Personal Story: Sleep Deprivation Sorrows · 7:59am Jul 31st, 2019
Alright, recently, I had one of the worst cases of sleep deprivation in my life so far. I get that some of you all might think I'm "weak" for not being able to put up with this, but I am just not built to go without sleep for long periods of time. So, yeah, this was most definitely one of the worst times of my life.
So, it started one night, less than a week ago before this post. My younger brother had invited a group of his friends over while my parents were out for the night (I think they went to stay at a friend's house or something, I don't really know). I tried to stay out of their business and keep to myself. However, they were gaming on Rust, over a LAN connection.
They were getting fairly loud and obnoxious, so I tried to ask them if they could quiet down, as I could hear them all the way from my bedroom, to which they were like "Okay, we'll be quieter." But, no less than 30 seconds after my request, they start shouting and raging like I had never even spoke to them. And because I had work on the following day, their gaming until the early morning hours was not ideal.
I did not have any earplugs, and my noise-canceling headphones had broken recently, so I tried my best to tune it out, putting on a fan to create white noise... but they were just too loud throughout the night. I could not fall asleep at all throughout the night for some reason. Granted, I am a light sleeper and wake at the sound of a pin drop, but this was ridiculous even by my standards.
When my usual waking time came, I was not even remotely ready to begin my day, but I had to go, and calling into work sick at this late was just not an option. So, I had my coffee, got into my car, and did my best to drive to work, all the while straining to maintain focus so as not to crash.
Somehow, I was able to arrive at the office (I work at a hard-of-hearing call assistance center funded by the FCC), where I took an open cubicle, clocked in, and began my shift. For most of the day, I did what I usually do to transcribe calls to hard-of-hearing customers, but staring at the computer screen was absolutely painstaking, with the white text that contrasted too strongly with the black background.
All I could think about was the end of my shift, where I could hopefully go straight home and take a nap. The shift felt like it lasted for an earth era, yet I could not remember most of it. Not to mention, every so often, I began to hear a random metallic "BANG!" that I assume was just in my head. It was deafening... yet subtle at the same time. I don't exactly know how to describe it; that is the only description I can put into words.
It took what felt like forever, but I was finally able to complete my shift, clock out, and carefully leave the building (having to hold the hand-rail to get down the stairs, but walking did wake me up slightly enough for the drive back). I was even more amazed I could drive properly while being fatigued as I was. Just as I was planning to go lay down, my parents, who had arrived back at the house, stopped me as I was coming in.
"Hey, son," my father said, "go put your work stuff down in your room, and then get ready to head out. We're going to the community picnic out at [neighborhood where some family friends live]."
Apparently, they did not notice how tired I was. But, I wanted to give some subtle hints that I was not interested, saying "Wait, really? Can't I just... stay here for tonight?"
"We're all going," my mother said. "We've been planning this for two weeks."
"Well..." I spoke, "...why did no one bother telling me?"
But they told me to get ready, regardless, without answering my question. And the whole time, I am just thinking: Goddamn it... why? Why, why, WHY?
My younger brother, in the meanwhile, having no job, was able to get a full eight hours of sleep that morning. How I severely envied him (just as much as I envy him getting a girlfriend before me). There is no negotiating with my family when the decision is majority-based. So, the only way for me to sit through this is to just bite the damn bullet.
The car ride over, I tried to close my eyes and see if I could get at least a twenty-minute nap. I figured that any sleep at all would be welcome. But, that did not work out. I cannot fall asleep while sitting upright. Whether it's in a car, on a bus or airplane, I just can't do it. I need to be laying down to actually fall asleep. So, I could not even call what I got in the car a "nap," it was more like being slumped over in sleep deprivation.
Anyway, we arrived at the picnic, where there were lots of people talking loudly among each other, and a rock band blasting loud music away. I was beginning to struggle with my balance, and was walking very oddly. My parents took note of this, and my father was like "Stop faking, and walk normal!"
Given that my father can be pretty scary when he gets mad, I did my best to keep my fatigue hidden... but it was easier said than done. My parents met up with their friends, and we all get introduced, but being around all of these people was sensory overload to me. After that, we all got in line for the buffet, and got some food before we sat at a table.
I ate very slowly, as I had no real appetite, and was having trouble seeing clearly enough to line up my plastic fork. Given the setting I was in, along with my condition, I felt like I was in a battlefield with guns and bombs going off. Everything was too loud. Everything was too bright. There were some frat dudes all cheering loudly in unison when competing in some kind of beer pong game, there were the people applauding the band, there were a bunch of older adults laughing at whatever they were talking about.
I just sat hunched forward, covering my ears and shutting my eyes tight. All that went through my mind was: Oh my God... let me go home... let me go to sleep... DO SOMETHING! I cannot even begin to describe how miserable I was, having gone a full night without sleep, and being in the loud, outdoor environment of a community picnic.
