Fic Reviews: In Search of Sunset: The Mysterious Island · 4:59pm Jul 5th, 2019
Okay… anyone who knows me can tell you that I’m a kaiju fan.
(Course I am, I have this guy as my phone wallpaper.)
Clearly, this fic was a natural choice for me to review it, right?
However… right from the get-go I do have a few… problems. One, the Anon-A-Miss angle. No, this isn’t me hating on that story angle on principle, it’s me just thinking it’s an odd choice to get Sunset to suddenly drop everything and run away to Skull Island. (Yes, that Skull Island.) Also, the other problem with choosing this as a set-up is everyone will not like the Rainbooms from the start, given their actions and if you’re going to make a universe with them as the main human leads… sucks in breath Yeah, that isn’t the brightest choice. It’s hard enough in a Kaiju film to like the humans, but when you start out by making them complete assholes? Yeah, no.
Case in point, none of the Rainbooms seem particularly sincere in finding Sunset after she’s discovered to have suddenly dropped everything and left her apartment. Also, Rainbow considers this to be an awesome adventure. ...Wow.
What I would have done is gone into their heads a bit, explore their thoughts upon this whole endeavor, and see what exactly they think about Sunset instead of telling us. I cannot stress this enough. Show, not just tell. Have them react quite visually to the fact that Sunset’s left them instead of them instead of them just treating this as somewhat normal. They’re really hard to sympathize with at times, I have to say.
My next issue comes from the fact that Jongoji threw one too many things into this story. It’s sorta Final Wars like in a way, and when I say that it’s not really a compliment. We have the Dazzlings who basically show up to die, the Skullcrawlers, a few other monsters making background cameos including King G himself and the Golden Demise. See where I’m going with this anyone? I would have cut the number of Kaiju in the story and just gone with the few I really wanted. I use the Bridge by Tarbtano as a comparison. Yes, it has all of the Godzilla pantheon’s heavy hitters and then some but it introduces them slowly, little by little. Benefit to being a huge story I suppose.
But still, my point has been made. Also, some of the prose in this story is… frankly rather bland. Case in point?
When she opens her eyes, this venture is less than pleasant. Far less. Her dreams usually involve a pleasant stroll in a sunlit field with all the cake she can eat. This time, she’s in a dark jungle alit in flame. Who could have caused this, she has no clue. But across the flowing river stands a figured dressed in a long cloak. As if it sensed her, the figure turns, showing part of her face in the light.
As she tries to get a closer look, the Alicorn turns her head to her left, noticing water starting to churn. A creature erupts, roaring at the sky. Supporting itself with two muscular arms, the reptile points it's white snout at the tall pony, flicking its forked tongue at the sight of new prey. Yet, Celestia remains motionless; powerful it might appear, she has dealt worse things. The animal approaches her, towering the alicorn with jaws open.
Also, there’s another scene which really annoys me. At one point, a character from the boat says: “Death before Dishonor.”
Now I know this seems like nitpicking, but the issue is compared to the scene in Skull Island it doesn’t have nearly enough impact. Hank Marlow in the film was taught Japanese and how to use a Shin-Gunto by his brother in all but blood Gunpei, as they learned to survive on the hellish island, and kept that sword as a keepsake after Gunpei was killed by Skullcrawlers. Here, it’s just been used by some random ass guy who I could barely give a damn about. No emotional weight or anything. Seems like it was just tossed in for cool points, you know what I’m saying?
I’m sorry if I seem like I’m ragging on the story about everything, I really do. But I want to help Jongoji get better, I sincerely honestly do. I’m not saying this fic is completely terrible, it has it’s good points like good action scenes and good drama, it’s just that it has a lot of other flaws I can’t really overlook.
7/10
I think the problem with using Anon-Miss in any setting but what it was originally written in it just feels out of place. Then again I want to see how you would handle that whole thing.
*facepalm*
Oh my gosh, how can I say this-YOU DO NOT SWITCH TENSES IN THE MIDDLE OF A STORY! STICK TO THE PAST TENSE WHEN WRITING A STORY! NEVER USE PRESENT TENSE! AND ESPECIALLY DON'T INCLUDE BOTH!
5084680
...Already have remember? With my Balto story. But yeah, even using Anon-A-Miss in any setting besides what it was designed for -and even that has issues, plenty of them- makes it just feel sorta out of place and makes you wonder if some other angle couldn't have been used.