How to make conversations real, and how to be more empathetic when saying something · 6:56am Jun 11th, 2017
Just a short blog here about writing in general and a realization I've had and want to get on writing.
So, when I say positioning, I don't mean simple thinking about where your characters are in relation to each other. Though it is related, but while having a conversation with my family, I've more and more realized that within every conversation, every participant is in a certain position.
I suppose I've been practicing this throughout my fanfiction writing instinctively, but the basic point I'd like to make here, is that when you are writing dialogue, you're not just writing dialogue, you're writing an extension of your character's backstories.
What do you mean vren55? Well in real life conversations, there are often quite a lot of misunderstandings. Sometimes you say one thing and it means something completely different even if you meant it a certain way.
I'm going to bring in philosophy here, but the reason why people respond differently to different conversations, to different stimuli, is because each person has a habitus (term coined by Pierre Bourdieu). Basically, they were born in a certain social circumstance, taught in a certain way, born a certain look, born in a certain familiy with a certain financial backing, experienced this thing during childhood b/c of this location. The habitus of a person isn't personality, it's a term that encompasses the entire social/economic and even physical background that has led a person to his or her current situation.
So, how does this help us vren55?
So when I was talking with family, I realized that because of a certain situation, questions that seem totally legitimate and fine, and understandable, even right, may sound oppressive, challenging and upbraiding. And this is simply because of positioning.
Imagine let's say Twilight and Celestia having a conversation. Let's say Twilight's still Celestia's student, better yet, let's say this is early in Twilight's student career.
Celestia asks if Twilight has found her homework difficult, out of concern b/c she's worried she's giving too much.
Now hold that thought, let's say Twilight is older, now princess of Friendship and Celestia gave her an assignment.
Just by setting this up, obviously older Twilight would react better than younger Twilight. In fact, one could say younger Twilight will take it very badly and think that Celestia found something wrong with her homework or something drastic.
Why though? Fundamentally? Why?
Because positioning. Because the habitus, the entire backstory, current social and economic position, of the characters in the dialogue, are different in the first conversation versus the second.
The words that Celestia said are important. Of course they are and so when one writes or one says something to someone, obviously an author is going to phrase them in a way that gets them what they want. If one wants Celestia to panic Twilight versus want Celestia to just ask Twilight a question, the words are important. But they're not enough
In both conversations and in writing dialogue, to make both work, to gain the desired goal, words are not what the writer, or just a normal person must consider. It's the positions of both characters, or I versus the person I am speaking, that I must consider.
Twilight younger is of course going to react worse to the question than Twilight older. Twilight older has seen Celestia's uncertainties, grown from her own shadow, knows that Celestia's question is probably just a question. Her habitus is that of an independent, fairly wealthy, nurtured, matured, and wiser mare. Twilight younger occupies the position, the habitus of being less mature, less confident, having less years as Celestia's student, and not knowing Celestia well enough.
When writing, and as with speaking to people in real life, it's not just the words. It's the empathy, the ability to realize that one's position in life might absolutely wreck the words you are saying into something different, making the other person or character, act defensively, given their position in life, their habitus.
An author, that can master empathizing their characters can craft conversations that flow naturally because they will know instinctively that they're not just pitting words versus words, but the characters, their current and past positions in life, against each other and seeing the result flow.
And similarly, a person who can empathize with another's position, can do their best to (hopefully) comfort them, or advise them, without actually offending, or driving them away. Because it's not about the words being right. What one says to someone can hurt or harm them, depending on where they are.
That's all folks, night.
vren55
That was really insightful. Great job for a short blog.