Fic Reviews: Devastation by a Hybrid's Rage DOUBLE REVIEWER SPECIAL! · 6:43pm Jan 26th, 2019
Oh ho ho, long have I waited to rip and tear -apt words- this one to shreds. Trouble is, it’s so catastrophically, mind-blowingly bad I’ve never been able to figure out just how to do it really. Then Vertigo came along with his wiseass ways, and that provided me my answer. I’ll be the straight man, the professional reviewer, while he gets to snark at the story and provide commentary. Ready or even if you’re not, here we go.
Notes: Vert’s lines are in BOLD and my own aren’t. Mind you, you could probably tell the difference anyways with my reviewing style which is normally fairly professional.
Bite me, Florida Man.
* After the Family of a Lifetime had proclaimed their existence to all of Equestria, it was time for food and bonding. The dinosaurs had all been treated to massive barrels filled to the brim with apple fritters. They had eaten to their hearts' contents, yet Indominus still had room left for more. Unfortunately, the dining area didn't have nearly enough to satisfy his needs, and he decided that he would take a late night hunt to satiate the rest of his appetite. The rest of the time was spent chatting with his amazing wife, the fellow dragons and Discord.
Tyrannosaurus and the raptor squad had taken to talking amongst the dragons to keep themselves busy, while Indominus was spending part of his time with Discord. Rainbow Dash wouldn't admit it to her friends, but it warmed her heart to see Indominus bonding with Discord and being such close friends. The more time they spent together, the more fond Rainbow was becoming of the Lord of Chaos. Every time he and Indominus hung out together, they always seemed so happy and enjoying each other's company. She appreciated anypony that could help make Indominus's day and bond with him on such a great level.
"Pardon me Discord, mind if I borrow my husband for a while?"
"Why of course Mrs. Dash, I was merely discussing with Indominus on how we can spend our afternoons now that he's married. We'll find a way to fit in our days of adventuring, right Indominus?"
"Of course we will Discord, between my training with Smaug, Red-Eyes, and bonding with the monsters we befriended, we'll always have time for our guys nights." *
Show, not tell. Show us this crap happening, not just dump it all onto us and expect us to believe it! Okay, I’ll be fair, this is a sequel to another story, so maybe just maybe some of that happened there, but still!
Also, Smaug. What business does he have in a story about dinosaurs? If it was a MLP story crossing over with the Hobbit, yes, I’d understand, but a Hobbit/MLP/Jurassic Park crossover? What. The. Fuck? It’s like Bahamut from Final Fantasy suddenly appearing in the world of Happy Tree Friends, to use an example. (Never mind the fact that I’ve had characters normally dragons swear by his name, in lack of an actual Dragon God) Can we also comment on the cover art? That’s just poor, and I mean poor. I’ve read this story through to it’s end, sadly, and I can tell you it’ll get worse, but really? Photoshopping an image of an Indominus onto the Wonderbolts Training ground and then photoshopping a terrified Spitfire and Soarin’ onto it next? Really?
I’ve read a plethora of stupid, nonsensical stuff in my life. Most of my life—probably over three-fourths of it—has been spent on the internet. I’ve lurked in comment sections, I’ve read abysmal fanfiction, I’ve seen internet drama, and I’ve partook in Fan Fic Theater 3015 riffs. Also read them; great stuff. That said: this opening paragraph is… truly something else. Surely Florida Man up above was mistaken and this is a trollfic, right?
Sadly no Vert, tis is not. This is an actual author taking this actual shit seriously. Actually, as we go on calling it shit is probably an insult to said shit.
* Discord decided to go spend some time with Fluttershy while Rainbow got the chance to talk with her new husband. It was rather strange to think that her life had changed so much. A year ago she had only thought about taking Scootaloo in while continuing to work towards her goal of becoming a Wonderbolt. Now she had an awesome sister, was sharing her cloudominium with dinosaurs, and she was married to a hybrid that had won her heart more than any stallion.
"Kinda weird for all of this to be happening, huh Indominus?"
"You said it Rainbow, this day seemed a lot more distant when we agreed to this a year ago. Now we'll be starting our new lives together, with a family that can't be bested by anything."
"You've got that right brother," T-Rex said as he and the raptors joined Indominus and Rainbow. "We'll be there for each other no matter what, now that we're a family at last."
"Agreed. We won't leave anypony behind or when they're down," said Blue.
"We'll have your back Rainbow Dash, and we'll handle every problem together," Charlie added.
"Thanks girls, it means a lot to have your support, but there's somepony whom I need right now to make this perfect. Speaking of which, here she comes now." *
And T-Rex hasn’t decided to make lunchmeat of this cheap carbon copy of a dinosaur why? Someone explain that to me. Instead, here we have them, getting along fine and dandy! Probably prancing together in meadow fields in their spare time no less! And a pony married to a dinosaur, let that sink into your head for a moment. Yeah, I know. Hot Skitty on Wailord action here! ...I-Rex would probably crush Dash during sex, which would probably be a mercy to this universe as this I can probably say is Not Dash. Might be a Changeling though. Vert, your thoughts?
I cannot take any of this seriously when all I’m imagining is Rainbow Dash as a female, winged, equine version of Chris Pratt. So yeah, it is weird.
Goddamnit Vert, now you’ve scarred me for life. I kid, I’ve seen weirder.
This physically hurts to read. I can’t stop laughing. I should’ve bought life alert when I read the long description to this.
To wit, I’ll explain what Vert’s on about. Here: Rainbow and Indominus are married, Scootaloo has the family she always wanted, and everypony is happy at last. However, some ponies have darker thoughts on their minds. A few months after the wedding, Rainbow gets the biggest surprise of her life: she finally gets to be a true Wonderbolt. But her first day goes horribly wrong when Soarin makes her mess up and lands her a haunting nickname from her fillyhood. His actions however, are going to provoke a great rage buried deep within Indominus. The hybrid's rage will cause lines to be drawn and Rainbow will have to make a difficult decision on where her loyalty lies. Will she choose the ponies that she's looked up to her whole life, or the hybrid dinosaur that captivated her heart and would do anything for her?
Also Vert, did you see that author’s avatar image?
Lemm—oh my God, it’s glorious. The greatest thing I could’ve imagined to go along with a story that has cover art worthy of being placed alongside Vincent Van Gogh, Claude Monet, and the orphan I keep in my attic.
