August goals: partially fulfilled! · 1:35am Sep 2nd, 2017
I started last month hoping to finish and post my "TMG" sequel, as well as update PGS. The Sunset Shipping Contest threw those plans out of whack, and gave me a third project to worry over. I thought I could juggle all three, and get them out the door in short order, but as work piled on, I had less time for horsewords, so I ultimately focused exclusively on my contest entry. While I have a partially written draft of PGS's seventeenth chapter, and a rough draft of "TMG" 2: Teach Harder's first, the only story I managed to complete within the 31 day allotment was ...But It Often Rhymes.
Hey, one out of three ain't bad. Right?
I'm actually proud of what I wrote and turned in, prouder still that I could turn it in so late and still have a decent product. My time's been limited of late, so I didn't get to give it as thorough a final editing pass as I would've liked, but I think what I do have can stand on its own. Against the competition, maybe not so much (FiMfic seems to agree; it's rather underread and reviewed at the moment, and while many of the contest entries made the featured box swiftly, this one got buried in the final deluge), but as its own entity, yes.
Let's talk a little about it, shall we? Warning: Spoilers and 80s Cheerilee lie ahead.
Cheerilee's just s'damn cute, isn't she?
My thoughts are a little scattered right now; I'm working with a budding migraine and a general lack of sleep, so please forgive me if I overlook something or if my writing's somewhat disorganized right now.
So this story went through a pretty heavy rewrite after the first draft was completed. There are two major elements that aren't in the final version; one was rewritten, the other dropped entirely. The first is the dynamic between Cheerilee and Sunset. Cheerilee was the one who came on to Sunset originally; she was far drunker and far less inhibited than she is in the final draft, and her characterization was quite different. My editor for this'un, AndrewRogue (whose story, The Destiny Trap, just got featured on EQD; give it a read if you haven't already), pointed out that she was virtually identical to the Equestrian Cheerilee in all of her appearances, and that the dynamic between she and Sunset would be better flipped. That's for character reasons, but also for messaging ones. I mean...
...it's probably a bad sign when your editor refers to the character as "SEXUAL PREDATOR CHEERILEE," and your pre-reader describes her behavior as "why don't you take a seat"-y. And it's a worse sign when you agree with them.
The dynamic was flipped, and that necessitated a rewrite of Sunny's characterization and motive. In the original, she'd clearly partitioned the two Cheerilees in her mind; in the final, she's not sure how much of what she feels belongs to Cheerilee, and how much belongs to pony!Cheerilee. And I think what's here works better, and makes for a more complex character and arc than what I had before.
The other major change was the removal of a prominent, yet somewhat lackluster, subplot. My original idea was to have SciTwi drunkenly come on to Sunset at the prom, and for Sunset to reject her. Breaking Twilight's heart would've torn Sunset up inside, and sent her off on the course that had her bump into Drunk Cheerilee, and her internal conflict would've been over whether or not she could have a relationship with someone without hurting them (citing Flash, filly Cheerilee, and now Twilight as evidence that she's good for nothing but hurting people who love her). In this version, it would've been Rarity playing Twilight's current role (there was a scene at the boutique that absolutely hurt to cut), which is also why there's focus on Rarity in the story's final flashback.
(This also would've involved Twilight and the girls seeing Cheerilee kissing Sunset, further complicating matters)
Things would've resolved at the commencement ceremony, with Twilight and Sunset making up, and Twilight encouraging Sunset to pursue Cheerilee. The story after that is basically the same in both versions, though the dialogue is different in some cases.
In a longer story, with fewer restrictions, I think I could've made it work. But it lacked punch, and mostly served to detract from the time I spent developing Cheerilee's and Sunset's characters. Cutting it was a natural choice, and the rewrites which followed an inevitability.
One last thing on how this story fits into series canon: It doesn't. It, by its nature, cannot be reconciled with the show canon. There is no plausible way that Sunset Shimmer and Cheerilee were teenage girls together in Equestria. None whatsoever.
Just, uh. Just roll with it.
I'd say more, but I'm beat. Someday, and that day may never come, I might share the original version of the story with y'all, that you might see the writing process and the snarky banter between my pre-readers and I.
Cheerilees!
I'd say the biggest case for this being non-canon to the show was Moondancer being some sort of extrovert who frequents nightclubs. I'll admit, I didn't even know Sunset's friend was Moondancer until you mentioned the eyebrows.
Oh yeah, and I guess Moondancer being friends with Sunset closes the door for her being friends with/the same age as Twilight, but I suppose that gets a pass purely based on how the timeline works in the first Equestria Girls movie (it doesn't).
I wouldn't be opposed to getting to see the original version, but I don't think I really need it. This blog was insightful enough already!
Edit: Also, can I just say I kind of miss seeing your avatar that featured Rarity aggressively coming on to Applejack. Not that Cheerilee isn't a total cutie, but that always brought a smile to my face!
4656661 Cheerilee's an experiment here; I might switch back to the previous avatar after a while. Just wanted to give a little love to teacherhorse.
Also, it's actually supposed to be Moondancer's older sister, who I've headcanoned as being named "Moon Tea." You know, because she has a teacup on her ass. The name was there in its entirety up until I published the story.
I know I had a good reason for cutting it down, but I can't recall what that was...