Fic Reviews: The Destruction of Equestria · 4:32pm May 15th, 2019
Please, may god have Mercy on me...
Okay, I’ve been a long time Transformers fan, since the Armada days actually. What, don’t look at me like that, it was my introduction to the series. If it helps any, I still prefer Prime and Beast Wars over anything else. But enough of my rambling. Actually, I may have to do a bit more here in a sec, but… Agh.
Okay, now… this story… It really sorta set off alarm bells as soon as I looked at it. I mean, gore, death, suicide/self harm all on the same story, with a title like that? Yeah… That kinda makes me wary.
Anyways, time for that aforementioned rambling I did warn you about. Unicron. In basic, he’s Transformers version of the Devil or Marvel Comics’ Galactus. Right down to his preferred diet.
“It defies all logic, Bill. Dark Energon? Then you go on record saying that you believe in magical horses with horns on their heads.”
“What?”
“Do you deny previously reporting that Megatron helped defeat a unicorn?”
“Oh? That's what you...? Unicron! The ultimate evil! Permission to strike this from the record.” - Agent William Fowler and his boss on a common spelling mishap.
Now, to quote TF Wiki on the subject…
Unicron is the eternal arch-enemy of his twin brother Primus. Also known as the Lord of Chaos, the Chaos Bringer, and the Planet Eater, he is dedicated to consuming the multiverse. His massive form is powered by the consumption of planets, moons, stars, and even the very fabric of existence. Unicron will not be sated until his ultimate goal is attained: to bring an end to the annoying creation boasting independence around him, and find peace by becoming the living center of a swirling, infinite torrent of nothingness at the end of all things.
Yeah, so very bad news. I think you get the picture. He's been ignoring Galactus's C&D letters since 1985.
Now, Hasbro's played with the formula over the years, such as making him transcend a physical body as we know it, but it all broils down to the same basic character in the end. Wants to destroy his archenemy Primus and all of his creations. The Devil of TF lore.
Now, this fic fails in so many areas in the realm of brief logic it boggles the bloody fucking mind. I’m sorry, but first off… The ponies have one massive source equal to the Matrix of Leadership, -Unicron’s worst nightmare in TF canon- AKA the power of Friendship. And never once do they think to use this? Granted, maybe they’re not told of what Unicron is weak to, but Rainbow Lasers should be thought of at first glance. Also, Unicron never thinks to eat the sun, aka the thing that gives Celestia her power. Wouldn’t exactly bother him, given this guy eats planets. Might give him indigestion but… (Seriously, someone detonated a moon in his face in his first appearance in TF fiction and it didn’t even bother him.)
Actually, on that note, Unicron devours a planet as soon as he comes across it normally. What do you think he does here? Eats Equus at once? No, because there has to be a plot he doesn’t do that and instead just… waits. He eats Luna’s moon, but nothing else. He could create emissaries, seriously he can do this. He doesn’t do that either.
Also, it’d be interesting for neither Unicron nor the ponies to know what to make of the other. Do we get that? Mimes buzzer Sorry, nope again!
Personally, I kind of think it'd be more amusing to have him show up in their system, both sides quite unaware of what each other is about... maybe have the ponies send out some friendly greetings before getting munched or others become Unicron’s Horsemen. But that’s just me. I’m not a writer… Oh wait, YES I AM! Common sense dictates if there’s a way to create good drama, take it!
Also, the ponies are very horribly represented here. Yes, you have a world-eating monster facing you but you also have… Oh, I don’t know, a god yourself? Oh, yes, the King of Chaos. Yes, Discord’s a story breaker powerwise but he’d be the first I’d send out against Unicron. Hell, make him into a Horseman! My god…
Also, Sombra is alive and well for some reason, and in love with Twilight. Yes, our Sombra. Not the Mirror version, not Shattered Glass, but our Crystal-Loving egomaniac.
Also, Celestia talks about ponies and suicide. Now, this immediately drove the fic down major points for me. Suicide, for obvious reasons, is not something you put in a fic for cheap drama, or feels or anything. No, it needs to be handled with a lot of delicacy. Sadly, I don’t think that many authors actually grasp that. Let me put it this way. If you saw someone writing about suicide as a cheap gimmick, and you knew someone who actually killed themselves, how would you feel? That’s how mad this ploy makes me every time I see it pulled in a fic.
Okay, three ways the ponies could win. One, have Discord pull a Q. Two, gather up everyone they can find, even past villains and fight back. Hey, it’s their world as well! Doubt they’d want to get eaten. It’s what the Autobots and Decepticons do when Unicron comes to call. Or three, whip out the Elements and Rainbow Laser old Unicron to oblivion.
All in all, the final tally?
1/10.
Would not recommend to anyone with good taste. Would recommend this if someone was drunk and/or needed something to riff
That is can be the problem with crossovers. You got to make it conceivable that both would exist together for some reason. Just from this description it sounds like they just don't have the ability to win.
The one good thing that Unicron always has going for him, at least as far as I've seen? His designs have always managed to look completely awesome, while still portraying that "You fuck with me, you're gonna die in a nanosecond" vibe. My case in point: That pic of his robot form up above. So many spikes, yet I don't think "edgy" the first time I saw it, I thought "Oh fuck, keep me away from him."
Just curious: Is Unicron the older or younger brother? Because I've seen most of his depictions as being larger than Primus, who is Cybertron.
Was it at least written well? Like, he understands grammar, punctuation, proper spelling, and stuff? Because if so, that would be mind-bogglingly tough to get through.
5059017
Same general line of thought, along with thinking: "Heavy metal man..." Then I turned on the Motorhead.
Honestly, I'm not entirely sure. I think they're twins actually.
5059007
Which, to be honest... I think is entirely the point here...
5059019
How well do you think it was written if basic logic was ignored?
5059024
Ooohhh...my sympathy has spiked.