Review Swap: Remember... · 2:50am Jan 28th, 2020
Link to the Story: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/454789/remember
I found this difficult to read. The rapid fire change in situation and memory was disjointing. More over, Applejack's father has been Bright Mac since 2017, around the time the author claim this was written. It was disjointing to not have it labelled alternative reality or something to indicate the author was NOT using the canon characters.
The idea of this being a story of dementia helps me understand the disjointing memories a little bit but whose perspective is this written from? Applejack or Fresh Apple?
I read the original version then the Spit and Polish version.
I honestly feel this could do with an editor and perhaps a putting the memories in some sort of order or have some overarching story for the reason of the linking of all the memories.
Did I enjoy it?
Honestly, No. I am sad to say that out loud but I read the entire story (Both versions since Chapter 2 is just another version with more work added in). I found by the end this was a task to read and not fun or entertaining. It relies far too much on me having an investment in Applejack and someone with Dementia for me to be invested. It doesn't take the time to actually draw me in and make me want to root for these characters.
The Characterization of Applejack and Fresh Apple are not the characterization I have seen in the show either. These feel like completely different characters. Same thing goes for Big Macintosh. They all feel like characters I don't know. I am not sure if this is the words used or the way they approach each other or how they approach the various situations and tasks laid before them.
By the end, I was just stunned it was over. The ending felt like a middle. The reveal of Dementia just seems there and not used. The sudden death of Buttercup, which is a nickname for Pear Butter, but the complete lack of her presence or any investment felt like a Disney Movie or Anime Mother death. They die to progress the story, not end it. They die to give the character motivation and reason for their passion, not to suddenly drop a hammer and end the story.
So I'm glad I read this. I understand what my writing must have looked like when I first started. Am I disappointed? A bit.
I wish FlutterJackdash had continued the story. There is something here, something to work with it just need refinement and it needs to be brought to a satisfying conclusion; honestly having read this. I am more interested in now seeing the story through Applebloom and Big Mac's eyes as Applejack holds onto her Dad as long as she can. Then the eventual death we all know is coming.
I would encourage them to get an editor to help them out. To build a story to link together all the memories, and to write a true second chapter, something to finish the story and bring it to a conclusion rather than feeling like the ending is a middle.
Review swap? What’s this? Been busy week ^^’