You ready for the next bit Vert, or do I need to soldier on alone? (Press X to pay respects)
It’s Press F! Press X is to doubt! Or are you trying to play mind games?
Bite me.
* Scootaloo came running over having spotted all of her new family together. She leaped onto Rainbow's back and hugged her around the neck.
"Miss me big sis?"
"This family isn't perfect unless you're in it Scoots. After all, you're the sole reason all of this is happening."
Rainbow reached a hoof behind her and nuzzled Scootaloo's mane. As she did, Tyrannosaurus and Indominus nuzzled the young filly too. They could never forget that Scootaloo was the reason why they had such a welcoming world and amazing friends. Blue and her girls joined in the family comfort and the ponies and dragons around were all touched by the warming sight.
As the afternoon went by, the dinosaurs were starting to get worn out from all the excitement. They had danced with the Mane Six, Crusaders and a few dragons that were bold enough. Indominus had discussed his training plans among the dragons so they could relay it to Smaug. He even had taken some time to get down with Discord and really bust a move with his chaotic pal. Rainbow and Fluttershy giggled at seeing the two hybrids dancing together with such great spirit, they truly seemed like an separable pair of friends. *
Oh, they’re all so cute. In a weirdly demented way. Again, I suspect I should have started with the first story as to be honest, to quote Cell… I have so many questions. Like again, Smaug!
Again: never read the predecessor, but are they established to still be carnivorous? There’s no way that they could reasonably turn something like the Indominus Rex—a genetically made super predator—into an omnivore. Also: Smaug. I forgot Smaug was in this, and Florida Man informed me prior to this. It was a mistake for me to accept the request to join in this review.
Thanks. But seriously, Vert’s got a point. Creatures like I-Rex, and the Raptors? Suddenly turning omnivorous? I don’t buy it. It just raises too many questions. I have seen some shit in my time as a reviewer, but this takes it all.
* They had all just finished posing for a group photo when they heard Celestia speak to them.
"It's so wonderful to see all of you enjoying each other's company." Discord materialized by her after she had spoken.
"Well Celestia, Indominus is the first creature I've ever been able to relate to. Luna did herself proud by bringing them here."
"She sure did and I'm pleased that you've taken such a liking to Indominus, Discord. I actually have something planned for the newlyweds, and you can help out with this if you'd like."
Discord stared dumbstruck at Celestia, she was giving him permission to help with something she had planned for Indominus and Rainbow Dash. *
First off, eww. Secondly, eww! Also, thirdly, first creature you’ve been able to relate to Not Dash? What about Fluttershy, the Mane Six, Gilda? Have they just been wiped from your memory?
Then they were all eaten and the story ended and I drank myself until I blacked out. Great story, 5/5, see you all in Hell.
Oh, if only Vert. Seriously, already lost the capacity to care for these characters considering how little they resemble their canon counterparts. Take in example the I-Rex, who’s this badass super predator who everyone rightfully fears. Here, he is a paragon -He, I might add, the original I-Rex was a she!- of justice and all that, and Rainbow plays housewife. This is doubly insulting as Rainbow in canon is a very self sufficient mare who doesn’t need to rely on others’ strength as she seems to here. (Press X to pay respects again.) Correct me if I’m wrong Vert, correct me.
IT’S PRESS F, OLD MAN! Press F to Pay Respects! Wait, I’m older than you…
Wound up backfiring on ya didn’t it? But seriously, correct me if I’m wrong here on the whole Rainbow Dash bull.
I’m the last person to ever criticize someone who’s writing a canonical character poorly (if you don’t believe me, then it may be best to keep it that way), but you’re right. It’s, well, WILDLY OOC. The only way it could be worse is if you had Pinkie Pie acting like Wolverine did in Logan. Depressed, old, cranky, and definitely not colorful.
As I’ve never seen Logan for god only knows why, I’ll just have to take your word for it, but you get our points. This is character assassination at it’s finest folks. This Rainbow Notta Dash… Seems legit don’t she? Anyways…
* "Oh I'd be delighted. How may I be of service to them Celestia?"
"I'll tell you after I give them this." Celestia levitated a brochure over to Rainbow and Indominus who were stumped at what the Princess had in mind. The dinosaurs were all perplexed, but Twilight and the others all had big grins on their faces.
"What is this Celestia," Rainbow asked after seeing the brochure in front of them.
"That, Rainbow Dash, is where you and Indominus will be spending your honeymoon. Luna and myself have booked you lovebirds a paid two week stay at the Golden Pony hotel in Applewood."
Every pony in the area cheered in delight, the Golden Pony was one of the most extravagant and best hotels in all of Equestria. Known for its fabulous food, disco ballrooms and pristine rooms, it was a hotel that any pony would die to stay at. Unfortunately only the most wealthy ponies could afford to stay there, so for Indominus and Rainbow to have a paid two week honeymoon there was a dream come true.
"The brochure also includes passes for all the rides at Las Pegasus. We've booked the penthouse suite in advance, both the hotel and Las Pegasus have been notified about your arrival and are expecting you tonight."
"Tonight? But we don't have any bags packed."
"I've taken care of that for you darling," said Rarity. She levitated a black suitcase over to Rainbow Dash and added "I've put together some special dresses for you to wear so you can knock Indominus off his feet when you two are dancing, and when you want him all to yourself. I even made a special suit for him to wear too."
Rainbow Dash blushed slightly at what Rarity was implying, but was glad that she came prepared. "Thanks Rarity, but how are we going to pay for anything at Las Pegasus?"
"I believe I can cover that for us Rainbow. Discord, could you transport my coin pouch with enough bits to last us for two weeks?"
"You got it pal." Discord snapped his claws and Indominus had the coin pouch in his hand, bulging with enough bits to last. *
You know, there are several images I’ve never wanted in my head and the ones this honeymoon suite is conjuring up are some of them. Plus, how in the flying fuck can Rarity stitch together a suit for the Not a I-Rex? The Not a I-Rex who somehow gender changed for no reason. In Jurassic Park, yes there was a reason for the gender changing, simply because Frog DNA was included stupidly in the makeup and like frogs, the dinosaurs adapted to suit the needs of no males, but here… it’s just stupid. This whole damn story is stupid, and might have been made on crack if I couldn’t tell the author was somehow taking this seriously.
