Prayer: an Infomercial · 1:49am Aug 4th, 2018

Is life getting you down? Does it feel like nobody's appreciating your efforts? Does it feel like nobody loves you?

Introducing Prayer, the solution to each of your problems in life, guaranteed!

When you left your room this morning, did you think to pray? When sore trials came upon you, did you think to pray? When your heart was filled with anger, did you think to pray? Prayer washes away those tough spots on the heart, soul, body, and mind, and replaces them with the comforting presence of God.

How does prayer work, you say? Simple! The newer and reformed version of prayer now includes: no kneeling, no crosses on your wall, and even words are now optional in the newest version of prayer, passed by the board of approval from God Himself! All you have to do is think out a prayer in your head or aloud on your lips, and believe that God will actually listen to your prayer and answer it in the way you need, and instantly, you will feel better about yourself! It's that easy!

God doesn't listen to my prayers, you may say? Well, God wouldn't have given us the gift of prayer if he wouldn't listen to us using it! God is anxious to hear from you--like a mother anxiously awaiting your calls from home. The more you do it, the better your relationship with God will be!

So don't sit there and say that God hates you and doesn't want to hear from you because you've done bad things in your life! Or that God thinks you're not important enough to pay attention to! Don't even think you're not worthy of calling on God for help! Remember, that's false advertising set up by Satan, the Adversary!

That's right, folks, Satan wants you to believe you're worthless and miserable because misery wants company. But Satan's just jealous of the advantages you have over him, and wants to make you feel like he does! He wants the body you have, but he won't get any of this. We're off the menu.

Satan's a hoe, everybody. Satan's a hoe.

So where and when can you say a prayer? That's simple! Anywhere! Anytime! For any reason! After all, the more, the better. God wants you to succeed, and all he's doing is waiting for you to ask for it! It's like a child at the dinner table who's reachin reaching for the salt. The parent watching knows he wants the salt, and he wants to give it to the child, but he's just waiting for you to ask. If you ask, he'll answer.

Now, listen here, folks. A big part of Prayer is believing it'll work. If you reluctantly get on your knees and offer a reluctant prayer, do you think you'll get a genuine response from doing no genuine effort? Prayer only works if you believe that God will both listen and answer you.

But don't let this discourage you! Prayer costs no landlines, takes little time, works without wi-fi, and has an instantaneous and touching response. Prayer gives you--and results may vary on circumstance--strength, courage, protection, peace, kindness, charity, reassurance, clarity of mind, and knowledge.

Now that's a lot of effects! And it's all completely free. That's right, absolutely free to contact the most powerful entity in the universe--who also loves you like a son and is cheering you on no matter what mistakes you do.

Order from God himself to get set up with him by asking for his protection, and you can get an absolutely free line to him for life, with unlimited text, talk, and data.

Prayer. Because the best things in life are free!

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