My convention experience · 12:11am Nov 6th, 2017
As I continue further down the path of psychological destruction at the relentless hooves of ponykind, the once-proud walls of resilience against their ways have suffered a new and terrifying breach. At some time during the course of the past year, I attended a convention. The wise can easily determine which, but it's not important to mention it here.
At first, I was entertaining the idea of making it a "happening", as they say in the art world, along the lines of engaging in minimal enjoyment and participation in the scheduled events. Because there is nothing that is not bizarre about - what do we call it? The MLP phenomenon? The cultural movement? Better to say, it is a happening itself, so all the more fitting to become a satellite. A smaller branch of the fractal. The plan was to remain cloaked, much as we do here, and simply move about the locale, reading or observing and nothing else.
But really, the only one who would have enjoyed that would have been me, and I could tell that I was making the staff nervous. So I cut the shenanigans and acted normal. I will briefly detail the goings on as I remember them.
The first night in my hotel room, which was located several blocks from the convention site, was spent inspecting for bed bugs (always do this) and watching TV. Both activities are rare for me. I won't say I'm out of touch, but the TV programs seemed like a sustained barrage of random cultural snippets mixed with impractical science. Diamonds born from methane and lightning raining on Jupiter's liquid hydrogen sea. Necrotizing fasciitis spreading down a twenty-something woman's chest, brightest future in the world, her simpering mother whom I'm clearly supposed to hate for her reluctance to make the trip to the hospital, digging at the reptile brains of the audience. Conditioning them gently for the commercials. After that I slept, apprehensive about the walk I'd have to make tomorrow morning through a strange city, to a stranger destination.
My fears were unfounded. The walk was uneventful, and even somewhat pleasant given how clean and relatively well-kept the environs were. It was at this point, however, that I began to feel the disorientation that would last throughout the weekend. I was doing what it strictly forbidden, and heading straight into the belly of the beast. Into the swarm of the ponymind, in which I was just a distasteful, dim conjecture. My powers were already fading, and that trend would continue throughout.
Registration was quick and painless. I received my badge, welcomed into the group, and not really worried that anyone would know who the dobermans are, or care. With one or two exceptions.
I had planned which events to attend. The first on the list was the opening ceremonies. I was still attired for stealth at this point. Avoiding the particulars, this went well and unobtrusively. A well-known VA was there to get the crowd pumped, but it didn't take much. This individual seemed to look my way once or twice, and it dawned on me that I might be standing out in the crowd of people dressed like ponies, achieving the exact opposite of what I intended. It is imperative not to stand out or draw attention. Afterwards, I went to the vendor hall to see what that was all about, or at least that's what I think I would have done. No specific recollection. Assuming that I did, I was immediately impressed by the quality of the artwork and crafts, and how little of it was cause for embarrassment. The characters were clearly beloved. I didn't see anything I wanted to purchase, but I'd only briefly looked things over, and was to come back for a more thorough perusal.
There was considerable time in between events, giving time to observe. I think at this point I removed some of my concealment, and took in the atmosphere at a convenient waiting area set up with tables and chairs. I sat and began reading Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep. Not coincidentally. If any part of the excursion was to remain a happening, it was this.
Remarkably, no one bothered me. Not in an avoid that weirdo kind of way, but more along the lines of let's all keep a respectful distance. And that was to be my primary takeaway. Everyone, without exception, behaved in the most accepting, natural way the entire time. Just humans being humans in the same general location, for the most part trying to have fun. It was incredibly refreshing, and I was super impressed. The voice of the dobermans was quiet indeed.
Next came the first guest of honor panel. I was fully concealed again as I had vague notions of asking a philosophical question of the esteemed guests, but as the line of brave souls progressed, I realized what I intended to ask would have again contrasted too harshly, and drawn attention. And I was still taken aback by the positive energy of the place, and couldn't muster the necessary audacity. I'm not sure whether I should consider it a missed opportunity. It was a good question, and a fair one, but might have caused consternation. Otherwise, the guests performed, the audience welcomed it, and it was a good time.
After that, the first autograph. I came determined to acquire two autographs, and was willing to wait any amount of time to get them. And wait I did. I hear tell that in the old Soviet countries, an entire culture was built around waiting in queues for necessary items at the mostly empty grocery stores. As the pony proletariat yearned for that far-off hour when their dream for a loaf of bread and a roll of toilet paper would be fulfilled, cosplayers meandered by to boost morale. Photos taken, compliments given. And deserved. Good cosplaying can't be easy, and most of the costumes were very well-done. I confess I smiled.
Eventually my time to approach the sacred oracles came. The atmosphere of the autograph chamber was one of brutal scrutiny and tension. A misstep would lead to untold horrors, as promised by the squad of security staff within the chamber, and at the door. There was nowhere for a miscreant to go but to ruin, with the unwashable taint of infamy clinging to them for eternity. Of this I took note, but as I came only with gratitude, I was muted instead by concern for etiquette. Because where else does one encounter this type of social situation, I ask? I think Vonnegut actually invented a word for it. Maybe not. You are not on equal standing with the person whom you've traveled far to see. You are anonymous, and they are known the world over. They are luminaries, essential actors in a beloved world, and you are a tiny mote of dust floating in an asteroid belt light years away. I speak for myself, of course.
