Fic Reviews: Power Ponies: Rise of the Loonatics · 6:14pm Feb 1st, 2019
Okay, after that last piece of... well, I don't know what to call it as shit is something a little too nice for it, something else is in order. So, I decided to go back to basics, and review this story. More after the break.
Yep, that's right, superheroes. One of my all time favorite genres of story telling. I grew up on things like Batman and the like, so as you might suspect the original Power Ponies episode and the comic, if you ignore a certain bit of controversy, made me squeal like a ten-year-old. It's like with supercars. If something like this can make you feel like a ten-year-old boy again living out some fantasy, then you've succeeded. Can this do what JLU did to me just about over a decade ago? Let's find out.
BRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!
The dismissal bell’s announcement caused Trot to sigh in relief as the students in front of her began to put away their school belongings and prepare to go home. While she enjoyed spending time with her students, there was always the odd troublemaker that would make the day hell for her. Today was no exception. A loudmouth pegasus by the name of Steep Dive kept catcalling to an Earth pony named Sweet Strike, making crude remarks about her family. While she didn't show it, Sweet Strike was boiling over with anger and indignation.
Eventually, it got to the point where Trot strode over and yanked Steep Dive out of her seat before escorting the Pegasus to the principal's office.
As Trot closed her bag, her cell phone rang. The light pink unicorn glanced at the caller ID and raised an eyebrow. “Trot Summers, what's up?” she said.
“Not much, what, can't I chat with a friend?” a brisk voice replied, a teasing tone in her voice.
Trot rolled her eyes, recognizing the voice to be that of Maretropolis's top detective. “Marey, couldn't this have waited until after I got home?” she asked.
“Unfortunately, this is a little bit important. My department's been getting reports of weird sightings and we're not getting any closer to figuring them out.” This grabbed Trot’s attention.
“You think it might be Mane-iac or a new villain?” She asked, lowering her voice.
“Not Mane-iac, last I checked, she's still in prison with her goons. So it's possible it's someone new.” Marey replied. Trot frowned.
Okay, a few thoughts on the opening paragraph.
A loudmouth pegasus by the name of Steep Dive kept catcalling to an Earth pony named Sweet Strike, making crude remarks about her family. While she didn't show it, Sweet Strike was boiling over with anger and indignation.
Eventually, it got to the point where Trot strode over and yanked Steep Dive out of her seat before escorting the Pegasus to the principal's office.
Listen, this might actually serve as something of importance to the story, hell Sweet Strike might become a recurring character. In fact, I'd suggest it. Might be a secret keeper for our hero. As it stands right now, she's nothing but a set piece, something to show the lead is a nice guy. Which is fine and all, but I'd have liked a bit more substance to this, actually show this character being accosted, not just us being told she was accosted. Show, not tell, that's one of the most important skills for an author. Okay, maybe I'm being nitpicky with this bit, I dunno, but those are my thoughts.
Trot Summer’s House, Downtown Maretropolis
“Marey, can you tell us what these sightings consisted of?” Trot asked. The members of the Power Ponies had convened at their leader’s house to learn more of what these sightings were about.
Marey, a light green mare with a light orange mane and tail and a magnifying glass with a lightning bolt behind it for a cutie mark nodded. “The reports don't really say much, other than seeing occasional flashes of light in some places and what appeared to be glowing eyes.”
Aurora, a white Pegasus with a indigo mane and tail along with a stormburst cutie mark scoffed. “Art thou certain they weren't lamps that failed or car headlights?” she asked in an Old Equish accent, raising an eyebrow.
“I’d have to agree with Aurora here, that isn't exactly the thing that would warrant our attention.”
A cream colored earth pony with a black mane and tail said. Her cutie mark consisted of a star and lasso. This was Mistress Mare-velous, or as she was known outside her costume, Mareia Star.“That’s the thing, the reports mention the ponies who saw these flashes swore they saw a strange figure or figures before the flash ended.” Marey replied.
Green Gardener, a yellow unicorn with a indigo mane and tail frowned. Her cutie mark consisted of a single diamond. “Do you think it's a new villian? In league with Maneiac?” she asked.
Trot shook her head. “Marey said she’s still locked up. But we can't be too careful. They probably have their own motives.”
Spruce Springer, a grey pegasus with a light brown mane and tail gulped nervously. Her cutie mark consisted of a veterinarian needle over a biohazard symbol. “P-perhaps they're not from Maretropolis?”
