Soo, I saw the MLP movie... · 11:57am Oct 3rd, 2017
The real MLP movie. I don't care how much Syeekoh thinks Adagio's hips don't lie, Equestria Girls is never going to be a good movie series to me.
Anyways I'm talking about the real, recent MLP movie, with ponies and whatnot. I wanted to share thoughts about it while it's still fresh in my mind, so keep in mind that there are going to be spoilers below the break. I 'll sum up the plot of the movie followed by what I thought was good and what I thought was bad, followed by a rating of sorts, so I guess treat this as a review or something. I don't usually do this sort of thing, but this movie is a big thing for the mlp community, and I have a lot to say about it. Let's begin!
A Rough Plot Summary Or Something
(skip to the end of the blog if you want to just see the rating and want to remain spoiler free)
Twilight is setting up the festival of friendship, which is where ponies from all over Equestria gather to do friendshippy stuff. Twilight is FREAKING OUT that she won't be able to handle it, but she has this super awesome terrifictastic idea that will be sure to make the festival a hit...which the other princesses reject.
Song happens, THE STORM KING's associates show up along with Tempest Shadow, who says that the ponies need to surrender.
They disagree of course, claiming that there's more of them than there are of Tempest Shadow and her minions, but surprise, more of THE STORM KING's associates show up in airships, and all hell breaks loose. Cadance, Celestia, and Luna are caught in some kind of stone thing thrown at them by Tempest Shadow (I am gritting my teeth as I write this part but I digress that's for later) and the mane six get the bridge blown out from under them and fall into a river, washed away by the current.
Tempest realizes that they've lost Twilight and says something about needing all four princesses to complete some ritual to give THE STORM KING ultimate power, so they decide to go chase after Twilight and her friends. In the meantime Twilight decides it's a good idea to follow what Celestia said before she got stoned, something about looking for the queen of the hippos beyond the badlands. realizing that might be their only chance, they follow that vague advice.
Cut to them in the desert dying of heat and thirst, even spike (which I'm confused about didn't he survive a damn lava bath before why is this heat bothering him) until they see a city off in the distance. Seems that it's the rough part of town as it's full of shady looking characters and none too friendly looking folks. They even talk about capturing Twilight and her friends to keep (apparently pones are a valuable commodity outside of Equestria? Interesting.) until this dapper cat called capper (try saying that five times fast) shows up and gets them to back off by making them believe the mane six have a disease. cut to another song and capper seems like a nice enough guy, he takes them to his house but then tips off the guard near the front about having someone come visit him because he's got something that can pay off his debts. (hoo a double cross who didn't see that coming)
cut to a scene of Tempest beating the shit out of the townsfolk the ponies were just associating with then we cut back to Capper's where they're super nice to him and oops he feels bad for selling them out. The dude he's allegedly selling them to shows up to evaluate them, but so does Tempest and her crew. The dude starts evaluating Tempest until tempest's magic goes crazy and she zaps the dude into next week and the mane six escape through a series of fortunate events.
UNfortunately they wind up on the ship of a bunch of people who deliver stuff for THE STORM KING and they have to throw the mane six overboard because it's what it says in THE STORM KING's rulebook. but an alarm sounds and it's break time. they give the ponies some slop I guess is supposed to be food and reminisce on how they used to be pirates. RD gushes over them and sings a song and I guess everything is cool now.
Oh also they capture the dapper cat called capper who I guess now is a captured dapper cat called capper and he's about to tell them where the mane six went but he remembers they were super nice to them and he's kind of an asshole for trying to sell them so he lies and leads Tempest away from them for a while until RD performs a sonic rainboom around the pirate's ship and GODDAMNIT RD YOU JUST HAD TO NOT DO ONE JOB
so Tempest and her crew show up on the boat and threaten to destroy the boat if they don't give up the mane six who are hiding in the cargo bay but the mane six show themselves out and Tempest gets pissed and destroys the boat, leaving the pirates and the uncaptured dapper cat called capper to an unknown fate.
