Life Update · 7:09pm Aug 16th, 2018
I think I should make blogs such as this somewhat regularly. Why? Because I will tell you about my stories and myself. You'll see why, for example, I've not updated in a while, things like that.
So, fir and foremost, my stories. I might've mentioned it a couple of times to some people, but here it is: my ultimate goal is to complete all the stories that I write, no matter how much time it will take. I might rewrite parts of unfinished stories so that I could continue them, I might just start a new one with the same idea but drastically different plot, and so on.
For example, my story about vampires was published on 22nd of May 2016. More than two years ago. It received just a couple of updates and then died because I didn't like the ratings. However, I recently picked it up, heavily edited it, rewrote a few things here and there, and it's way better now, receiving upvotes and not receiving many downvotes. In fact, I think there were only two after I edited it and resumed updating it again. Maybe just one, I don't remember the statistics. In any case, I'm not planning to abandon this story anytime soon.
Through writing my other stories, those that became popular, I became better, and so I used the experience to massively improve what I tried to tackle before but failed. You know, I'm still surprised how my first stories got that much attention. Frankly, they're not as good as they really should. And yes, I might go through them and edit them to improve them, but my brain really doesn't like it. I still managed to edit a couple of chapters here and there, though.
In any case, I do plan to finish all my stories someday.
Now, about the current situation. I'm experiencing a writer's block, and so I just don't have the inspiration to write. I want to write, I have the ideas, but I just can't squeeze out the words I need. Hmm... Can you guys help me with this one? Give me a PC game with a good story and deep lore, something that a 2008 potato can handle. I can say that it handles Skyrim reasonably well. And right, don't recommend me The Elder Scrolls, Dark Souls, Metro, Fallout, Diablo. I already played them or read about them. Maybe you'll surprise me with something obscure but well-made.
I think that's all about the updates. Let's move to me personally. If you don't care, just skip it all.
So... I'm still rather lonely. Yeah, I know that relationships can be tricky, but still, having a loved one would be nice. I'm a guy that loves hugs, snuggles, and all the cute stuff. Plus all other aww-inducing and romantic stuff, some of which might be cheesy. One can say that romance is my fetish.
However, I'm against anything fake. No traditional stuff for the sake of traditions. I like honesty, I'm trying to be more honest, and I definitely want my partner to be honest with me. All of us should be who we want to be. As twisted as that statement became recently (or it was misused all along), we should stop lying to ourselves and others. I know we don't live in the world where honesty is a magical power that, in combination with five other elements, can turn evil to stone, send it to the moon, and such, but our world would be so much better if we were honest with what we want and what we expect.
I've made many lies in my life. In truth, I won't be able to climb out of them without major consequences. And besides, I'd rather choose whom I'm honest with, whom I trust. As much as I like honesty, some people don't deserve to know what I really think. For a multiple of reasons: they lied to me too many times, they didn't listen to what I had to say, they tried to make me think how they do, and so on.
That's probably the main reason I want to find someone to love. I need someone to talk to without being judged or insulted or... well, you get it. Oh, and hormones. Hormones make me want to fuck, i.e. reproduce, so yeah. That's another reason why I want a girlfriend. Sex.
You might say that I could search for one night stands or prostitutes if I just want to get laid. But the thing is, it's not what I want. It might surprise some of you, but personally, I want my sex to be meaningful, to be with the person I love. I want to be in a committed relationship.
I probably already bored you to death, making your eyes do a 360 and separating from the nerve, rendering you blind. Well, in this case, you can't even read this. Jokes aside, I do think that some of you think that I'm overthinking things or care about them too much.
That's a possibility. But humans are social creatures. I am a human. Not entirely mentally healthy, but I can function like a regular human being without many problems. Am I shy? Yes, certainly. Do i have trouble getting to know people? Yes. Can I form meaningful connections? Absolutely.
I'm really unsure of what mental problems I have and just how severe are they. Many times, they're unnoticeable and don't hinder me. Sometimes, they make me cry while I try to fall asleep. And, well, I tried suicide. That went remarkably well, considering that I'm dead and I still have a decent wi-fi connection here in Hell. Satan's not a bad guy, Christians really misrepresent him. Yes, sometimes Black Metal is playing way too loud, but hey, that guy has his tastes.
In all seriosness, I don't really understand how bad my problems are. For the most part, I just choose not to talk to a lot of people because they're assholes. Drinks, parties, smoking, drugs... bad company. Just really, really not the type of people I'd like to be near at all. I hate when people do bullshit like what I listed, and so I don't care to learn more about them before judging them. You might say that it makes me bad, but... Information is out there. Smoking is harmful, alcohol is harmful, drugs are harmful. Failed to learn that? Your problem, not mine. And please, don't give me the "I take it because it makes socialization easier" bullshit. Even I can talk to people without anything like that.
Sorry for that rant, I just really hate how illogical humans are. We have internet, where you can find almost anything in a few keystrokes and clicks of mouse. Compare results, read results, make conclusions... Not that hard. And yet, it seems people only use it for memes and porn. Well, and online games plus social media. They have no idea how to use it for anything else at all.
I think it's time to wrap up for today. If you want to learn stuff about me in a more artistic manner, read my self-insert, the Starlit Foal. Writing self-inserts is pretty weird for me, but it does help me put my thoughts somewhere and not just bottle them up. That's probably why I'm a bit calmer now.
In any case, I'll continue posting this kind of blogs from time to time. No idea when, but I'll post again, depending on the situation. If you want to talk to me personally for any reason, be it story stuff or my personal stuff, add me on Discord by Elu#4215
Hi, Elu!
yeah, in the world full of humans we often fail to find more unusual/rare characters..because they live somewhere else, have something else to do (and cry about), or may be they already crushed by currents of current humanity.. (/me for example nearly constantly crashes internally because I see no way how I can contribute to changes I want to see in human world around me - small 'character flaws' IRL might be nearly-harmless if you stay inside human-only sphere, but at the edge of it ... those small flaws started to strike harder)
I don't play many games, apart from brief demos to test open-source drivers, yet one I _nearly_ finished was this: https://ru.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deus_Ex . Not very non-linear, but at least I hope you will find some talk-lines humorous yet serious. Also, at lest this fic caught my attention (mostly because I still think real non-humans of our world also need much deeper and real respect, so nearly complete focus on humans-only everywhere irrates me): https://www.fimfiction.net/story/20987/deus-ex-equine-revolution
On girlfriend/sex part ..I tend to think this idea might be overamplified culturally from biologically-defined level, but may be this is my own thing, not applicable to majority of humans. Still, finding honest to the core human being today seems to be uneasy task regardless of gender :/
Not sure if you want to read someone's else sci-fi at those moments - but I hope at least it will not hurt (I can't stop reading, yet at the same time I can't see how those megatons of texts helps me in my life quest?): http://fan.lib.ru/s/shumil_p/text_0010-7.shtml (in russian)
upd from my friend:
* SQ = Space Quest https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Quest
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upd 2: