Like What You Write · 7:55pm Jun 12th, 2019
I write this piece, not so much for anyone else, but rather, myself. Writing is something that I hold very dear to my heart. In a sense, should everything else in my life go tits-up, then it will become the only thing that I have left.
And thus, it's also something I want to do a lot.
Without a doubt, I would like to write, and never stop writing, until either my hand cramp or my eyes close or my mind shut down. In any case, after a quickly walking the dog, I am ready to get back into the game.
But something stops me, nearly every time before I write. It's not quite writer's block. I'm doing a series on that on a side, but that pertains to an inability to write at all. This isn't the case to me. The ideas are clear. Outlines are finished. But hesitation prevents me from striking the first key.
Why is this?
The answer, for whatever reason, rests within my first story.
It is more okay to write and feel insecure while doing so. - James Gunn
When I came to this site, incompetent and insecure, unable to write but bearing a story, after some time, the weight of the tale crushed my back, breaking my bones, demanding that I, finally, get over everything between the word processor and me.
And after some time. I complied. Semi-willingly.
The words came easily enough. For someone who had never written a story before, except for one when he was extremely young, I found that the words came easily to me. There was no hesitation in my writing—no doubts about my quality.
I liked what I was doing. I liked what was happening in the story. I liked the idea of becoming of what is referred to as a writer. I did not know at the time this would lead to something bigger. Important to my soul. Purpose and passion, if you will.
It was at this point where writing was easy to me. Enjoyable as, say, playing video games. Both I wanted to do. There was no difference between opening up a new document to starting a new save. Both bore different, but equal, levels of enjoyment.
In short, writing was something I liked, I enjoyed, and had yet to become work.
When it finally became time to submit that story, I did so with joy and, having to return to the website several hours later, that joy died to fear. The story had gotten featured. Many comments were left on it. Two were positive. The rest were not.
Where does this backstory lead to? What does it have to do with the thesis of this blog? Let me tell you, my friends, for it's something that happens to most, if not all writers. It is this: Writing becomes an act of effort when it must be good.
When we like doing something, it ceases to be work, that is, unless pushed to some extent within our comfort. Like forcing a word-count upon oneself or a set amount of hours to write. But that's nothing compared to having to make what you do good.
I struggled with this problem until very recently once more. When you like to do a thing, you want to do a thing, and it requires no effort to start, to do, or to finish. Playing videos games or watching a movie or swimming in the pool requires no effort. But if I had to start doing them all good or well, then I would have more hesitation in doing either of them.
And "writing every day" doesn't need to be seven or eight hours a day, although it usually was and is for me. Unless you have a physical or mental condition, people don't get "burnt out" writing two hours a day, every day, and that is a great start.
When we like to do things, and we have been doing them for quite some time, the desire to improve in them becomes natural. Who wouldn't want to be a better writer? Who wouldn't want to gather pleasant comment, heartfelt messages, all this, alongside analysis that show how damn fine of a job you did?
But the other side of the spectrum is also true. Not many want to write badly or keep writing badly, or to receive hate comments, or messages telling you to stop, or a detailed essay on why you are so shit in every regard and aspect possible.
The writer, it would appear, is nearly insecure by default.
For a little while there, I feared to write blogs such as these ones, exploring concepts that I have an interest in, for fear of them not being good enough. I wanted to write, but felt I wasn't ready yet to tackle some subjects before the public eye.
But what did this lead to?
I wrote about nothing. Self-conscious prose that skirted around subjects, that played with the idea of them, but never actually going into the topics themselves. They were the stuff for blogs. Even though they held revealing things I wanted to explore, they could not be wasted on myself, and thus, were meant to be made into blogs, ones that I wasn't yet good enough to create.
Which meant that I would write tons of words that would mean nothing.
Upon realizing that all the fruits I craved laid on the other side, the lands that I had fear going to and exploring, I knew something had to change. The only things worth writing about that were revealing and expressive were the stuff I was too afraid to write at the current moment.
But if there is one thing a writer has to sell about themselves, it is this: Their courage! To step into dark and cold lands, to type words that don't quite feel right, to throw away pages, to suffer a false point, to make an obvious change—to do all the things that would bring one fear.
And to know that we are not the only ones that fear.
What happened to me, I hear you ask, once I embraced my courage?
I enjoyed writing again! My love of seeing the words appear across the screen; each one was singing in a cadence as I placed them down. Interest in writing arose. These blogs once more became of interest to me. Much like Isaac Asimov, I was thinking through my fingers, and once more enjoying the journey.
Now then. What are the points that I would like to leave with you, my dear readers?
The first is this: Try to like what you write. Not fearing for the quality, or doubting the writing, or stressing over the story. Enjoy the process! Try to like it. Quality will come, sure, but you should like what you're doing first before you attempt such a thing!
The second is to have courage. Every writer ought to have that, considering all that they have to do, and all that they are put through. To write sensitive topics. To write while feeling insecure about writing. To ask for help from your readers. To endure and embrace the criticism of an editor.
Such things require courage.
So. Try to like what you write, and try to have courage no matter what you do.
I'd crack my neck if I thought it would produce a sound. If you ever do that? Go for a crack, realize it won't happen, and then give up the movement half-way?
Anyway.
I hope you folks don't mind the daily frequency of these blogs. Once more, I am getting into the groove of things. Private commissions have kept me mostly silent for the last little while. My goal is to do more on this site—as well as others—and my best warm-ups have always been writing these blogs.
Speaking of which, if you would like to help me write more here, then try taking a crack at my Pateron or Ko-Fi, or hang around my discord server. But, if you don't, I won't hold it against you. Simply reading more words have been more than enough for me.
As for the frequency of these blogs, I haven't decided how I would like to go about them. I desire to post one a day or one every other day. The subject of writing has also been getting a little stale for me, so I would like to focus on other items soon.
Should you like me to take a crack at anything, then please feel free to suggest anything in the comments below.
Anyhow. I must get back to writing a Tiny Luna exploring a Giant Twilight.
...don't you love life, sometimes?
~ Yr. Pal, B
God you're deep
5073558
And quite meek.
I have that feeling too: I too, want to be a good writer not for the fame or likes (although I would appreciate the support), but because I have SOOO many great stories that I want to share with everyone that’s here. But I always fear that all these stories I have in my head and how I write these stories in words... will fail.
And it got to the point where I hadn’t write or made a single story in months, MONTHS!
5073580
Don't consider them great. They're just stories you'd like to tell. Reducing the stakes and the expectations make it easier. When you tell stories in real life, they hardly require any effort and are a joy to tell. Try to have it be the same in your writing.
In any case, writing is always better than not writing, so I hope you get back to it soon enough.
5073612
I will, thanks
Always love what you do and do what you love!