It's so... I mean, it's hysterical, but I'm skimming because so much of it is just filler. SERIOUSLY, WTF?! Okay, first of all, before we go ANYWHERE else! Rainbow Dash and this 50+ foot tall super predator that nearly killed T-Rex is going to dance with a pegasus that’s, what, 14 inches or so tall? That’s just silly. But second of all: they’re going on a honeymoon? What in God’s good, graceful, gracious, glorious, name is it going to sleep on? A shaven down mountain? A hurricane cloud? THE FRIGGING MOON!? Author, if you wanna have your crackship: fine. I won’t complain. But the least you can do is ship your little pony with something that won’t rip the dick receiver apart like… well, better not say the rest. That may get Brick banned.
It gets ‘better’. Twilight is given the idea to sing as a send-off, and then for whatever reason, our Raptor pack and the T-Rex join in. Yes, let that sink into your head. You think I kid don’t you? Aside from inserting a video right smack dab into your face, we get this!
* As the beautiful music started up, everypony and the dragons watched as Rainbow and Indominus danced while resting their heads on each others shoulders. Scootaloo still couldn't get over how much she loved seeing her sister being so happy with one of the dinosaurs that had kept them safe all this time. The dragons got the courage to dance with the others and nopony seemed frightened by them, and as all the ponies joined the married couple, Twilight and the raptors began singing the lovely tune.
Twilight:Love is in bloom
Blue: A beautiful bride,
Delta: A handsome groom,
Echo: Two hearts, becoming one
Charlie: A bond, that cannot be undone, because
Twilight/Blue/Delta/Echo/Charlie: Love is in bloom
A beautiful bride, a handsome groom
I said, love is in bloom
You're starting a life and making room
For us (For us, For us....)
"No matter what happens we'll always be together, right Rainbow," Indominus said softly.
"Of course Indominus, nothing will take you away from me again."
Blue: Your special day
Delta: We celebrate now,
Twilight: the pony way
Charlie: Your friends, are all right here
Echo: Won't let these moments disappear, because
Twilight/Blue/Delta/Echo/Charlie: Love is in bloom
A beautiful bride, a handsome groom
I said, love is in bloom
You're starting a life and making room
For us (For us, For us....Aah...)
Rainbow and Indominus shared a kiss as Twilight and the raptors finished the song. As they parted their lips, Rainbow felt the need to say it again.
"BEST WEDDING EVER!!!" No matter what the future would hold, they would face it as a team. *
Last I checked, posting song lyrics isn’t allowed… right? Wait, it’s allowed if it’s a MLP song, but they should have made an exception here. It’s not even funny in any way, and to boot it’s in script format! BY GODS!
Okay, I went to message a friend because we’re discussing Bioshock. I come back, I see this. I have so much to say and so little time in my life to put it into words. So, allow me to do the best I can without evolving into Dan Brown.
You mean devolve Vert.
First of all: copyrighted song lyrics isn’t allowed. There’s nothing against original song lyrics. If there’s nothing against MLP lyrics, I wasn’t aware of it and I missed the opportunity to write my own Smile story involving Jason Voorhees. Second of all: script format should’ve gotten this story stricken, but I assume since the entire chapter isn’t in that format, it’s allowed. Third and final: they shared a kiss? The I-Rex… oh fuck it, I’m not drunk enough.
Least they didn’t butcher “Ain’t no Mountain High Enough” right? I’d be getting out the pitchforks then. There’s something else I want to bring up, Vert. You know that sex and gore isn’t allowed in a teen rated story right? Guess what this story was rated till I reported it to the mods. And guess what it had. Take my word for it, you don’t want to see that. But it happens in the story anyways. I’m not nearly high enough to want to read that.
I think I saw the story under the original rating. I know you can get away with a bit of sex (e.g. minor references) and gore, but lordy. I wanna know how bad it gets if you got the rating changed.
This had full on fucking Vert. And the gore, we’re talking about ponies heads ripped off! For example from a later chapter. Seriously, in a later chapter Indominus rips off Wave Chill’s head before crushing his skull which is about as gory and gratuitous as it sounds, and his headless body staggers about for a few minutes spurting all kinds of gore before collapsing. Which I should point out, does not happen except in Mortal Kombat. Trust me, I know a doctor in training, so he knows things like that. But… Yeah. Trust me on this, you don’t want me to post the sex scenes, trust me you really don’t unless you want your mind scarred eternally.
I’ll actually shamefully admit: that scene was kinda cool. Maybe it’s because the dinosaur acted like a fucking dinosaur. Exactly why did Rainbow marry this thing?
Hell if I know. But this is how bad it gets. This somehow skirted by with a Teen rating till I said to the mods: “Hey guys, you need to have a look at this!” Reported it to Majin and someone else, had to. This moron was blatantly jump roping over the line is what is accepted in a Teen rated story and laughing his gleeful ass off over it.
MEIN SIDES.
But still, you get the point right? Call me a fanfic version of an SJW or something, but this could not stand. What if some little kid walked into this story, metaphorically, and read that?
Ratings are put in place for a reason; nobody reasonably buys a 6 year old Grand Theft Auto and lets them play it without understanding the side effects that showcasing extreme violence to them can do.
Kids buy CoD games somehow...
While I doubt there are many children that visit FiMFiction, I’m sure that there’s somebody who’d read that and probably go, “OH GOD, WHY!?” I, for one, would’ve probably said, “oh, the story’s finally picking up speed.”
Not sure when this happens, maybe about 6 chapters in. Yes, six chapters of this rot. Maybe more. I wonder if a kid actually wrote this, cause at times the logic is of that of a child… And this somehow got over 40 likes! I work my ass off night and day to provide quality, and I get lucky if my one shots get that many likes, and somehow this hack got a 50 chapter -yes 50,- story with over 40 likes. Thankfully, the dislike ratio is about equal so there is a God in this world.
FiMFiction’s grasp on quality at times makes me take second glances at Wattpad.
Good point. Anon-A-Mess stories are a constant thing. Anyways, after about god knows how many more words of this rot and several more videos -Actually, may I point out the issue with videos? Aside from being a massive disruption in the text, nobody has the patience to sit through them!- this chapter finally ends.
* "You heard him Rainbow Dash, let the night begin."
"I'm right behind you Indominus."
Rainbow and Indominus followed Goldenrod through the double doors of the hotel, with the numerous guest right behind them. The night of their honeymoon had only just begun, and the lovers were going to be in for plenty of excitement inside the Golden Pony. *
Thank God for that. But the question now is dear readers, would you like to suffer through a second chapter, and do you have the strength to do so. I ask you this as well Vert. I’m not cruel. Well, not completely cruel anyways.