The five other mares glanced at her with surprise in their eyes. “It’s possible…” Trot mused. “I’ve heard of other cities having their own heroes and villains. It's not uncommon for a villain to move to a new location…”
Just then, a young dark green earth pony colt with a brown mane and tail skidded into the room, nearly bumping into a nearby side table. This was Trot's adopted son and protege, Ray Summers. “Ray, what have I told you about running in the house?” Trot scolded.
“Sorry Mom, but have you checked the news lately?!” he panted. “There was some sort of incident near the outskirts. A weird flare up in an alley.”
Trot's eyes widened. “Thank for letting us know.” she said, putting a hoof on her son’s shoulder.
Ray grinned in response.“Alright ponies, let's suit up and investigate.” the five mares nodded in response. Ray left for his room to put his own costume on, while the six mares raised their hooves and chanted “In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape our sight, let all who fear know our power, the Power Ponies’ might!” There was a flash of light and when it cleared, the heroes of Maretropolis stood where 6 normal mares had been.
Humdrum soon walked back into the room, completing the group. “Let’s go.” Matterhorn said.
Bursting out her front door, the Power Ponies soon began the trek to the outskirts of the city. “What’re we gonna do if we find whoever's making these disturbances?” Humdrum asked.
“I don't know… but if they prove to be hostile, we’ll put a stop to their antics.” Matterhorn replied.
Humdrum nodded, but his eyes showed he was worried about who or what they would encounter.
Honestly, I don't really get much interest in these characters, if they're meant to be our heroes I find myself very bored by them. Okay, I know this is the first chapter, but if you're going to have as many characters like this, show them off a bit more, show off their particular individual personalities a bit more. Right now, they're very bland and sorta all the same aside from two which I'll get to in a moment
Let me tell you what I'm on about, in Wild Access, which has its own set of five heroes each playing their own role to the story, I showed off tidbits of their personalities in their introductory chapters instead of introducing them all just at once, their varying personalities instead of all just making them all show up at once. Granted, my story was set up to be a bit longer than what I suspect this is but as this story is a crossover with another superhero franchise I'd expect a lot longer chapter out of the gate, showing off some of the personalities of the pony heroes instead of just giving us a 1,800 word chapter.
Of particular annoyance is Spruce Springer, who just comes off as a poor carbon copy of Fluttershy in her demeanor right now. Mind you, on the other hoof she's the only one who shows any real form of personality beyond being just a nice person. She shows fear, instead of just courage. Aurora on the other hand, is fairly interesting, and does show signs of promise of being this haughty character who needs to be brought back down to earth.
“In brightest day, in blackest night, no evil shall escape our sight, let all who fear know our power, the Power Ponies’ might!”
Really, you couldn't come up with something better than a ripoff of the Green Lantern Oath? 
Look, it's a great oath and all, and the Power Ponies episode was a tribute to comics as a whole even having a Green Lantern parody but still!
And there are a few issues with grammar as well, with A filling in for An at some places.
Maretropolis Outskirts, a few hours earlier...
A lone figure stood in a shadowy alley, watching ponies, gryphons, and the occasional Minotaur walk by his hiding place. His long ears twitched as something moved behind him. “How long do we plan on hiding? I'm getting bored of all this sneaking around!” A voice whispered to him. There was a distinct lisp as the owner of the voice spoke.
“We don't know where we are, and we can't exactly contact Zadavia to learn about this place. Where ever that portal dumped us, it cut us off from any contact to her.” the figure replied in a Manehatten accent.
“Great…” the voice muttered.
A second voice spoke up, this one female. “Ace, what if we can't get back home?”
The figure sighed. “I don't know, Lexi. But I’m sure Tech will find a way. In the meantime, let's keep low for now. Besides, I don't think these folks would really take too well to us.”
There was a muttered chorus of agreement, before the figure slipped into the shadows. A few seconds later, there was a flash of energy. When the flare ended, there was no sign of the figure. But his disappearance hadn't gone unnoticed as a nearby civilian had recorded the flash of light.
Okay, so meet our other heroes, the Loonatics. A bit of who they are is explained in the ending notes, but for those of you who aren't willing to wait...
The events of Loonatics Unleashed occur in the year 2772, the year that a meteor strikes the fictional city-planet of Acmetropolis, knocking it completely off its original axis. Instead of destroying the planet, the meteor crashes in a waterfront, releasing waves of supernatural energies causing some of the planet's citizens' genetic codes to be severely altered, granting them special abilities and strengths. A mysterious and powerful woman named Zadavia calls upon six teenagers of the affected residents to form a team of superheroes. She becomes their commander, dispatching them for the purpose of combating any and all threats to Acmetropolis and its citizens. The newly formed team is known as the Loonatics and reside on the 134th floor of a large tower. These characters are the descendants of the classic Looney Tunes characters, according to multiple press releases and official sources. Descendants of other Looney Tunes are unverified, though they can be inferred in certain situations.
But anyways, the issue with this part of the chapter is the crossover characters outshine the main heroes, which is a huge no. In this case, they actually show more personality than the main heroes themselves.
Unknown location, near the Crystal Empire...
Inside a hidden cave, something stirred. For over a thousand years, she had slept. The ponies had called her Ice-bringer, Storm-Maker, and many other names. But she had been know by a different name: Frost Striker, the Windigo Queen. An Alicorn with the power of the cold Arctic North, she had sought to rule over Equestria, to turn it into a barren frozen wasteland. It took the combined powers of both Faust and Nyx to defeat her, but at the cost of the northern half of the country becoming what it was in the present day.
As Frost Striker opened her bright blue eyes, the wind and snow began to pick up speed outside until a massive blizzard had formed. As the wind howled, the snow white Alicorn spread her wings and took to the skies, her dark blue mane and tail whipping in the high winds. A peal of laughter rang out from her before she turned her sights to the south. “Let’s see if Equestria is ready for their one true ruler… because ready or not, here I come!” she said before flapping her wings and heading towards her destination, the blizzard following in her wake as a massive wall of clouds and wind.
As she flew towards Equestria, a single thought burned in her mind: I will rule Equestria… and this time, Faust and Nyx won't stop me…
She soon blasted past the Crystal Empire, buffeting the magical shield protecting it as the blizzard enveloped the city. Inside the city, the current leader of the Empire, a pink Alicorn named Mia Amore shuddered as she heard the storm shriek outside the protection of the shield. She glanced down at the small form in her arms, her only daughter. “Faust protect us… The Storm-Maker has returned….” she whispered.
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Unkown Island, off the coast of EquestriaA shadowy figure opened bright orange eyes and chuckled. “So my sister has awakened…” it said with a voice like crackling magma. A strange glow began to form around it as the ground began to soften and melt. “And so I shall join her… if they fear the chill, they shall also fear the scorching heat…”
The figure then stepped out into the sunlight to reveal a black alicorn, but unlike Frost Striker, her mane and tail were the orange of flames. As she looked up at the sky, both began to smoke before becoming infernos. Her body began to ooze molten rock that hissed and spat as it made contact with the wet rock.
This was Heat Breaker, Frost’s twin sister and an even deadlier threat. Her power was controlling intense heat, heat strong enough to turn a town or city into a burned out shell. As she spread out her wings, cinders began to fall out from her feathers. With a flap, she leapt into the air in a wave of incinerating heat, scorching the plant life nearby.
Igniting her horn, she then let out a massive plume of flame into the air that washed over the island, turning the peaceful paradise into a hell on earth. As the island burned, Heat Breaker turned towards the coastline. “Your retribution comes for you, Faust…” she hissed. “You and your sister shall pay for what you did to me and Frost Striker….” She soon began the long flight towards Canterlot, leaving a firey trail behind in her wake. The Islanders who had survived looked up as she flew past.
“May the Creators protect those on the mainland…” an elderly mare muttered.
I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I blame Linkara. But if these are the villains, well then color me intrigued. At this point, I'll excuse them for just having very boring personalities, just wanting to take over the world and get revenge on this Faust and her sister. But what I would suggest to the author is making them sorta like Moltar and Flurious from PR: Operation Overdrive. Make them constantly get under each's others skin and try and backstab each other at every other opportunity even if they want the same end goal. After all, the world's not big enough for two overlords is it?
All in all, what do I think of the story from it's first chapter? Sadly, it hasn't made me feel like ten-year-old again, so it's failed in that regard, but it does have potential. 6/10.
Hm. I haven't seen much Power Ponies on this site except for those chapters of The Lost Element. But I'm not interested in this fic itself.
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Yeah, that's the issue. The first chapter has potential, but at the same time it's so friggin' dull!