Fic Reviews: Summer Date · 1:48am Jan 16th, 2019
Okay, next review was a personal request from a friend of mine, and while I admit I don't do these often I decided to make an exception in this case. More after the break.
Okay, I'll be the first to admit I'm not the world's biggest fan of Second Person stories, as like Displaced they're basically a way to live out your fantasies and personally I generally don't exactly read them the majority of the time. I just ignore them, like a burning dumpster fire. They're frankly that dull to me. If I wanted to live out my fantasies, there's probably generally other ways to do it rather than a self-insert type story. Seriously, this is fanfiction for crying out loud, it's easy enough to live out a fantasy. Just find your favorite crossover or whatever and read that. Even if 'you' personally aren't the lead character, you're still seeing a fantasy come to life. Even better, you could go and actually write out your fantasies. Now Elec, he did ask me not to pull my punches, and as you can tell, I'm doing exactly that. I'm not holding back. Not that I ever do, really. You all should know me by now.
Anyways, the actual 'story'?
Beautiful ocean waves crashed over the frigid, yellow sand with a spray of salty ocean water exploding into the air like a firework. Today there are no clouds in the blue sky and the air is fresh. Besides the wonderful weather, the sea is clean and the waves are calm.
Sitting on a folding beach chair, you stretch your limbs and tuck your hands behind your head. All you have with you is your towel, your bag, which contains your clothes and a umbrella beside you. Sighing, you peer up at the sun for a moment and lean against the chair.
It's been only one day since the start of the summer vacations and you wanted to start with a bang. Summer vacation means no school and no homework. A time of rest, relaxation, vacation and absolute fun. In other words, the best time of anyone's life.
You glance at the deep, blue sea and a good idea came across your mind. A nice swim in the ocean would be the perfect thing for this summer afternoon.
You got up from your folding chair, and with a confident smirk, you sprint towards the sea until you stop at the shoreline. The short waves of the water pulsed in and out, running around your ankles and feet. You lay back in the water, letting your limbs do the thinking.
'This is life,' you thought with a pleasant smile.
Okay, I'll admit Elec's done a good job of setting the scene, so props to him there.
Letting out a sigh, you decide to take all of your worries away by stretching out your arms and releasing all bodily tension. You put your face down and started to swim, breathing on every stroke as heavy beats of your breath echoes back through the water.
You're very good at swimming and that's a very noticable trait. In fact, you're part of the Canterlot High swimming team which had won many competitions in the past. Despite this, you rather think that your best friend, a girl who is also the captain of every sports team in Canterlot High, is a better swimmer than you. Every time you look at her, she takes your breath away. Oh, how you have this big crush on her. You always wondered if you will ever have a chance with her.
But as you delighted in your joyful ocean experience, the waves around you became much larger and wilder than before. Before you could react, a vicious wave hit you, knocking you down into the blue ocean.
You managed to get you head to the surface for a moment. You gasp, filling your lungs with air. But then, a wave much bigger than the others, hit you viciously, knocking you to the depths of the ocean and dragging the air from your lungs.
You tried to reach the surface, kicking hard as you could and not wanting to die like this. Unfortunately, this was a forlorn hope due for the waves getting more wilder, preventing you to reach the surface. You tried to scream for help, but all you got was water.
Your mind went blank... Your heart began to give up its fight. Starving of oxygen, you begin to lose consciousness.
Your eyelids become heavier and heavier and your eyesight became blurry. The last thing you see is a silhouette of someone swimming towards you, then everything around you slowly faded to black...
Heart pumping a little? Maybe. Might be the writing, or just the fact that I'm nervous about reviewing a friend's story. Last time I did a personal request, it was from a mere acquaintance. Granted, I've reviewed friends' stories before like with RuinQueen, but still considering I am doing this for someone I know, can't blame me if I'm just that little bit nervous. Possibly being judged here after all.
You slowly open your eyes to see nothing but a complete blur of light. As your eyes come into focus, the first thing you see is the sun on the cloudless blue canvas. Suddenly, you cough up water and feel a stinging pain in your lungs.