The person I saw first was tired. They had just been assaulted by the exuberance of their fans for an hour or more. I was determined to at least not irritate them. I said little and was polite. Better to keep your mouth shut and seem a fool, as they say. I thanked them, and left quickly. The guards did not relax.
Afterwards it was well nigh dinnertime. One thing I will advise is to partake of any local cuisine you can when traveling. If you don't sample the food, you don't really experience the culture. I skipped what I had for lunch because it would give away the location of the event, but for dinner I had a wonderful dish of beef with mushrooms, and a glass of pinot noir. Does this convey any cultural insight? Perhaps not, but mayhap this particular arrangement is not available anywhere else, given the chef's personal touch. Occasionally a hotel will house a worthy restaurant, and this was one.
Due to the fact that most of the more interesting events were planned for the following evening and I was only booked to the morning, I made arrangements to extend my stay one more night. I didn't regret it. I fear to tell more, as the specifics could be used to piece together which convention it was, but I acquired the second autograph (the poor creature was exhausted), and purchased some mementos from the vendor hall to finish off my list of goals. The challenge now is to hide them so none may know of my aberration.
I would say in closing that if you're hesitant about attended a convention out of fear of boredom or hostility, I can say that you have nothing to worry about. By all means go to one and see the elephant.
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You know, it wouldn't be difficult to persuade me. I wasn't necessarily planning on it, though.
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I hope they’re still around by the time I graduate.
Fair. I would consider myself already persuaded but not planning.
WOOO your first pony convention! Huzzah!
Crazy story about this during Bronycon this year. I used to think nothing of bed bugs, until we got them in our house, now they occasionally haunt my dreams. The first morning of the convention one of my roommates said she had a few bug bites on her arm--ants probably, she said. I thought nothing of it. We all go down the hallway and at the elevator run into another group of people. As we all get onto the elevator, one of them says to their friend "I woke up with bug bites all over me," and immediately making the connection I start thinking ohshitohshitohshit. No way it's a coincidence and not bed bugs. Half freaking out, I tell my roommate it was bed bugs that bit her, but she dismisses it, much to my barely hidden consternation.
Thankfully, she never got any more bites, and neither did me or my other roommate. So maybe we didn't have bed bugs. I took no chances with my luggage coming home though. But those other people definitely had them.
Was it Vincent Tong, the voice actor for Flash Sentry? That guy is awesome and hilarious. He's super interactive with the crowd.
Your use of the word concealment makes me imagine you in a burka
:D
I just watched Bladerunner for the first time with my brother the other day! Which do you like more, the book or the movie?
Yup, that's been my experience so far. People are good about leaving other people alone. Also, it always strikes me at convention how simultaneously strange and completely normal people can be. Or be normal while they're being strange. You get the idea. By strange I mean that you don't think of normal people as dressing in brightly colored full-bodied pony suits. Yet when you talk with such people, they're as normal as anybody. (though I'm sure there are exceptions haha)
What was the question?
My autograph experience as well. I'm not brave enough to try something more memorable with them (and then possibly get thrown out). Yeah even though they try to hide it you can tell how fatigued they are. I give them big props for sticking it out and remaining polite and engaging. At least they were with me.
I'm glad you stayed for another day
And I'm very happy you enjoyed the experience!! Did you run into any fimfiction authors you recognized? It sounds like you mostly avoided all direct contact, so you probably didn't go wherever the writers were hanging out, assuming that was anywhere.
(it sounds like you didn't blow too much money in the vendor hall too, another success. One I envy!)
Horrible. Sorry you had to go through that experience. I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Well, almost anyone. Mass murderers, maybe. If I had to rank annoying insects, the top three would be ticks, bed bugs and fleas (in that order). Ticks can and will kill you.
Probably best not to be too specific, but no, it wasn't him. I've seen videos of him, though, and he would have been a blast.
Not quite, but close
Whoa boy, tough one. I saw the original movie last month, and it was great. Vastly different from the book though. Ridley Scott has directed some of my favorite movies, and the quality of Blade Runner was right up there with them. It's all about the details of the world-building and the resultant atmosphere. After a certain point the scenery tells the story. So I guess I'd go with the movie, but the book is a hoot to read.
This was one of the things I enjoyed the most about the trip. Life seems mundane, but really, it isn't. The cosplayers (and even the regular convention-goers) captured that. I have a certain appreciation and fondness for the bizarre.
Well, there were two options. I'll tell you the tamer one: what defines a given trait or behavior as feminine? Beyond the other things I said in my original post, I figured that I like these people, and it would be inconsiderate to make them feel uncomfortable.
Totally. I'm not sure I'd be able to do the same. They're doing a great service just by showing up. What they do means a lot to many people.
I saw Categorical Grant in one of the autograph lines. KwirkyJ was there, along with CoffeeMinion and Vivid Syntax. I didn't approach them, though.