Writing for yourself · 2:33am Nov 3rd, 2012
So I just looked at my profile, and I realized something. I hit 100 watchers (seriously, when did that happen?) It isn't a lot, but it's 100 more than I ever thought I'd have. Also looking at my fics, apparently Acquiesce hit 200 upvotes at some point, and Rarity's Mare of the Evening is at 550. That's far, far more than I ever thought they'd have. Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who ever read or upvoted those, because that means the world to me. And to those people actually hit that "Watch" button after reading either of those, well I really don't what to say other than thank you.
I've come to the realization that Acquiesce is actually a pretty good fic. I'm fairly sure RMotE isn't, but in the very least it's somewhat popular. Now why is that?
RMotE is easy. It has a somewhat suggestive title and synopsis, so a lot of people thought it was either smut, comedy, or both. And I've noticed smut is pretty popular here at FiMFic. I don't have any problem with that, I'll take whatever blessings I can get.
It took me a while to figure out what's up with Acquiesce. When I went home after school one day last May and decided "What the hell, I like writing, I like reading FiM fanfiction, I like Pinkie Dash shipping, I'm going to write a Pinkie Dash shipping fic" and jotted down a quick one page outline for that silly little story I had no idea what a huge advantage I had. I never expected it to be good, I never expected anyone to like it, I never even expected to bother even publishing it here. I was writing wholly and completely for myself and my own enjoyment.
'Writing for yourself' is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot, but it's so much easier to say than do. I submitted Aquiesce to /fic/ for review, and to my eternal surprise, the reviewer liked it. Someone read something I'd written, and they enjoyed it. That's an amazing feeling. There is absolutely nothing else in this universe that even comes close. So I published it here, and more people liked it, and it felt even better. So then I took the ultimate plunge and submitted it to Equestria Daily. By some miracle, it passed their pre-readers. For the first (and currently only) time in my life some official organization looked at something I'd done and said "This is good". Now that is a feeling that no other can compare to. It was amazing.
So when I started working on RMotE I was no longer writing for myself. I was writing for that feeling. And I got it. Unfortunately it didn't pass EqD's pre readers, though I wasn't really expecting it to. I still plan on totally rewriting it someday to better match the (what I believe to be) fascinating idea behind it. I submitted RMotE to /fic/ for review as well. Simply put, the reviewer hated it. Someone read something I'd written and they didn't like. There's nothing that quite matches that feeling either. Let's just say that sucks. Not only did they no like it, but that somewhat official organization looked at it and said "This is bad". And that really sucked. But RMotE was pretty popular, so I didn't mind so much.
Now here's Disgraced, neither popular nor good (as determined by that somewhat official organization). I didn't expect it to be. I wrote it in a couple hours. But it still sucked. I'll be rewriting it, and finding an editor, and give that EqD pass another shot. Though, that isn't writing for myself.
Finally, there's this multi parter Pinkie Dash fic I've been working on for the past couple months. Everyone who's seen it has hated it, and that really, really sucked. I don't think I can explain the amount of stress it caused me. I'm not going to bore anyone with my current life situation, but I'll just say that writing that fic was one of the very few lights in my life. Sort of a "sure everything else sucks, but at least I have this" sort of light. I just sort of had to stop everything for a little while and think about what that meant. I thought about giving up and quitting writing.
But I enjoyed writing that fic. I enjoyed writing Disgraced. The light didn't come from other people liking it, just from me enjoying writing it. Does anything else matter?
Yes, of course other people liking them too matters.
But not nearly as much. I enjoyed writing those. I wrote those for me, and I liked them.
Now, I'm still going to rewrite Disgraced, I'm still gonna try for EqD. Sooner or later, I'll begin attempting to sort out that multi parters many problems. I'm not going to do it for anyone other than myself. Not so that I can impress anyone else, but so that I can be the best that I can be. Maybe that best won't be good enough for EqD or for anyone else who reads them. Maybe I'll never write anything as good as Acquiesce or as popular as RMotE ever again.
And more and more I'm finding that I don't care. As long as I'm enjoying writing, I'm gonna keep writing, and I'm not doing it for anyone but myself.
Mostly.
Congrats on the realization.
Obviously it's natural to want to be popular. Hell, that's true of anyone involved in art. However, that can't be the main thing, lest one wishes to be miserable. You gotta have a love for what you're doing here. This is supposed to be for our own amusement as much as the reader's after all. I can only imagine how miserable an existence it must be for those who follow tired formulas and chase more popularity, leaving their own ideas on the back burner, or worse, people who don't really enjoy writing and just do it to get the pat on the back.
Fuck that, I'd rather be unpopular and happy with myself.
Good job mate, keep writing for yourself and you'll enjoy it 10 times more.
Although, if you had any rarijack coming up that would make me happy.
That's the attitude I wish more writers would have, most of them are so caught up in their quest for fame that they burn out.
Congratulations! You definitely deserve it, and I'm glad you write for yourself! Not only will it keep it nice and fun for you, but when a person write for themselves it usually turns out 10x better.
I thought Acquiesce was simply fantastic, and warranted an immediate watch and favourite (despite me having no idea what its title means or how it is pronounced...)
Um, that was perhaps all I had to contribute to your journal entry. Oh, and congratulations! And if you would ever want to write something along the lines of Acquiesce again, I don't think that would hurt (me, at least, hrm) :3 Keep up the good work
Glad to hear you're able to maintain a positive outlook. Looking forward to more from you in the future. ^^
470446
My real problem was coming to terms with the fact that negative feedback doesn't mean I did a bad job. Personal enjoyment>>>>everything.
470463
I still have an outline for RariJack sequel to Acquiesce sitting around here somewhere. Someday I'll get around to it.
But to be completely honest, RariJack is one of only two ships I don't really like. The other being TwiDash.
470745
Now, I can completely understand why. :P
470895
I'm actually not so sure about 10x better part. But I'm sure disliking what you're writing can't have any positive effects.
471106
I've long thought that 'acquiesce' is the most beautiful word in the English language. Admittedly, its connection to the fic itself is abstract at best. I'm glad you enjoyed it though.
471119
As cheesy as it is, I've found that having a positive attitude means everything in life.
I'm not sure what you're expecting, but I hope I can deliver.
472605
"I'm not sure what you're expecting, but I hope I can deliver. "
Since you asked...
Twilight & Celestia shipping...
Rarity & Luna shipping (why don't more people do this?)
Dash playing match maker between AJ and Shy and messing up horrible because they were never interested in eachother to begin with!
There's more but... you know...
472652
I don't even want to imagine how difficult writing the Princesses is. I'm gonna have to get a whole lot bolder before I even attempt it.
Though I agree, there's not nearly enough Rarity-Luna shipping. I'm fairly certain I remember CloudySkies mentioning that he was writing one, and I'm sure it will be beyond awesome.
Sweet