I really am thankful I have a friend talking to me about other shit, because this just crushes my reality. Okay, first of all: the battle with Whitney is very difficult; level up your Pokemon first. Second of all: IT’S ONLY JUST BEGUN!? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Like I said, 50 chapters. Thankfully, you won’t have to go through them all, I’ll only review about the first 3 at worst.
Thank Jesus, if you were going through all 50, I was going to reconsider this, bail on you, and sleep out in the 22 degree weather with bronchitis. Maybe pneumonia will prove to be more pleasurable than reading this asinine trash that calls itself… words that make sentences.
We’re sadomasochists, aren’t we? Wait, of course, we are, we’re badfic reviewers. Anyways, chapter Deux!
I wanted to move on from this when I was 15! NOW I’M ALMOST 23 AND I FIND MYSELF BACK TO WHERE I WAS! Time is a flat circle and stuff; I never watched True Detective. God save my soul, I’m gonna be dead by 30 and it’ll all be Florida Man’s fault.
And here we have an Author’s note.
* Be warned, this chapter might make you really hungry. If you don't have food with you while reading this, you might want to do that. *
Yeah, I’m sure I’ll be passing on the food.
* While Goldenrod led them to the front desk, Rainbow and Indominus could see how the Golden Pony Hotel got its name. The inside was shining and the walls were shimmering like gold fresh from a cave. All the authentic decor was golden to the last touch, and there was something for every guest to do. There was a massive dining hall and ballroom for those who were looking to eat or dance the night away. It even had complimentary hot tubs and an expansive garden for any couples who just wanted some time to themselves. It truly was a hotel that could appeal to any guest's desires or make a couple feel so at peace and relaxed.
The yellow unicorn at the front desk was shocked when Goldenrod introduced the new couple to him.
"M-Mr Goldenrod sir, are they-"
"Yes they are Shining Star, these are Indominus Rex and Rainbow Dash. They are our guests of honor tonight, please inform the rest of the staff so these two can have a wonderful time at our fine hotel."
"Yes of course sir," Shining Star said as he left the front desk to greet the newlyweds. "Welcome Rainbow Dash and Indominus Rex, it's a great pleasure to have you both here."
"We're glad to be here ourselves," said Rainbow Dash.
"I believe we have a reservation under our names for this lovely evening?"
"Why of course Mr. Indominus, just one second." *
First off, I can’t get the imagery of someone greeting the Indominus Rex in any form of polite manner out of my head. More likely they’re shitting themselves in fear. Also, that has to be one hell of a big door for Indominus to even fit into the hotel lobby, because again, 50 foot dinosaur. There are so many logical flaws with this fic a computer would probably melt down to logic bomb. Okay, I’ll give credit where it’s due for this fic not immediately jumping into Newbie Dash and instead building up the events, but this much? Six or more chapters before we even get into that episode? God, I’ve heard of slow pacing but this takes it all. ...Granted, I suppose I have no room to speak given in WA it took almost twenty five chapters for the signature mecha of the series to be formed.
* Shining Star quickly got his reservation book and started going through the names. He had made sure to mark the reservation to help him remember. :Here we are, I've found your reservation and the penthouse has been prepared for you. Dinner will be ready in thirty minutes, I'll have one of our staff come get you when it's time."
"Splendid, I could use a good meal."
"First, we've gotta get settled in our room, Indominus."
"Allow me to show you two to your room for the night," Goldenrod said as he collected the key to their room and guided the lovers over to the elevator. Indominus could hear Shining Star wishing them a great night as they got inside the elevator, and noticed that plenty of ponies were still watching them.
The elevator ride was rather unpleasant for Indominus, being cramped in one space with so many ponies was unnerving to him. It didn't help that the elevator was covered with glass, so he could see everything around him on the way up. Rainbow had to constantly stroke his face to keep him calm, any sudden movements and he could cause the whole elevator to crash. The ponies on board were taking notice and didn't move around or talk much, so Rainbow could keep Indominus at ease. The hybrid was incredibly grateful that so many ponies were understanding and respectful. *
More like they’re shitting themselves in fear, and I still have this hard time imagining a fifty foot dino being shoved into an elevator. It’s probably like a clown car. Also, while I’m glad Not a Indorex is finally showing emotion besides sappy love, it still falls under show don’t tell. Show us Indominus’ claustrophobia, show us that!
You have trouble buying Indominus in an elevator, I’m just wondering why people see this as normal. The mere sight of a dinosaur in public anywhere should be cause for the armed forces to be called out and for the thing to be turned into little more than a pile of bloody bits.
Here’s the thing, apparently later on it we learn Not a Indo and company are part of a group called the Guardians, whatever that means. What, does that mean they go gallivanting off around the galaxy acting like assholes and then getting brutally killed off by Thanos in the end? I hope that last bit is true. Wait, strike that, as that’ll cause Not a Dash to turn into a weeping mess Toren and Lost Sun Starlight would be envious of.
“They call themselves ‘The Guardians’.”
“What a bunch of a-holes.”
* When they finally got off at the top level of the hotel, Goldenrod was deeply sorry for the discomfort the elevator had caused Indominus. On the way to the room, he kept expressing his concern for Indominus's safety.
"I had no idea that being in an elevator could cause you such discomfort Indominus."
"I'm just not used to riding in them, that was my first time being in such a confined space."
"I think I do have a solution, I'll let you use the private elevator that only I or the staff use. No guests are allowed to use it, but in your case we can make an exception. Well here we are."
The group was standing in front of a door that seemed far more fancy and stood out more than the others. Goldenrod turned the lock and when they stepped inside, Rainbow and Indominus were rendered speechless at the room before them. The penthouse was much bigger on the inside and there were divine couches and fancy chairs in the main room. The glass windows were lined with red curtains and gave a fantastic view of the outside and the garden. The bedroom had a massive bed laden with gold sheets, a mini fridge and a bathroom that could fit both pegasus and dinosaur. This truly was a room that was worthy of only the most wealthy ponies in Equestria, and Rainbow and Indominus had the privilege of using the room for two weeks. *
Okay, credit where credit is due, there was the show not tell. And two weeks? Two weeks of this sap! By god, this is shaping up to be the Lost Sun 2: Electric Boogaloo! I’m seeing the weeping starting up any time now…
Nicholas Sparks’ new novel: The Indomitable Rainbow.
