What a Day · 5:02am Apr 10th, 2017
Good lord, I had one unlucky day today. If you think I'm overreacting, please read on. Whatever tomorrow has for me, it can only be better than how today was.
Started off the day being woken up by my grandmother who dragged me along to her church, which by the way, hates people like me. LGBT rights don't exist at the so-called Church of Christ, which is more of a large scale cult if you ask me. A god made out to be accepting who apparently created the human race would not punish some people for simply existing. Though, that's a conversation for another time.
Once we got out of the cult- err, church, we went to eat lunch. I had some boneless hot wings, with honey sriracha. Did I get any nutritional value from the meal? No, what I got instead was explosive diarrhea. Queue confetti canons and children screaming in celebration, because this is certainly something worth celebrating, right?
I thought my day wasn't going to get any less unpleasant when I went to go to a birthday party for a one year old child. The party seemed rather arbitrary to me, but it had its upsides, like food that didn't cause me runny, copious evacuation. Though it did cause me pain, and a measurable amount of it. Oh, I also dropped my 1200 dollar DSLR out of a tree. Miraculously, it was fine.
I was trying to run after the kids I was babysitting in the back yard when I tried to jump over a picnic playset, keyword "tried". What didn't register in my mind, partly because it blended into the dark color of what was relatively behind it, was that there was a clothesline above the playset. My arms were in the air as I reached the peak of my jump. I thought I was going to make it, and feeling my feet lift from the ground and the gust of wind generated cooling me was extremely satisfying, as I eyed my projected landing spot and I positioned for landing. My hopes and dreams were crushed by the line as I felt it firmly and harshly stop me in my tracks, suspending me in a humiliating position for a few moments before it snapped. The owner of the house nearly lost control of her bladder laughing at the turn of events. I was too busy writhing in pain to react. My cousin kept claiming that I nearly beheaded myself. The line wouldn't have been pleasant on my neck, but considering it didn't break the skin, I don't think decapitation would've been a thing that would happen. I will have an odd line shaped bruise across my chest though. If anyone asks in person, I shall stop at nothing to not tell them what really happened. Of course, the simple solution is to wear a shirt. Like I do every day.
Thought it would stop there? Haha, I wish. Once I got home, I was dragging my camera and computer gear back to my room when a third of the heavily cluttered items in the entry hall collapsed on me. It honestly wouldn't have been a big deal had it not been for everything else today. I would've shrugged it off and picked the stuff up, but that third of the items combined with my stress to mentally become the entire entry hall. It was awful.
Oh, one more thing. My mom was unclogging the bath tub with ammonia. I needed to use the bathroom. What I did was hold my breath and take care of my business. I had to get out and breathe before I washed my hands, and I accidentally breathed in some of the fumes. I nearly vomited, but I had lost too much nutrition today already, so darn it, I was going to keep that horrible burnt burger down. The fumes also made my eyes sting... a lot... don't tell me I could've closed them, because I can't navigate that bathroom with my eyes closed.
So yeah, after today, I almost wish that clothesline HAD decapitated me.
Sounds like shit