Familiarity Feud: Notes on a deleted chapter · 7:10am Nov 3rd, 2018
The following post assumes that you have already read Familiarity Feud and therefore contains spoilers.
I know it isn’t too evident, but I love Lyra and Bon Bon. In fact, when I was writing the outline for Familiarity Feud, I was so eager to explore how well these two knew one another that at first, I thought this story was going to be two chapters long. Not only were they going to win the Newlywed Game–inspired game that was depicted in the published tale, they would then go on to play a bonus round in which they would continue to demonstrate their compatibility for additional prizes.
Fortunately, before I began to write the story itself, I realized that most readers probably didn’t share my obsession with my take on the couple – they likely wouldn’t want to see them play a second, similar game. I also realized that between the two games, the better punch line was Lyra’s final prediction in the Newlywed Game round, so I should end on that. (And thank goodness, too – before I started writing, I thought the story was going to be about 3,000 words shorter than it actually wound up being.)
Still, if you can’t get enough of Lyra and Bon Bon being perfect for one another, I thought I’d share my notes for the second chapter that never happened. This isn’t a direct copy-and-paste of my outline – I’ve cleaned things up a little bit to make it more readable – but here are the bullet points of what originally would have happened in this story.
(The first chapter would have been the same game it wound up being, with the same questions and same result, but the prize would have been a reclining chaise, which was something that Lyra really wanted to win. Sorry, Lyra.)
The host announces that the winners will play a bonus round. A partition is set up, green on one side and orange on the other side. Lyra is placed on the green side and Bon Bon on the orange. Each is behind a short wall concealing two hoof-operated pedals. If they push the green pedal, a green card comes up (indicating Lyra); the orange pedal raises an orange card to indicate Bon Bon. The host will ask them five questions; they’ll answer at the same time. If their answers match for all five questions, they win the copper cookware.
Question 1: Which one of you is the bigger hypochondriac?
- They both answer Bon Bon.
Question 2: Which one of you would win a 200-yard hoofrace?
- Neither immediately responds. The host builds up the fact that they’re finally stumped. Finally, they both answer Lyra. When the host asks, they say that it would be close. But Bon Bon would probably win a longer race while Lyra would win in a sprint.
Question 3: As a foal, which one of you would have been more likely to run away to join the circus?
- They both answer Lyra.
Host asks, what would she have done in the circus?
Together, they immediately reply, “Unicycle.”
Host: “You’ve discussed this before?”
Lyra: “No, this is the first time it’s ever come up, actually.”
Host, to Lyra: “But you know how to ride a unicycle?”
Lyra: “I’ve never even been on one.”
Host: “You two know each other too well.”
Question 4: Which one of you gets along better with their in-laws?
- They both answer Bon Bon.
The host tries to pry. Bon Bon says, “She gets along with my parents, too.”
Lyra: “But we see my parents more. And she won them over from day one.”
Bon Bon: “And we’re not just saying that because they’re in the audience.”
Question 5: Which one of you is better at making financial decisions?
- They both answer Bon Bon.
They’ve won the chaise and the cookware. The host makes them one final offer: He has three final questions, more difficult than the five they just answered. If their answers match for all three, they’ll win an additional 500 bits. But if they play for the money and don’t match all three times, then they lose the chaise and the cookware. They can stop right now and take the two prizes, but only if both of them press the orange pedal. If either presses the green pedal, then they’re committed to risking their prizes to play for the money.
Host asks them to make their decision. They both instinctively turn to look at the other, even though the partition is blocking their view. Host comments on it. Finally, they both press the orange pedal to stop with their prizes. A few groans from the audience, but respectful applause.
The host says that because it’s rare for a couple to even make it to this point in the game, he wants to play the last three questions just for fun, to see if they could have won.
Question 1: Before you met each other, which one of you was better at dating?
- They both answer Lyra.
Question 2: Which one of you would be more likely to embarrass themselves in front of royalty?
- A pause. Lyra asks host to read it again.
- He does. Bon Bon locks in Bon Bon.
- Finally, Lyra locks in Bon Bon.
Lyra, explaining: “I’d be more likely to do something considered embarrassing…”
Bon Bon: “…but she wouldn’t be embarrassed.”
Lyra: “She’d be more likely to actually be embarrassed.”
Question 3: Which one of you brings more happiness into the world?
- Bon Bon says Lyra; Lyra says Bon Bon. The audience applauds their correct decision to take the prizes.
- The two step around the partition to discuss.
Bon Bon: “You perform in front of entire audiences. The whole point of your band is to make ponies happy.”
Lyra: “Yeah, but I only get credit for one-eighth of that and our audiences aren’t that big. Have you seen the smiles on ponies’ faces when they eat your candy? You make every single pony in Ponyville happy.”
Host marvels that they’re finally not on the same page.
Lyra: “We’ve had this kind of conversation before. I keep trying to tell her that she makes me the happiest pony in Equestria.”
Bon Bon: “And I keep trying to tell her that that’s impossible, because I’m the happiest pony in Equestria. Because of her.”
Lyra: “We haven’t come to an agreement yet.”
Amazing. I love Lyra an Bon Bon, and your stories are the best ones I've found about the two of them! Also, I really like why they disagree at the end. That just seems like something they would totally do.