Anyways, after a scene which made me fear we were going to get a sex scene between Not a Indo and Not a Dash:
* "You've become so bold and if I must say, a little on the perverted side, Miss Dash."
The rainbow mare coiled her tail around Indominus's and tangled them together.
"It's because you've become part of my life Indominus, no other pony has fascinated me the way you have. When I'm with you, I feel so at peace and happy with my life."
"Save more of that lovely talk for our time in the garden, my little Dashie. It'll be worth it."
Indominus had just begun kissing Rainbow again, when they heard knocking at their door. The lovers glanced at each other sheepishly.
"Guess we used up our half hour of free time."
"It's dinner time already, let's go stuff our faces," said Indominus as he untangled his tail with Rainbow's. *
Bleagh! This romance is so sappy it could be used as resin or antiseptic. Trust me, tree sap can be used for that sorta stuff. I looked. Okay, after your daily nerd moment and me almost barfing, they head down to eat. And this is where the chapter descends into gratuitous food porn.
If this goes anywhere else than I think it’ll go, I’m taping a fork to my dick and playing chicken with the nearest electrical outlet.
Thankfully, it doesn’t.Case in point?
* "Prepare yourself Indominus, for this is going to be a feast fit for a king," Goldenrod said as the chefs pulled away the curtains. When they did, Indominus was sure he was going to drool a lake onto the floor from the food laid out before him.
The table was filled with all sorts of cooked meats and sizzling, juicy delicacies that Indominus had never seen before. The aroma from the cooked meats and culinary dishes drifted towards him and up his scaly nostrils. The dinosaur relished the amazing scent and had to look all over the table to make sure he wasn't hallucinating. As he did, Goldenrod went and explained each dish to the hungry dinosaur that was checking out all the food.
"What you're seeing is freshly roasted turkey, Manehatten pot roast, maple baked ham, and cooked prime, roast beef. For the other dishes we have Vanhoover chowder, cinnamon dumplings, corn on the cob and apple cinnamon pie. For beverages, we've provided a vast supply of cider and juices for any flavor you'd want." Indominus eagerly licked his toothy jaws, each dish sounded so delicious that he couldn't wait to dine, but Goldenrod had something special waiting for afterwards. "If you're still hungry after all this Indominus, we have a special treat waiting in the kitchen if you want the main course."
"I'm sure I'll have room for all the food you have planned Goldenrod, and thank you all for preparing this much food for me. I truly am grateful for it." Indominus pulled himself away from the table to thank the chefs and Goldenrod, and shake their hooves for the glorious buffet.
"You're quite welcome Indominus," said one of the chefs. "Now eat to your heart's content, we'll be back to see if you have room for more later." *
And this is basically the whole chapter food porn on steroids and Not a Indo-Rex acting like a pig, except with one minor detail.
I keep skimming this in the vain hope that maybe, just maybe, I’ll find the part that isn’t just the author telling what’s happening. And no, I don’t fucking count him TELLING US ABOUT A ROOM AS SHOWING.
* "Well if must say Rainbow Dash, you've got yourself a true husband." One of the guests spotted the Arkenstone around Rainbow's neck and was marveled by it.
"Did he pick that ring himself?"
"He sure did." *
Wait, doesn’t whoever pick up the Arkenstone have issues with greed and such? ...My gosh, I must have been reading the Hobbit wrong my whole life! #Revelations, man.
*
"A dinosaur that's brave, strong, devoted and has excellent taste in jewelry? Now that is what I call a real diamond in the rough." *
Or a caricature.
HAVE I MISSED ANYTHING?!
>dinosaur and Rainbow on honeymoon
>get there
>shown to room
>kissy kissy
>food
If I missed ANYTHING, I will go back.
Nope, you’re good Vert.
Great. Also: HOLY FUCK! THIS IS INCREDIBLE! HE BOUGHT HER A FUCKING RING!? How did that go down!?
"I wish to buy a diamond encrusted ring."
"Sir, you just stepped on the display cases and killed ten ponies. You also destroyed the entire front part of the store and your tail has law enforcement hanging from it."
"So is that a no?"
Yeah, I can sorta see the logical flaw here. This fic has so many plot holes in it you might as well call it swiss cheese! Anyways, part three.
And another AN I disagree with.
* Lots of songs and plenty of love in this chapter. Shippers, for those of you that support Rainbow and Indominus as a couple, this will be your chapter. *
Yeah, I don’t think anyone -well, anyone sane- is shipping these two. Are you Vert?
I want to link a review of mine here because I think more people will ship that with Rainbow Dash than they will with a prehistoric super duper predator made by the daughter of the guy who directed Angels and Demons.
Hey Vert, what do you think their song is? You know, all couples have a song! I’m sure you and your girlfriend have one. My bet on for these two is that one Aerosmith song from Armageddon.
AND I DON’T WANT TO MISS A THIIIIIIING!!!
Yes, that one.
Also, my guess is You Shook Me All Night Long by AC/DC. It seems only fitting since I-Rexy should be shaking apart every part of Rainbow because FOOD.
Now they’re just going to ruin it, or at least taint it.
* After they had dined and feasted on their fabulous dinner, Indominus and Rainbow were relaxing in their hotel room until it was time to head down to the ball room. Rainbow chilaxed on one of the fancy chairs while Indominus lounged on the couch, they stared happily at each other with their stomachs full of amazing food.
"I've gotta hand it to you Indominus, you were right about the food. It was really tasty."
"For your first time trying meat, I'd say you did rather well in handling it Rainbow Dash. With some hunting experience, you might make a pretty good carnivore."
"Heh heh, here we are on our honeymoon and you still find ways to try and flatter me," Rainbow said while getting off the chair, walking over to the couch and climbing on top of Indominus. "Yet every time, you always manage to win me over. I don't know whether to tease you or kiss you smack on the scales. Oh, who am I kidding? I know exactly what to do for all your charming compliments."
Rainbow slowly wrapped her hooves around Indominus's neck and began kissing him. The hybrid returned her affection by wrapping his arms around Rainbow and gently holding her while he kissed his wife back. They had kissed so many times over the year, but every time felt as amazing as the first time when they had kissed on the battlefield after killing Black Death. Rainbow and Indominus simply loved each other too much to not show their feelings for each other. Rainbow's tail coiled itself around Indominus's in a loving embrace as the pair broke their kiss for a breath.
