How Do You People Do It? (An Update Blog) · 2:02am Nov 5th, 2017
I'm writing this blog for three reasons. To explain where I've been, to explain where I'm going, and to ask for a bit of help. If you don't have the patience for my belly-aching, I suggest you stop reading now.
So, my last story was last month, and it was called Apex. I only completed it for a contest. Same with Aria's Plan, and Diamond's Diary and, to a lesser extent, Why Would I Ask Her?. It's been some time since I last updated any of my main stories. September 8th was the last chapter of Nothing Without Me, 19th for A Made Mare, and that's not even mentioning things like S.E.X.Y. and The Many Sparke Interpretation. Why so long without working?
If you've been following me for a while, you may have heard me mention my occasional Blue Periods; A cute name for what I'm thinking might be undiagnosed chronic depression (I don't like saying that. I feel like it robs the word "depression" of some of its meaning and impact). They're awful periods of any time between a few hours to a few days in which I go into a downward spiral of anxiety, hopelessness, and self-loathing. They're becoming more frequent and harder to escape. They make it difficult to do things like work on a story that I poured my heart into, like NWM. I start it up and I hate it. And then I hate me for not finishing the chapter when I said I would. So I don't work on it like I want to, like I promised I would. So that's where I've been.
Where I'm going is, technically, nowhere. I know this is starting to sound like I'm quitting or something, but I'm not. Most of you won't even realize I'm gone. I might even write a one shot every now and then. But I'm going someplace to escape this. I've started writing other stories here that I can't post on chillbook1, so I made an alt. Some of you are even following me on that alt. This alternate account is where I'll be doing most of my existing on FiMFiction, because it's easier. It's much more relaxing. And it allows me to share a part of myself that I normally punch down and hide in order to maintain my existence as a normal member of society. Which segues into my final point...
How do you people do it? How do you go about your lives without having a mental breakdown? I know I can't be the only one experiencing this, but I feel like I am. I'm falling apart, and it's over basically nothing. There was no big, life-changing event or crippling loss. I just started to break, and I don't know how to stop it.
How do you guys do it?
I’m so sorry to hear about that. It sounds awful. I don’t think, however, that many people don’t freak out once in a while. Not everyone has depression of course, but you’re not alone. I have mild anxiety, which has actually gotten a lot better thanks to therapy and medication, but sometimes I do have breakdowns. They’re not fun, but I move on.
I hope that you continue to move past these moments and publish great stories, if you’re in the mood. <3
I just use pills. Modern medicine is great.
I don't do it. I've suffered from depression since I was a child. I've taken medicine, I've gone to therapy, none of it works. So I just solider through. When I reach my breaking point I just pick up the pieces and do it all over again. It's gotten to the point where the constant thoughts of suicide that I have, have are no more impactful than wondering what I'm going to have for lunch. The only reason why I haven't bothered to off myself is the thought of how it would inconvience my roommate. Anyway my point is you're not alone and though that knowledge doesn't always help you can at least take comfort in the fact you're not the only one who only pretends to be a functioning human being. Good luck with your new account.
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Thanks, love. I hope to be back to "normal" sooner, rather than later.
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Pills don't sound too bad right about now, truthfully. I just don't know how to go about procuring them.
You gotta understand, admitting to you complete strangers that there might be something wrong with me is incredibly difficult. I can't even begin to imagine how I'd talk to my family about this.
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I think the only reason I'm still here is that I haven't worked out a sufficiently painless way of ending my life. I don't want it to hurt.
I have this reoccurring thought every time I'm walking down the street and I see a bus or a truck or something come down. I wonder what would happen to me if I just jumped in front of it. I'm a small dude, and I think I'd probably die eventually, but I don't know for sure if it would take me out cleanly. The idea of laying there on the pavement, bleeding out, or even worse: being carted off to the hospital and dying there are my only real deterrents. And it's freaking me out because I'm having that thought more often, and each time I have it, it becomes a little harder to care about the pain. I'm afraid that, one of these days, I'm just gonna do it.