Twilight and friends arrive at where they think the hippo queen lives (oh also they mean hippogriffs, half eagle half pony basically pegasi but look cooler) but it's all abandoned, till they see someone near the water in a hidden area. They go towards it but she gets away and they go in after her but it activates the MIB's flush system and they get sucked down and they all drown the end
No I'm just joking they get bubbles around their heads and meet princess skystar, a sea pony who takes them to someone who will help them meet the queen of the hippogriffs. they meet her and it turns out the seaponies used to be the hippogriffs so I guess the sea ponies didn't actually come back sorry all you shoobee doo fans
anyways they have this magical artifact that turned them from hippogriffs into seaponies that Twilight thinks could help them against THE STORM KING but the queen isn't too keen on departing with it so she declines. Princess Skystar is like 'you guys could stay with us here forever and be totally okay with everything' and they're all like 'nah we gotta go save Equestria it's kinda what we do' and she gets all sad but then Twilight is like 'guys it's cool go cheer her up I'll be here doing absolutely nothing suspicious whatsoever'
so they do that there's a song and the queen is cool with them but there's an alarm and OOPS TWILIGHT WAS TRYING TO STEAL THE ARTIFACT THE WHOLE TIME THEY WERE SINGING THAT SONG
The queen gets pissed and turns them back to ponies while they're still under water and almost drowns them but they get back to the surface and Twilight flips her shit and insults pinkie and there's this sad but not really sad moment where they go their separate ways for a bit then we cut to a scene of twilight crying and I KNOW THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE STUPID BUT HOLY FUCK IT'S SO SAD TO SEE HER CRY IN THIS GOOD ANIMATION
anyways Tempest is like 'surprise motherfucker' and captures Twilight, putting her in a cage and singing a song that reveals how she became the way she is. basically she was playing with a ball and some of her friends but the ball went into an ursa minor cave and she went after it and the ursa got pissed and clawed her horn off oops. Her magic got all crazy and all of her friends wanted nothing to do with her anymore so she got all sad and angry and lonely aw
anyways spike tells the rest of the pony and RD is like 'SHIT'S REAL AS FUCK YO' but then the pirates and the uncaptured dapper cat capper show up and so does skystar and they all get their game faces on and decide to go and stop THE STORM KING themselves
ANYWAYS cut back to canterlot and Twilight is being towed through the strees in a cage on a wagon and it's sad as fuck and she gets taken back to the palace and THE STORM KING shows up and he's goofy as fuck he gets the ritual done fucks with the sky and Tempest is like 'wtf bitch I thought we had a deal restore my horn' and THE STORM KING is like 'nah you look edgier this way' and says she won't get her horn back.
meanwhile the uncaptured dapper cat capper Twilight's friends the pirates and skystar are infiltrating Catnerlot under the diguise of a cake delivery and it works they get inside all hell breaks loose there's a huge fight followed by a GREAT FLUTTERSHY SCENE and Tempest and THE STORM KING start fighting resulting in THE STORM KING getting knocked out for a bit but Tempest almost goes over the railing and Twilight has an opportunity to get THE STORM KING's staff but goes for tempest instead and is like 'yo don't be such a fuckin edgelord' and Tempest is like 'I'm sorry you're actually kinda cool'
Then THE STORM KING's storm picks up in intensity and his staff gets lodged in the top of the castle window resulting in this tense but not really that tense scene where THE STORM KING and Twilight are both reaching for the staff Twilight gets it first but the wind picks up knocking them both out of the window and there's this really dumb scene where they're all like 'fuck Twilight's dead' but then twilight DESCENDS FROM THE HEAVENS LIKE THE ANGEL SHE IS and is like 'psych guys I'm actually okay' but THE STORM KING is okay too and tries to stone the six of them but tempest is like 'nooooo' and jumps in front of them, getting herself and THE STORM KING stoned, and then they both go over the edge of the castle. the mane six save tempest but THE STORM KING falls and gets fucking SMASHED TO PIECES HOLY SHIT
anyways happy end everything's fine now etc. etc. end plot summary UNTIL THEY TRIED TO REASSEMBLE THE STORM KING'S CORPSE DURING THE CREDITS HOLY SHIT
My Thoughts Or Something
I enjoyed the movie, but it does have its issues. Let's start with the good.
The Scenery: Holy fuck that scenery. 10/10 would gather friends and go on an Equestrian grand tour there is so much world building here I can't even oh my god. It makes me feel like there's more to write about in the Equestrian world, and we've barely even scratched the surface.