"How is it possible for a dinosaur like you to win my heart over, treat me like a goddess, and give me some of the best happiness I've felt in the longest time," Rainbow said while playfully tracing her hoof on Indominus's chest. *
Am I free to gag yet?
I… I… well, I have me some mini oreos next to me because I was hungry and man, they sure taste like literary cancer now. Good thing I changed my FiMFiction password to gibberish, otherwise I may have gone ahead and spazzed out at this guy for ruining oreos for me.
Oh, don’t worry, it gets ‘better’!
Oh, it gets better? Well, going by your definition when you asked me to join you in this review, I can only imagine that means that we’ll enter territory that makes me scream from the highest mountain around about how this guy shouldn’t be allowed near a fucking keyboard!
It’s sad when you provide me more amusement than the story itself.
* "Well let's see, we fought together against a pair of abusive excuses for ponies, brought down a dragon death machine with our family. Me and Tyrannosaurus shared the power that had been created out of yours and Scootaloo's love for us. We got to spend an incredible first date together, and had a wild afternoon. I proposed to you at the Gala, sang and danced with you and kissed you in the full light of the moon. You and Scootaloo brought us back from the dead, shall I continue? We were meant to be married my Dashie, because we're too good together," Indominus said as he gently ran his claws through Rainbow's mane. *
I… I have no words. Vert, you?
He ran his claws through Rainbow’s mane? Having seen Jurassic World, loved it, and having a pretty damn great memory of how I-Rexy laddy there looks, that would mean that his arm would be lifted up like he’s a marionette. If the story ended with this having all been told by a kid who has a bunch of MLP toys and Dinosaur toys around and they were telling their idea of a love story, I’d actually be inclined to take back everything I said throughout this review and say it’s ingenious. Too bad I’ve been informed that that isn’t the case and I’m instead left with my beautiful headcanon.
He ran his claws through Rainbow’s mane? Okay shouldn’t Rainbow have been scalped by that, her brain ripped into? R.I.P Not a Dash. Press X to… Actually, you know what? This character isn’t even worth mourning. The end. Also: If the story ended with this having all been told by a kid who has a bunch of MLP toys and Dinosaur toys around and they were telling their idea of a love story That’s sorta what this is, innit? Something acting this out. I know that’s captain obvious for you there, but it seems to be that even if it doesn’t end that way.
* The feeling of Indominus's claws running through her mane was so soothing that Rainbow just laid her head down on his chest and allowed the dinosaur to continue. From his perspective Rainbow looked so peaceful, and after everything she and Scootaloo had gone through to get the happiness they deserved, it was good to see his girl so content. However, he really wanted to make her feel special on the dance floor too, but still had to wait a while. So the couple just laid on the couch in peace, resting on top of each other and playfully teasing themselves.
After forty five minutes had passed, Indominus decided that it was a good time for them to start getting ready. Rainbow agreed, despite being so comfortable resting on her husband's scaly belly. Indominus was surprised when he opened the suitcase and found the suit that Rarity had put together for him. It was a sleek black, complete with bright glowing red lines along the sleeves, possibly as a gesture to his power. Indominus decided to put on the suit in the bathroom, but found that getting it on was tougher than he thought. *
Gags again
Then Indominus leaned in closely, his warm breath hitting the small, blue pegasus. He opened his mouth, his teeth shining brightly, and whispered, “AND WE CAN BUILD THIS THING TOGETHER, STAND THIS STORM FOREVER, NOTHING’S GONNA STOP US NOW!”
Oh, that is cruel.
What? If mister author man can do cheesy romance, I sure as shit can too!
Fair point. Thankfully, Discord saves us from all of this. No, he literally does.
* "Need a hand with the tux, Indominus?" The hybrid was shocked when he heard a voice that hadn't come from Rainbow Dash. He looked in the mirror and found Discord standing behind him.
"What in the devil are you doing here Discord? I thought you and the monsters were calling it a night."
"Oh we were, I simply wanted to wait until it was time for you to bust a move so I could get you into your suit, and give some friendly advice."
"What kind of advice did you have in mind for me Discord," Indominus said while the Lord of Chaos helped him into his suit.
"I just wanted to wish you good luck out there, and be more bold than you've ever been. T-Rex mentioned that you were planning on serenading Rainbow, so put your best foot out there and make her feel like the most special pony in the world."
"Discord, you wouldn't happen to be giving the same kind of advice that you've used during your time with Fluttershy, are you?" Indominus' sly remark caused a blush from Discord. *
I take that thank you back. More bland prose as ever, and more gag worthy romance! My god, how can this story have fifty likes? I know it has almost as many dislikes which is comforting in every sense but STILL!
I got two words for you: Nicholas. Sparks.
Got another for you: Twilight.
I got four that’ll top ALL of that: Fifty Shades of Grey.
That’s not even a book. That’s glorified fanfiction!
The first film made of half a billion dollars worldwide. Think on that and sleep to it, Florida Man.
I really hate you right now, you know that right?
I aim to please. =)
But then again, Bay’s movies made so much money even if they shat on a certain franchise till Travis Knight took the helm. Anyways, back to the story, after several poor jokes we get this and I kid you not:
* "Everypony, please give Indominus some space. We don't need him to be overwhelmed on his first night here." The ponies all parted away from Indominus and it gave him room to breathe. "That's better, now everypony it is my pleasure to welcome our honorary guests tonight, Indominus Rex and Rainbow Dash, who will be joining us shortly. Today was their wedding and the Princesses chose to book them a room at our lovely hotel for the next two weeks. So please everypony, make them feel welcome and accepted in our corner of excitement."
The ponies began applauding Indominus and he felt almost embarrassed from receiving so much acceptance from the guests. He distracted himself by taking in the ballroom. It was nice and spacious, had light up floors, a discoball hanging overhead and spotlights over most of the ceiling. This would be a great place for him and Rainbow to dance. He barely took one step forward when Goldenrod spoke on the mic again.
"Good news everypony, Rainbow Dash has arrived and will be entering from the other side of the ballroom. Make sure to give her plenty of space and start the music."