I don't really know why I'm telling you this. You probably don't wanna hear it, and I don't there's anything anyone can say that could make me feel better about what I just said. So, basically, sorry for wasting your time.
Sorry to hear about you feeling down. I know where you’re coming from as I’ve struggled with getting into down periods like this.
My family, especially my two cousins, have been the reason I’ve slowly gotten out of feeling like that. It comes and goes every so often now even still, but it helps a bunch that they along with another friend that’s like a brother to me have been here unknowingly helping me.
I don’t know your whole situation, but I hope there is something or someone in your life that you can hang around to help pick you up. I can’t tell you how those nights playing games with my eldest cousin helped me get through my early college years. Especially when it felt like I had no friends during that time, so much so I felt utterly alone.
Truth be told, I’ve never really opened up to my family or small group of friends about my low periods. I keep it locked away and try not to bother them with it. I will add that as of this year, those periods have increased a lot for some reason.
I hope that you can take some steps to getting yourself into a better mood. I’ve never found a method that always gets me out of that funk when it hits, but like I said above, I do have a few things that keep it at bay. Maybe finding things like that will help?
We all have breaking points and we all break differently.
Some of us when we break cry, some go on a rampage and some ponder just giving up.
I hope you don't give up. So here's a virtual hug. *hugs*
As to how I get through, well, I find mixing rum with either a cola or flavored soda with ice and drinking like 3 to 4 of those a week to at least get to through a week.
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Channel your inner Applejack and just be honest with them. Then go see a psychiatrist.
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It wasn't a waste of time darling and yeah pain is a deciding factor. thinking about fucking it up and surviving and then your crippled or something. Not a pleasant thought. And you know what? sometimes its easier to talk to a complete stranger than it is talking to your family or people you care about. Of course I don't have tha issue cause there isn't anyone in my life, like at all. All I got is complete strangers, so if you ever want to vent or something just shoot me a pm.
I'm so sorry to hear about this, dude! I understand where you're coming from, with depression myself--but I hope that you have a wonderful, or, at the very least, moderately-awesome-with-also-sushi day!
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Fudge. Fudge. FUDGE.
I know, I know, I'm not even really in this conversation, but dude. No. Don't. Stop it right there.
You are so, amazingly awesome. You might think you're just a username on here, but honestly? You're like? Possibly one of the people who inspired me to write more in the first place at times? I can only really speak for me, but it's a pretty nice surprise to see one of your blogposts show up on my dashboard and listen to your snark.
I mean, I'm not going to screw around and tell you that you're like, perfect. But ponydude, I swear, I almost cried laughing when I read your post about nearly burning down the kitchen making one of those candied-bacon sandwiches for your friend. If you jump in front of a truck, you are going to take so many other people down with you. And I know, you're thinking, "Screw that, I don't care, I just need to go", but like...Ack. I guess what I'm trying to say is, you mean a lot to a ton of people and there's always going to be something good coming up, or, at the very least, sushi. ((If you hate sushi, there's bacon too.))
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Thank you
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Think of it this way: mental illnesses are just like any other illness. If you get sick, you go see a doctor, tell them your symptoms, and they prescribe medication or other remedies like fluids and rest. Same with mental illnesses like depression or anxiety. My sister's depression didn't really develop until she was out of college, and my little brother developed severe anxiety in his early teens. It varies from person to person, both in when and how it develops and in what symptoms show up.
I'm not qualified to prescribe or recommend medications, but I can tell you this: if a sudden and/or lasting change in your mental state is interfering with your quality of life and ability to function on a daily basis, there is absolutely no shame in talking to a doctor and seeking help. Mental illness sucks, but so does the flu.
And always remember: you have friends and/or family to support you and help you through whatever difficulties you may be struggling with. A burden shared is a burden halved.
Take care, and happy holidays.
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Thank you for the thoughts and wishes. I wish it was really that easy, but there's a number of reasons I don't talk to a professional about this. I am opening up, and the folks in my Discord server have been incredibly helpful, as are messages like this. Even though this post is quite old, it means a lot to me that you care enough to drop by and comment. I thank you for that.