The Animation: THOSE FUCKING FACIAL EXPRESSIONS ARE TOO GOOD HOLY SHIT. EVERYTHING FLOWS SO SMOOTHLY. MMMMM I CAN FEEL THE FUZZ
The Characters: At least the ones that were focused on, the characterization was good for the most part. The mane six were the mane six, Tempest didn't get aggrivating despite how edgy she was and how aggrivating I expected her to be, no one really overstayed their welcome (with one exception maybe which I'll get to later) and I loved most of the new character presented here. especially THE STORM KING. He's just great.
Now, for the problems I had with it.
The Plot: There's nothing new here folks, new threat shows up, princesses are useless, Twilight and her friends go on an adventure, meet some new people, see some new places (some really cool looking new places but still) there's the typical 'oh no shit's getting dark but will they get back together' moment, they inevitably get back together, villain defeated, happy ending.
The Characters: I know I listed this as a good thing but there were a few falls with that here too. Pinkie overstayed her welcome in a few parts she talked SO DAMN MUCH AAAAGGGHHHH- she never got too annoying but it was enough to get on my nerves a little. also twilight for being The Princess of FRIENDSHIP you certainly aren't very friendly towards other species. Capper? suspicious. Pirates? Can't trust them. Sea ponies? hey guys let's steal their sacred relic because I'm the smart one wheeee. also she INSULTED HER FRIENDS, after all they've been though. Like, I know she's supposed to be desperate, but COME ON. she knows better. also some of the characters, even some of the main ones were just not written well at all. I have never felt that AJ was more of a background pony than in this movie, she had next to no lines and didn't really do anything outstanding or spectaculer. Fluttershy also had hardly any lines, but she at least had one great scene that I can think of immediately when I think of the movie. I understand their thinking with this, you make a high budget movie that you put a lot of effort and pay a lot of money to make you want the fan favorites people are going to come and see, the ones that will make you the money. That much is obvious I mean in the trailers alone they focused on pinkie a LOT, because they know that people like her. RD and Rarity were focused on too, but to a much lesser extent. twilight doesn't count guys she's the main character the movie HAS to focus on her. AJ and Fluttershy didn't really get any focus at all. It just felt like throughout the entirety of the movie Pinkie was like 'LOOK AT ME I'M THE FUNNY ONE HAHA' just eeergh. also Discord makes literally no appearance at all, anywhere. ever.
The Conflict: This plays into the problems I have with the plot, but I feel like I need to bring it up again. Just uuuggggh it felt so forced, like the only reason it was there was because it had to be, it served no purpose to the plot other than to create false tension, we know that they're going to get back together, we know that everything's going to be fine, so why they have to fall back on that old 'oh no the main characters aren't aggreeing with each other, will everything work out? ooooh I don't knoooow' and it's a kid's film so I can't fault it for that but just eeeeeerrrrgggghhhhh
and that's the thing, right? they only have roughly an hour and forty minutes to make people feel like they spent their money well so I understand why they had to make some of the shortcuts they did the shortcuts just REALLY stand out.
anyways.
The Results Or Something
Overall? it was decent. It wasn't bad, I can give it that much.
if you're an mlp fan and you watch the show and you consider yourself a connoisseur of horsecontent, I reccomend it. You'll probably like it, it's ponies on the big screen. and hey, if you can't stand starlight glimmer, don't fret! she doesn't even make a single damn appearance in the entire film! Be free season 1 fans, be freeeeee!
anyways.
Imma give this film two ratings.
If I was just seeing this film for the first time, with no previous horsexposure? I'd honestly give it a 5/10. The scenery and the characters and whatnot were great, but they weren't enough to keep it from feeling like a cut and paste of your average disney film.
Speaking as someone who loves pones and am a fan of the show?
7/10, solidly. The movie was entertaining, even if it faltered in some parts. I enjoyed it.
anyways, wow this took a lot longer than I expected. Thanks for reading all of this, if you bothered to.
I predict a flood of "Applejack is best background pony" memes once more people see the movie.
Sooo...spoiler warning for people who haven't seen it yet? If you're going to review, don't spoil everything. Not cool.
Personally, I don't care. I'm going to see the movie anyway, but geez, have some consideration for people who don't want spoilers.
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_____I just made sure to read the last part and see your rating and see if you liked it or not.
God damn, can the Princesses not be Worfed all the damn time? Seriously?
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I know, right? it'd be nice to see them do something for once, but Twilight's the main character so she has to take center stage.
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It feels like Dragonball. Of course its not over yet, Goku hasn't done anything! Can't win without him!' UGH, give the supporting cast more to do than just fill up screen time.
That's about what I expected.