"Hey, are you okay?" a female raspy voice asks in concern.
You lift you head up to turn at the source of the voice.
Your eyes widen.
Sitting by your side, there was a cyan teenage girl with a gym bag beside her. She had vibrant rainbow hair and magenta eyes. She was wearing a blue bandeau bikini top with grey lining, rainbow wristbands on each arm, a white leg band wrapped around her left leg and blue hipster bottoms with the same colors as the top.
She was noneother than Rainbow Dash, the sport star of Canterlot High. But also, your crush.
Back on your first day in Canterlot High, you've meet Rainbow under... Let's say it was complicated. You were on your way towards Canterlot High when out of nowhere a soccer ball slammed right on your face. The responsible of the accident was Rainbow Dash, but she apologized for the accident and in the end, you two became close friends.
Ever since that day, you've had a crush on her, but you still don't have the courage to confess your feeling to her.
And now, she was sitting close to you with a look of concern. You can't take your eyes off her as a deep blush appears on your face. You started to feel butterflies flap wildly in you stomach, but those thoughts drifted away when you cough up again.
"Whoa! Are you alright?" Rainbow asks you once again.
And like I said before, this part is where I begin to lose interest. It's like... well, not sure how to word it correctly so I'll just say this. It's like I'm reading someone's idea of what they want to happen in life. With a fictional character at that. While I'm not above fantasizing, I admit, with EG characters, at least with anyone not named Sunset Shimmer it makes me sorta uncomfortable for reasons this Discord conversation I had a few days ago shall explain.
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:40 PM
Ruin, is it just me or is EG slowly getting more... Sexualized to some extent? I mean, there were certain scenes in Forgotten Friendship, that Rarity music video and there's this upcoming scene in the next special or something with Sunset giving a very flirty wink to Flash.
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:42 PM
Well, I mean they're humans instead of, you know, talking horses
Yeah, a bit though
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:42 PM
Like you said, it does get concerning to some extent given some very nasty people on the internet exist.
Much as we try and deny it.
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:43 PM
Yeah
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:44 PM
Maybe I'm being overtly paranoid, I dunno.
But when you see Flash being called a Fuckboi by certain users...
Well.
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:44 PM
Really this would be less of an issue if they would freakin' make it clear how old the characters are!
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:45 PM
Yeah, quite.
Sunset's probably older than the rest, at least as a safe guess. Legal age at least.
Glad to know I'm not alone in this thought train Ruin.
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:48 PM
In the show proper its less of an issue, at least for the Mane Six and the like, since they are clearly adults
Silly SilverLast Sunday at 7:49 PM
Who got their own jobs and businesses...
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:49 PM
Yes
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:49 PM
But in EQ? Not so clear is it?
ScootalooLast Sunday at 7:50 PM
I personally think they're all high school seniors at this point
The BricklayerLast Sunday at 7:51 PM
Possibly, yeah.
I'd buy that.
(Real names mentioned in conversation have been changed for obvious reasons.)
Now you see my point? Second person stories, especially those associated with EG do make me uncomfortable. I'm sorry Elec, might not be the right person to review this story, or at least not the most tactful.
The story continues on like this, with Rainbow healing the reader and then them having a pizza. Personally, I find it dull really. I'm a sucker for romance and cuteness just like about everyone else, but I honestly found this story rather dull. Final rating? 5/10, 6/10 at best.
Thank you, sir, for pointing out any flaws. And now that you're bringing up the... tone that the EG series are getting, that makes me worried.
4997724
I doubt the series would go that far, given the writers know who's watching this series. Personally, it's entirely possible we're being overtly paranoid.
I guess that would be the best to know the girls ages. I remember one story where the mirror was like a prison for Sunset where time really didn’t move. She had to want to leave because she wasn’t in any real relationships just fake ones. The criteria for her to leave was the desire to deal with real beings and atone for her previous bad behavior. Needless to say she was beginning to want all of that but wouldn’t let her past go.