Indominus immediately turned his head as soon as he heard the door open. The spotlight instantly went on Rainbow as she walked into the ballroom, and Indominus felt his heart pounding a thousand miles an hour and swore he saw parts of his red power escaping his body just from seeing his wife. Rainbow was dressed in a light to dark purple dress complete with silver lacing, dark purple slippers and metallic light blue lightning bolts. *
Complete with picture! Good god. I wanted show, not tell before, but I take it back. I take it back! Seriously, there is no need to be going overly descriptive and describe Not a Dash like every other Mary Sue in history! (Seriously, if you haven’t figured it out by now, this fic reads like a guidebook of how not to do a story.)
This story is the reason I hope the NSA, FBI, and CIA spy on people while they surf the web. I’d pay so much money to see their reaction as they read along to someone who finds this story genuinely good. Just imagine, some highly trained agent, spending hours being forced to read this just in case there’s some sort of threat encoded in it. IT AIN’T MAKING THE STORY BETTER, BUT IT SURE AS HELL IS ENTERTAINING!
This could have been used as torture in Gitmo, really. Prove me wrong.
There’s the possibility that someone they’d torture would be into this kind of story and find it compelling.
Scary thought, and Vert, you know what you said about copyrighted song lyrics not being allowed in a story? Well…
Don’t…
Tell you? Alas, read what comes next.
* The music began starting up as Rainbow stopped in the center of the dance floor, while Indominus was so paralyzed by the look she was giving him. She was tapping her hind foot and shaking her flank to the beat while giving Indominus the most seductive stare he had ever seen. It was like Rainbow was putting on a truly stunning show for Indominus and she was turning on the charm to make herself as attractive and hot as possible.
Indominus' and every stallion's jaw in the room dropped at the sight of the rainbow mare before them. Rainbow gestured with her wing for Indominus to join her, and as he walked over to his wife, the dinosaur thought to himself, "I'm so lucky tonight."
Rainbow Dash began singing a really upbeat and loving tune to her hybrid dinosaur, who had joined her on the dance floor. Everypony danced on the sidelines as the new husband and wife began their amazing night.
Do you remember that day (that sunny day)
When we had our first date
I said no one could take your place
And if you get hurt (if you get hurt)
By the little things they say
I will put that smile back on your face
And it's alright and it's coming along
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get right back to where started from
Yeah
Indominus wrapped his arms around Rainbow's neck and stood behind her as he sang alongside his wife.
A love like ours
Can never fade away
You know it's only just begun, yeah baby
You give me your love (give me your love)
I just can't stay away no,
You know you are the only one
And it's alright and it's coming along
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get right back to where started from
Woo
Indominus was really getting into the groove and dancing on all fours with Rainbow Dash. He kept gazing into her eyes and found that she was still giving him the seductive stare. It was so alluring that Indominus couldn't pull himself away, in fact, it made him draw closer to Rainbow until they were dancing side by side. Indominus was completely at the mercy of his wife's seductive charm and she used the opportunity to steal a kiss from him while he was still gazing at her. The ponies that were dancing cheered Rainbow on as they witnessed the kiss. When Rainbow pulled away she whispered into Indominus' ear.
"That was for all those times you stole a kiss from me today, my dinosaur stud. I'm going to rock your world by the end of the night."
"Great minds think alike my daring Dashie. We'll be wrapped in each other's embrace once this is over, and be making love until the break of dawn."
And it's alright and it's coming along
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get right back to where started from
And it's alright and it's coming along
We gotta get right back to where we started from
Love is good, love can be strong
We gotta get right back to where started from
Once the song ended, the guests and staff erupted in applause and cheers for the new couple. Goldenrod handed the mic over to Rainbow so she could say a few words.
"Thank you so much everypony. Honestly, I never imagined that I'd ever be in a great place like this or having the greatest time of my life. But on that night over a year and a half ago, when Indominus and I first met, everything changed. Our time together since then has grown so much and now we are a married couple at last." *
How… How did this fic skirt by the mods? HOW!?!
First of all: I skimmed that because the schmaltzy writing was making me genuinely uncomfortable; thinking about a dinosaur dancing and flirting with a pegasus is impossible to imagine without the dinosaur eating the damn thing. Second of all: story approvers and mods on fanfiction websites aren’t omnipotent, but I find it laughably that absolutely nobody ever reported this for that purpose. Unless he got by on some bullshit technicality (though Dakari King Mykan has gotten in trouble before for such actions). Third of all: you cannot pay me to read all of that. Not unless you promise me a luxury car like a Lamborghini.
I’d do you one better, I’d promise you one of those rare cars that only have five makes in existence in the world, some type of Pagani. Never mind that fact that I couldn’t give you one, -Unless it’s a gift in a video game- but it’s a tempting offer to drive around in some Italian Hypercar right?
Sadly, this blatant quadruple backflip over the mods continues, butt-ass nude no less! More copyrighted song lyrics! More singing, and more dancing! I kid you not, and if you don’t believe me…
Brb! Going to go grab the liquor.
I’d take that as a joke, but considering so far… Anyways:
* I still hear your voice when you sleep next to me
I still feel your touch in my dreams
Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why
Without you it's hard to survive
'Cause every time we touch, I get this feeling
And every time we kiss I swear I could fly
Can't you feel my heart beat fast, I want this to last
Need you by my side
'Cause every time we touch, I feel the static
And every time we kiss I reach for the sky
Can't you hear my heart beat so I can't let you go
Want you in my life
Rainbow put a hoof to Indominus' face and he held it with his claws. She then took her left wing and began to stroke his face while she took her turn to tell him sweet things.
"I'm so glad you and I got to meet each other on that night."
"Me too, Dashie. I loved that time we spent bonding while defending Scootaloo. *
Massive facepalming and weeping for the state of fimfic shall now ensue. Press X to pay respects. And this is basically what the whole chapter is full of until it finally by the mercy of god ends.
I read the Book of Revelation. I think this was mentioned somewhere in it. And John saw before him—actually no, screw it, I’m not going to bother. Lemme just keep sniffing glue.
* "Before you met me, did you ever believe in love at first sight?"
"Before I met you, I would've never even considered love. I didn't think it would ever be an important part in my life. When I met you however, I think that I was slowly becoming a believer. So yes, I do believe in love at first sight, now that you are part of my life." Rainbow went back to resting her head on Indominus' shoulder, and he could see that she was starting to get tired.