I was made for suffering, wasn't I? I thought. There is no solace... there is no mercy... everyone disregards what I need...
At some point... I started crying. Yes, I am not ashamed to admit that I actually began crying. I just felt so powerless and hopeless, feeling like I had been struck by a train, to do anything to bring myself back to health. I just felt like there was absolutely no way out of this situation. My parents refused to let me go to the car to lay down, telling me to "Go and have some fun! Talk to people! Play some games!"
...Death. That was all I wanted right then and there. Aside from the depression spells I had throughout my adolescence, I had never craved death more than that night at the picnic. At that point, even the ground was beginning to look like a good place to get some sleep.
So, I tried to head for a "quieter" part of the park, where there were less people. There was still chatting, but it was a bit more bearable than the main "hub" of the party, where the loud rock band played. I found a nice elm tree where no people were under. So, I decided to lay down on a part that sloped, making for a partial laydown for me. And I did feel myself drifting a bit.
But, it didn't go very far, because about two minutes after I laid down, I heard a man clear his throat, tapping me on the head. I groaned and strained to look up and see a fairly tall man in a gray T-shirt and khaki cargo shorts.
"Hey, buddy," he said, "you can't be sleeping here."
Normally, I would have asked why not, but I tell you, I was so tired and angry, that I could not think rationally. I had been awake for nearly 40 hours. I was losing my mind. I was going insane. I daresay I was at the precipice of coming totally unhinged.
"Oh my God..." I said, "...please! Please do not fuck with me right now!"
The man folded his arms. "You got a problem?"
"Yeah," I said. "Yeah, I got a fucking problem! I haven't gotten any sleep last night, and I am tired as hell right now! I NEED my recuperation!"
"Well, you can't sleep here," the man said.
"Says who?" I said.
"Says the police, who I will call if you keep this up!" the man said.
And then, I really got frustrated with this guy. I was like "Are you fucking serious right now, dude?"
So, I can't sleep, but I also have to somehow keep myself awake until it was time to go home. That picnic lasted for hours. It was well past eleven o'clock when it was winding down and we were to leave. And it was then that I felt like I was as close as it was possible to be to death, without displaying any notable symptoms. I was even hallucinating, seeing strange things in my peripheral vision (even a few things that looked like OC ponies), only to glanced in their direction to see nothing there.
My parents texted me that it was time to go, and I cannot even express how grateful I was to see that SMS message. On the car ride back, I, once again, slumped in my seat, unable to actually sleep, but making due until we made it back to the house. Once we arrived, I used the last of my energy to stand from the car and briskly walk to my room.
I literally just kicked the door open to my bedroom, slammed it shut behind me, stripped to my boxers and undershirt, put my phone on the wireless charger, slipped on my eye-mask, and pulled myself under the covers. Normally, it takes me anywhere from 15-30 minutes to fall asleep. Well, not this time. I was out like a light within 2 minutes, and slept for a good 12 hours. Fortunately, when I woke the next morning, I felt tremendously better, and ready for my day off that day. So... yeah.
That. Sucked.
That. Sucked. Ass.
That was the fucking worst. I would not wish what I went through on my worst enemy. But... I guess one of the positives is that, well... you learn something. You really do learn something when you go through something like that. And you know what I learned? You gotta look for unorthodox solutions to your problems if the obvious ones are not in plain sight.
Perhaps the next time my brother is gaming with his friends, I could crack the windows to my car open slightly, put the rear seats down, get a sleeping bag, and sleep in my car? Perhaps it would prevent something like this from happening again. In any case, I hope you all enjoyed that horrible time of my life, and I would like to know what you all think.
My sympathies. I have similar problems. I am an early riser and also a light sleeper, this I wake up even when I hear my cat gently meowing at my door. But I suffer from seconds sleep, I fall asleep on the bus or on work without noticing it. But I always ended up waking up on time for my stop and to the sound of my phone on work, which is just a clicking sound, as I use a headset. I recommend using your breaks on work for a nap, works very well.
But while there may be a risk Art stings could suffer from that too, I am sure she knows a spell or two from her family to help you out
Sympatheties, also i want to be another doomer or something so I can finally sceningly walk outside through the stars and think of my Waifu Luna
5096972
Yeah, I could see that. And I think I will try to take up your advice on breaks (even though I try to stand and walk as much as I can because I sit in an office cubicle for my entire shift).
And yes, she could very well try it out after knowing what her mother did for her father when he was stressed out and couldn't sleep.
5097020
Yeah, definitely something we all want.
Well, it's even recommended officially.
Indeed. She wouldn't want to see you suffer for helping her.