You Are Not Alone. · 3:45pm Oct 13th, 2020
Hi All,
Apologies that it has been a while since my last response.
Firstly, I want you to know that I continue to feel guilty for what happened, and to the people who were angered, hurt, or disappointed by what I did, I am still sorry. Whether I did something to you directly or whether you read or saw what I was like, I am sorry that I let you down. Nobody deserved the person that I was and I am sorry that they were treated so poorly by me.
I am now in therapy, seeing a therapist recommended by my doctor once a week, treating me for a destructive depression that I have had since I was ten. I am telling you this not to feel sorry for me, but to know that I want to be different and that I am not going to be the man I was before.
That said, there's a second part to this message that I want to share with you:
Mental Health Day or Week or whatever was a few days ago, so I wanted to share this. If you can, I recommend watching this, even if you feel mentally sound.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/m000n1xx/freddie-flintoff-living-with-bulimia
I am not somebody with bulimia but I am somebody who has needed to seek help because of a decline in my mental health.
Watching this, I am shocked to hear how many people got knocked back by the professional people who were supposed to help them.
I want to thank my friends, my family, and the people who have not given up on me over the years.
Several years ago, I went to a doctor for help with depression and was told I "simply was not sad enough." I persisted with paid counseling that I could not afford, put myself into debt, and made myself worse. Eventually, I gave up and tried to fix myself on my own.
This year, I tried again, and a kinder doctor put me in touch with Trent PTS who have been really helpful and made me see that I am good enough, I'm not a failure and I am going to be okay.
I continue to fight my dragons so that they don't become somebody else's problem in the future. If you ever need someone to hear you, see you or just let you vent, I will be here.
Don't let ANYBODY, not even a professional, tell you you're fine if you do not feel fine. Just like a car, you know when something doesn't feel right.
If you ever need a number for yourself or someone you know to get help, the worldwide numbers you need can be found right here:
https://checkpointorg.com/global/
You will always be loved, you will never be alone, and there will always be good things around the corner.
Always~
Matt xxx
I’m not aware of what happened, but good luck to you, man. I’ve been in therapy that was worse than a waste of time, so I know what you mean and have experience with these useless professionals.