Indominus thanked the orchestra for giving them such a beautiful soundtrack to dance to, and took flight towards the penthouse window. He held Rainbow Dash in a princess cradle as he flew up to the window that he had slid open slightly in anticipation for their night of dancing. He pushed open the window with one arm, then closed it behind him after they got inside. Indominus gently laid Rainbow down on the golden bed and helped her take the dress off. After it was hung up, Indominus put Rainbow Dash into the bed first and pulled the covers over her. He then took his suit off and got into bed next to her.
Rainbow snuggled closer to Indominus and they shared another loving kiss. When they parted, Rainbow still had a few kind words left to say to her husband.
"I love you Indominus. I love you more than anything I could've ever received in my life."
The hybrid dinosaur laid his arm across Rainbow's body as he took one more turn.
"I will always love you with all my heart and soul Rainbow Dash. Promise you won't leave my side tonight?"
"Turn off the lights and I'll fall asleep in your embrace."
Indominus reached toward the light switch with his tail and pulled Rainbow right beside his body as the lights were turned off.
"Goodnight, my beautiful Dashie."
"Goodnight, my strong and lovely hybrid dinosaur." *
There are so many things wrong with that last sentence I’m giggling for all the wrong reasons. Thankfully, after all that build up, no sex. Normally, I'd not say thankfully, but in this instance...
I’m starting to think The Purge may not be a bad idea.
And on that note, I’ll finally take mercy on you and the readers and end this fic review. Drops mic and walks off
I remember this piece of absurdity and laughed at it.
Then I remembered I edited another pile of poo on this site...
5002789
It can't be as bad as this... right?
Hmm.
5002793
Optimus Prime vs Equestria.
I also edited some of Evictus' rubbish.
This story is why fan fiction gets such a bad rap. It is like all that Starfleet crap on this site where the author mocks everything about MLP.
Edit: Thank you for not providing a link becuase we don't need to read it as it sounds like a complete disgrace.
5002814
I wouldn't have been able to anyways, as it's a mature rated fiction.
5002806
Good point, Evictus is worse.
5002823
5002806
It looks like Evictus has left the site and has taken down all of their stories. So that is a good thing, possibly.
Edit: Then again it looks like they changed their name. Now they go by Twistedcupcakes.
dude I took the piss out of this fic with every new chapter that was posted - I feel like I exhausted myself in that comment section
but seriously though why all the power ballads
5002848
I remember you! That was a riot.
But yeah, why all of the power ballads? They're not even good!
5002849
honestly though I didn't mind the first one of these, I actually thought it was pretty decent
then this one came around and fucked everything up - this is the Disney direct to DVD sequel
and I wrote so many fucking paragraphs questioning the OOC logic of this fic and I just kept being ignored and downvoted
what motivation does he have to make the Wonderbolts such irredeemable assholes when there was no reason behind it
5002852
I think... I think it's because of playground bullying syndrome. He got bullied as a child, and with that writing ability and inability to control his temper I wouldn't be surprised -Hell, I'd be less surprised if he was the bully!- and so therefore when Newbie Dash came along, seeing his waifu get 'bullied' -Read, hazed- all of those memories were stirred up and he needed an outlet. Combine that with watching waaaaaaaaaaayy too much anime and an appetite for this fic, and this monstrosity was born. All the wrong wires came together at simply the right time. I have an honest to god hatred for vent writing, and this along with Anon-A-Mess fics are a good reason why. Sure, there are some good vent writing fics like what my friend Vertigo posted a few nights back, but this? This is a prime example of Sturgeon's Law right here.
5002830
Yeah, I know. He's still around.
5002852
So, is there an explanation for why the Dinos can speak and seem to be five feet tall instead of fifty feet tall?
5002957
tbh I don't even remember, I think it had something to do with Celestia giving them the Mary Sue Medal of Honor at the end of the last fic
also let's check out one of the comments from that fic's page from the author themselves
I think OP forgot that the show is called My Little Pony
I'm just gonna repost the comments I left on that fic's page just to show how much this thing confused me
Okay, okay, wait. I'm confused...
Is this the sixth...or seventh level of Hell?
I haven't read my Dante in a while, so I might be a little rusty, but I'm pretty sure he would have mentioned this somewhere in The Divine Comedy! Only this fic is so trashy, this is less comedic in nature and more of a tragedy.
It was pretty comedic seeing you and Vertigo tear a new butthole in this thing, though. I should send this review to the author.
5003436
I'd love to see his reaction. Please note, none of this is made up, not even CaptainGrumpy's comments and I never gave this fic a score.
5003446
You didn't need a score. If you did post the score I thought you would, the number--in the negatives-- would be so low it would cause a loophole black hole that would succ all the good fanfiction here into an abyss.
5003450
Good point.
5003452
I just posted the link to this review on his story's comment section.
And OH MY GOSH, all of the comments are positive! They're like "This is so beautiful" or "I love how you wrote them as a couple" or "I can't wait for the next chapter!"
*headdesk*
The world is unfair and miserable.
5003466
Pat pat Look on the bright side, least all of the comments are only coming for a couple of people. Pray this review doesn't get deleted. Mind you, it probably won't help, as this story has a sequel well underway. Why world, WHY!?!
So I did some research and I discovered why the dinosaurs are pony-sized, omnivorous, and can talk.
In the previous story, the dinosaurs couldn’t talk and were appropriately sized. But they were intelligent (and I gag when I use this word to refer to this story) enough to establish non-verbal communication with the ponies, eventually learning how to write. Twilight then infused T. rex and I. rex with a magic spell that allowed them to shrink to the sizes of raptors. Later, when I. rex wants to propose to Rainbow Dash, Celestia gives him and the dinosaurs an advanced wedding gift: a spell that allowed them to talk.
As for the omnivore diet, that’s more of a consequence of living in Equestria for a few weeks or months.
Granted, the story’s still written pretty badly, and I’m more than happy to join you in tearing apart this piece of garbage should you continue to do so.
Welp, the review I posted on this story got deleted by the author. Predictably.
I'll do it again.
5004634
Don't bother, special snowflake this one. Might we say any derogatory comments are... extinct?
5004638
Yeeeeeeeeeeeoooooooowwwwwwwwch. Burn right there.
You know, this is the second time you've used this joke in a bad fanfic about dinosaurs--which is remarkably similar, too. Why does putting dinosaurs into fanfiction always not work?!
5004643
Not sure... Maybe because a lot of them, they're brutal predators who'd love to chow down on little ponies and most people don't seem to understand that and utilize it?