ignore repeated numbers... and by the way, what do you get if you multiply 12 by 9?).
And then there are connections to the Golden Ratio, the fact that the number is significant in Hinduism and Jainism too, why the number is significant in Buddhism (a bunch of reasons, but one that stood out to me was that it was the result of multiplying the number of senses with whether they are painful, pleasant, or neutral, with whether they are external or internal, and with whether they are past, present, or future, giving 108 possible feelings).
And then there's the distance between the Earth and the Moon/Sun relative to their diameters (which is why eclipses are so near-perfect: from Earth, both Sun and Moon look roughly the same size as a result of this coincidental ratio), the upper safe limit of human body temperature as measured in degrees Fahrenheit, significance in the martial arts, references in literature...
Keep in mind, this is just one number in one topic in one field among many sciences among all the areas of knowledge known to humanity in the present day.
Alas, with all these delights and surprises in the world, there are simply not enough years in a lifetime... 
Well, yes, I just thought I'd put that out there.
That's all for now. Impossible Numbers, out.
108 is one of those numbers that pops up everywhere.
I’ve looked into recurring number themes before, and it is a deep, deep rabbit hole. When I say that, I mean it in the sense that you could keep exploring, and there would never be a true end to that search. It‘s kind of like how fractals work, being the same at small scale as they are at large scale. There’s less coincidence in certain correlations than there is recurring structure.
Maybe I said that right. Either way, I’m sorry I jumped on the incidental thing you said first.
The cost/benefit ratio is always something to be considered for creativity. I hope you have fun restarting the motor, there. Just don’t overdo it.
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If anything, I really like the idea of getting back into happily writing "oh hey guys, here's a blog post about something that tickled my fancy" over writing "oh god, why is my life like this, why, wwwhhhyyy!?"
Wouldn't dream of it. Just a paltry 10,000 words a day that's all, nothing major.
In all seriousness, there won't be any word count targets or some such. Nothing that artificial. Just writing when I feel up for it. Anyway, it'll probably just be story plans or something like that for a while.
108 doesn't look like an impossible number to me.
I hope you manage to rekindle your love of writing soon. And as mentioned above, maybe start off slowly so you don't overdo it.
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There is - in fact - only one impossible number, but mathematicians don't know what it is yet because Discord's not telling.
Taking it slow and easy is the plan, at least. Overdo it, me? Perish the thought!